(no subject)
I've been going off alone more often. There's a great hill in Nashville that I love to just lay on and look at the stars. Sometimes I even go back to my neighborhood to be alone ad to just stop my thoughts. I lay in bed for hours trying to calm the voices in my head. I hold Kuma-kun tight but sometimes just looking at him makes me feel sad because of...But I smile and go on about my day because I know if I don't then I'll have a repeat of my breakdown from the fall semester. You should have been there. I am still angry that you weren't, and I probably always will be. Being ignored by two people in your life who you actually accepted being attatched to...let's just say it wasn't a fun experience and I do in fact have scars. Add them to the ones I already had and I felt like I had taken two steps back. It's funny that it was M and J who stayed. One who I had just begun to grow close to and the other who we were mending our rift. They stayed with me for days, just talking. I started eating again and kept it down. True I smoked more than I should have, but...
The breaks have been bad for me. I'm always being ignored by someone. Makes me wonder if I am really a valuable person to be around. Just one more thing to talk about in counseling I suppose...well if I ever go that is. Soon I'll probably be forced to, though I wonder who will voice an opinion first. In my family there is no such thing as depression. It's called life and you either shape up and become successful or you keep it to yourself and maintain appearances. There's so much pressure on me not counting the pressure I put on myself.
Who is this person I see staring back at me from the mirror? Her eyes are dead, or perhaps they are just pleading. Asking for someone to...no, the eyes have hardened. She doesn't need help, or maybe she just can't ask for it. And now she's walking away...
The breaks have been bad for me. I'm always being ignored by someone. Makes me wonder if I am really a valuable person to be around. Just one more thing to talk about in counseling I suppose...well if I ever go that is. Soon I'll probably be forced to, though I wonder who will voice an opinion first. In my family there is no such thing as depression. It's called life and you either shape up and become successful or you keep it to yourself and maintain appearances. There's so much pressure on me not counting the pressure I put on myself.
Who is this person I see staring back at me from the mirror? Her eyes are dead, or perhaps they are just pleading. Asking for someone to...no, the eyes have hardened. She doesn't need help, or maybe she just can't ask for it. And now she's walking away...