have some cheese.....
I always feel more thankful around Christmas than I do around Thanksgiving. I think maybe if I make one of those "things I'm thankful for" lists, it will help keep me in check a bit at this crazy and hectic time in my life. Last night I got REALLY stressed about money. Bach is helping me budget and take care of things, but my student loans just went out of their grace period and holy freakin' crap that's a lot of money. And I went to 2 in-state schools. Yikes. Not to mention my parents are signing the car over to me, which means paying insurance in DC, which means Laura is POOR. Don't even get me started on rent. But, that's the price you pay to live here and I'm ok with that. Bach's probably buying a house in our neighborhood sometime next year so that will be good, in that I'd at least feel like the cost would be worth it. In any case, here's the list, in some order but not necessarily a perfect one.
- Well you've got to start with family (unless of course they're abusive and destructive, which mine is thankfully not). But beyond that, I think I've got it pretty good there. My parents are really endlessly supportive and they believe in me so much it's actually daunting (like my mother, who has told me to ask for a raise at every job I've ever had because she truly believes I've deserved it - even in unpaid internships). This is actually a good thing since it was the reason I was able to negotiate my salary for my current job - totally terrifying and totally worth it. In any case, moving on from my mother's endless faith in me, there's my dad, who is easily the smartest I know, and keep in mind where I work. He has made me fearless about questioning anything, and given me faith in humanity in that we can all overcome our shortcomings. I think he's the reason I'm mildly obsessed with the concept of continual self-improvement. And of course, to add to this list is the fact that we're about to have a baby in our family soon! Nothing gives you the warm fuzzies more than that. My sister is HUGE, I just hope the little guy waits until January like he's supposed to! Oh also, we have the best dog in the world.
- Next on the list is that I really have a lot of great friends. I was reading back through my LJ a while ago and realized that I have grown up a lot in the years since college. And that throughout much of that time, I have been a total basketcase. Sloane and Carrie put up with a LOT in college, I will say that much. I would say the same about the Salem girls except they're as batty as I am, with the exception of Leah, who has been the most stable friend you could imagine. More than once have I called her sobbing at 5 a.m., or kept her up late at night asking her to piece things together for me. I took a lot away from grad school but one of the things I value most is the friendship I formed with Caroline, who has shown me how similar people can be across vastly different cultures and backgrounds. Not to mention the fact that she's the reason I met the single most impressive and decent man I know who isn't my father. ;)
- Well of course he's next on the list. I could go on all day, but I'll try not to. He makes me feel peaceful and calm. He loves the things about me that I love, and even some of the things I don't. He is fearless about doing what's right and passionate about treating people well. He puts love and care into every single thing he does. He holds me to the highest standard because he expects great things from me, and it inspires me. He's brilliant and ambitious. His jokes make me absolutely cackle even when everyone around us is confused or starting blankly. Plus, srsly, have you seen him? He's hot.
- I'm thankful for the various blessings, both material and not, that I have right now. As much as I bitch about money, I have a roof over my head and no mouths to feed except my own, and I manage to do that just fine. My job isn't amazing and I don't make as much as I'd like, but I'm above the poverty level, I have 5 weeks of paid vacation, and great health insurance. I can't really, really complain. I live beside a national park - that's pretty cool. I live in a city with good public transportation so I never drive my car, which is something to really be thankful for with gas prices being what they are. I am healthy. I eat well and am learning to cook well too. I exercise regularly and feel good about the way I look. I'm not a super athlete, but that's ok, I mostly just want my pants to fit. I have free time to spend with the people I love.
- Finally, and on that whole self-improvement thing, I think I've done pretty well there over the past year and I'm actually very thankful for the hard times and the lessons I've learned. I'm stronger, more poised, more mature, and I'm happier. I rose above a lot of crap in my life and I don't settle for less than the best. The hard times taught me that I deserve that much - in my friendships, my career, and my relationships. I held out on accepting some sub-par jobs and got an offer at a place I never expected. I stood up to my boss in the single most terrifying experience of my life - and I came out swinging. I swore off sub-par men after years of crying and settling and asking "why me" as if I had no responsibility for the shitty hand I was dealt in relationships. I'm not that person anymore. I don't chase, I don't beg, and I don't cry for the liars, cheaters, and self-righteous toolsheds of the world. I don't wish them the best, I don't look on them fondly or remember them with a smile, but I'm not a bitter old hag either. In fact, I'm more optimistic than ever.