Sparks and Gasoline Chapter 52/53
Summary: Sixteen years after Reid leaves town for college, Luke is the editor in chief of the local newspaper, Oakdaily. When a corporation decides to take over Oakdale Memorial, Luke becomes suspicious and starts investigating. Then unexpectedly, Bob decides to retire and hire Reid Oliver to come back to town. Hijinks ensue as Luke is convinced Reid has something to do with the corruption and mystery. What is really the history of their past? What will happen when sparks and gasoline meet?
Rating:NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with ATWT
All mistakes are my own.
A/N: Yes, my dears, I have returned to finish this story. I got some very rude emails asking me why I abandoned this fic, and because I grew tired of them, I decided to finish it afterall. So here is the second to last chapter of my murder/mystery AU Reid/Luke story. There is one final chapter of this, which is the epilogue.
I hope you enjoy.
If you'd like to read this in it's entirety, you can do so here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6116964/1/Sparks-and-Gasoline
As always feedback = <3
The text was from Steve. Luke was livid. He had just had this fucking argument with Reid that afternoon. Reid had been so kind and reassuring, and after five rounds of sex, Luke could barely move. But he was heartbroken. So Luke called his grandmother, Lucinda, for the jet to take him home. The thought of Reid cheating on him gutted him. Had this been his plan all along? Was this payback for him cheating on Reid? He sat in silence on the plane as it took him back to Oakdale. He really was an idiot, thinking this time he had finally gotten things right with Reid. You don't find your love when you're twelve years old though, and just because someone is your first love, doesn't mean they'll be your last. His parents were living proof of that. He didn't want to think about his parents, he still didn't know the truth, he didn't know if Holden was his father or if Damian was, he had a twin sister who despised everything about him and had tried to murder him and everything he loved, and everything was a mess. He contemplated moving to New York City, or maybe Los Angeles, a big city, where he could start over, it would mean selling the paper, but the paper held nothing but horrible memories for him and he wanted nothing more than to be free.
He hadn't left a letter, and he planned to stay with Faith at his old apartment. He just needed to get his stuff out of Reid's apartment, and he would move on. He didn't want to think about Steve and Reid meeting in secret and fucking all the while behind Luke's back, what about Kennedy, and their son? Steve was married to Reid's sister. And Reid was proud and out and had been since he knew he was gay, why would he keep his relationship with Steve a secret?
He felt like he had no more tears to cry. His life was a joke, he had a mother, who despite her best efforts, had fallen in love with a psychopath or another man, and had twins with one of them and given up one. And that twin had decided to ruin his life, because of Damian. And through that whole ordeal, he was finding love with his ex-boyfriend, but really, he was just being toyed with. Yep, that was a good life, Luke had.
Luke decided he was not going to feel sorry for himself. He was going home, breaking the story to the world, and then he was going to move to another state, and forget about his life in Oakdale ever happened. Reid could stay in Oakdale, fucking Steve on the side, and stay as the Chief of Staff of Memorial. He no longer cared.
Later that evening, after gathering up his clothing and toothbrush from Reid's apartment, he went back to Faith's. She didn't ask questions when he showed up on her doorstep with bags and tear stained cheeks. She didn't say anything when his phone kept buzzing, or when Reid showed up the next day.
She didn't say anything when Luke burned the letters that were shoved under the door. Two days later, he was finally ready to face the world again and interact with people.
Faith made him eggs and bacon and coffee on that third day and sat with him as he wolfed it down.
"So do you want to tell me what happened?"
"Not really, but you'll figure it out eventually. I'm moving back in with you for a little bit, until I can finish this story and then move to another state."
"Why are you moving to another state?"
"Because as much as I love you and the rest of our family, Oakdale does not hold anything for me."
"What about Reid?"
"What about him?"
"You and Reid lived together, and now you're just leaving?"
"Yep."
"So, is this another stupid misunderstanding and you're trying to punish him for something he didn't even do?"
"He cheated on me, Faith."
"What?!"
"He did."
"You caught him? I mean, how do you know that? You were in Vermont together for a vacation; did he start fucking the Abominable Snowman or something?"
"He's fucking Steve."
"Steve as in his straight brother in law?"
"I have proof."
"What sort of proof?"
Luke turned on Reid's phone and handed it to Faith
Don't worry, Reid, Luke has no idea as far as I know about our meetings, so we're good to go. Just a few more days, then we can get together. Call me when you get this. - Steve
"You not only read Reid's text messages, you stole his phone too?"
"Yeah. I wasn't really thinking when I took it."
"Clearly."
"Maybe that's why he's been trying to get in contact with you for the past few days."
"Probably."
"You have to give his phone back, Luke. And at the very least, just get some closure. If he did cheat on you, then he's an asshole and you deserve to move on and be happy."
"What do you mean if?"
"Well, seeing as I know the history between you two, I'm not going to write off Reid just yet."
"It's nice to see, even after Reid cheats on me, you're still on his side."
"Hey! I'm not on his side. I'm on your side, and whether or not you want to admit it, you are in love with him."
"Not for much longer."
"Just fucking give it a rest, Luke. Go talk to him."
"Fine."
He looked back at the phone and saw there were fourteen missed texts and seven missed calls.
Luke opened the messages to catch even more proof of Reid's cheating, but all the texts were from web browsers addressed to him.
Luke, baby. I can't fine my phone, but when I woke up you were gone? Are you getting food? My arms are lonely without you in them. - xxReid
Luke bitterly scoffed at that text.
Another text sent three hours later
Luke, I'm getting worried about you? Where are you? Did you take my phone?- xxReid
Six hours later
Okay, so it's clear you are either dead somewhere out in the Vermont snow, or you left me stranded here, with nothing but my laptop. I really hope neither is the case, please call me-xxReid
Fourteen hours later
Whatever I did to make you run away, I'm sorry. Please, just call me, text me, email me, something. I just want to know that you're okay.-xxReid
One day later
I tried to stopping by Faith's, but I didn't get an answer. Lucinda said you took the jet home. Was there another break in the case? Is someone else in danger? Please, Luke, I really want to help you. Please come home-xx Reid
Four hours ago
I don't know what happened, Luke, and when I got home last night, most of your stuff was gone. I don't know why you decided to run away, but I still love you. Clearly, you don't feel the same way, and I can't make you. I think it's best if we don't see each other again. It was hard enough losing you the first time- xxReid
Luke read the messages and listened to one missed call, but hearing Reid's panic, or at least feigned panic turned his stomach. He hated how fake Reid could be. Unfortunately, for Luke, Reid had mastered faking sincerity in almost any situation.
But Faith had been right, he did need to return Reid's phone and end it for good. After all, if Reid wanted a reason, he'd get that reason. There was no way in hell, Luke was going to let Reid play the martyr in this situation.
He showed up on the doorstep of Reid's apartment a few hours later, ready for the fight that was sure to ensue after he showed Reid the evidence of his cheating.
He knocked on the door and heard Reid shuffling somewhere inside.
Reid opened the door. He was wearing sweatpants and one of Luke's Oakdale University sweatshirts. He looked hot which infuriated Luke even more.
"Luke."
"Reid."
"Why are you knocking, you have a key?"
"Because I left you, I wouldn't feel right about just letting myself into your apartment."
Reid's face went pale at that.
"You left me?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
The why was strangled as it escaped Reid's lips. Luke stopped short at that. Reid looked utterly devastated. He handed the phone to him.
"You took my phone?"
"After I read the text you got from Steve, I was too upset to really think, and I had to get out of that cabin. I was so hurt, Reid."
Reid grabbed the phone and looked at the text, Luke had pulled up.
"You want to explain this away? What about your fucking sister, Reid!? And not to mention your nephew. Even if you wanted to hurt me, because I hurt you all those years ago, you shouldn't have done that to your own family."
"First of all, Luke, I fucking told you I wasn't cheating on when you asked me that afternoon. I TOLD YOU. I asked you to trust me, and then you go and do this? I was never cheating on you. I would not do that. Believe me, after what happened when we were in high school. I know what being cheated on feel likes. I would never do that, even to you.
"Really? You're going to deny cheating on me with Steve? I saw the fucking text, Reid!"
"You're right, you saw a text between me and my best friend. Your name was in it, but the text had nothing to do with me cheating on you, you asshole!"
"Why are you yelling at me?"
"Because, I'm so fucking tired of this. I try to do something romantic and fucking lovely for you, and you ruin it by leaving me!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I was going to fucking propose to you, you asshat. Steve was helping me look at rings. I wanted to make sure we could do it, when you wouldn't be around!"
"But.."
"No, buts, Luke. I would not have made love to you five times in Vermont and stayed by your side with all your daddy drama, if I didn't fucking love you. You really think almost dying because of your fucking family was something I asked for? I stuck around even then, because I fucking was so in love with you, the thought of not being with you, hurt more than the actual pain of the car accident."
By this time, Reid had tears in his eyes, and it reminded Kurt of the argument they had gotten into in the park that night Reid had found Luke cheating on him with Kevin. Luke felt terrible.
"I'm so sorry, Reid, please…"
"Save it, Luke. I don't want to hear it anymore. It's clear you don't trust me, or us, and I don't think you ever did."
"But, I love you…"
"This conversation is eerily familiar, Luke, and I'm going to say the same thing I said before, sometimes love is not enough."
Reid turned around and stormed into the bedroom.
He slammed the door shut.
Luke broke down and sat on the couch. He looked at the dvr, that he knew was full of shows that both he and Reid wouldn't watch. No longer would he dvr movies that he knew Reid would claim to hate, but then secretly watch when he had days off, and no longer would he share meals with Reid and comment on his eating habits, and how disgusting they were. He wanted the disgusting eating habits, and the questionable taste in television and movies Reid liked, and the snuggles late at night when Reid thought Luke was sleeping.
But they were all gone, and he had to get used to the idea of being alone. This time Faith had been right, and he had jumped to conclusions once again. Reid was going to propose, and now, they were done for good, what a difference three days can bring. Three days ago, he was in bed with Reid being fucked into oblivion, and now he was back to being single and moving back into his apartment.
Then the guilt set in. Adam would be so disappointed in him, to know that he had let another opportunity to be with the man he loved, slip through his fingers, but he had other promises to keep, and he would do it.
He went over to his desk in the office he hadn't cleaned out of Reid's yet, and found the journal where he had filled up the entire book of his memories and thoughts and hopes and desires. He laid it on top of Reid's laptop, so he knew he'd see it.
He sat down on the couch and googled trips to Alaska. He was going to take that Alaskan trip to see the northern lights, and he was going to try to get his manuscript published, the one about the two lonely boys trying to find their way in love and life.
He heard the door open after about an hour and heard Reid behind him.
"Why are you still here, Luke?"
"Because, I decided it's time I actually do something instead of feeling sorry for myself."
"What does that have to do with you sitting in my apartment?"
"It is still our apartment, Reid. My name is on the lease."
"Well, not for long. I'm going to have you removed tomorrow."
"Can you just read that before you do anything?"
Luke turned and saw Reid staring at the journal.
"Is that the…"
"Yes. I kept it and after I started falling in love with you all over again, I started to fill it out."
"I don't want to read this."
"You need to read it, Reid. It explains how I was feeling during everything, why I did what I did, and what I feel for you now."
"This won't change anything."
"I'm expecting it won't, but at the very least, I hope it gives you some closure."
Luke wanted to cry, but he needed to not be around Reid to do it.
"I'm going to go into your office and make some travel arrangements, so you can read out here in peace."
"Can't you do that at your mother's?"
"Reid, we need to talk and you know it. Just please read it."
"Fine."
Luke set up his laptop in Reid's office. He looked at the desk and saw a picture of them from Thanksgiving Day, before everything had gone wrong.
He remembers Lily taking it of them. She must have given it to Reid. They looked so in love. Reid was staring at Luke who was laughing about something Reid had said about Emma's pie, and he remembers that moment, feeling so incredibly happy to be in his boyfriend's arms and sharing an important day with the rest of his family.
Luke pulled out his flash drive and put it in his laptop. He started editing his manuscript then and trying to get it polished and perfect to send to some publishing houses.
Time seemed to drag on as Luke edited the manuscript. Minutes turned into hours and Luke was giving up hope of Reid wanting to talk to him. He had hoped having Reid read the journal he had given him so many Christmas ago, would help him understand, but clearly it would not.
Luke finished his paragraph, sent it to Emily to proofread, and then shut down his laptop.
He heard a soft knock at the door of the office.
"You don't have to knock, Reid."
"It's not Reid."
Luke turned around to see Lily standing in the doorway.
"What are you doing here?"
"Reid called me, honey."
"What?"
"Reid called me about two hours ago and said that you needed to leave and that you needed help packing."
"Where is Reid right now?"
"He left as soon as I got here. He said something about needing a drink."
Luke felt helpless and indescribably sad.
"I don't want to leave, Mom."
"But Reid wants you to?"
"Yeah, I screwed up, big time."
"What happened?"
"I thought he was cheating on me, so I left him stranded in Vermont with no phone and brought grandmother's jet and I came back here and started moving my stuff out."
"But Reid would never do that."
"I know that now, but in the moment, I really thought he had, and it devastated me."
"And now he wants you gone for good?"
"Yeah, he doesn't think I trust him and that I'll never trust him, not to cheat on me, and he doesn't want a relationship like that. And I don't blame him. I have so baggage anyway, it's unbelievable we made it this far."
"Luke, stop it. You are not broken and you deserve to be happy. I know it's my fault and Damian's fault for a lot of the emotional baggage you carry around. I know that I wasn't always there for you growing up and if it hadn't been for my inability to truly let Holden in and trust him that you wouldn't have ended up in the mess with Reid to begin with."
"Yeah, but I still cheated and now I'm terrified that he's going to cheat on me as a way to punish me. And that's not healthy."
"No it isn't, but then again, that's the only thing you've ever seen from me and said to say my mother too. True love is not like that, Luke. I was too broken to understand what true love was, Holden is true love. I've finally found it, and there is nothing that will ever keep me from loving him. He is your father. You do not have to follow Damian's example any longer. I want you to move on with your life."
"So you wouldn't be upset if I sold the Oakdaily and started a new career?"
"No, honey. I'd encourage it. I want you to do whatever you want. If that means leaving Oakdale behind, then so be it. If that means selling all of Damian's businesses, then do it. I want you to be happy."
"Thanks, mom."
"I love you, Luke."
"I love you too."
"Well, you need to go home and get some sleep. So why don't you come to my house and sleep in your old bedroom. And tomorrow Holden will come help you get everything else?"
"Sounds good, mom."
Luke went to his old bedroom when he got to his mom's. The first thing he did was play some Mario Kart with his Ethan and Natalie, then he got a book from the library, and went to read it in his bedroom.
He opened the door to his room and saw a new queen sized bed in the room.
He had forgotten that Reid had stayed with his mother for about a month when he first moved back to town.
Luke looked around and saw other touches from Reid. He found pictures of Reid hung up on the walls and in the bathroom and different messages stuck in Luke's books saying how much Lily loved Reid more than Luke. Luke couldn't help but laugh at the teasing nature and realized they had been left there before they had started speaking again.
He wanted to cry though, because if history repeated itself, they'd be back to the same position they were in when Reid first returned to Oakdale.
He changed for bed and crawled into the new bed.
It smelled exactly like Reid and as he couldn't hold the tears back anymore. Luke was so sad and he just wanted to sleep. He was too stressed to do so, so he decided to get relief the only way he knew how. As he jerked off with a pillow that smelled of Reid over his face, he began to cry and when he finally came it was more bitter than sweet. Luke knew it wasn't healthy, but at least he could sleep again.
He cleaned himself up, and as he fell asleep with tears on his cheeks, he pulled the pillow closer to himself, maybe his brain and heart could be tricked into thinking he was sleeping with Reid, instead of cuddling a cold pillow.
The next morning, Luke awoke to feel a warm body behind him. He turned around thinking it was Ethan, and was surprised to feel an erection pressing into his back. Definitely not Ethan. As he started to gain more consciousness he started to worry. What the fuck did I do last night? He quickly kicked the man awake and pushed him off the bed.
"Ouch. What the hell was that for, Luke?"
"REID?!"
"Who the hell else would it be?"
"But, last night you said that you didn't want and I thought we were over and what are you doing in my bed?"
"Don't you remember last night at all?"
"Yeah, I do. I remember me coming over and you telling me you wanted nothing to do with me. Then you pretended to read my journal, but really just called my mom since I was stalking you, then you left."
"After that?"
"I came here and went to bed."
"Yeah and I woke you up at 3 a.m. after I had a visit from your mother and after I read the journal."
"You did?"
"Yeah, and you said, 'Oh Reid, I'm so glad you're here, just hold me.' Which is what I did, and that's apparently why you kicked me out of bed?"
"Wait, that was real?"
"Yeah! We had like an hour discussion about me understanding where you were coming from and how your mom helped me understand why you were so afraid of commitment and thinking I wouldn't want to commit to you."
"I thought that was a dream."
"It was very real. Because you grabbed me by the nose and said, 'I've got your nose, and I won't give it back until you kiss me.'"
"So I kissed you then asked you to be the little spoon."
"And I said…"
"Only if you be the little spoon tomorrow night."
"So wait, you're really okay with everything now, just like that?"
"Luke, listen to me well, because I will only say this once: I was wrong about how I reacted to this situation."
"Oh my god, this day will go down in infamy. Reid Oliver just admitted he was wrong."
"Shut up, before I recant, Luke."
"Okay go on."
"I will admit that you were also right when we were in high school. I didn't truly understand what you were going through when your mom cheated on Holden. It wasn't until you cheated on me, that I understood the ramifications. I wasn't mature enough or ready to handle all of the problems my parents were giving me about you, as well as your problems. I'm sorry, that I wasn't able to do that for you."
"Reid stop it. I fucked up. I messed up, and it was to hurt you, I'll admit it. I knew that if I had sex with Kevin, it would ruin our relationship, but at the time, all I cared was that I wouldn't have my heart broken. Unfortunately, once I realized what I had done after I came out of my drunken stupor, my best friend had died, and I had lost the only man I had ever loved. I take full responsibility for my actions when we were together back then."
"But I could've…"
"No, you couldn't have. I had seen my mother do the whole, 'I don't know which man I want' routine for so long, that I knew it by heart, and I was convinced that all relationships were like that and as much as I was in love with you, and I so was, I didn't want to risk feeling like Holden did, everytime my mother would go running back to Damian. And I thought that if I pushed you away, first then you wouldn't do it to me. I don't want to do that anymore."
"I don't want that for us either, Luke. And that's why I was so hurt when you accused me of cheating. I felt like we were back in that place in high school, you had cheated on me with Kevin and you were trying to say that it was somehow my fault and I just couldn't do that again, Luke. Do you realize how many nights I cried myself to sleep?"
"No. And I'm sorry for that, Reid."
"Every. Damn. Night. Every night while I was in school, I'd think maybe this is the night, Luke will contact me and we can start again. And then I just gave up hope. I half expected you to be married with ten kids when I got back to Oakdale. And instead you were fucking hot and successful and I was pissed."
"Yeah, well, so were you."
"Oh, except the part where you hate me, right?"
"Hey, you were the one who threw money at me and told me to dress better."
Reid laughed aloud at that and pulled Luke closer to him.
"I think you dress fine. I mean it's hard to compete with me, I know."
Luke giggled and pushed Reid away,
"Whatever you say, jerk."
Luke snuggled down beside Reid again and laid his head on his chest.
They were silent for a few seconds, then Luke turned to look at Reid.
"My mom really talked to you?"
"Yeah, she explained everything that happened with your family, and how upset and stressed out you still are about Alison and everything that happened, and I realized that this was pretty small in the grand scheme of things and everything we've already been through to be together. I don't want to let you go, after it took me so long to finally get you back. So I made a choice to let it go. I don't care anymore and I still love you."
Luke felt the tears that had welled up start to slide down his cheeks.
"You're sure? Because I'm afraid that we're going to have a fight down the road or a misunderstanding and one of us will leave, and I don't want that."
"Luke, look at me. Do you realize how much we went through to get back here? I know that I will never give you up. I won't leave and I won't walk away, even if we get into a huge fight."
"You're sure."
"I'm sure. Besides, I had a taste of what being without was like after Thanksgiving, and I was miserable."
"So was I."
"So I guess that means you have to move your stuff back to our apartment."
"I guess I can do that, but just so you know, I'm never moving again."
"Well, what about if we buy a house one day when we have kids?"
"We're having kids?"
"Yeah, I mean, don't you?"
"But you said…"
"I know what I said. I also know that I have had time to think about my life and I used to be terrified of the thought of having children and being married, because of my family life."
"And now?"
"And now, even though we are both messed up and have emotional baggage, I know that our family would not be that way. We would both love our children and each other, and it wouldn't matter if our children were gay, straight, or in a polyamorous relationship. And if we were too stubborn to let misunderstandings and tragedy stand in our way before, we sure won't let it happen after we had kids."
"But what about getting married?"
"What about it?"
"You told me you were going to propose to me."
"I was, but I'm still not sure I actually want to get married."
"But you want to have kids with me?"
"Yes. I mean I'm committed to you already and I know you want a family, but I'm not sure being married is the right fit for us, considering our history and what you went through with your mother."
"I love you, Reid, but I do want to be married. I want the dog, and the kids, and I want a husband."
"But what if getting married makes it worse?"
"You think being married to me would be worse than what we have now?"
"I just don't want to get married and have kids with you, then it all falls apart. I mean the thought of breaking up with you now, leaves me breathless because of the pain, but I don't want a long drawn out divorce or custody battles over our kids."
"And you thought I was reading too much into the future when I was freaking out about you going away to college?"
"You remember that?"
"Yes. I also remember you telling me that it would be okay and that I didn't need to worry, because our love would see us through. And guess what, you were right. I was too stupid to understand or accept that you loved me, regardless of what my parents and family was like, even though I was younger and wouldn't be graduating for years, you still loved me. And guess what? I love you now more than I have ever loved before. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to buy a house and argue over what to decorate it with, I want to have children with you, and I want you to be my husband, so that when we are old and gray, I can go visit you in the hospital and I want to call you my husband and know that we had all our family and friends there was a witness to us deciding to spend our lives together."
"Not all of our families."
Luke was crying as he took Reid's hand in his own.
"You are good enough for a wedding, Reid. I know that you mother has hurt you in the past, with her not accepting you for being gay, or us for our love, but you deserve to be happy. If I have to spend my entire life proving that to you, I will. You have stuck by me through so much, and it's the least I can do for you. I will wait for you to realize that you deserve to have a family and a husband who loves you and accepts you for who you are. And if we are in our 80s and you finally realize that, then I will marry you. Even if I marry you on your death bed, you will leave this world knowing that you had someone by your side that loved you unconditionally and you had a family who felt the same way."
Luke pressed his forehead against Reid and felt him shaking in his grasp. He knew Reid was still heartbroken over his mother's rejection. Finally, Reid looked up and looked in Luke's eyes.
"I don't know how long it will take me to be at a place where I'm ready to get married and have a wedding and be okay that my mother and father aren't there. I will try to get there, though. I promise."
Luke and Reid left Lily's then and drove home. After depositing his clothing back in his side of the closet and drawers, he took a hot shower. It didn't take long for Reid to join him and after pressing Luke into the wall and giving him a magnificent blow job, similar to the one had had fantasized about all those months ago, he was laying in their bed again, snuggled up tight to Reid. He looked outside to see snow gently falling under the hazy lights of the street lamps. The last thought on his mind was how unbelievably happy he was to be in the arms of the man he loved, exactly where he belonged.
Rating:NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with ATWT
All mistakes are my own.
A/N: Yes, my dears, I have returned to finish this story. I got some very rude emails asking me why I abandoned this fic, and because I grew tired of them, I decided to finish it afterall. So here is the second to last chapter of my murder/mystery AU Reid/Luke story. There is one final chapter of this, which is the epilogue.
I hope you enjoy.
If you'd like to read this in it's entirety, you can do so here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6116964/1/Sparks-and-Gasoline
As always feedback = <3
The text was from Steve. Luke was livid. He had just had this fucking argument with Reid that afternoon. Reid had been so kind and reassuring, and after five rounds of sex, Luke could barely move. But he was heartbroken. So Luke called his grandmother, Lucinda, for the jet to take him home. The thought of Reid cheating on him gutted him. Had this been his plan all along? Was this payback for him cheating on Reid? He sat in silence on the plane as it took him back to Oakdale. He really was an idiot, thinking this time he had finally gotten things right with Reid. You don't find your love when you're twelve years old though, and just because someone is your first love, doesn't mean they'll be your last. His parents were living proof of that. He didn't want to think about his parents, he still didn't know the truth, he didn't know if Holden was his father or if Damian was, he had a twin sister who despised everything about him and had tried to murder him and everything he loved, and everything was a mess. He contemplated moving to New York City, or maybe Los Angeles, a big city, where he could start over, it would mean selling the paper, but the paper held nothing but horrible memories for him and he wanted nothing more than to be free.
He hadn't left a letter, and he planned to stay with Faith at his old apartment. He just needed to get his stuff out of Reid's apartment, and he would move on. He didn't want to think about Steve and Reid meeting in secret and fucking all the while behind Luke's back, what about Kennedy, and their son? Steve was married to Reid's sister. And Reid was proud and out and had been since he knew he was gay, why would he keep his relationship with Steve a secret?
He felt like he had no more tears to cry. His life was a joke, he had a mother, who despite her best efforts, had fallen in love with a psychopath or another man, and had twins with one of them and given up one. And that twin had decided to ruin his life, because of Damian. And through that whole ordeal, he was finding love with his ex-boyfriend, but really, he was just being toyed with. Yep, that was a good life, Luke had.
Luke decided he was not going to feel sorry for himself. He was going home, breaking the story to the world, and then he was going to move to another state, and forget about his life in Oakdale ever happened. Reid could stay in Oakdale, fucking Steve on the side, and stay as the Chief of Staff of Memorial. He no longer cared.
Later that evening, after gathering up his clothing and toothbrush from Reid's apartment, he went back to Faith's. She didn't ask questions when he showed up on her doorstep with bags and tear stained cheeks. She didn't say anything when his phone kept buzzing, or when Reid showed up the next day.
She didn't say anything when Luke burned the letters that were shoved under the door. Two days later, he was finally ready to face the world again and interact with people.
Faith made him eggs and bacon and coffee on that third day and sat with him as he wolfed it down.
"So do you want to tell me what happened?"
"Not really, but you'll figure it out eventually. I'm moving back in with you for a little bit, until I can finish this story and then move to another state."
"Why are you moving to another state?"
"Because as much as I love you and the rest of our family, Oakdale does not hold anything for me."
"What about Reid?"
"What about him?"
"You and Reid lived together, and now you're just leaving?"
"Yep."
"So, is this another stupid misunderstanding and you're trying to punish him for something he didn't even do?"
"He cheated on me, Faith."
"What?!"
"He did."
"You caught him? I mean, how do you know that? You were in Vermont together for a vacation; did he start fucking the Abominable Snowman or something?"
"He's fucking Steve."
"Steve as in his straight brother in law?"
"I have proof."
"What sort of proof?"
Luke turned on Reid's phone and handed it to Faith
Don't worry, Reid, Luke has no idea as far as I know about our meetings, so we're good to go. Just a few more days, then we can get together. Call me when you get this. - Steve
"You not only read Reid's text messages, you stole his phone too?"
"Yeah. I wasn't really thinking when I took it."
"Clearly."
"Maybe that's why he's been trying to get in contact with you for the past few days."
"Probably."
"You have to give his phone back, Luke. And at the very least, just get some closure. If he did cheat on you, then he's an asshole and you deserve to move on and be happy."
"What do you mean if?"
"Well, seeing as I know the history between you two, I'm not going to write off Reid just yet."
"It's nice to see, even after Reid cheats on me, you're still on his side."
"Hey! I'm not on his side. I'm on your side, and whether or not you want to admit it, you are in love with him."
"Not for much longer."
"Just fucking give it a rest, Luke. Go talk to him."
"Fine."
He looked back at the phone and saw there were fourteen missed texts and seven missed calls.
Luke opened the messages to catch even more proof of Reid's cheating, but all the texts were from web browsers addressed to him.
Luke, baby. I can't fine my phone, but when I woke up you were gone? Are you getting food? My arms are lonely without you in them. - xxReid
Luke bitterly scoffed at that text.
Another text sent three hours later
Luke, I'm getting worried about you? Where are you? Did you take my phone?- xxReid
Six hours later
Okay, so it's clear you are either dead somewhere out in the Vermont snow, or you left me stranded here, with nothing but my laptop. I really hope neither is the case, please call me-xxReid
Fourteen hours later
Whatever I did to make you run away, I'm sorry. Please, just call me, text me, email me, something. I just want to know that you're okay.-xxReid
One day later
I tried to stopping by Faith's, but I didn't get an answer. Lucinda said you took the jet home. Was there another break in the case? Is someone else in danger? Please, Luke, I really want to help you. Please come home-xx Reid
Four hours ago
I don't know what happened, Luke, and when I got home last night, most of your stuff was gone. I don't know why you decided to run away, but I still love you. Clearly, you don't feel the same way, and I can't make you. I think it's best if we don't see each other again. It was hard enough losing you the first time- xxReid
Luke read the messages and listened to one missed call, but hearing Reid's panic, or at least feigned panic turned his stomach. He hated how fake Reid could be. Unfortunately, for Luke, Reid had mastered faking sincerity in almost any situation.
But Faith had been right, he did need to return Reid's phone and end it for good. After all, if Reid wanted a reason, he'd get that reason. There was no way in hell, Luke was going to let Reid play the martyr in this situation.
He showed up on the doorstep of Reid's apartment a few hours later, ready for the fight that was sure to ensue after he showed Reid the evidence of his cheating.
He knocked on the door and heard Reid shuffling somewhere inside.
Reid opened the door. He was wearing sweatpants and one of Luke's Oakdale University sweatshirts. He looked hot which infuriated Luke even more.
"Luke."
"Reid."
"Why are you knocking, you have a key?"
"Because I left you, I wouldn't feel right about just letting myself into your apartment."
Reid's face went pale at that.
"You left me?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
The why was strangled as it escaped Reid's lips. Luke stopped short at that. Reid looked utterly devastated. He handed the phone to him.
"You took my phone?"
"After I read the text you got from Steve, I was too upset to really think, and I had to get out of that cabin. I was so hurt, Reid."
Reid grabbed the phone and looked at the text, Luke had pulled up.
"You want to explain this away? What about your fucking sister, Reid!? And not to mention your nephew. Even if you wanted to hurt me, because I hurt you all those years ago, you shouldn't have done that to your own family."
"First of all, Luke, I fucking told you I wasn't cheating on when you asked me that afternoon. I TOLD YOU. I asked you to trust me, and then you go and do this? I was never cheating on you. I would not do that. Believe me, after what happened when we were in high school. I know what being cheated on feel likes. I would never do that, even to you.
"Really? You're going to deny cheating on me with Steve? I saw the fucking text, Reid!"
"You're right, you saw a text between me and my best friend. Your name was in it, but the text had nothing to do with me cheating on you, you asshole!"
"Why are you yelling at me?"
"Because, I'm so fucking tired of this. I try to do something romantic and fucking lovely for you, and you ruin it by leaving me!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I was going to fucking propose to you, you asshat. Steve was helping me look at rings. I wanted to make sure we could do it, when you wouldn't be around!"
"But.."
"No, buts, Luke. I would not have made love to you five times in Vermont and stayed by your side with all your daddy drama, if I didn't fucking love you. You really think almost dying because of your fucking family was something I asked for? I stuck around even then, because I fucking was so in love with you, the thought of not being with you, hurt more than the actual pain of the car accident."
By this time, Reid had tears in his eyes, and it reminded Kurt of the argument they had gotten into in the park that night Reid had found Luke cheating on him with Kevin. Luke felt terrible.
"I'm so sorry, Reid, please…"
"Save it, Luke. I don't want to hear it anymore. It's clear you don't trust me, or us, and I don't think you ever did."
"But, I love you…"
"This conversation is eerily familiar, Luke, and I'm going to say the same thing I said before, sometimes love is not enough."
Reid turned around and stormed into the bedroom.
He slammed the door shut.
Luke broke down and sat on the couch. He looked at the dvr, that he knew was full of shows that both he and Reid wouldn't watch. No longer would he dvr movies that he knew Reid would claim to hate, but then secretly watch when he had days off, and no longer would he share meals with Reid and comment on his eating habits, and how disgusting they were. He wanted the disgusting eating habits, and the questionable taste in television and movies Reid liked, and the snuggles late at night when Reid thought Luke was sleeping.
But they were all gone, and he had to get used to the idea of being alone. This time Faith had been right, and he had jumped to conclusions once again. Reid was going to propose, and now, they were done for good, what a difference three days can bring. Three days ago, he was in bed with Reid being fucked into oblivion, and now he was back to being single and moving back into his apartment.
Then the guilt set in. Adam would be so disappointed in him, to know that he had let another opportunity to be with the man he loved, slip through his fingers, but he had other promises to keep, and he would do it.
He went over to his desk in the office he hadn't cleaned out of Reid's yet, and found the journal where he had filled up the entire book of his memories and thoughts and hopes and desires. He laid it on top of Reid's laptop, so he knew he'd see it.
He sat down on the couch and googled trips to Alaska. He was going to take that Alaskan trip to see the northern lights, and he was going to try to get his manuscript published, the one about the two lonely boys trying to find their way in love and life.
He heard the door open after about an hour and heard Reid behind him.
"Why are you still here, Luke?"
"Because, I decided it's time I actually do something instead of feeling sorry for myself."
"What does that have to do with you sitting in my apartment?"
"It is still our apartment, Reid. My name is on the lease."
"Well, not for long. I'm going to have you removed tomorrow."
"Can you just read that before you do anything?"
Luke turned and saw Reid staring at the journal.
"Is that the…"
"Yes. I kept it and after I started falling in love with you all over again, I started to fill it out."
"I don't want to read this."
"You need to read it, Reid. It explains how I was feeling during everything, why I did what I did, and what I feel for you now."
"This won't change anything."
"I'm expecting it won't, but at the very least, I hope it gives you some closure."
Luke wanted to cry, but he needed to not be around Reid to do it.
"I'm going to go into your office and make some travel arrangements, so you can read out here in peace."
"Can't you do that at your mother's?"
"Reid, we need to talk and you know it. Just please read it."
"Fine."
Luke set up his laptop in Reid's office. He looked at the desk and saw a picture of them from Thanksgiving Day, before everything had gone wrong.
He remembers Lily taking it of them. She must have given it to Reid. They looked so in love. Reid was staring at Luke who was laughing about something Reid had said about Emma's pie, and he remembers that moment, feeling so incredibly happy to be in his boyfriend's arms and sharing an important day with the rest of his family.
Luke pulled out his flash drive and put it in his laptop. He started editing his manuscript then and trying to get it polished and perfect to send to some publishing houses.
Time seemed to drag on as Luke edited the manuscript. Minutes turned into hours and Luke was giving up hope of Reid wanting to talk to him. He had hoped having Reid read the journal he had given him so many Christmas ago, would help him understand, but clearly it would not.
Luke finished his paragraph, sent it to Emily to proofread, and then shut down his laptop.
He heard a soft knock at the door of the office.
"You don't have to knock, Reid."
"It's not Reid."
Luke turned around to see Lily standing in the doorway.
"What are you doing here?"
"Reid called me, honey."
"What?"
"Reid called me about two hours ago and said that you needed to leave and that you needed help packing."
"Where is Reid right now?"
"He left as soon as I got here. He said something about needing a drink."
Luke felt helpless and indescribably sad.
"I don't want to leave, Mom."
"But Reid wants you to?"
"Yeah, I screwed up, big time."
"What happened?"
"I thought he was cheating on me, so I left him stranded in Vermont with no phone and brought grandmother's jet and I came back here and started moving my stuff out."
"But Reid would never do that."
"I know that now, but in the moment, I really thought he had, and it devastated me."
"And now he wants you gone for good?"
"Yeah, he doesn't think I trust him and that I'll never trust him, not to cheat on me, and he doesn't want a relationship like that. And I don't blame him. I have so baggage anyway, it's unbelievable we made it this far."
"Luke, stop it. You are not broken and you deserve to be happy. I know it's my fault and Damian's fault for a lot of the emotional baggage you carry around. I know that I wasn't always there for you growing up and if it hadn't been for my inability to truly let Holden in and trust him that you wouldn't have ended up in the mess with Reid to begin with."
"Yeah, but I still cheated and now I'm terrified that he's going to cheat on me as a way to punish me. And that's not healthy."
"No it isn't, but then again, that's the only thing you've ever seen from me and said to say my mother too. True love is not like that, Luke. I was too broken to understand what true love was, Holden is true love. I've finally found it, and there is nothing that will ever keep me from loving him. He is your father. You do not have to follow Damian's example any longer. I want you to move on with your life."
"So you wouldn't be upset if I sold the Oakdaily and started a new career?"
"No, honey. I'd encourage it. I want you to do whatever you want. If that means leaving Oakdale behind, then so be it. If that means selling all of Damian's businesses, then do it. I want you to be happy."
"Thanks, mom."
"I love you, Luke."
"I love you too."
"Well, you need to go home and get some sleep. So why don't you come to my house and sleep in your old bedroom. And tomorrow Holden will come help you get everything else?"
"Sounds good, mom."
Luke went to his old bedroom when he got to his mom's. The first thing he did was play some Mario Kart with his Ethan and Natalie, then he got a book from the library, and went to read it in his bedroom.
He opened the door to his room and saw a new queen sized bed in the room.
He had forgotten that Reid had stayed with his mother for about a month when he first moved back to town.
Luke looked around and saw other touches from Reid. He found pictures of Reid hung up on the walls and in the bathroom and different messages stuck in Luke's books saying how much Lily loved Reid more than Luke. Luke couldn't help but laugh at the teasing nature and realized they had been left there before they had started speaking again.
He wanted to cry though, because if history repeated itself, they'd be back to the same position they were in when Reid first returned to Oakdale.
He changed for bed and crawled into the new bed.
It smelled exactly like Reid and as he couldn't hold the tears back anymore. Luke was so sad and he just wanted to sleep. He was too stressed to do so, so he decided to get relief the only way he knew how. As he jerked off with a pillow that smelled of Reid over his face, he began to cry and when he finally came it was more bitter than sweet. Luke knew it wasn't healthy, but at least he could sleep again.
He cleaned himself up, and as he fell asleep with tears on his cheeks, he pulled the pillow closer to himself, maybe his brain and heart could be tricked into thinking he was sleeping with Reid, instead of cuddling a cold pillow.
The next morning, Luke awoke to feel a warm body behind him. He turned around thinking it was Ethan, and was surprised to feel an erection pressing into his back. Definitely not Ethan. As he started to gain more consciousness he started to worry. What the fuck did I do last night? He quickly kicked the man awake and pushed him off the bed.
"Ouch. What the hell was that for, Luke?"
"REID?!"
"Who the hell else would it be?"
"But, last night you said that you didn't want and I thought we were over and what are you doing in my bed?"
"Don't you remember last night at all?"
"Yeah, I do. I remember me coming over and you telling me you wanted nothing to do with me. Then you pretended to read my journal, but really just called my mom since I was stalking you, then you left."
"After that?"
"I came here and went to bed."
"Yeah and I woke you up at 3 a.m. after I had a visit from your mother and after I read the journal."
"You did?"
"Yeah, and you said, 'Oh Reid, I'm so glad you're here, just hold me.' Which is what I did, and that's apparently why you kicked me out of bed?"
"Wait, that was real?"
"Yeah! We had like an hour discussion about me understanding where you were coming from and how your mom helped me understand why you were so afraid of commitment and thinking I wouldn't want to commit to you."
"I thought that was a dream."
"It was very real. Because you grabbed me by the nose and said, 'I've got your nose, and I won't give it back until you kiss me.'"
"So I kissed you then asked you to be the little spoon."
"And I said…"
"Only if you be the little spoon tomorrow night."
"So wait, you're really okay with everything now, just like that?"
"Luke, listen to me well, because I will only say this once: I was wrong about how I reacted to this situation."
"Oh my god, this day will go down in infamy. Reid Oliver just admitted he was wrong."
"Shut up, before I recant, Luke."
"Okay go on."
"I will admit that you were also right when we were in high school. I didn't truly understand what you were going through when your mom cheated on Holden. It wasn't until you cheated on me, that I understood the ramifications. I wasn't mature enough or ready to handle all of the problems my parents were giving me about you, as well as your problems. I'm sorry, that I wasn't able to do that for you."
"Reid stop it. I fucked up. I messed up, and it was to hurt you, I'll admit it. I knew that if I had sex with Kevin, it would ruin our relationship, but at the time, all I cared was that I wouldn't have my heart broken. Unfortunately, once I realized what I had done after I came out of my drunken stupor, my best friend had died, and I had lost the only man I had ever loved. I take full responsibility for my actions when we were together back then."
"But I could've…"
"No, you couldn't have. I had seen my mother do the whole, 'I don't know which man I want' routine for so long, that I knew it by heart, and I was convinced that all relationships were like that and as much as I was in love with you, and I so was, I didn't want to risk feeling like Holden did, everytime my mother would go running back to Damian. And I thought that if I pushed you away, first then you wouldn't do it to me. I don't want to do that anymore."
"I don't want that for us either, Luke. And that's why I was so hurt when you accused me of cheating. I felt like we were back in that place in high school, you had cheated on me with Kevin and you were trying to say that it was somehow my fault and I just couldn't do that again, Luke. Do you realize how many nights I cried myself to sleep?"
"No. And I'm sorry for that, Reid."
"Every. Damn. Night. Every night while I was in school, I'd think maybe this is the night, Luke will contact me and we can start again. And then I just gave up hope. I half expected you to be married with ten kids when I got back to Oakdale. And instead you were fucking hot and successful and I was pissed."
"Yeah, well, so were you."
"Oh, except the part where you hate me, right?"
"Hey, you were the one who threw money at me and told me to dress better."
Reid laughed aloud at that and pulled Luke closer to him.
"I think you dress fine. I mean it's hard to compete with me, I know."
Luke giggled and pushed Reid away,
"Whatever you say, jerk."
Luke snuggled down beside Reid again and laid his head on his chest.
They were silent for a few seconds, then Luke turned to look at Reid.
"My mom really talked to you?"
"Yeah, she explained everything that happened with your family, and how upset and stressed out you still are about Alison and everything that happened, and I realized that this was pretty small in the grand scheme of things and everything we've already been through to be together. I don't want to let you go, after it took me so long to finally get you back. So I made a choice to let it go. I don't care anymore and I still love you."
Luke felt the tears that had welled up start to slide down his cheeks.
"You're sure? Because I'm afraid that we're going to have a fight down the road or a misunderstanding and one of us will leave, and I don't want that."
"Luke, look at me. Do you realize how much we went through to get back here? I know that I will never give you up. I won't leave and I won't walk away, even if we get into a huge fight."
"You're sure."
"I'm sure. Besides, I had a taste of what being without was like after Thanksgiving, and I was miserable."
"So was I."
"So I guess that means you have to move your stuff back to our apartment."
"I guess I can do that, but just so you know, I'm never moving again."
"Well, what about if we buy a house one day when we have kids?"
"We're having kids?"
"Yeah, I mean, don't you?"
"But you said…"
"I know what I said. I also know that I have had time to think about my life and I used to be terrified of the thought of having children and being married, because of my family life."
"And now?"
"And now, even though we are both messed up and have emotional baggage, I know that our family would not be that way. We would both love our children and each other, and it wouldn't matter if our children were gay, straight, or in a polyamorous relationship. And if we were too stubborn to let misunderstandings and tragedy stand in our way before, we sure won't let it happen after we had kids."
"But what about getting married?"
"What about it?"
"You told me you were going to propose to me."
"I was, but I'm still not sure I actually want to get married."
"But you want to have kids with me?"
"Yes. I mean I'm committed to you already and I know you want a family, but I'm not sure being married is the right fit for us, considering our history and what you went through with your mother."
"I love you, Reid, but I do want to be married. I want the dog, and the kids, and I want a husband."
"But what if getting married makes it worse?"
"You think being married to me would be worse than what we have now?"
"I just don't want to get married and have kids with you, then it all falls apart. I mean the thought of breaking up with you now, leaves me breathless because of the pain, but I don't want a long drawn out divorce or custody battles over our kids."
"And you thought I was reading too much into the future when I was freaking out about you going away to college?"
"You remember that?"
"Yes. I also remember you telling me that it would be okay and that I didn't need to worry, because our love would see us through. And guess what, you were right. I was too stupid to understand or accept that you loved me, regardless of what my parents and family was like, even though I was younger and wouldn't be graduating for years, you still loved me. And guess what? I love you now more than I have ever loved before. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to buy a house and argue over what to decorate it with, I want to have children with you, and I want you to be my husband, so that when we are old and gray, I can go visit you in the hospital and I want to call you my husband and know that we had all our family and friends there was a witness to us deciding to spend our lives together."
"Not all of our families."
Luke was crying as he took Reid's hand in his own.
"You are good enough for a wedding, Reid. I know that you mother has hurt you in the past, with her not accepting you for being gay, or us for our love, but you deserve to be happy. If I have to spend my entire life proving that to you, I will. You have stuck by me through so much, and it's the least I can do for you. I will wait for you to realize that you deserve to have a family and a husband who loves you and accepts you for who you are. And if we are in our 80s and you finally realize that, then I will marry you. Even if I marry you on your death bed, you will leave this world knowing that you had someone by your side that loved you unconditionally and you had a family who felt the same way."
Luke pressed his forehead against Reid and felt him shaking in his grasp. He knew Reid was still heartbroken over his mother's rejection. Finally, Reid looked up and looked in Luke's eyes.
"I don't know how long it will take me to be at a place where I'm ready to get married and have a wedding and be okay that my mother and father aren't there. I will try to get there, though. I promise."
Luke and Reid left Lily's then and drove home. After depositing his clothing back in his side of the closet and drawers, he took a hot shower. It didn't take long for Reid to join him and after pressing Luke into the wall and giving him a magnificent blow job, similar to the one had had fantasized about all those months ago, he was laying in their bed again, snuggled up tight to Reid. He looked outside to see snow gently falling under the hazy lights of the street lamps. The last thought on his mind was how unbelievably happy he was to be in the arms of the man he loved, exactly where he belonged.