(no subject)
This is shaking a lot of ugly out of me. I'm saying things that I know I shouldn't be saying, and that I know don't help any of this situation or how I look, but I'm finding it hard to control how I think or feel or what I say lately. I'll have these little brief points where I manage to forget what's wrong, and then things fall apart again. This is a side of me I didn't know I had. I've always tried to be calm and careful in everything I approach, and I've always tried to respect the wishes of everyone involved, to make people happy, and here I am feeling like a crazed rodent slashing and scampering through curtains. She once asked me if I would cry if we broke up, and I said yes, but somehow doubted it, as I hadn't cried in literally at least five years. Now that I'm faced with day to day without her, I wonder why I doubted this wouldn't hurt the way it does.
I guess on the bright side, I keep losing weight.
It still feels silly to have hope that things will work in the end, but the option of letting this go right away isn't even an option, because it's the first thing in my life I've ever truly believed in.
I even thought about one day taking vaccinations to suppress my strong allergies to cats. And I hate needles.
I guess on the bright side, I keep losing weight.
It still feels silly to have hope that things will work in the end, but the option of letting this go right away isn't even an option, because it's the first thing in my life I've ever truly believed in.
I even thought about one day taking vaccinations to suppress my strong allergies to cats. And I hate needles.