Fic: A thin line between genius and insanity
Title: A thin line between genius and insanity
Author: Nickershnick25
Characters/Pairing: Luke and Reid (and brief glimpse of others)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine unfortunately
Summary: This is inspired by rhiannonhero's amazing series Raise Up, Heart (if you haven't read this you really should!) and by New Moon. The ending is not as happy but I hope you like it anyway…
The rim of the tumbler caught a ray from the light above and there was the tiniest sparkle reflecting off of it. Staring into the bottom of the glass through the clear liquid I could see the oak table below. This is when it started.
It had been nine months since Reid had died. I tried to do what everyone wanted. I tried to do what I told Noah I was going to do. I tried to grieve so that I can get past this but that grief only led to more grief. This wasn’t the first time that I have been here. I have been coming every night for two weeks. I sit at the table in the corner and order a double of absolute. Then I just stare at it for hours.
Tonight was different. Tonight was the closest that I have ever come to taking a drink. I can taste it on my lips, in my mouth, down my throat stinging the whole way. And this is why it started. Because tonight was different. At first it was like a faint whisper in my ear "Don’t do it Luke." I look around but see no one. Shrugging my shoulders I place my hand on the glass. This is the first time I have ever touched the glass in front of me. Another whisper. "Please Luke." I look around again. Something about that voice seems so familiar. It had been a long time since I heard it but I would know it anywhere.
I lift the glass about an inch off of the table and again I am closer than ever before. The voice is a little louder this time. "Luke, I’m begging you." I lift the glass another inch. Louder. "Don’t." I am beginning to see how this works. The closer I get the more I get from him. So I lift the glass to my lips. I don’t drink. I just hold it there waiting for more. The voice is louder, more desperate. "Luke, I know you can hear me. Please don’t." I need more. I tilt the glass so that the clear liquid inside starts to move towards the rim, towards my lips. Louder now and urgent. "Luke!" The glass feels as if it is knocked out of my hand as it hits the ground shattering and spilling its contents on the floor. I stare in disbelief. Did that just happen? I look around again and still see no one.
People are looking at me now. The bartender comes out from behind the bar to clean up the mess. I apologize a few too many times and he just looks at me like I’m crazy. It’s time to leave. I walk out of the bar and head to my car. It feels like someone is walking beside me but there is no one there. I get into the car and stick the key in the ignition but I don’t start it. All I can do is think about that voice. About the force that knocked the glass out of my hand. It’s him. I know it’s him.
I am racking my brain for ideas. What else can I do to draw him to me? I start the car now and pull out of the lot. I get on the road but I don’t know where I am heading. It doesn’t matter though. I push my foot down harder on the gas and the car starts to pick up speed. I am watching the speedometer. 60. 65. 70. 75… "Slow down Luke." I almost take my foot off of the gas but then remember how this game works and instead press down further. 80. 85. 90. 95… "Please Luke, you are going too fast." I feel a rush now. I like this game. I like hearing him in my ear as if he is still here. I need more. I need to feel him. 100. 105. 110. 115… "Luke!" My foot lifts off of the pedal but I am not doing it. It feels like someone is lifting it for me and my flesh burns at the contact. The burning is intense but not in a bad way. It’s burning with desire. Desire for more. The car slowly drifts to a stop as my foot is now on the brake though I don’t know how it got there. My hand lifts towards the keys and turns them so that the car is now off. Everywhere he touches I feel the burn.
I drive home to the farm and go straight to my room. I lay on my bed trying to think of something else I can do to make him come back. I think so hard that I am exhausted and end up falling asleep. A few hours later I sit up being jerked out of my sleep with an idea. I get up, go downstairs and go outside trying to be as quiet as possible so that I don't wake anyone up. I am walking with purpose and determination. I need him to come back again. As I get closer I think I feel his presence. It’s not good enough though so I continue on. I don't stop. I don't hesitate. I just walk straight into the water. I keep walking until only my head is out of the water. I suck in a breath and sink down under the surface. The water is dark and murky. I can’t even see my hand in front of my face. A bubble escapes from my mouth. "Luke, what are you doing?" I want to give in. I want to burst out of the water and suck the air into my lungs but I can't. I need more. My eyes are so wide they feel like they are going to pop out. A few more air bubble escape from my mouth. "Please Luke, don't do this to yourself. To your family. To me." This last line gets me. Don’t do this to you, you think. What do I owe you? You left me. My heart is racing now. My lungs are burning. Crying desperately for air. "Luke!" Just when I am starting to feel a little light headed I feel two hands grip my arms and yank me towards the surface. The water is cold but my flesh burns from his touch. Somehow I feel victorious.
He stays with me all the time now. I talk to him like he is really there. We have conversations about anything and everything. He tells me about his childhood. About his parents. About his uncle Angus. He tells me all of the things I always wanted to know about him but didn't have the time to find out. I talk too sometimes but I prefer to listen. I prefer to hear the soft rumble of his voice. It’s comforting.
People are starting to notice. My family is starting to notice. They are worried about me. They talk in hushed tones about what they should do. They want me to talk to someone. But I say no. I already talk to someone. I talk to him. He is all I need. They don't get it. They think I’m crazy. Today they are taking me to Deerbrook. I have an appointment with a doctor. In the car they don't speak so I don't speak. I just hold out my hand for him and he takes it in his own. He rubs his thumb in small circles on the back of my hand. It’s comforting.
When we get there we all get out of the car. Me, my mom, my dad, and him. As I look around I start to tremble. I don't like it here. I don't want to stay here. His arms envelope me. It’s comforting. We go inside and my mom tells the lady at the front desk we are there to meet Dr. Daniels. She picks up the phone telling the person on the other line that we are here. She tells us to have a seat. We sit. After a few minutes a man with graying hair wearing a white lab coat is walking down the hall towards us. He greets my parents and then me. I give him a weak smile. He says to follow him. We do.
When we get to his office he motions to some chairs in front of his desk. My mom and dad take the two outer chairs leaving me with the one in the middle. I reluctantly sit. They are all looking at me. He asks why we are there. I don't say anything. They are still looking at me. I don't have anything to say. I don’t know why I am here. My mom starts to speak. She tells the doctor how worried they have all been. Tells the doctor about him and how he died. They tell him how upset that I have been since then. Every once in a while the doctor asks me something pertaining to something my parents have said. They look at me waiting for a response. When I don't say anything they continue their discussion. She is telling the doctor about the last few weeks. She tells him about how strange I have been acting. She tells him that I have been talking to myself. Or to someone that isn't there. I can hear everything they are saying but I don’t really care. All I care about is his hands resting on my shoulders as he stands behind me. It’s comforting
When I check back into the conversation I notice that my parents are signing something. My heart starts to race. What are they doing? What is going on? I feel his arms wrap around me. "Calm down Luke. It’s going to be OK" My mom and dad are looking at me now. They both have tears in their eyes. They both tell me how much they love me and how this is for the best. My heart is pounding now as if it is trying to escape. His arms tighten around me. "Luke. It’s OK. I’m here." I want to believe him. My head is spinning now. Or is it the room? I can't tell. Before I can ask what is going on I drift into the darkness.
When I wake up I am in a room that I don't recognize. The walls are white. There are bars on the window. The only piece of furniture in the room is the bed that I am laying on. My eyes dart around the room. Around and around. My head is spinning again. I can feel the four walls closing in around me but it doesn’t matter. Reid’s arms are wrapped tightly around me softly whispering into my ear that it will be OK. They say there is a thin line between genius and insanity. If Reid is the genius then I guess that makes me insane. I don’t know why but for some reason that gives me comfort.