Recap, June 17
There are only two ways to recap June 17 effectively - facepalming or science fiction. I choose the latter.
WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY - STAR TREK MULTIVERSE EDITION (spoilers for yesterday's episode only)
Warning: This is really ridiculous. But I hope you enjoy it anyway. And if you missed my first epic recap post, click here for the story up to 6/17.
Dr. O and Dr. Bob are about to give Mona Cross a tour of the hospital. Dr. O is in full-on "deference to Bob" mode, which sucks, since Dr. Bob is being such an unbelievable out-of-character jackass that even his wife calls him on it later on. I can't believe Bob in this storyline. At first, I think he's got Paul's microchip implanted in him or something. I decide he will henceforth be called Robot!Bob until he actually buys a clue-by-four. Bob is all "WELL? What's your decision? Are you going to give up Luke or your job?" I'm rolling my eyes over the character assassination and ridiculous un-Bob-like-dialogue, until the light-bulb goes on in my head and it all makes sense to me! He's somehow beamed somewhere with Dr. Dixon and their brains got switched since this is totally the kind of scheme Dr. Dixon would try! And it was probably Kim's fault because she was actually ON Star Trek and she had the ability to take on other people's characteristics. Anyone remember THIS on original Star Trek: The Empath? SHE TRANSFERRED DR. DIXON TO HERSELF AND THEN TRANSFERRED IT TO BOB WHEN HE WASN'T LOOKING. It's no more farfetched than this ridiculous storyline!!!! Okay, maybe it was like the Spock's Brain episode but they drugged Dr. Oliver and forced him to switch Dr. Dixon's brain for Dr. Bob's. OR MAYBE MONA IS SECRETLY THE BORG QUEEN AND INVICTA IS THE BORG COLLECTIVE. THAT IS IT.
I digress. Cockblocking!Borg!Bob is being an unbelievable OOC tool and Dr. O is avoiding the question and then suddenly, the bright shiny face of Luke Snyder appears over Bob's shoulder. "Did I miss anything?"
Unbelievably, Dr. O doesn't say "I performed a brain transplant on Bob in my sleep". Instead he's a dick, but somehow the kind of dickliness he's displaying tips Luke off that something's wrong. Reid, for a guy that says he doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve, you are pretty freaking obvious. Saint Kim walks up and calls Bob out on the rumor she's heard about him selling the hospital to a soulless corporation. LOL, Kim, I'm with you. There are so many things wrong with this scenario. Does Bob own the freaking hospital? Isn't there a board? What the fuck is this... oh wait, right. Plot device to keep our boys apart and resistance is futile. God please shoot Don Hastings and put him out of his misery, this has to be really hard for him to play. Anyway, Borg!Bob is saved by Mona Cross walking up; Kim wants to come along for the tour, which starts in Peds as per Dr. O's earlier suggestion "Hit 'em with the kids first!"
Katie is being an idiot and sets off a hospital alarm while in the process of screwing over her best friend Henry by falsifying medical records. I'm pretty sure that while the John Dixon/Bob Hughes brain switching was going on, Lily and Katie's brains got mixed up too. The alarm, however, provides a convenient excuse for Luke and Reid to duck into a convenient empty exam room and for Reid to continue to be grumpy and snarky. Obviously he just needs a good blowjob or, I don't know, maybe he could actually TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH AND BE AN ADULT AND LET LUKE HELP HIM WORK THROUGH THIS PROBLEM TOGETHER LIKE ADULTS IN AN ADULT RELATIONSHIP?! Oh. I forgot. This is As The World Turns. Mr. "I don't play games, I'm not that guy" is being that guy. Ugh. There is slight adorablility when Reid says "I know I'm not easy to deal with" and Luke brings the LULZ with "That should be on your headstone" and there's cute eyesex for about 2 seconds before commercial.
Sadly, AFTER commercial, Borg!Bob is making very fucking sure that Luke and Reid don't mess up The Borg Collective's plans to assimilate Memorial by informing Luke that he's SO SORRY that he's not getting laid by the hot doctor but it is best for the hospital. And Luke's like "WHUT?" and Bob's all "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE I mean, uh, you know, Doctor O can't bone you because somehow that would prevent this hospital from being bought" and Luke's like "WHUT" and Bob's all "I told Reid to choose between you and me and he chose me LULZ" and Luke gets those saaaaad eyes and looks at Reid across the room and FLEES. Reid sees this, and realizes "oh shit, thanks a fucking lot Bob, you're still cockblocking and IHATECHU" and runs out after Luke.
Outside the hospital, Reid catches up with his beloved and lamely says "I was gonna tell you" - which I'm all like WTF YOU LIAR YOU HAD AMPLE OPPORTUNITY RIGHT and Luke takes the words out of my mouth and says "Don't lie to me! DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA! I told myself not to put my heart on the line for you since my ex-boyfriend treated me like dog shit but you said you weren't that guy! And you totally are that guy! You sucked me in (unfortunately, not literally) and DRAMA QUEEN DRAMA!" me: "last I knew you were cockblocked by Borg!Bob right after he was assimilated in the Lakeview by Mona "Eight of Nine" Cross, and your post-Noah relationship has only consisted of 30-millisecond kiss, did I miss something?" Reid obviously has a psychic link with me becuase he's all "WHUT? Are you done with being a whiny girl? You know that's not what's up!" And I have some hope for this scene. But then it's all crushed when Reid totally boneheads out. What is the ONE THING that you can't say to a guy who has had his heart crushed over and over and over again by a boyfriend who refused to put that guy first, ever?
"Can't put you first right now! So sorry! I'll put you first when I don't have to fight with Bobcutus of Borg over there!"
SIGH REID. I WANT TO SMACK YOU. THAT WAS SO FUCKING DUMB. Luke's like "Yeah you know, I already had that relationship, and you said you were different but you're not, and whatevs. I know being a doc is important to you but I can't do this right now. So sorry. We're done before we even start. Bye." And walks off, leaving Reid to look very pained and UGH.
Meanwhile Saint Kim pulls Seven-of-Bob aside, while Mona's "using the ladies' room" which really means she's in her regeneration chamber, and says "WHAT THE HELL. You're selling the hospital. You're issuing ultimatums to people about their sex lives. You have several weird appendages and a laser for an eye. WHERE IS THE MAN I WAS NOT-MARRIED TO FOR 25 YEARS?!" And Bob's all... and Kim speechifies some more and then kisses Bob and walks off, and Bob really never says anything or shows any emotion at all, because he's a robot. Then he runs into Reid who gives him a dull look and says "Don'tchu worry Bob, I'm ready to be a drone and cut into people's heads for the good of the many and not have ANY OTHER LIFE. My work or everything else? Taking my work and NOTHING ELSE." Dude, Reid, you aren't going to make him feel guilty, he's a fucking Borg!
Sure hope Reid stops being a pussy and realizes that Dr. Bob hasn't let him walk away at ANY point during this entire storyline, going to enormous lengths (heh heh, that's what she said) to keep him at Memorial.
In summary: Robots. It's the only explanation.
WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY - STAR TREK MULTIVERSE EDITION (spoilers for yesterday's episode only)
Warning: This is really ridiculous. But I hope you enjoy it anyway. And if you missed my first epic recap post, click here for the story up to 6/17.
Dr. O and Dr. Bob are about to give Mona Cross a tour of the hospital. Dr. O is in full-on "deference to Bob" mode, which sucks, since Dr. Bob is being such an unbelievable out-of-character jackass that even his wife calls him on it later on. I can't believe Bob in this storyline. At first, I think he's got Paul's microchip implanted in him or something. I decide he will henceforth be called Robot!Bob until he actually buys a clue-by-four. Bob is all "WELL? What's your decision? Are you going to give up Luke or your job?" I'm rolling my eyes over the character assassination and ridiculous un-Bob-like-dialogue, until the light-bulb goes on in my head and it all makes sense to me! He's somehow beamed somewhere with Dr. Dixon and their brains got switched since this is totally the kind of scheme Dr. Dixon would try! And it was probably Kim's fault because she was actually ON Star Trek and she had the ability to take on other people's characteristics. Anyone remember THIS on original Star Trek: The Empath? SHE TRANSFERRED DR. DIXON TO HERSELF AND THEN TRANSFERRED IT TO BOB WHEN HE WASN'T LOOKING. It's no more farfetched than this ridiculous storyline!!!! Okay, maybe it was like the Spock's Brain episode but they drugged Dr. Oliver and forced him to switch Dr. Dixon's brain for Dr. Bob's. OR MAYBE MONA IS SECRETLY THE BORG QUEEN AND INVICTA IS THE BORG COLLECTIVE. THAT IS IT.
I digress. Cockblocking!Borg!Bob is being an unbelievable OOC tool and Dr. O is avoiding the question and then suddenly, the bright shiny face of Luke Snyder appears over Bob's shoulder. "Did I miss anything?"
Unbelievably, Dr. O doesn't say "I performed a brain transplant on Bob in my sleep". Instead he's a dick, but somehow the kind of dickliness he's displaying tips Luke off that something's wrong. Reid, for a guy that says he doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve, you are pretty freaking obvious. Saint Kim walks up and calls Bob out on the rumor she's heard about him selling the hospital to a soulless corporation. LOL, Kim, I'm with you. There are so many things wrong with this scenario. Does Bob own the freaking hospital? Isn't there a board? What the fuck is this... oh wait, right. Plot device to keep our boys apart and resistance is futile. God please shoot Don Hastings and put him out of his misery, this has to be really hard for him to play. Anyway, Borg!Bob is saved by Mona Cross walking up; Kim wants to come along for the tour, which starts in Peds as per Dr. O's earlier suggestion "Hit 'em with the kids first!"
Katie is being an idiot and sets off a hospital alarm while in the process of screwing over her best friend Henry by falsifying medical records. I'm pretty sure that while the John Dixon/Bob Hughes brain switching was going on, Lily and Katie's brains got mixed up too. The alarm, however, provides a convenient excuse for Luke and Reid to duck into a convenient empty exam room and for Reid to continue to be grumpy and snarky. Obviously he just needs a good blowjob or, I don't know, maybe he could actually TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH AND BE AN ADULT AND LET LUKE HELP HIM WORK THROUGH THIS PROBLEM TOGETHER LIKE ADULTS IN AN ADULT RELATIONSHIP?! Oh. I forgot. This is As The World Turns. Mr. "I don't play games, I'm not that guy" is being that guy. Ugh. There is slight adorablility when Reid says "I know I'm not easy to deal with" and Luke brings the LULZ with "That should be on your headstone" and there's cute eyesex for about 2 seconds before commercial.
Sadly, AFTER commercial, Borg!Bob is making very fucking sure that Luke and Reid don't mess up The Borg Collective's plans to assimilate Memorial by informing Luke that he's SO SORRY that he's not getting laid by the hot doctor but it is best for the hospital. And Luke's like "WHUT?" and Bob's all "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE I mean, uh, you know, Doctor O can't bone you because somehow that would prevent this hospital from being bought" and Luke's like "WHUT" and Bob's all "I told Reid to choose between you and me and he chose me LULZ" and Luke gets those saaaaad eyes and looks at Reid across the room and FLEES. Reid sees this, and realizes "oh shit, thanks a fucking lot Bob, you're still cockblocking and IHATECHU" and runs out after Luke.
Outside the hospital, Reid catches up with his beloved and lamely says "I was gonna tell you" - which I'm all like WTF YOU LIAR YOU HAD AMPLE OPPORTUNITY RIGHT and Luke takes the words out of my mouth and says "Don't lie to me! DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA! I told myself not to put my heart on the line for you since my ex-boyfriend treated me like dog shit but you said you weren't that guy! And you totally are that guy! You sucked me in (unfortunately, not literally) and DRAMA QUEEN DRAMA!" me: "last I knew you were cockblocked by Borg!Bob right after he was assimilated in the Lakeview by Mona "Eight of Nine" Cross, and your post-Noah relationship has only consisted of 30-millisecond kiss, did I miss something?" Reid obviously has a psychic link with me becuase he's all "WHUT? Are you done with being a whiny girl? You know that's not what's up!" And I have some hope for this scene. But then it's all crushed when Reid totally boneheads out. What is the ONE THING that you can't say to a guy who has had his heart crushed over and over and over again by a boyfriend who refused to put that guy first, ever?
"Can't put you first right now! So sorry! I'll put you first when I don't have to fight with Bobcutus of Borg over there!"
SIGH REID. I WANT TO SMACK YOU. THAT WAS SO FUCKING DUMB. Luke's like "Yeah you know, I already had that relationship, and you said you were different but you're not, and whatevs. I know being a doc is important to you but I can't do this right now. So sorry. We're done before we even start. Bye." And walks off, leaving Reid to look very pained and UGH.
Meanwhile Saint Kim pulls Seven-of-Bob aside, while Mona's "using the ladies' room" which really means she's in her regeneration chamber, and says "WHAT THE HELL. You're selling the hospital. You're issuing ultimatums to people about their sex lives. You have several weird appendages and a laser for an eye. WHERE IS THE MAN I WAS NOT-MARRIED TO FOR 25 YEARS?!" And Bob's all... and Kim speechifies some more and then kisses Bob and walks off, and Bob really never says anything or shows any emotion at all, because he's a robot. Then he runs into Reid who gives him a dull look and says "Don'tchu worry Bob, I'm ready to be a drone and cut into people's heads for the good of the many and not have ANY OTHER LIFE. My work or everything else? Taking my work and NOTHING ELSE." Dude, Reid, you aren't going to make him feel guilty, he's a fucking Borg!
Sure hope Reid stops being a pussy and realizes that Dr. Bob hasn't let him walk away at ANY point during this entire storyline, going to enormous lengths (heh heh, that's what she said) to keep him at Memorial.
In summary: Robots. It's the only explanation.