Blaze of Glory - Chapter 12 - FINAL CHAPTER
Does destiny choose the person, or does the person choose their destiny?
He's supposed to be just another guy. Just another notch on Brian's belt.
But Justin has other ideas; a whole other master plan that's going to shock Brian about everything he's ever known.
One thing is for sure: whichever road Brian takes, his life is never going to be the same again
Chapter 12
The change in Brian was palpable. After the incident with Kelly, it was clear that Brian’s mindset had shifted. Now, Brian wanted to train. He was following the news on his own, without requiring Justin to keep shoving newspapers under his nose. Brian was becoming the saviour that Justin had come looking for.
On the one hand, Justin was elated. The fact that Brian was fully on-board, had become 100% committed to what needed to be done, meant that there was a real chance that the future wouldn’t turn into the dystopian nightmare that Justin knew all too well.
Finally, Justin had a legitimate reason to hope. Hope that he wasn’t a failure, hope that his world would be something better, hope that there was light at the end of the tunnel.
And the realization that the better Brian became, the sooner Justin would have to leave.
He had known this, of course. Deep down, in some buried part of his subconscious, Justin had known. He hadn’t come here to put down roots. There was a plan, a mission, a timeline. A timeline that wasn’t equivalent to ‘forever’.
“We’ve been invited to dinner,” Brian announced, walking into the living area.
“Oh, what time do you have to leave?” Justin asked, relieved to be interrupted from his thoughts.
“We have been invited,” Brian repeated, emphasizing the ‘we’. “Debbie is making some Italian monstrosity, and wants us to actually eat it.”
“Brian, I can’t go. Also, I’m sure Debbie was just being polite in extending the invitation.”
“Debbie is never polite,” Brian said, coming over to the sofa. Brian laid down, putting his head in Justin’s lap. “You don’t like Debbie?”
Justin laughed lightly. He was always surprised by how affectionate Brian could be, when his guard was down.
“Sure I do. But I can’t afford to have everyone who knows you becoming so familiar with me.”
“I don’t care if there’s another one of you running around.”
Justin rolled his eyes. “Yes, but the other Justin might mind.”
“Doesn’t matter. He doesn’t take precedence.”
“I get that you’re practically a superhero, but I don’t think you’re judge and jury just yet.”
Brian made a noise, which Justin took to be an indication of his disagreement.
“We can go to Deb’s, and then drive around afterwards.”
“Drive around?” Justin asked uncomprehendingly.
“Why not? Check out the neighbourhood. Who knows what poor sucker may be in need of some help.”
“That I can help you with!” Justin said with animation.
“You can also come to Deb’s.”
“Or not.”
Under Brian’s steadfast gaze, Justin was forced to be less flippant. “Brian, come on. I’m just trying to be safe. You saw him.”
“I don’t care that there’s another you running around,” Brian stated in exasperation. Then, his eyes narrowed. “You think I’m somehow going to find him and…what exactly do you think is going to happen?”
“I don’t know,” Justin answered in a small voice. “What I know is that you’re getting so good and I’m struggling to beat you. What I know is that increasingly, I’m looking for excuses to extend my time here, instead of just leaving. What I know is that I stepped into some part of the real Justin’s life, and even without knowing about me, he’s going to end up reclaiming that part, somehow, somewhere. And when that happens, it’s probably going to be a lot better if everyone around didn’t have vivid memories of me.”
“You’re leaving,” Brian said dully.
“I can’t stay.”
“Why not? There’s enough room here.”
“Because. Because…they might need me. There’s no guarantee that anything that happens here, now, because of you, will actually change the future. And if it doesn’t - hasn’t - won’t - then I have to go back. I have to fight with my friends. For them. I have to at least try and help. I gave them my word that I would come back.”
Brian was still. Justin couldn’t even feel him breathing.
“And what if…what if what happens here, with me, what if it ends up changing the future? For the better? What happens then, when you get there?”
Justin couldn’t believe a room could be this quiet, even with two people in conversation. Justin remembered Jessie’s words, from when he had promised them he would be back. “This world and that world are linked by photons. That’s…that’s an energy particle. There’s no time travel without careful manipulation of photons. And photons cannot exist in a paradox, in an inconsistency. The more successful you are, the more the future you create takes hold. That world - my world - will disintegrate. The world from the point of inconsistency disintegrates, collapsing upon itself and reaching event horizon, leaving the future you create to become the only future there is.”
Brian’s expression was unreadable. “Then what would happen to your friends?”
“They’d go the way of the world. Disintegrating. Reaching event horizon.”
“They’d fucking die, is what you’re saying.”
“It’s not so much death, as it is ceasing to be. It’s…it’s what we all signed up for. We knew that in an ideal scenario, where the world - our world - gets saved, we would cease to exist. We were all willing to pay that price. To make that ultimate sacrifice for a better world. We can’t put ourselves first, and expect everything to miraculously turn out okay. We knew that by sacrificing ourselves, another version of us could to have the life that we should have had.”
“And you? What’s going to happen to you when you get there?”
“I don’t know. None of us knew what would happen. I could be fine. I could cease to exist. I could…I don’t know. I can’t be sure. I…”
“You gave them your word. You said you’d go back for them,” Brian said. “I get that.”
Justin had changed him in more ways than one. The physical change, sure, but Brian knew that fundamentally, as a person, he had changed.
Justin had made him a better person.
And now, having done that, the blond was going to leave.
Justin was going to leave. Leave, to go get himself killed, in all likelihood. Against his own wants. Because it was the right thing to do. Brian wanted to stop Justin. But he couldn’t. And Brian knew that what prevented him from asking Justin to stay was the same thing that was preventing Justin from staying behind.
Brian thought it supremely ironic that when it mattered to him the most, he was entirely unable to will himself to be selfish. The one quality that was like his second skin, Brian was unable to utilise.
Damn Justin.
Just like Justin, Brian was beginning to feel it. This was bigger than both of them. When push came to shove, Brian knew that had he been in Justin’s shoes, he would have made the same decision. Justin had said that you had to be willing to sacrifice your sanity for what you believed in. Brian was now learning that sometimes, you had to sacrifice more than your sanity.
And Brian was learning that he wasn’t making that sacrifice for what he believed in. He was making the sacrifice for whom he believed in.
But.
But.
“Was I supposed to do something?” Justin asked, staring blankly at the notepad and pen that Brian had placed in front of him.
“I want you to make a list,” Brian said, willing himself to not look at Justin. It was easier to remain casual that way. He had Justin’s ‘cellphone’ in his hand, which, as he had suspected sometime ago, was in fact what gave Justin the ability to time travel. Not for the first time, Brian regretted paying attention only in chemistry and not physics as well.
“A list of…?”
“Your…your wish list. A list of things you want to do, or want to have, but haven’t yet managed to.”
Justin stared at the notepad for a long time. When he looked back up at Brian, his expression was inscrutable. “You mean a bucket list.”
“A what?” Brian frowned in confusion, turning to look at Justin.
“It’s from…I think it comes from a movie that hasn’t been made yet. A bucket list is a list of things you haven’t ever done before, but you want to do before dying. Before you ‘kick the bucket’. Hence, ‘bucket’ list.”
Brian looked away. Goddamn it.
“You want me to make a bucket list,” Justin repeated. “So that you…I…before…”
“Call it whatever the fuck you want. Just make the damn list.”
Brian felt Justin gently touch his arm.
“How many?”
“What?”
“How many items do you want me to put on the list?” Justin asked quietly.
“As many as you want.”
“You need to give me a number.”
“Justin…”
“Please?” Justin asked plaintively.
Brian knew that this would haunt him for the rest of his life, but he had to persevere. “Seventeen.”
“One for each year I’ve been alive?”
“We might as well make it symbolic,” Brian said, trying to make light of it.
Justin laughed. “Right. Because it wasn’t symbolic before.”
“You make a list of seventeen items. And I add the last one.”
Justin frowned. “But then that would make it eighteen. Where’s the symbolism in that?”
“Because you’re not going to die at fucking seventeen. You’re going to go back, do whatever you have to do, and then come back to gloat about what an amazing job you did saving the world. And then you’ll turn eighteen. That’s the symbolism.”
Justin cupped his hand on Brian’s cheeks, pulling his face down and kissing him.
As their lips met, Brian wasn’t sure whether the tears he felt were Justin’s, or his own.
Justin had been smiling all day, and never had he seemed not excited. Brian could see the joy in his eyes. But he knew better than to let Justin go too far out of his line of sight. Brian knew, instinctively, that tonight would be the night.
“I put down a whopping seventeen things on that list, and yet, the best out of the lot was the one thing you put down!”
Brian smiled. “So you’ve told me about a hundred times today.”
“I never knew that this was what Pride was like,” Justin said, beaming. “It’s nothing like what I expected, and it’s the best thing ever!”
“What with the cheap clothes, the garish decoration…somehow, I knew this would be the one thing that you didn’t know you wanted.”
Justin started to laugh. “I always knew that you were more than just a pretty face.”
Brian raised an eyebrow, playing along. “I distinctly recall you saying that someone must have made a mistake when they thought I was a hero.”
Justin looked at him, no longer laughing. “I was wrong. So. Very. Wrong. You’re my hero, and I have no doubt that you’re the hero we were looking for.”
There was so much left to say, but Brian knew that he wasn’t a man who had the strength or courage to say any of it. He examined the top of his shoes, before looking at Justin. “It’s almost time, isn’t it?”
Justin nodded.
“Well…I’ve been thinking. Maybe I should come with you,” Brian said, trying to appear nonchalant but not quite pulling it off.
“What?”
“I figured that you could use some help, and I’m not the same useless guy I was when we met. Maybe…it might make sense if we both went to the world you’re from.” Standing outside Woody’s during Pride after the parade was perhaps the noisiest place in Pennsylvania at that very minute, but their conversation felt strangely private.
“Brian…I…I don’t know what to say. That’s…that’s too much of a sacrifice for you to make.”
“But it’s not too much of a sacrifice for you to make?” Brian challenged softly.
“Brian, this was the sacrifice I was raised for. There’s a higher calling for you. You still have work to do. A world to save. A real Justin to meet,” Justin added, with more than tinge of sadness. “It’s too much of a gamble to have both of us go back. You have to stay here and stop things from falling apart.”
Brian knew that Justin harboured illusions of him meeting the real Justin in the future, and the two of them riding off into the sunset together. What Justin didn’t know, and what Brian wasn’t man enough to tell him, was that there would be no other Justin for Brian. It was this Justin that Brian wanted, and it didn’t matter that he was a clone, or a time traveller, or doomed to die.
“I don’t give a shit about some other blond that’s running around Pittsburgh. I’ve said this before.”
“We’ve both said things that we ended up realising was wrong.” Justin took a deep breath. “Brian, thank you. For this, for today, for everything. Thank you for making me feel human. I’m honoured to have met you. To have played some part in your life.”
“Justin…if…when you make it, you don’t have to stay there. I do have some extra space. I can make room in my drawers for your drawers. If you wanted to come back here, that is.”
“Brian…”
“And whether we see each other again next week or next month -”
“Or never again,” Justin said quietly.
Brian pulled Justin into him, as the music changed to a slower song by ABBA. “Let’s dance. I promise you a dance you won’t forget.”
As they moved to the rhythm of the song, they kissed deeply, telling each other everything in that kiss that they weren’t able to say in words.
“It’s only time,” Brian said, when they finally separated. “You’re going to make it. I know you. You’re a survivor. It’s only time.”
THE END
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Notes:
I know that this story is off the beaten path, and it will not be for everyone. Readers frequently don't like my endings, and I understand that many will probably not be happy with this ending. Unfortunately, this is the only ending that I feel does justice to the story, and to the characters. More importantly, I felt that it was this ending that stayed true to the spirit and idea behind this story. So, if you felt let down my the ending, please accept my sincere apologies.
Sci-fi is not my genre naturally, and save for a few films and a book series more supernatural than sci-fi, I don't have any experience in it even as a spectator. Add to that the fact that QAF and sci-fi don't organically go hand-in-hand. But this story idea happened to strike me, and with an incredible amount of help and support from my beta Xrifree, this story came to life.
I want to thank the handful of readers who have amazingly stuck with this story from the very beginning, reading and reviewing and giving me the much needed validation and encouragement. Believe me when I say this, you are all incredible, and your support has been phenomenal. Literally, it is because of all of you that this story was posted until the very last chapter. THANK YOU. You are all the reason that made this experiment worth its while.
I've said this before, so I will not dwell on it at length here. The fandom has changed. When hundreds of people are reading a chapter, but only less than 1/16th are leaving a review, there is a problem. Maybe one explanation is that my writing sucks so bad. In which case, I should run away from writing. But if it isn't that, then I can't keep doing this in return for nothing. I do know that I'm not the only author to bid farewell for this reason. I'm just not made in a way where I can keep giving something, in exchange for nothing from the vast majority of people benefitting from my services.
So I am off to spend more time swimming, cycling, reading, watching movies, and fighting the good fight.
This is it for QAF fanfic.
THANK YOU, to all my incredible readers who have consistently supported and encouraged me, especially during some really dark times years ago. Your reviews and comments - whether they were just a few words or several paragraphs - have frequently been the brightest part of my day. You made this 8-year gig spectacular!
So long, farewell, and it's time to say good bye.