fic: eight years in the making
title: eight years in the making.
author: inflowers
summary: when luke comes home from school one day and tells reid that he's thinking about going pre-med, reid laughs.
authors notes: this is totally not plausible but it came from a conversation i had with someone the other day that just got me thinking. besides, it's fiction right? so whatevs.
When Luke comes home from school one day and tells Reid that he's thinking about going pre-med, Reid laughs. It isn't until Luke's face falls in that way it does when he's really hurt that Reid realises he might not have been joking.
“What? What are you talking about?”
“I think...” He stutters, almost unsure of himself. “I think I want to go to medical school.”
“Why would you ever want to do that?”
“I … I had a moment.”
Reid knows what moment he's talking about. A few weeks ago Luke had been babysitting Ethan and Natalie and Ethan had choked on a piece of cookie that went down the wrong way. Luke, having never taken a first aid course in his life panicked and started whacking Ethan on his back, finally dislodging the obstructing piece of cookie. Reid tells him later when he's hysterical over the fact that not knowing the heimlich almost cost him his brother that he did the right thing and the medical profession has largely discredited the use of the heimlich, but Luke obsesses over it for weeks.
“Don’t make decisions based on one fleeting moment you had where you helped your little brother.” Reid comments dryly, looking back at the magazine in his lap.
“It wasn’t just that moment, it’s the whole thing. It’s watching what you do, every day. It’s feeling like I have to do something else with my life, something that isn’t about making rich people richer.”
“I’m good at what I do. Most people aren’t.”
“Are you saying you don’t think I’d make a good doctor?”
“I’m saying I think this is one of those things that you’re going to grow out of. And you’ll have wasted your time going pre-med or sitting the MCAT. And no offence Snyder, but who says you’d even get into medical school?”
“I have a great GPA.”
“In your literary classes sure, but you’d have to start taking science. Do you know anything about biology?”
“I would have thought you’d know I do.” Luke grins slyly, throwing a wink in for good measure.
“Don’t, Luke. This is serious. I’m not going to let you do something like this without considering it first.”
“Excuse me? Let me?”
“You know what I mean.”
“I think you’re just intimidated.” Luke crosses his arms defiantly.
“By what, your superior intelligence?” Reid rolls his eyes, still pretending to be uninterested.
“No, I just think you don’t want me to succeed.”
“How can you say that? I’ve fully supported everything you do.”
“Then why don’t you support this?”
“Because this is a bad idea.”
“It’s not. And even if in a few years I realise it’s not what I want to do, how will that matter to you? It won’t be you who has wasted their time. How does it matter?”
“It just does.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to go to medical school again.” Reid snaps, exasperatedly. “I’ve already done it, I’ve already been. I don’t want to do it again.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m done with all of that. I’m done with the all nighters and the living off ramen noodles. I’m an adult now, and I just don’t want to do it again.”
“You won’t have to do it again.”
“Seriously? How do you still not get this? It’s you and me, Luke. What you do affects me. You aren’t just making choices about yourself now.”
“I wouldn’t ask you for help.”
“You’re joking, right?”
“I won’t. I promise.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to help you, and it’s not that I don’t want you to succeed. It’s just - medical school was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It nearly destroyed me. I don’t want that to happen to you, especially if you aren’t totally committed to it. Just give it some thought, okay? Enrol in some science classes and see how you like it. Take basic anatomy or something. If you still want to do this in a few months, then I’m all for it. I’ll make you god damn flash cards if I have to, but I just want you to seriously sit with this for awhile. Don’t make a decision just because you stopped your brother from choking on a freakin’ cookie, because I’m telling you right now Luke, it’s not like that. It’s not all saving lives and being a hero. Most of the time you’re the asshole telling these people that you can’t help them, and that’s fine for people who are naturally assholes like me. But that’s not good for you. It’ll suck, really bad.”
“I know. But look me in the eyes and tell me right now that your job isn’t the most satisfying thing you do. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you regret it all, medical school, your residency, specialising in neurosurgery. Tell me that you regret it because I know that you came home last week after saving that guy from that car crash and you were high for hours afterwards. And I know that you cried last month when that little boy died. You’re not just good at what you do; you’re amazing at what you do. How could I not be moved by that? How could I not be moved to do something more with my life, after watching you do what you do all day every day?”
“You’re right, I love my job. I do. But you’re wrong about one thing.”
“What?”
“It’s not the most satisfying thing that I do. This is, our life. Okay? So I understand why you want this and I’m going to try and be okay with it but it's going to take awhile.”
“That’s all I’m asking for. And maybe you’re right.” Luke shrugs gently, a hand reaching out to grab hold of Reid’s and lacing their fingers together. “Maybe in a few months this will be nothing but a memory and I’ll want to be an astronaut or something. But I was good at science, you know. Apart from English it was my best subject.”
“Why is that not surprising?” Reid murmurs against Luke, smiling despite himself. “Luke Snyder, good at everything.”
“Wanna start my basic anatomy lessons now?” Luke asks lasciviously, raising an eyebrow and dropping his hand dangerously low on Reid’s body.
“Well I am an expert…”
Luke, naturally, excels at schools and much to Reid’s chagrin actually seems to be enjoying the early medical science classes he enrols in. It’s not so much that Reid doesn’t want Luke to go to medical school, but he knows what it’s going to be like and he worries, albeit silently now, that Luke isn’t competitive enough. He worries that sweet Luke Snyder is going to be eaten alive in a sea of people younger than him who have never questioned what they want to do. People who have had this unwavering desire to be a physician since the day they knew what it was. And Reid, who was one of those people, knows how much disdain he had for people who seemed to suddenly wake up one day and decide ‘hey, I think I’ll go to medical school today.’ He didn’t want to feel that for Luke, and he didn’t want other people to look at him like a flake. Someone who didn’t belong, some kind of interloper.
But he keeps his mouth shut because he’s getting better at being a good partner. The kind of partner that Luke deserves, who supports him in everything he does and is proud of him for just surviving, and everything else is a bonus. So when Luke is just about to finish his undergrad degree, has passed the MCAT and is applying for medical schools, Reid doesn't try to convince him not to. But it doesn't mean he's going to facilitate it.
“Will you write a letter of recommendation for me?” Luke asks one afternoon as he's pouring over his applications, writing and rewriting his admissions essay.
“No.” Reid answers, shaking his head.
“What?”
“Absolutely not. Never. Not in a hundred years.”
“Why?”
“Do you know how unethical that would be? Do you care how unethical that would be? Because if you don’t then you should rethink this as a career option.”
“Write me a personal recommendation then. Wax poetic about how compassionate I am, how my love for people is going to make me an incredible doctor. Sign it Reid Oliver, no post nominal’s if it’ll make you feel better.”
“You really think that medical schools across the country don’t know my name?”
“Could you be any more arrogant?”
“It’s not arrogance if it’s fact, Luke. It’s not the most common name on the planet and no doubt people would make the connection between us. It would reek of unprofessionalism and I won’t do it.”
“Why don’t you want me to succeed?”
“Seriously? Again with this? Luke, you’re twenty six. Stop whining and just do what you need to do. I didn’t have a letter of recommendation from me and I still got in.”
“You realise that makes absolutely no sense, right?”
“You realise you’re being a spoilt brat, right?”
“God I hate you sometimes.” Luke sighs loudly, turning back to his work.
“I know.” Reid smiles sadly, regretful but knowing he'd done the right thing.
Six weeks into medical school, Luke is exhausted. Just like they both knew he would be. It's not just the studying that's exhausting him, it's the fact that his school is two hours away which means he spends four hours commuting every day. And it's not just that, it's that he has to be at school four days a week, is trying to fun the foundation and have some hand in Grimaldi, trying to see his family and most of all trying desperately to make time for Reid, because Luke swore to him at the start of all this that nothing would change. That their life would still his priority and Reid would always come first. He's just beginning to realise the practicalities of that aren't as clear as he would like them to be, and he's starting to realise that he's going to have to make some hard decisions.
“I think I have to move to Chicago.” He says it quietly one evening, when he's slumped exhausted against Reid's back who is stirring spaghetti slowly on the stove.
“I know.” Reid says after a silence that seems to go on for far too long. Resigned and defeated, he sighs and turns, wrapping Luke up in a hug that they both wish could last forever.
“I can’t …” Luke sniffs loudly against Reid's shoulder, trying not to cry. “It’s too far. I can’t keep going back and forwards every day and I’m just exhausted all the time and don’t have time to study when all I seem to be doing is driving. And I never have time for you.”
“I know.” Reid repeats quietly, still holding onto Luke.
“I don’t want to go, but I’m too far in this. I’m too invested.”
“I went to med school too, Luke. I know. I knew the day you told me that this would happen eventually.”
“I’m sorry.” Luke pulls back, studying Reid's face for any hints of regret, like a split second where Reid might have wished he didn't pick Luke.
“Don’t be. You worked really hard to get in and I’m starting to believe you when you say this is something that you really want.”
“Starting to?” His lips quirked up on one side in a lopsided smile, hiding the traces of angst that are painted into his skin now.
“Fine. I believe you. It took me a long time but you’ve proved me wrong, and you know how much it pains me to admit that.”
“So what do we do?”
“I don’t know. I can’t leave here.” Reid comments slowly, unsure of what Luke is asking him.
“I wouldn’t expect you to.”
“We’re just going to have to make this work.”
“Do you think we can?”
“Sure. We’ll have weekends, and I can work my schedule so I can take a few weekdays off here and there and I’ll come and visit. It’ll be okay.” Maybe he's lying, maybe he's just hoping against hope that the last five years won't have been a waste. But maybe they're the exception to the rule and maybe they can make it work.
“I love you.” Luke says, as though he's reminding the both of them.
“Of course you do.”
“Just … right now, can you not be sarcastic and tell me that you love me too so I don’t feel like I’m making a huge mistake?”
“You know I do.”
“I just need you to say it.”
“I love you too.”
Reid visits Luke in his third week away. They’d spent the weekend together, but five days between drinks was proving to be a little too much for Reid who was used to sleeping next to a mess of blonde hair. So he shows up at Luke’s Chicago apartment (because Luke Snyder would not be living in any kind of dorm) on a Wednesday morning, uncharacteristically cheerful.
“Oh my god!” Luke cries happily, flinging himself into Reid’s arms like they’d spent months apart (it had been three days.) “What are you doing here?”
“Uh, just passing through.” He lies through his teeth and they both know it, but neither of them care.
“I have a lecture I have to go to.” Luke admits shyly, sighing heavily and looking to the ground like he’s never been more disappointed. “I can’t miss class today.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I mean. It’s not like it’s going to be terribly uninteresting for me, right?”
“I guess not.” Luke concedes, still a little wary. The last thing he wants is to draw attention to himself, he's only just started blending in with the bunch of 22 year olds.
“So lead the way, Snyder. And tell me there’s a decent coffee shop on campus because the shit they serve on your grandmother’s plane is ridiculous.”
“You took Grandmother’s plane? What happened to Mr Anti-Silver-Spoon?” Luke says as they begin to walk the short distance to the college.
“It’s Dr Anti-Silver-Spoon actually, and I just realised that it could have some benefits.”
“Such as?”
“Impromptu trips to meet ones stupidly academically determined partner.”
“It’s going to get easier, right?” Luke comments after a moment’s silence, still walking side by side.
“I have no idea.” Reid answers honestly, because he doesn’t. But more than anything, he wants it to be. “It needs to, though.”
“I’m sorry. This is my fault.” Typical Luke, always taking the blame for things that are blameless.
“Stop it. It’s not that bad. You’re only a few hours away, and it’s sort of fun to meet up spontaneously like this.”
“Is it going to be fun for four years?”
“Don’t remind me; just let me have this for now.”
“Okay, so it’s fun. For now.” Luke smiles, and grips hold of Reid’s hand, ignoring whatever stares may be thrown their way. Because those people who might not understand their relationship, don’t know how badly Luke’s heart aches when he goes to sleep at night without Reid curled up near him, so screw them.
“This is impressive.” Reid comments some time later as they wander into a lecture hall, Luke leading them confidently inside.
“But?”
“But what?” Reid furrows his eyebrows, looking confusedly at Luke.
“Where’s the ‘this is impressive, but it’s no Harvard’?”
“Well now that you mention it...”
“Actually, recent rankings have Pritzker above Harvard, you know.”
“Oh shut up.”
“I’m just saying.” Luke smirks as they find two seats up the back, and he busies himself setting up his laptop.
“What are you ‘just saying’, exactly?”
“That in a few years I’m probably going to be a better doctor than you, because of my highly sought after education.”
“You can go to hell.” But his smile gives him away, and he settles back into the uncomfortable chair (because even sought after universities skimp on the furniture.)
Not twenty minutes into the lecture, Reid is shifting uncomfortably and fidgeting, and Luke can tell that he's biting his tongue. It lasts for another five minutes, before Reid finally speaks loudly enough to attract the attention of the room.
“You know that technology is totally outdated, right?”
“Please don’t do this.” Luke pleads quietly; his eyes straining as he shrinks back into the chair and attempts to hide his face. “This isn’t your soapbox.”
“Well he shouldn’t be teaching you the wrong things.” Reid whispers back, before turning towards the front again. “I’m just saying, new technology has made this kind of procedure safer and more efficient. It reduces the margin for error by almost 30%. You’re teaching something that hasn’t been used in practice for years.”
“What’s your name, son?” The lecturer stops, crosses his arms and leans back on the desk.
“Reid.”
“Reid what?”
“Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it.” Luke is quietly praying, but he knows he’s fighting a losing battle. Reid has never backed down from a challenge, especially when it’s something that he knows he’s about to get right.
“Reid Oliver.”
Luckily, the lecturer doesn’t seem to register the name and his eyes narrow in defiance at what he considers just another obnoxious student who thinks they know everything. Dime a dozen in this place.
“Well, Mr Oliver. When you’ve got as much experience as I have you can start making claims like that. Until then, I’d suggest you keep your opinions to yourself and try and learn a little something.”
“It’s Dr Oliver, actually.”
“Sorry?”
“My name. Dr Reid Oliver. I’ve got a stethoscope and everything.”
“What exactly are you a doctor of?”
“Douchebaggery.” Luke mutters to himself, earning a swift nudge but an appreciative smirk.
“I’m a neurosurgeon.” Repeating one of his favourite phrases, Reid pretends not to notice the chorus of ‘ooh’ that flutters around the room, and Luke pretends not to notice the way the girls are swooning. “And I just thought you should know that no one has used that method in like, oh I don’t know… a decade.”
“Well thank you for your input, Dr Oliver. But it does beg the question, if you are a neurosurgeon, why are you in a first year lecture?”
“I like to scout potential interns while they’re young and fresh, so I can mould them into the kind of clinicians who I would let within ten feet of my patients.”
“Alright fine, do whatever you want but I’m the one teaching this class so I would appreciate it if you could keep your opinions to yourself.”
“Wouldn’t we all.” Luke sighs heavily, hoping that everyone else in the lecture theatre would assume Reid had just sat next to him, not that they were in a long term committed relationship. Even if, very secretly, he loves that Reid doesn't put up with anything from anyone.
Two and a half years later, Reid shows up at Luke's door again. They'd just gotten back from an overseas holiday after Luke convinced Reid to take some time off the hospital during Luke's semester break. It hadn't been easy, but laying on a beach somewhere practically deserted had them both thinking that it was worth even if it meant Reid was behind on his paperwork when he got back.
“Hey, I didn't think I'd see you til the weekend.” Luke smiles, leaning up against the door frame after answering the knock.
“Yeah, about that. Look. There's something I need to talk to you about.”
Luke moves to let Reid inside, and tries to ignore the boulder in the pit of his stomach that is angrily thrashing around, telling him that Reid has finally had enough.
“What's up?” He tries for nonchalant, but it comes out high pitched and squeaky. Because he can't pretend he's not terrified, and he can't pretend that he's not just the tiniest bit angry. They almost made it. Four years of undergrad and three years of medical school, they had almost made it and now Reid wants to 'talk'?
“Listen, things have been okay right?” Reid comments as he sits down, grabbing a pillow and holding it tight towards him. “Between us I mean. It's been awful but it's been okay, right?”
“Yeah, it's been okay.” Luke agrees hesitantly. “What's going on? Are you bre-” He doesn't get to finish before Reid cuts in.
“I think we should get married.”
“What?!” Luke cries, standing and flinging his own pillow across the room. “That's what you wanted to talk about?”
“Well, yeah. What did you think?”
“I thought you were breaking up with me.” Luke says softly, sitting down again and sliding closer to Reid.
“Are you insane? I haven't suffered through your mid-twenties existential crisis for no good reason.”
“Well I thought... The way you said you wanted to talk about something...”
“I do want to talk about something. This.”
“People don't really 'talk' about this kind of thing, Reid. It's more of a question and answer kind of thing.”
“So?” Reid challenges, shrugging.
“So what?”
“So answer the question then.”
“You didn't ask it!” Luke's raising his voice and he's halfway between hysterical and elated. Because he has been waiting for Reid to show some kind of inclination towards marriage for years, but he'd almost resigned himself to that never happening. And then Reid is here, telling him everything that he's wanted to hear and he's still feeling like it's not enough. Just because it doesn't fit with what he'd always envisioned. So he softens and lowers his voice, trying to understand. “I'm sorry, it's just...”
“No, you're right. I'm doing this all wrong.”
“You're not, it's fine, and I-”
“Stop it.” Reid says, getting up and dropping to one knee quickly. “Listen, I'm sorry that I screwed this up. I'm sorry that I never believed you when you said you wanted to be a doctor, and I've just been stalling on this whole thing because even now I worry that this isn't what you really want and you're going to wake up five years from now and realise that you really do want to be an astronaut. But whatever, if that happens, I want to be there next to you to tell you that you don't need to be an astronaut because you're living in the clouds already. Okay? So I really need you to just say that you'll marry me.” Reid pauses, shaking his head and grabbing hold of Luke's hand again. “Wait, that wasn't a question either. Luke, will you marry me?”
“You already know the answer to that.” Luke smiles, pulling him up and holding him tighter than he ever has before. “But you have to know something.”
“What?”
“I'm not changing my name.”
“Oh god no, don't do that.” Reid laughs, swaying them gently in a moment of uncharacteristic romanticism. “One Dr Oliver is enough.”
The week before Luke starts his internship, after he (finally) graduates and has the whole pomp and ceremony of throwing his hat in the air, Luke's parents throw him a party. Of course they do, he's their first child to graduate from college and not just any college but medical school. They're so proud of him Lily cries the minute she sees him standing in the doorway, after four years away from home.
“Mom, stop it. I've been home plenty of times. This isn't any different.”
“Yes it is baby, this time you're home for good. And this time you're a doctor.”
“Oh Mom.” He hugs her gently before moving through the door and into the room of people who are stopping to congratulate him every few seconds. It's not that he's not proud of himself, because he is. But there's only one person he wants to see right now, and he can't find him in the sea of well wishers.
It's almost an hour later when a hand taps Luke on the shoulder, and he turns to find Reid standing there in the same suit he wore for their non-wedding wedding, holding a hand behind his back.
“Hey.” Luke smiles, wrapping a hand around his neck and kissing him soundly. “Where have you been?”
“I had to grab something.”
“What was it?”
“This.” Reid says softly, bringing his hand from around his back and wrapping what Luke can see is an older stethoscope around Luke's neck. He tugs on it gently and brings Luke's lips towards his, gently kissing him like it's their first time. “It was my first one, and I want you to have it.”
“You've seen my super cool electronic one, right?” Luke comments smiling, his fingers twisting on with the metal and plastic hanging around his neck.
“Hasn't everyone?” Reid answers, rolling his eyes lightly. “I don't expect you to use it. It's like, you know. A hundred years old or whatever. But I want you to have it.”
“Why?”
“To say sorry.”
“What for?”
“For doubting you. For not thinking that this is something that you really wanted. I should have supported you from the start, and I'm sorry.”
“You did.” Luke whispers quietly, trying not to cry. “You weren't super vocal about it, sure. But you were okay with me going when I needed to, and you showed up when I needed you to, and you made flash cards when I needed you to. You were everything I could have ever hoped for. You still are.”
“Oh for gods sake Mr Snyder, if you don't stop I'm going to be some kind of emotional mess.”
“Alright, I'll stop. But just so you know...”
“Yeah?” Reid asks as they take hold of one another's hands and walk towards the newest crowd of people all ready to congratulate Luke on his achievement.
“It's Dr Snyder now.”