10 Random Facts About Reid Oliver, Jacob-Style
10 Random Facts About Reid Oliver
1. When Reid was four years old, while displaying his physical prowess on the school’s monkey bars, a diminutive first-grade bitch with an evil smile and a blonde pixie cut named Marsha Barnett decided to knock him down a peg or two. While he was looking in the other direction, she plucked a few dead caterpillars from a nearby tree and placed them in his auburn curls. He screamed a little when he discovered the first one and she laughed like Cruella de Vil. When he found the second one, he beaned her right between the eyes with it. She ran crying to her mommy and his reputation was born. (This is my RL companion to mybabci’s RL caterpillar story in her 10 Random Facts About Luke Snyder.)
2. Reid Oliver is a shoe whore. He prefers Italian or British craftsmen. His favorite pairs include slick, polished black wingtips by New & Lingwood; saddle brown Salvatore Ferragamo oxfords; Alexander McQueen scotch-grain motorcycle boots; Tanino Crisci monk straps dyed to the precise shade of Luke’s eyes; and Edward Green snake skin loafers that oddly, remind him of the Snyder pond. When he unwrapped the cordovan John Lobb of London riding boots that Luke had custom-made for him last Christmas, he put them on, dragged him to the barn and fucked him right on the spot. Maybe one day he’ll even learn to ride a horse.
3. Reid’s favorite TV episode of all time is Seinfeld’s “The Contest”. He was indeed the “master of his domain” for many years, particularly in med school. Now his body is mastered by a pushy blonde and Reid only gets a shot at it every once in a while.
4. Reid once made a emergency call with the Oakdale EMT’s to a medicine-phobic head trauma victim in the far outskirts of the rural area surrounding town. He worked his magic, convincing the family to allow them to transport the patient to the hospital so he could receive the needed treatment immediately. That night, he gave Luke a stick he brought back from the woods as a gift because he thought Luke “would like it”. Luke cried. It sits on the nightstand by Luke’s bed to this day. (Based on a true story - I’ve had a stick on my dresser for 27 years.)
5. Reid is a brand snob. He will only use Heinz ketchup and Charmin toilet paper.
6. Reid has his father’s platinum wedding band and plans to give it to Luke when he asks him to marry him. Soon.
7. Reid’s favorite pet as a child was a Siamese cat named K. K. (which his brother Josh, an abysmal speller, had cleverly abbreviated from its “proper” name of Kitty Kat). K.K. stalked him like a lover, meowed only when spoken to, snuggled when he crooked his finger, and sought out his favorite sunbeam when Reid gave him the look that said “back off”. He’d often wished that people were more like cats.
8. When Luke fucks him, Reid makes noises like Meg Ryan in the diner scene of When Harry Met Sally.
9. Reid made one B on his report card in the 8th grade in advanced placement Algebra and missed out on being valedictorian of his graduating class because of it.
10. Reid thinks wine is a pussy drink. Give him a Guinness, single-malt scotch or Irish whiskey. If he’s going to kill brain cells, because after all he has plenty to spare, he wants to feel the burn.