RETROGRADE (CHAPTER NINETEEN)
Title: Retrograde
Author Lure247 (AKA Laura)
Characters/Pairings: previous Noah/Luke, but there'll be none of that continuing in the story Luke / Reid
Summary: Luke ends up in Parkland hospital Dallas, severely injured, luckily one of the world's top neurosurgeons is on call that night. Unfortunately for Luke, he seems to have lost something......... however, this may not be quite so unfortunate for Reid ;-)
Warnings: This chapter has language, this is AU, chapters vary from PG 13 to NC 17
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters; if I did then things would be different
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Everytime he gets to me.....everytime. When I think that I’ve recovered from before, when I believe that I’m stronger, more able to deal, he gets me, sees through me. Am I that transparent? That exposed? Scientifically I know the answer is no! This has never happened before, another being, who is able to read me, so well, who says my thoughts out loud before I’ve even had time to process them myself, not that I do process them of course, I put them deep within my recesses, in the darkest regions, trying to forget that they ever existed in the first place, that I don’t feel this..........this........whatever this is and even if I did feel.......this, it will soon pass, fade to nothing.
However, this isn’t science; I know that, I could deal with that if it was; I could calculate the equation and reveal the value, the chemicals and forces involved that make him such a distraction.
But this is real, he’s a distraction because I feel, I feel because he’s gotten through, he’s gotten through because I let him, I let him because......because, I wanted it? I want it because......I want him, I want him because he makes me feel............like this!
**********************************************************************************************************
“Where’s Luke Snyder?” Reid enquired at the nurses station, his fingernails tapping repetitively on the wooden desk, clearly irritated, having come from Luke’s room having found it currently lacking the attractive looking blonde.
Reid had called to see him the previous evening as he’d said he would, following up on his “I’ll check on you later” but when he’d approached his room he’d found Luke sound asleep in his bed, considering the day that he’d had Reid decided to let him sleep, so here he was now, bright and early in the morning, having had just five hours sleep, but still looking as fresh as though he’d had much more, searching for Luke Snyder who wasn’t where he should be.
After a considerable pause whilst the nurse weighed up the pros and cons of telling the doctor the truth or lying to him, she decided to be honest “He went to paediatrics”
“And why would he do that…..he’s not a child, or had you not noticed.”
The nurse thought in her head “Well you’re clearly aware that he isn’t” for hospital gossip spread like wildfire, even quicker than office gossip because people were always on the move, an event worthy of several days worth of gossip would happen in one ward and within ten minutes news of it had spread to a ward which was easily more than a ten minutes walk away, gossip travelled faster than humanly possible. The current topic of conversation, Doctor Oliver’s fluttering heart for a young, cute, blonde……….. did you also know that he’s lost part of his memory, he spends far more time with him then any one else you know, he’s fallen for him so he has, but then who could resist those little dimples…….were the kind of sentences that could be heard at any nurses station, canteen, staff room or hospital corridor throughout the entire building, somehow, however, Reid had managed to avoid hearing it.
“Sorry?” Reid replied
“I didn’t say anything!”
“Precisely, I asked you why Mr Snyder would go down to paediatrics…… and an answer before the end of this century would be great!”
“…he said he wanted to go to paediatrics because he was bored”
“And naturally the best place to cure boredom is a place full of screaming and whining kids.”
The nurse smiled, an inside joke suddenly popped into her head “It would appear that he has an affinity for humans that spend a lot of time whining!”
Reid scowled his eyes at her, was she making a crack at him, he was sure she was, but he really couldn’t be bothered with this, he banged his fist lightly onto the desk and headed off in the direction of where he would find Luke Snyder, unless by this time he’d wondered off to another area of the hospital, gynaecology perhaps, Reid shuddered at the thought.
**********************************************************************************************************
It was like he was a children’s entertainer, sitting in the middle of the play area with kids all sitting neatly and tidily, with their little legs crossed and their tiny arms folded, each of their little faces looking up at Luke as he read from a book.
Reid stood still for a moment by the doors entrance, watching at the entranced faces on each little boy or girl, there were several older kids sitting on chairs by the walls who were feigning amused interest at Luke’s story, but they were all mainly listening to whatever device it was that they had surgically attached to their ears.
“….and they all lived happily ever after” Luke called out, snapping the book closed.
A chorus of “OOOHHHHHHH’SSSS” sounded around the room, disappointed children got on to their feet and carried on with whatever activity they’d been doing before the great storyteller had arrived, some began playing with dolls, some cars, others just began to run around in circles, Reid had a word for this, chaos. Why wouldn’t they just sit still, he hadn’t been like this when he’d been a child….had he? No, he was sure he’d not been one of those kids who couldn’t still for more than five minutes without getting running around withdrawal symptoms.
“Hey!” Luke had noticed Reid; he waved at him and then proceeded to tap a chair that was near to him, Reid reluctantly sat next to him, avoiding children, and soft toys from under foot.
“What are you doing here Luke?” Reid asked, completely bemused as to why anyone would want to spend time here, even those who were being paid to do so.
“I just needed to get out of that room, just for a while, do you have any idea of how lonely it is within the same four walls every day, with nothing but confusing thoughts going around and around your head.” Luke saw the blank look on Reid’s face “No I guess you don’t do you……..you’re assistant gave me your costings on the equipment needed for the surgery.” Luke changed the subject
“And…”
“It comes to over twenty million dollars Doctor Oliver, I’m not sure I can sanction that, half of the equipment you already have, I checked with your chief of staff.”
“This is better equipment Luke, yes I may have out of date models, but the list I gave you isn’t a shopping list, you can’t pick and choose.”
“Doctor Oliver……” Luke paused as he leant forward in his chair “You have the best neuro facility in the Country, the best team and the best equipment, I’ve done my research, most of the stuff outdates the surrounding hospitals by at least three years, how can I justify that, I thought you meant a few things here and there, not an entire OR. I’ve been speaking with Doctor Harvey….”
“…why would you want to go that? The man is clueless” Reid retorted, Doctor Harvey being his chief of staff.
“I explained my situation to him and he says the operation could be performed with what you already have in place……..!”
“Who are you going to listen to Luke, I’ve forgotten more neuroscience then he ever knew.”
Luke smiled, “I know, but you didn’t deny it, that this stuff isn’t needed……..I need to justify it to the board Doctor Oliver, you have equipment that surpasses models built even within the last year, tell me how I tell them that this list isn’t just about a big headed neurosurgeon screwing over a foundation………..because” Luke carried on as Reid went to open his mouth “that’s how they’ll see it and….”
“…it’s what you think also, isn’t it? That I’m using you……….your money, you asked me for a list Luke, there it is, without every single solitary item on that list you find yourself another surgeon, for I won’t do it.”
“But why? You can do it with what you’ve got though right?”
“Yeah…….but this isn’t just ….stuff Luke, these are precision tools, with each upgrade they get more accurate, easier to use, with less risks……I told you, you need the best and without it, I’m sorry but I won’t do it.” Reid sat forward in the chair, his arms folded slightly; he was a little irritated that Luke had spoken with Doctor Harvey, but he found himself rationalising the reasons why Luke had probably done so, the top most on his list being that Luke had needed impartial advice and as much as Reid would try to deny it, he was anything but impartial where Luke Snyder was concerned.
“Would you do it with what you have if it were someone else, if it wasn’t me?”
Reid didn’t reply, but Luke knew the answer as the doctor looked away, pretending to focus on one of the children who was currently throwing a model aeroplane around the room.
“Did he give you percentages Luke?” Reid asked and the puzzled expression and shake of Luke’s head told Reid that he hadn’t been told “forty / sixty, with what we have now. Yes, it’s the best equipment for several states over, but it’s not “the” best and where I need to cut into, Luke, it’s the kind of operation that I would see in one in every hundred, it’s rare, it’s risky and at forty / sixty, it’s not a risk I’m willing to take”
Luke choked a little “He didn’t tell me that, what are the percentages…..”
“Ninety / ten, any operation has a small chance Luke, things happen, so ninety / ten is good, but that’s with everything on that list…..look, if you need me to explain this to whoever it is who….”
“No it’s fine, I just needed to know, for my own sanity, it’s a lot of money Doctor Oliver, we’ll give you twenty one million……..but......... whatever you don’t spend I want spending here.”
“Where?” Reid enquired
“Here, paediatrics.”
“Why?”
“I can’t just make this about me, giving all that money, it feels so selfish, you already have a fantastic wing that you manage, with, although maybe not top of range, but damn good equipment. Look around you Doctor Oliver.”
Reid swivelled his head, looking around the room “What am I supposed to be looking at?”
“You don’t see it?” Luke asked and Reid shook his head “OK, let me give you a list in return then…………… grey, dark depressing walls, with a bright yellow stripe running horizontally down the middle, are you serious? You don’t see anything wrong with that, for kids? Where’s the bright colours, the pictures, the murals, something to spark interest.”
“This is a hospital Luke, not an arts college……they’re here because they are sick, not because they want to spend all day looking at colourful walls.”
“But they have no choice, do they, yes they are here because they are sick, but what else is there to do other than come to this depressing play room and stare at a grey and yellow wall. The toys are archaic; do you see a toy in this room that doesn’t predate the 1970’s? Where are the computers? The games consoles, the plasma screen so they can catch up on soaps, the DVDs of all their favourite films.”
“Again Luke, I stress that this is a hospital, not an entertainment centre, how will having any of that help them get better.”
“Because you have to treat the whole patient Doctor, and that means mentally as well as physically, I feel depressed just from sitting in here for thirty minutes. This place needs to cater for all age groups from babies to teenagers. There needs to be computers, so kids can chat to their friends, free internet access so they can log on to facebook, being in here doesn’t mean that they have to be closed out from the world, it’s scary enough as it is, without making it worse.”
“How is chatting to their friends on spacebook….”
“…..facebook” Luke corrected
“Whatever, explain to me how that helps them?”
“Because their friends make them laugh, make them happy, so they forget where they are, just for a moment they’re not sick, but at home in their room, chatting away as if it were a normal evening after school, gossiping about boyfriends, who they hate, who they like…..”
Reid shrugged his shoulders “It’s your money......providing there’s enough to cover the items I need, I’ll put the rest to whatever else you want.....but I don’t have the time to........”
“I know” Luke interrupted, “You don’t have time to manage developments in two departments, that’s why we’ll, the foundation, draw up the plans along with the head of paediatrics for the improvements here and I’ll be keeping my eye on it, I’ll leave the neurology wing in your capable hands.”
“But, you’ll be in Chicago!” Reid replied
“Well!” Luke replied, leaning into Reid and placing his hand upon the doctor’s knee “I guess that gives me an excuse to check in occasionally then doesn’t it?”
Luke stood, he didn’t look back behind him as he left the play area, if he had he’d of seen the wry smile that splashed upon the doctor’s face briefly, before he remembered where he was, in a room, full of kids, on his own................suffice to say he then promptly left.
Author Lure247 (AKA Laura)
Characters/Pairings: previous Noah/Luke, but there'll be none of that continuing in the story Luke / Reid
Summary: Luke ends up in Parkland hospital Dallas, severely injured, luckily one of the world's top neurosurgeons is on call that night. Unfortunately for Luke, he seems to have lost something......... however, this may not be quite so unfortunate for Reid ;-)
Warnings: This chapter has language, this is AU, chapters vary from PG 13 to NC 17
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters; if I did then things would be different
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Everytime he gets to me.....everytime. When I think that I’ve recovered from before, when I believe that I’m stronger, more able to deal, he gets me, sees through me. Am I that transparent? That exposed? Scientifically I know the answer is no! This has never happened before, another being, who is able to read me, so well, who says my thoughts out loud before I’ve even had time to process them myself, not that I do process them of course, I put them deep within my recesses, in the darkest regions, trying to forget that they ever existed in the first place, that I don’t feel this..........this........whatever this is and even if I did feel.......this, it will soon pass, fade to nothing.
However, this isn’t science; I know that, I could deal with that if it was; I could calculate the equation and reveal the value, the chemicals and forces involved that make him such a distraction.
But this is real, he’s a distraction because I feel, I feel because he’s gotten through, he’s gotten through because I let him, I let him because......because, I wanted it? I want it because......I want him, I want him because he makes me feel............like this!
**********************************************************************************************************
“Where’s Luke Snyder?” Reid enquired at the nurses station, his fingernails tapping repetitively on the wooden desk, clearly irritated, having come from Luke’s room having found it currently lacking the attractive looking blonde.
Reid had called to see him the previous evening as he’d said he would, following up on his “I’ll check on you later” but when he’d approached his room he’d found Luke sound asleep in his bed, considering the day that he’d had Reid decided to let him sleep, so here he was now, bright and early in the morning, having had just five hours sleep, but still looking as fresh as though he’d had much more, searching for Luke Snyder who wasn’t where he should be.
After a considerable pause whilst the nurse weighed up the pros and cons of telling the doctor the truth or lying to him, she decided to be honest “He went to paediatrics”
“And why would he do that…..he’s not a child, or had you not noticed.”
The nurse thought in her head “Well you’re clearly aware that he isn’t” for hospital gossip spread like wildfire, even quicker than office gossip because people were always on the move, an event worthy of several days worth of gossip would happen in one ward and within ten minutes news of it had spread to a ward which was easily more than a ten minutes walk away, gossip travelled faster than humanly possible. The current topic of conversation, Doctor Oliver’s fluttering heart for a young, cute, blonde……….. did you also know that he’s lost part of his memory, he spends far more time with him then any one else you know, he’s fallen for him so he has, but then who could resist those little dimples…….were the kind of sentences that could be heard at any nurses station, canteen, staff room or hospital corridor throughout the entire building, somehow, however, Reid had managed to avoid hearing it.
“Sorry?” Reid replied
“I didn’t say anything!”
“Precisely, I asked you why Mr Snyder would go down to paediatrics…… and an answer before the end of this century would be great!”
“…he said he wanted to go to paediatrics because he was bored”
“And naturally the best place to cure boredom is a place full of screaming and whining kids.”
The nurse smiled, an inside joke suddenly popped into her head “It would appear that he has an affinity for humans that spend a lot of time whining!”
Reid scowled his eyes at her, was she making a crack at him, he was sure she was, but he really couldn’t be bothered with this, he banged his fist lightly onto the desk and headed off in the direction of where he would find Luke Snyder, unless by this time he’d wondered off to another area of the hospital, gynaecology perhaps, Reid shuddered at the thought.
**********************************************************************************************************
It was like he was a children’s entertainer, sitting in the middle of the play area with kids all sitting neatly and tidily, with their little legs crossed and their tiny arms folded, each of their little faces looking up at Luke as he read from a book.
Reid stood still for a moment by the doors entrance, watching at the entranced faces on each little boy or girl, there were several older kids sitting on chairs by the walls who were feigning amused interest at Luke’s story, but they were all mainly listening to whatever device it was that they had surgically attached to their ears.
“….and they all lived happily ever after” Luke called out, snapping the book closed.
A chorus of “OOOHHHHHHH’SSSS” sounded around the room, disappointed children got on to their feet and carried on with whatever activity they’d been doing before the great storyteller had arrived, some began playing with dolls, some cars, others just began to run around in circles, Reid had a word for this, chaos. Why wouldn’t they just sit still, he hadn’t been like this when he’d been a child….had he? No, he was sure he’d not been one of those kids who couldn’t still for more than five minutes without getting running around withdrawal symptoms.
“Hey!” Luke had noticed Reid; he waved at him and then proceeded to tap a chair that was near to him, Reid reluctantly sat next to him, avoiding children, and soft toys from under foot.
“What are you doing here Luke?” Reid asked, completely bemused as to why anyone would want to spend time here, even those who were being paid to do so.
“I just needed to get out of that room, just for a while, do you have any idea of how lonely it is within the same four walls every day, with nothing but confusing thoughts going around and around your head.” Luke saw the blank look on Reid’s face “No I guess you don’t do you……..you’re assistant gave me your costings on the equipment needed for the surgery.” Luke changed the subject
“And…”
“It comes to over twenty million dollars Doctor Oliver, I’m not sure I can sanction that, half of the equipment you already have, I checked with your chief of staff.”
“This is better equipment Luke, yes I may have out of date models, but the list I gave you isn’t a shopping list, you can’t pick and choose.”
“Doctor Oliver……” Luke paused as he leant forward in his chair “You have the best neuro facility in the Country, the best team and the best equipment, I’ve done my research, most of the stuff outdates the surrounding hospitals by at least three years, how can I justify that, I thought you meant a few things here and there, not an entire OR. I’ve been speaking with Doctor Harvey….”
“…why would you want to go that? The man is clueless” Reid retorted, Doctor Harvey being his chief of staff.
“I explained my situation to him and he says the operation could be performed with what you already have in place……..!”
“Who are you going to listen to Luke, I’ve forgotten more neuroscience then he ever knew.”
Luke smiled, “I know, but you didn’t deny it, that this stuff isn’t needed……..I need to justify it to the board Doctor Oliver, you have equipment that surpasses models built even within the last year, tell me how I tell them that this list isn’t just about a big headed neurosurgeon screwing over a foundation………..because” Luke carried on as Reid went to open his mouth “that’s how they’ll see it and….”
“…it’s what you think also, isn’t it? That I’m using you……….your money, you asked me for a list Luke, there it is, without every single solitary item on that list you find yourself another surgeon, for I won’t do it.”
“But why? You can do it with what you’ve got though right?”
“Yeah…….but this isn’t just ….stuff Luke, these are precision tools, with each upgrade they get more accurate, easier to use, with less risks……I told you, you need the best and without it, I’m sorry but I won’t do it.” Reid sat forward in the chair, his arms folded slightly; he was a little irritated that Luke had spoken with Doctor Harvey, but he found himself rationalising the reasons why Luke had probably done so, the top most on his list being that Luke had needed impartial advice and as much as Reid would try to deny it, he was anything but impartial where Luke Snyder was concerned.
“Would you do it with what you have if it were someone else, if it wasn’t me?”
Reid didn’t reply, but Luke knew the answer as the doctor looked away, pretending to focus on one of the children who was currently throwing a model aeroplane around the room.
“Did he give you percentages Luke?” Reid asked and the puzzled expression and shake of Luke’s head told Reid that he hadn’t been told “forty / sixty, with what we have now. Yes, it’s the best equipment for several states over, but it’s not “the” best and where I need to cut into, Luke, it’s the kind of operation that I would see in one in every hundred, it’s rare, it’s risky and at forty / sixty, it’s not a risk I’m willing to take”
Luke choked a little “He didn’t tell me that, what are the percentages…..”
“Ninety / ten, any operation has a small chance Luke, things happen, so ninety / ten is good, but that’s with everything on that list…..look, if you need me to explain this to whoever it is who….”
“No it’s fine, I just needed to know, for my own sanity, it’s a lot of money Doctor Oliver, we’ll give you twenty one million……..but......... whatever you don’t spend I want spending here.”
“Where?” Reid enquired
“Here, paediatrics.”
“Why?”
“I can’t just make this about me, giving all that money, it feels so selfish, you already have a fantastic wing that you manage, with, although maybe not top of range, but damn good equipment. Look around you Doctor Oliver.”
Reid swivelled his head, looking around the room “What am I supposed to be looking at?”
“You don’t see it?” Luke asked and Reid shook his head “OK, let me give you a list in return then…………… grey, dark depressing walls, with a bright yellow stripe running horizontally down the middle, are you serious? You don’t see anything wrong with that, for kids? Where’s the bright colours, the pictures, the murals, something to spark interest.”
“This is a hospital Luke, not an arts college……they’re here because they are sick, not because they want to spend all day looking at colourful walls.”
“But they have no choice, do they, yes they are here because they are sick, but what else is there to do other than come to this depressing play room and stare at a grey and yellow wall. The toys are archaic; do you see a toy in this room that doesn’t predate the 1970’s? Where are the computers? The games consoles, the plasma screen so they can catch up on soaps, the DVDs of all their favourite films.”
“Again Luke, I stress that this is a hospital, not an entertainment centre, how will having any of that help them get better.”
“Because you have to treat the whole patient Doctor, and that means mentally as well as physically, I feel depressed just from sitting in here for thirty minutes. This place needs to cater for all age groups from babies to teenagers. There needs to be computers, so kids can chat to their friends, free internet access so they can log on to facebook, being in here doesn’t mean that they have to be closed out from the world, it’s scary enough as it is, without making it worse.”
“How is chatting to their friends on spacebook….”
“…..facebook” Luke corrected
“Whatever, explain to me how that helps them?”
“Because their friends make them laugh, make them happy, so they forget where they are, just for a moment they’re not sick, but at home in their room, chatting away as if it were a normal evening after school, gossiping about boyfriends, who they hate, who they like…..”
Reid shrugged his shoulders “It’s your money......providing there’s enough to cover the items I need, I’ll put the rest to whatever else you want.....but I don’t have the time to........”
“I know” Luke interrupted, “You don’t have time to manage developments in two departments, that’s why we’ll, the foundation, draw up the plans along with the head of paediatrics for the improvements here and I’ll be keeping my eye on it, I’ll leave the neurology wing in your capable hands.”
“But, you’ll be in Chicago!” Reid replied
“Well!” Luke replied, leaning into Reid and placing his hand upon the doctor’s knee “I guess that gives me an excuse to check in occasionally then doesn’t it?”
Luke stood, he didn’t look back behind him as he left the play area, if he had he’d of seen the wry smile that splashed upon the doctor’s face briefly, before he remembered where he was, in a room, full of kids, on his own................suffice to say he then promptly left.