The Light that I Bless (fix-it) Chapter 24
Author: mybabci a/k/a vintagelamb
Title: The Light that I Bless
Genre/Type: Fix-it Romance with some angst sprinkled in here, there and everywhere
Rating: PG-13 to R for language, doubtful it will go any higher than that...the thought of writing smut scares me. However, I reserve the right to change my mind as I (and my faithful readers) see fit.
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Reid...who else is there?...maybe some mention of other inhabitants of Oakdale, but they will be peripheral characters only
Disclaimers: I own nothing, I know nothing
Warning: A healthy dose of angst. It's not always going to be rainbows and unicorns, friends. But it will all be fixed!
Chapter 24
Reid watched as eight different emotions spread across Luke’s face. And then he continued to watch as Luke approached him, and he steeled himself for what was to come.
Reid…Dr. Channing. I didn’t realize that you two knew each other quite so…well.
Reid, in a moment of insanity that he’d later regret, tugged Greg close to his side.
Greg and I go way back.
Didn’t I ever mention him?
Luke gave him a look of unmitigated disgust.
I do believe you mentioned him once or twice…yes, if I’m not mistaken, you referred to him as a…what was it now…oh, that’s right…a “deli-slicer”.
Greg, sensing that he was playing a part, gave Reid a playful tug on his hair.
Damn, Reid, I didn’t realize that you were so put out with me. But, all is forgiven now, right?
Reid hadn’t expected Greg to play along, but decided quickly that this was the best route to travel. He knew that Luke felt beholden to the declarations they’d made before the kidnapping and accident, and he needed to release him from that.
Reid had never wanted to be anyone’s obligation.
Oh, I think we’ve wasted enough time as enemies, Greg.
Luke visibly cringed, but forced himself to quickly recover.
So, um, Reid…do you have time to grab a bite to eat in the cafeteria. I’m sure that Dr. Channing has a tight schedule, but I would love to tell you about the wing. Maybe I can give you a quick tour afterward?
Dr. Channing glanced between the two other men.
He’s right, Reid. I have back to back appointments all morning and surgery scheduled this afternoon. Why don’t you let Mr. Snyder show you around the place?
We can meet up later for a drink at the Lakeview. How does 8 o‘clock sound?
Reid glared at Greg, but agreed.
Absolutely, it’s a date. I’ll look forward to it. It’s been great catching up with you.
Reid could see Greg shaking his head as he walked away.
So, Luke…you mentioned something about food?
They made their way to the cafeteria where they both bought a muffin and some coffee. Once they had taken a table at one of the floor to ceiling windows to the courtyard, Luke could not longer contain his irritation.
What the hell was that all about, Reid? You always acted like you hated Greg Channing.
Reid answered quickly, hoping to end the conversation immediately.
Yeah, Luke, well you know what they say about that thin line…
Luke’s face fell.
Are you telling me that you were involved with Greg Channing? When was this and why didn’t you ever tell me about it?
Reid hadn’t told Luke about his relationship with Greg because it was a non-issue, but he didn’t want Luke to know that.
You know how it is, we were together and then things went South for a while. I never mentioned it because I didn’t know what was going to happen, so I didn’t see the sense in bringing it up.
Luke just sat back in his chair, his face coloring with anger.
You know what, Reid, you can go fuck yourself.
Luke pushed his chair back and bolted from the table, quickly making his way across the cafeteria. Reid pinched the bridge of his nose and jumped up to follow him. He caught a hold of Luke’s arm and turned him around just as he entered the hallway.
Luke…wait. I’m sorry I acted like a dick back there. I wasn’t expecting to see Greg today and it threw me a little.
Please show me what you’ve created here? You know you’re dying to.
Luke sighed, nodded his head and offered Reid a reluctant smile.
You know me so well. I still can’t believe I’m getting the opportunity to show you what we created together. It hurt like hell to have to finish it alone, but I told myself that it was the best way I could honor who you were and what we meant to each other.
Reid felt his heart flutter in his throat. It cut like a knife to hear Luke talk about what they’d had last Summer.
Lead the way, Mr. Snyder.
Luke spent the next hour or so giving Reid the grand tour of the wing, and Reid didn’t know what was hotter…Luke’s excitement over every piece of equipment and patient amenity or the state-of-art facility itself. All Reid knew was that he was seriously turned on. Every empty room, every patient bed, had him envisioning Luke naked beneath him, on top of him, behind him…until finally he’d had enough.
So…uh…Luke. Thanks for the tour. You really did an amazing job with the wing. It’s everything we discussed and more.
The only things that need to be changed are the name on the building and the memorial in the lobby.
Luke reached out his hand and placed in on Reid’s forearm.
The board is meeting this afternoon to discuss what your return from the dead means for the wing.
Bob and I are going to recommend that you be offered the opportunity to return to your former position. Dr. Channing has a one-year contract that will expire in a couple of months. He’s done a good job, but this was never his wing…
Reid put his hands up to stop Luke right there, his face strained in frustration.
Luke, have you not heard anything I’ve said to you? I’m not staying in Oakdale and I’m not running this wing. I’m not sure that I’ll ever trust myself to return to my career, and I’m certainly not interested in doing it here, in any case.
My life here is over. You need to accept that, for your own good…and for mine.
You need to stop this.
He wanted to scream at him to go the hell back to Noah and stop torturing him like this, but he couldn‘t even make himself say the words, so he turned and walked quickly away, making his way out of the hospital, leaving Luke standing in the hallway.
He found a bench to the left of the entrance and sat down, his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn’t believe that this was what his life had become. He’d once been so self-assured, but now there was no part of his life that was not in flux. He had no idea where to go from here and, frankly, he couldn’t even conjure up any possibilities.
All he’d ever known was neurosurgery, and, for an all too brief time, he’d known what it had felt like to love, and to possibly be loved in return. But both of those things were gone now.
A part of him wanted to just cut his losses and run back to Boston, back to a life of anonymity, where no one had any expectations of him and he could remain detached from everyone around him. He knew that Viv would continue to try to get him to open up, but it was not in her nature to push. She would not ask anything of him that he wasn’t willing to give. He could go back to that, couldn’t he?
But then, here, there’s Katie and her little drool machine. As hard as it was for him to come to terms with, he knew that what he felt for them was the closest thing to family he‘d ever had. He loved them in a way he’d never felt safe enough to love anyone else. He’d never allowed anyone else in until that fateful day at Java. He couldn’t help but smile at the memory.
Who would have guessed that annoying, shrill woman and her screeching infant would become his home?
Could he leave them again? It had been less than 24 hours and he was already feeling their pull…drawing him back into their cocoon.
Reid had put his head down in his hands when he felt someone sit beside him, their hand reaching out for one of his.
Luke…I told you that…
Oh…Channing. What are you doing out here?
Greg Channing continued to hold Reid’s hand.
If you don’t start calling me Greg, I’m going to deck you. Seriously.
I saw you fly out of the building like a bat out of hell, so I finished talking to my patient’s family and followed you out here.
Do you want to talk about it?
Reid shook his head.
Nope. Not at all.
Greg rubbed his thumb over Reid’s knuckles.
Look, I can’t imagine what all of this is like for you. It must be a real head trip…and I’m a neurosurgeon, so that’s a medical diagnosis.
But you are Doctor Reid Oliver…you’ve never been anything but brilliant, strong and, let’s not forget, arrogant as hell. You need to fall back on those things now.
Reid looked at Greg.
I don’t know that I actually AM those things anymore. I’ve lost more than you can possibly imagine.
Greg lifted his hand to tussle Reid’s curls.
I’d be willing to bet that you haven’t lost nearly as much as you think. You forget that I’ve been trying to live your life for the past 8 months…and I can tell you that I could never take your place.
These people loved you Reid…and I think you’ll find that THAT hasn’t changed.
Reid bowed his head once again.
Oh, I think you’d be surprised, Greg. In fact, you know what, things haven’t so much changed as they’ve gone back to the way they were supposed to be from the beginning.
I was never meant to stay in this godforsaken town. It was supposed to be a quick trip and then back to Dallas.
Greg put one finger on Reid’s chin and lifted his face.
But something put a wrench in that plan, didn’t it, Reid?
Or should I say someONE?
I do believe you have quite the admirer in the Snyder boy, and, unless I’ve lost all ability to read you, I would say that the admiration is most definitely not one-sided.
I saw the way you looked at him in there. I would have done…and actually did…almost anything to have you look at me like that.
And the way he looked at you was bordering on pornographic…but not the nasty, raunchy kind of porn that I personally prefer…more like the romantic kind, you know the ones they make for women.
Greg pretended to be deep in thought.
Hmmm…only this one would have two men, which maybe they make for women as well, who the hell knows what women find hot?
Reid smiled slightly at Greg’s ridiculous attempt to cheer him up.
You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.
I’m a dead man. And Luke’s moved on. He’s just confused about where his loyalties lie right now, but, rest assured, his life is with someone else.
Greg continued massaging the back of Reid’s head and cocked his own head in the direction of the entrance to the wing.
It sure as hell doesn’t look like he’s moved on to me...
Reid turned his head to look behind him, and saw Luke standing just outside of the doors, staring at them with his hands clenched at his sides. Time stood still, as it often does in the most uncomfortable of situations, and Reid could hear his heart pounding in his ears. He took in Luke’s heaving chest and the tight set of his lips.
Suddenly, Luke turned on his heels and sprinted in the other direction. Reid sat on the bench, watching Luke’s hasty retreat.
Shit. I should...
Greg dropped his hand from Reid's head.
Go. You know you want to.
Reid paused for a moment and then darted from the bench.
By the time he caught up to Luke, the younger man was reaching for the door handle of his car. Reid came up behind him and covered his hand with his own.
Luke. Luke. Stop.
Luke slowly turned around to face Reid, and Reid instantly registered the tears streaming down his face.
Oh God, Luke, please don’t cry. I can’t…I just can’t.
Luke looked at Reid defiantly, not allowing himself to be ashamed of his emotions.
You can’t what, Reid?
You can’t make yourself care about me? You can’t what? You can’t have any feelings for me?
Because, it sure as hell looks like that’s not a problem for you and Dr. Channing.
Reid knew that he should probably clear up this misunderstanding, one he’d admittedly perpetuated earlier, and let Luke know that there was nothing going on between him and Greg, nor would there ever be. But, he also knew that Luke felt beholden to him and the budding relationship they’d started last Summer, and maybe, if he could convince Luke that his loyalty was unnecessary, they could both move on.
Greg and I go way back and, right now, I don’t have any expectations about where it might be going.
We only just reconnected today, so there‘s not much that can be said just yet.
Luke’s eyes flared in fury.
Fuck you, Reid. You are not actually suggesting that you have a possible new love interest…oh, excuse me a new, old love interest, are you?
Because if that’s where this is heading, you can just shut your fucking mouth right now, because I don’t want to hear it.
You and I both know that whatever it is that’s going on between the two of you, it doesn’t and won’t ever come close to what you and I had.
Sure, it’s pretty obvious by the way he looks at you that he’d love nothing more than to fuck you sideways, but what is that, Reid? It’s fucking…that’s all it is. And don’t you dare settle for fucking when we could have had so much more.
Reid’s blue eyes darkened as he backed away from Luke.
Well, Luke, fucking is a damn sight more than we ever did, isn’t it, so as I see it, I‘ll be ahead of the game.
As he said them, Reid wished that he could stop the words as they came out of his mouth. He had never in his life wanted so badly to erase a moment in time. He knew he had gone too far before the last word was out, but it was much too late. The damage had been done.
No matter what their current circumstances were, Luke did not deserve his cruelty. Luke was a good man, no, he was an amazing man, who’d been hurt by so many people, and Reid had promised himself all of those months ago that he would do his best not to add himself to that list. He’d been honest with Luke in letting him know that he was never going to be the romantic guy in their relationship, but he’d intended to do his best to make sure that Luke never suffered because of him.
The look on Luke’s face told him that he’d failed miserably. Reid reached for him as Luke backed away and against the car. Reid stepped forward to capture Luke’s face in his hands.
Oh God, Luke. I’m sorry…I didn’t mean that…I don’t know what to…please, Luke, please know that I never felt that way.
I don’t know why I said it. I’m just trying so fucking hard to keep it together here, and you’re throwing me off-balance, making me remember…
Please, Luke. I‘m sorry.
Reid pressed his forehead to Luke’s, trying to control his own breathing as he listened to Luke’s labored breaths.
And despite all of his protests and against his better judgment, Reid found himself slowly moving his mouth toward Luke’s, blue eyes searching brown for permission, a nearly imperceptible nod of the head delivering the answer.
Reid’s lips fluttered over Luke’s, barely making contact at first. But then, he felt Luke’s hand come up to the back of his head and pull him in to deepen the kiss. As Reid opened his mouth to Luke, he could taste the salt of Luke’s tears on his tongue and he reached his thumbs up to wipe them from Luke’s face.
Luke shuddered under Reid’s touch and wrapped his other arm around Reid’s waist, forcing their bodies together. Reid gasped and softly nipped at Luke’s bottom lip, worrying it next with his tongue, as Luke sucked on Reid’s upper lip.
When Reid moved one of his hands into Luke’s hair and tugged gently, Luke softly moaned, his open mouth an invitation for Reid to explore every inch of Luke’s tongue with his own.
Luke shifted his body so that his crotch was flush with Reid’s and Reid could feel Luke’s growing erection against his own that was straining against his pants.
Reid forced himself to have a moment of clarity and pulled away.
Luke, we can’t…we…
But Luke raised his index finger to Reid’s bruised and swollen lips.
Shhh, Reid. Don’t…not now.
Don’t say anything.
I’m going to go. But, this? This so isn‘t over.
Luke leaned forward and lightly kissed Reid one last time before turning around and getting into his car and driving away.