July; ADWD!!!
There is so much I want to post about because life has been pretty awesome lately but THIS WILL CONSUME MY LIFE FOR AT LEAST A WEEK NOW SO:
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I will be updating this post with my reactions as I read, chapter-by-chapter. I will also update how far I have gotten, by page #, so you know if it's safe for you to look or not. Just so:
SPOILERS UP TO PAGE: DONE!
{Prologue- ugh, I do not like this guy, but warging is fascinating. GRRM's prose confuses me often and I couldn't really tell what happened at the end there until I realized the woman, Thistle, had been turned into a wight. Just when I thought we'd find out more about the Others the chapter ended.
{Tyrion I- had read this already on GRRM's website. So far things seem to be going just the way fandom predicted with Tyrion. Also his preoccupation with the "where do whores go?" line reminds me of Jaime's obsession with "she's fucking lancel&etc". Also goes with Cersei's constant paranoia about the prophecy. Oh the Lannister siblings.
{Dany I- also a chapter made previously available. I did not reread it in my haste to get to new stuff so nothing to say.
{Jon I- I guess this is ALSO a preview chapter because it felt really familiar. I'm kind of surprised Melisandre doesn't catch on to Jon switching the babies (or maybe she does but doesn't do anything about it for some reason?). It just seemed like she always knows when people are plotting against her.
{Bran I- Augh still boring, sorry2say. So Bran's slipping into Hodor's "skin" now :\ Did he do this in ASOS? I forget. I have a feeling Jojen is going to bite it soon ("this is the day I die~" anyone?). For a moment at the end there I thought we'd finally find out who Cold Hands is but noooo.
{Tyrion II- Hearing Illyrio talk about Dany and Viserys feels so strange, doesn't it? Like it was a thousand years ago. I know we discuss Viserys' character and Dany's journey in fandom all the time but hearing someone in canon bring it up is different. Did we ever know Viserys actually actively lusted after Dany? Not just in a "she should belong to me" kind of way? In any case, it wasn't surprising. Anyway, where's Varys?
{Quentyn I- I like him well enough so far although he's not the most interesting character (yet). He's very different from every other Dornishman (and woman) we've seen so far. I suppose he's like a diluted Doran, hm. I think I'm looking forward to more of his chapters. (Oh, and I just realized that he's probably the Martell I'm most like in personality haha).
{Jon II- Uh, half of this was Sam's first AFFC chapter from Jon's POV. Not much new there other than the convo with Gilly. And Jon thinking of Sam as "the fat boy" :( This makes me said. YOU WERE BROS! But then Jon chops Janos Slynt's head off and, ngl, I felt satisfaction. It's not every day that bad guys get what's coming to them in ASOIAF, especially in a manner that doesn't make you suddenly feel sorry for them. At least one of the Stark kids got more or less direct revenge for Ned's death. (I don't count Joffrey since Sansa did not take part knowingly).
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{Tyrion III- Tyrion's chapters used to be so much fun to read but I find myself drifting and wondering when he'll get to Dany already :/ Everything else is boring unless it involves childhood flashbacks.
{Davos I- Davos! I understand why people think he's boring (I do too sometimes) but I have this strong affection for him. And yet the most stand-out thing about this chapter is the mention of fisherman's daughter and Ned Stark. Jon's parentage solved or Martin trying to throw us off?
{Jon III- Goodbye, Mance. His death was undignified and cruel :\ On a more amusing note, this chapter is basically non-stop Jon angst. It's funny to think that he used to emo about being a lowly bastard and now he emos about being Lord Commander. THE ANGST IS STRONG IN THIS ONE, there is no escape. Also, "The night is dark and full of turnips" is win. Bet that will go on an icon soon.
{Dany II- another already read chapter. Have I read half this book already?? :P
{Reek I- and yet another preread chapter. Oh Theon, so much fail :\ I wonder where his story is going.
{Bran II- Ok I take it back, Bran's chapters are getting exciting. First I thought GRRM would kill Hodor (nooo!!) and then THE 3-EYED CROW! FINALLY! But wtf man, merged with the weirwood? Also, it's totally Bloodraven, y/y?
{Tyrion IV (looks like he's got the most chapters..)- I'm still mostly just like, get on with it! I don't care about these random people! Also, what's the secret Tyrion learns through winning the cyvasse game? Are we purposefully left in the dark about it or has Tyrion not asked for it yet? It's frustrating how much GRRM manages to leave out despite putting us in the characters' heads! :P
{Davos II- Oh Davos, y so honorable :( I feel like it's a redux of later Ned chapters. I'm just like, LEAVE THE STUPID KING AND GO BE HAPPY WITH YOUR WIFE!111!!!
{Dany III- man, just how many Dany chapters had I already read? I remember this one now; so upset she's not leaving for Westeros yet @_@
{Jon IV- it's sad how casually Stannis talks of not having heard from Davos when Davos is sacrificing everything with basically no hope of succeeding :( DIAF, Stannis! But the interesting thing here is that Melisandre is staying with Jon. I can't wait to get to her chapter(s)!
{Tyrion V- !!!!!!! AEGON. I know fandom speculated he might be alive but it still came as a shock.
{Davos III- "the Red Wedding was the Young Wolf's work." *EYE TWITCHES IN RAGE*. But I did enjoy Davos' hatred and snarking at Freys <3 But omg Davos PLZ BE OK. Delusional fan tme: the little Wylla girls saves him and he adopts her and is an adorable dad to a little girl LALALA.
{Reek II- With Theon we have the patented Isn't This What You Wanted? trolling GRRM does: we all hated Theon but seeing him like this is pretty heart-breaking. On the plus side, you're practically an honorary Stark now, Theon, what with the being-stripped-of-identity and all. In other news: another fandom theory confirmed. Fake!Arya is Jeyne Poole.
{Jon V- Recruiting wildlings, okay. Not the most exciting chapter.
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{Tyrion VI- Surprise, surprise, Tyrion survived (Aeron would be proud). At this point Martin's fake-out deaths must outnumber the actual ones as far as main characters go. And reading about how Aegon was switched feels like reading a fic or theory, so weird. The man at the end, that was Jorah, right? Nice touch with him preferring the whore who has silver hair. I guess the cliffhanger is which queen he means to take Tyrion to. My money is on Dany.
{Dany IV- Dany's taste in men is quite troubling and no doubt greatly influenced by Drogo. At this rate she's most likely to fall for Euron out of all the suitors coming for her :P
{Griff I- At first I wished Aegon had gotten the POV instead but I realize this dude is better since he has memories of the Robellion and before. Interesting that Quentyn decided to follow Tyrion's "advice". Will he land in Dorne? And what will Doran do if he does?
{Quentyn II- He caught a big break with the whole being sent straight to Dany thing but this is ASOIAF so I expect things will go horribly wrong soon.
{Asha I- OMG GRRM WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ASHA >:( First there is some passing mention of a husband that I wasn't even sure I understood right then she gets raped (except not? except yes?) then she's sort of herself again then we get yet another infuriating "did the character just die?" ending. BAH.
{Tyrion VII- Ha, I was right! Jorah's taking him to Dany, not Cersei. If they get to her, she just might accept him back, judging by her POVs. Also, I don't understand why Tyrion gave Quentyn the idea for sailing to Westeros instead of Dany. I know he's out for Cersei's blood, but why give bad counsel to her enemies?
{Jon VI- Mel saw Jeyne in the fires, not Arya, right? The fires don't clue her in that this a pretender? I guess she's just not as omnipotent as I keep thinking she is.
{Davos IV- the letter to his wife, MY CREYS. "I was a better smuggler than a knight, a better knight than a King's Hand, a better King's Hand than a husband. I am so sorry. Marya, I have loved you." For real though, DAVOS/MARYA OTPPPPPP. And then I was very pleased but not TOOOO surprised to learn that someone else got beheaded in his place. And then and then I was like RICKON!!!!!! and thought they actually had him but it's just a lead. STILL, FINALLY SOMEONE CARES ABOUT WHERE RICKON IS! XD
{Dany V- sad to say, but Dany's chapters are kind of on the boring side. It's all those unfamiliar places and names; I just can't bring myself to care much. Speaking of, she won't marry this random dude when so many others, much more familiar to us, are hoping for her hand. Right?
{Melisandre I-aaahh, I had been waiting for this! I expected her to be a great fraud or a clueless fanatic like Aeron but she is neither. She's deeply and sincerely religious but not blind or foolish. I actually kind of like her now? It's weird, but she seems nice. Also, "I pray for a glimples of Azor Ahai, and R'hllor show me only Snow." WELL THEN, there you have it. Jon is Azor Ahai, so I guess that leaves the door for someone else to be the PWWP. My money's on Dany still. Oh right and then there's Mance. I have no clue why she spared him but I had vague suspicions ever since the "Mance" who was burned shouted that he was no king. It seemed OOC, no?
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{Reek III- Man, how bad do you have to be to make Roose Bolton look nicer by comparison? Ramsey just might be worse than Gregor. I keep thinking there's nothing left of Theon in Reek but then, there wasn't much to Theon in the first place, was there? Especially not enough strength of character to come out of that torture unbroken.
{Tyrion VIII- Tyrion's spending half this book on ships, isn't he? But I'm pleased Penny (the girl dwarf) stuck around! Also it confuses me that Tyrion keeps claiming he's a kingslayer. Has he just decided to go along with the accusation of killing Joffrey or did he actually have some part in it? Bah, I really wish I'd had time to reread ASOS. Also, a world of WTF for "A tall and twisted thing with one black eye and ten long arms, sailing on a sea of blood."
{Bran III- omg for the first time I am actually super excited to see a Bran chapter show up. And ahhh, Bloodraven (Brynden Rivers) theory officially confirmed. Loving the backstory on using ravens for messaging. 4 books later and it still makes me ;__; to read about Ned and peaceful days in Winterfell. The vision of "Arya" was strange though. I thought Bran might be seeing the future and Arya's children (!) but then Old Nan was mentioned. So maybe it was Lyanna and Benjen or Ned?
{Jon VII- Arya still means so much to him. If only the real one was nearer.
{Dany VI- Dany's got some major issues, thinking the whole world is hers to save, one sick person at a time. Admirable and deeply annoying at once. But hey, sounds like Quentyn made it! And p.s. Get it, gurl. I just hope Daario's as good as you kept imagining :P
{Reek IV/Prince of Winterfell I- somehow I feel even worse for Theon when he's a little closer to being himself. The singer Abel is Mance, right? And I don't even know what to say about the (pre)sex scene at the end. Has there ever been one less sexy in these books? And also, is Theon a eunuch now? I just feel like there are all these hints about it throughout but maybe I'm just imagining it.
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{Areo I- Nym goes to court! The plot against Trystane is just insanity.. I don't remember discussions of this in Cersei's AFFC chapters.
{Jon VIII- he sends out Val. Not sure where this is going.
{Tyrion IX- wow, can't believe he actually did the jousting. Then again Tyrion's survival instinct tends to win out in most situations. And poor Penny :( She deserves someone better than Tyrion, but it's understandable that she'd fall for him.
{Reek V/Turncloak- Unexpected Brandon backstory is unexpected! He sounds a little bit like Robert.
{Asha II- Interesting mentality. So very ironborn, but flexible.
{Dany VII- wow okay so Aerys did have a major thing for Joanna? Suddenly the Tyrion-is-a-Targ theories sound a little less crazy. But WTF Dany married the random Meereen dude??? And she had practically NO reaction to the Martell plans! DANY WTF ARE YOU DOING, you can't be my favorite for long at this rate! (Although of course I am saying that from a reader's perspective. Maybe if I was in her shoes...)
{Jon IX- So the fake Arya is Alys Karstark. Interesting. Also shows that Melisandre's visions are even less reliable than even her chapter showed. Now I'm no longer sure Jeyne will get out of the Bolton marriage :(
{Arya I- I never expected her blindness to last long/figured it was a form of training. But it's kind of cheating to warg into a cat and use real eyes to finish your test, Arya :P
{Reek VI/Ghost in Winterfell- I'm confused, was or wasn't Theon the one killing everybody? Considering the chapters always refer to the narrator, I think it would have to be (I feel like he's so far in denial about doing it that he even believes himself he's not actually doing it?), but in the end it seems like it's all Abel/Mance?
{Tyrion X- Hm, sold into slavery, managed to snag Jorah along. It's so weird to feel no sympathy for this Jorah and then think of the HBO version. They're so different. And who is this sellsword Plumm? Are we supposed to know him? Oh, the Brown Ben Plumm or something?
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{Jaime I- Confession time~ I'd skipped ahead to this chapter long ago but waited to talk about it. BRIENNE LIVES!! This was pretty much my best case scenario: that, lacking an actual Brienne chapter, we'd run into her in Jaime's. But being a cruel master that he is, GRRM leaves us with just one chapter and cliffhanger no worse than the one 6 years ago. AUGH!! In other news, Jaime is so taken with honor these days in his thoughts he has started to remind me of Ned (with the difference that Jaime's far more flexible and just goes around all ~JUDGING YOU~).
{Jon X: lol Melisandre is scared of Patchface. That's kind of awesome.
{Dany IX: At least she talked with Quentyn. Dany, ilu and all but I bet if Quentyn looked like Daario you'd be much more willing to abandon your Random Meereen Husband >:\ I don't think this marriage will last; sounds like it's one of the things that should have gone into the 5 year gap.
{Reek VII/Theon I- At this point I have no faith in cliffhanger deaths being real, so I just hope Theon and Jeyne can get away ;__; Oh and if they make it to Stannis, he'll meet up with Asha too.
{Dany X- "One step, then the next, but where is it I'm going?" A GOOD QUESTION, DANY. This made me lol though: "Strong Belwas bellowed, 'Locusts!' as he seized the bowl and began to crunch them by the handful". But back to plot. Dany unknowingly saves Tyrion and then- Drogon!! AND DANY FLIES and gets somewhat turned on by the dragon but that's ok! Now we're talking.
{Jon XI- I barely remember this Tormund guy but I guess Jon befriended him when he was with the wildlings? Too many characters. This imagery is pretty great: "On days like this the Wall shimmered bright as a septon's crystal, every crack and crevasse limned by sunlight, as frozen rainbows danced and died behind translucent ripples. On days like this the Wall was beautiful." And Jon totally has a crush on Val, y/y?
{Cersei I- Looks like they let Margaery go, that was a surprise. And Jaime's disappeared with Brienne. Until we know otherwise, I'm going to pretend they decided they've had enough of Westeros and went on a long vacation somewhere nice :P The same magical place actually!alive!Robb and real!Jeyne are, AMIRITE? Finally, it looks like Undead!Gregor is going in the Kingsguard. *cringe*
{Barristan I- O hai Ser Grandfather! It's funny how excited everyone was to see Dany from his POV but she's not even around atm. Strong Belwas was poisoned :( And they'd offered Dany the same locusts. I'm glad this whole marriage thing didn't last long, as I thought. But I wish we got more backstory from Barristan. Bah.
{Victarion I- Ugh, dude's the Greyjoy Stannis. <--OMG I wrote that before I even got to the parts where it's show he has the exact same (lack of) sense of humor as Stannis AND THEN ENDS UP WITH HIS OWN RED PRIEST!! Now we've gone from similar characterization to what must be very much intended parallels.
{Tyrion XI- Ahh, some good old-fashioned Tyrion-talks-his-way-out-of-the-worst-situations. I need to google this Plumm dude when I'm done with the book and not afraid of spoilers.
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{Jon XII- Tbh I've been groaning a bit every time I see a new Jon chapter. He's like the new Bran. I know stuff happens, and I like him still, but I wish there was more substantial stuff and the coming and going of wildlings.
{Barrisatan II- Oh, was not expecting another chapter from him. All in all he seems pretty intelligent and a good judge of character.
{Quentyn III- Ahh yes he wants a dragon. This can go wrong a million ways but the thought occurred to me as well. I wouldn't mind if the Martells acquired a dragon ;)
{Griff II- Dude has a giant mancrush on Rhaegar (but he wouldn't be the only one anyway).
{Asha III/"The Sacrifice"- wtf, GRRM's not even bothering with chapter names that refer to a person now? But then THEON!!! They made it :D It feels so weird to like Theon, to grin proudly when he says, "Theon," he repeated. "My name is Theon. You have to know your name." It's like what happened with Jaime's character except diluted (there are no men like Jaime, after all :P).
{Victarion II- What is it with R'hllor and would-be kings with personalities of lobsters? "Near the end, before the smoking ketch was swallowed by the sea, the cries of the seven sweetlings changed to joyous song, it seemed to Victarion Greyjoy." You know what, fuck you man.
{Arya II- Man, she's turning into a creative killer. Also that business with the faces was kind of terrifying but if they use faces of actual people who had lived, won't they get recognized?
{Cersei II- Okay this whole ordeal had me cringing from the first page. I'll never like Cersei, but that was deeply humiliating. And toward the end it even sounded like she had accepted that she should suffer for her sins? And then her breakdown.. it had me feeling as sorry for her as I ever have for other characters (I did mention the GRRM patented "Isn't this what you wanted?", right?). (But oh, so Littlefinger wanted to marry Sansa, did he? SHOCKED. SHOCKED, I AM.) And I wonder how they will handle this, if the TV show ever gets there.
{Tyrion XII- "My previous brother was entirely unsatisfactory. I hope for more from my new ones." SNIFF. And then he hits Penny >:\
{Barristan III- "Her love for Daario is poison. A slower poison than the locusts, but in the end as deadly." That's pretty much exactly Cersei's quote to Sansa about love back in ACOK. Oh and finally the backstory craving is somewhat satisfied! Could it be that Ashara/Ned is true and he actually did have a bastard by her, but the child did no live? And aw, Barristan/Ashara. I know he's a bit of a Old Noble Knight cliche but I can't help liking him. Also: dragons!
{Quentyn IV- All this "hour of the bat/eel/wolf/etc"- is it how they officially tell time? I thought it was just expressions but then I realized they don't really have numbered clocks, do they? But anyway, I guess this happens the same time as Barristan's chapter. Don't die, Quentyn! :(
{Jon XIII- Could Stannis really be dead? It makes no sense that he is but Ramsay never got Theon and Jeyne back... But the Mance part has to be true at least. And then.. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. On the one hand, there is no way GRRM would kill Jon like this. On the other hand, the Red bloody Wedding. BUT! BUTBUTstill. He can't! We have no other POVs on the Wall! Jon's backed by prophecies! We still don't know who his parents are! GODDAMIT, GRRM. I'm torn between hoping this in't true and wishing that it is, because man. That takes balls. Will Jon be Coldhands 2.0? WHERE IS THE NEXT BOOK DAMMIT. GAAAAAAAAAAAH. lol let them ship Jon/Dany now.
{Barristan IV- Oh. Bye Quentyn :((( So much for that. I guess this leaves Aegon as a potential husband for Dany but at this rate I can't see GRRM painting that pretty picture unless he's more fond of all-Targaryen marriages than we know. Anyway, Strong Belwas lives at least. And lol, apparently Westeros has "spin the bottle" but with daggers. But aside from that, everything's going to hell. Dragons just aren't as cute anymore after they grow up :P
{Dany XI- Why are we getting a summary of AGOT. We do not need this. Honestly. Also lol @ "You are the blood of the dragon, you can make a hat." But ok, if Dany still gets her period, she can get pregnant, right? But so the book ends and I am far from satisfied with Dany's chapters. They all feel completely and utterly pointless. Or at least, whatever point they were making, it took entirely too long and did not deserve a whole (so long-awaited) book named after dragons.
{Epilogue- Oh wow it's Kevan! Now all I can think about is how he's going to die. But meanwhile it sounds like Loras is alive and well enough to give commands. Meek Cersei is kind of beyond sad :\ It feels wrong. And then.. Varys. Was not expecting that. Targ supporter through and through, as suspected. That was a good epilogue, at least, but the children with the daggers confused me.
And now we wait. AGAIN.
banner taken from westerosorting
I will be updating this post with my reactions as I read, chapter-by-chapter. I will also update how far I have gotten, by page #, so you know if it's safe for you to look or not. Just so:
SPOILERS UP TO PAGE: DONE!
{Prologue- ugh, I do not like this guy, but warging is fascinating. GRRM's prose confuses me often and I couldn't really tell what happened at the end there until I realized the woman, Thistle, had been turned into a wight. Just when I thought we'd find out more about the Others the chapter ended.
{Tyrion I- had read this already on GRRM's website. So far things seem to be going just the way fandom predicted with Tyrion. Also his preoccupation with the "where do whores go?" line reminds me of Jaime's obsession with "she's fucking lancel&etc". Also goes with Cersei's constant paranoia about the prophecy. Oh the Lannister siblings.
{Dany I- also a chapter made previously available. I did not reread it in my haste to get to new stuff so nothing to say.
{Jon I- I guess this is ALSO a preview chapter because it felt really familiar. I'm kind of surprised Melisandre doesn't catch on to Jon switching the babies (or maybe she does but doesn't do anything about it for some reason?). It just seemed like she always knows when people are plotting against her.
{Bran I- Augh still boring, sorry2say. So Bran's slipping into Hodor's "skin" now :\ Did he do this in ASOS? I forget. I have a feeling Jojen is going to bite it soon ("this is the day I die~" anyone?). For a moment at the end there I thought we'd finally find out who Cold Hands is but noooo.
{Tyrion II- Hearing Illyrio talk about Dany and Viserys feels so strange, doesn't it? Like it was a thousand years ago. I know we discuss Viserys' character and Dany's journey in fandom all the time but hearing someone in canon bring it up is different. Did we ever know Viserys actually actively lusted after Dany? Not just in a "she should belong to me" kind of way? In any case, it wasn't surprising. Anyway, where's Varys?
{Quentyn I- I like him well enough so far although he's not the most interesting character (yet). He's very different from every other Dornishman (and woman) we've seen so far. I suppose he's like a diluted Doran, hm. I think I'm looking forward to more of his chapters. (Oh, and I just realized that he's probably the Martell I'm most like in personality haha).
{Jon II- Uh, half of this was Sam's first AFFC chapter from Jon's POV. Not much new there other than the convo with Gilly. And Jon thinking of Sam as "the fat boy" :( This makes me said. YOU WERE BROS! But then Jon chops Janos Slynt's head off and, ngl, I felt satisfaction. It's not every day that bad guys get what's coming to them in ASOIAF, especially in a manner that doesn't make you suddenly feel sorry for them. At least one of the Stark kids got more or less direct revenge for Ned's death. (I don't count Joffrey since Sansa did not take part knowingly).
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{Tyrion III- Tyrion's chapters used to be so much fun to read but I find myself drifting and wondering when he'll get to Dany already :/ Everything else is boring unless it involves childhood flashbacks.
{Davos I- Davos! I understand why people think he's boring (I do too sometimes) but I have this strong affection for him. And yet the most stand-out thing about this chapter is the mention of fisherman's daughter and Ned Stark. Jon's parentage solved or Martin trying to throw us off?
{Jon III- Goodbye, Mance. His death was undignified and cruel :\ On a more amusing note, this chapter is basically non-stop Jon angst. It's funny to think that he used to emo about being a lowly bastard and now he emos about being Lord Commander. THE ANGST IS STRONG IN THIS ONE, there is no escape. Also, "The night is dark and full of turnips" is win. Bet that will go on an icon soon.
{Dany II- another already read chapter. Have I read half this book already?? :P
{Reek I- and yet another preread chapter. Oh Theon, so much fail :\ I wonder where his story is going.
{Bran II- Ok I take it back, Bran's chapters are getting exciting. First I thought GRRM would kill Hodor (nooo!!) and then THE 3-EYED CROW! FINALLY! But wtf man, merged with the weirwood? Also, it's totally Bloodraven, y/y?
{Tyrion IV (looks like he's got the most chapters..)- I'm still mostly just like, get on with it! I don't care about these random people! Also, what's the secret Tyrion learns through winning the cyvasse game? Are we purposefully left in the dark about it or has Tyrion not asked for it yet? It's frustrating how much GRRM manages to leave out despite putting us in the characters' heads! :P
{Davos II- Oh Davos, y so honorable :( I feel like it's a redux of later Ned chapters. I'm just like, LEAVE THE STUPID KING AND GO BE HAPPY WITH YOUR WIFE!111!!!
{Dany III- man, just how many Dany chapters had I already read? I remember this one now; so upset she's not leaving for Westeros yet @_@
{Jon IV- it's sad how casually Stannis talks of not having heard from Davos when Davos is sacrificing everything with basically no hope of succeeding :( DIAF, Stannis! But the interesting thing here is that Melisandre is staying with Jon. I can't wait to get to her chapter(s)!
{Tyrion V- !!!!!!! AEGON. I know fandom speculated he might be alive but it still came as a shock.
{Davos III- "the Red Wedding was the Young Wolf's work." *EYE TWITCHES IN RAGE*. But I did enjoy Davos' hatred and snarking at Freys <3 But omg Davos PLZ BE OK. Delusional fan tme: the little Wylla girls saves him and he adopts her and is an adorable dad to a little girl LALALA.
{Reek II- With Theon we have the patented Isn't This What You Wanted? trolling GRRM does: we all hated Theon but seeing him like this is pretty heart-breaking. On the plus side, you're practically an honorary Stark now, Theon, what with the being-stripped-of-identity and all. In other news: another fandom theory confirmed. Fake!Arya is Jeyne Poole.
{Jon V- Recruiting wildlings, okay. Not the most exciting chapter.
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{Tyrion VI- Surprise, surprise, Tyrion survived (Aeron would be proud). At this point Martin's fake-out deaths must outnumber the actual ones as far as main characters go. And reading about how Aegon was switched feels like reading a fic or theory, so weird. The man at the end, that was Jorah, right? Nice touch with him preferring the whore who has silver hair. I guess the cliffhanger is which queen he means to take Tyrion to. My money is on Dany.
{Dany IV- Dany's taste in men is quite troubling and no doubt greatly influenced by Drogo. At this rate she's most likely to fall for Euron out of all the suitors coming for her :P
{Griff I- At first I wished Aegon had gotten the POV instead but I realize this dude is better since he has memories of the Robellion and before. Interesting that Quentyn decided to follow Tyrion's "advice". Will he land in Dorne? And what will Doran do if he does?
{Quentyn II- He caught a big break with the whole being sent straight to Dany thing but this is ASOIAF so I expect things will go horribly wrong soon.
{Asha I- OMG GRRM WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ASHA >:( First there is some passing mention of a husband that I wasn't even sure I understood right then she gets raped (except not? except yes?) then she's sort of herself again then we get yet another infuriating "did the character just die?" ending. BAH.
{Tyrion VII- Ha, I was right! Jorah's taking him to Dany, not Cersei. If they get to her, she just might accept him back, judging by her POVs. Also, I don't understand why Tyrion gave Quentyn the idea for sailing to Westeros instead of Dany. I know he's out for Cersei's blood, but why give bad counsel to her enemies?
{Jon VI- Mel saw Jeyne in the fires, not Arya, right? The fires don't clue her in that this a pretender? I guess she's just not as omnipotent as I keep thinking she is.
{Davos IV- the letter to his wife, MY CREYS. "I was a better smuggler than a knight, a better knight than a King's Hand, a better King's Hand than a husband. I am so sorry. Marya, I have loved you." For real though, DAVOS/MARYA OTPPPPPP. And then I was very pleased but not TOOOO surprised to learn that someone else got beheaded in his place. And then and then I was like RICKON!!!!!! and thought they actually had him but it's just a lead. STILL, FINALLY SOMEONE CARES ABOUT WHERE RICKON IS! XD
{Dany V- sad to say, but Dany's chapters are kind of on the boring side. It's all those unfamiliar places and names; I just can't bring myself to care much. Speaking of, she won't marry this random dude when so many others, much more familiar to us, are hoping for her hand. Right?
{Melisandre I-aaahh, I had been waiting for this! I expected her to be a great fraud or a clueless fanatic like Aeron but she is neither. She's deeply and sincerely religious but not blind or foolish. I actually kind of like her now? It's weird, but she seems nice. Also, "I pray for a glimples of Azor Ahai, and R'hllor show me only Snow." WELL THEN, there you have it. Jon is Azor Ahai, so I guess that leaves the door for someone else to be the PWWP. My money's on Dany still. Oh right and then there's Mance. I have no clue why she spared him but I had vague suspicions ever since the "Mance" who was burned shouted that he was no king. It seemed OOC, no?
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{Reek III- Man, how bad do you have to be to make Roose Bolton look nicer by comparison? Ramsey just might be worse than Gregor. I keep thinking there's nothing left of Theon in Reek but then, there wasn't much to Theon in the first place, was there? Especially not enough strength of character to come out of that torture unbroken.
{Tyrion VIII- Tyrion's spending half this book on ships, isn't he? But I'm pleased Penny (the girl dwarf) stuck around! Also it confuses me that Tyrion keeps claiming he's a kingslayer. Has he just decided to go along with the accusation of killing Joffrey or did he actually have some part in it? Bah, I really wish I'd had time to reread ASOS. Also, a world of WTF for "A tall and twisted thing with one black eye and ten long arms, sailing on a sea of blood."
{Bran III- omg for the first time I am actually super excited to see a Bran chapter show up. And ahhh, Bloodraven (Brynden Rivers) theory officially confirmed. Loving the backstory on using ravens for messaging. 4 books later and it still makes me ;__; to read about Ned and peaceful days in Winterfell. The vision of "Arya" was strange though. I thought Bran might be seeing the future and Arya's children (!) but then Old Nan was mentioned. So maybe it was Lyanna and Benjen or Ned?
{Jon VII- Arya still means so much to him. If only the real one was nearer.
{Dany VI- Dany's got some major issues, thinking the whole world is hers to save, one sick person at a time. Admirable and deeply annoying at once. But hey, sounds like Quentyn made it! And p.s. Get it, gurl. I just hope Daario's as good as you kept imagining :P
{Reek IV/Prince of Winterfell I- somehow I feel even worse for Theon when he's a little closer to being himself. The singer Abel is Mance, right? And I don't even know what to say about the (pre)sex scene at the end. Has there ever been one less sexy in these books? And also, is Theon a eunuch now? I just feel like there are all these hints about it throughout but maybe I'm just imagining it.
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{Areo I- Nym goes to court! The plot against Trystane is just insanity.. I don't remember discussions of this in Cersei's AFFC chapters.
{Jon VIII- he sends out Val. Not sure where this is going.
{Tyrion IX- wow, can't believe he actually did the jousting. Then again Tyrion's survival instinct tends to win out in most situations. And poor Penny :( She deserves someone better than Tyrion, but it's understandable that she'd fall for him.
{Reek V/Turncloak- Unexpected Brandon backstory is unexpected! He sounds a little bit like Robert.
{Asha II- Interesting mentality. So very ironborn, but flexible.
{Dany VII- wow okay so Aerys did have a major thing for Joanna? Suddenly the Tyrion-is-a-Targ theories sound a little less crazy. But WTF Dany married the random Meereen dude??? And she had practically NO reaction to the Martell plans! DANY WTF ARE YOU DOING, you can't be my favorite for long at this rate! (Although of course I am saying that from a reader's perspective. Maybe if I was in her shoes...)
{Jon IX- So the fake Arya is Alys Karstark. Interesting. Also shows that Melisandre's visions are even less reliable than even her chapter showed. Now I'm no longer sure Jeyne will get out of the Bolton marriage :(
{Arya I- I never expected her blindness to last long/figured it was a form of training. But it's kind of cheating to warg into a cat and use real eyes to finish your test, Arya :P
{Reek VI/Ghost in Winterfell- I'm confused, was or wasn't Theon the one killing everybody? Considering the chapters always refer to the narrator, I think it would have to be (I feel like he's so far in denial about doing it that he even believes himself he's not actually doing it?), but in the end it seems like it's all Abel/Mance?
{Tyrion X- Hm, sold into slavery, managed to snag Jorah along. It's so weird to feel no sympathy for this Jorah and then think of the HBO version. They're so different. And who is this sellsword Plumm? Are we supposed to know him? Oh, the Brown Ben Plumm or something?
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{Jaime I- Confession time~ I'd skipped ahead to this chapter long ago but waited to talk about it. BRIENNE LIVES!! This was pretty much my best case scenario: that, lacking an actual Brienne chapter, we'd run into her in Jaime's. But being a cruel master that he is, GRRM leaves us with just one chapter and cliffhanger no worse than the one 6 years ago. AUGH!! In other news, Jaime is so taken with honor these days in his thoughts he has started to remind me of Ned (with the difference that Jaime's far more flexible and just goes around all ~JUDGING YOU~).
{Jon X: lol Melisandre is scared of Patchface. That's kind of awesome.
{Dany IX: At least she talked with Quentyn. Dany, ilu and all but I bet if Quentyn looked like Daario you'd be much more willing to abandon your Random Meereen Husband >:\ I don't think this marriage will last; sounds like it's one of the things that should have gone into the 5 year gap.
{Reek VII/Theon I- At this point I have no faith in cliffhanger deaths being real, so I just hope Theon and Jeyne can get away ;__; Oh and if they make it to Stannis, he'll meet up with Asha too.
{Dany X- "One step, then the next, but where is it I'm going?" A GOOD QUESTION, DANY. This made me lol though: "Strong Belwas bellowed, 'Locusts!' as he seized the bowl and began to crunch them by the handful". But back to plot. Dany unknowingly saves Tyrion and then- Drogon!! AND DANY FLIES and gets somewhat turned on by the dragon but that's ok! Now we're talking.
{Jon XI- I barely remember this Tormund guy but I guess Jon befriended him when he was with the wildlings? Too many characters. This imagery is pretty great: "On days like this the Wall shimmered bright as a septon's crystal, every crack and crevasse limned by sunlight, as frozen rainbows danced and died behind translucent ripples. On days like this the Wall was beautiful." And Jon totally has a crush on Val, y/y?
{Cersei I- Looks like they let Margaery go, that was a surprise. And Jaime's disappeared with Brienne. Until we know otherwise, I'm going to pretend they decided they've had enough of Westeros and went on a long vacation somewhere nice :P The same magical place actually!alive!Robb and real!Jeyne are, AMIRITE? Finally, it looks like Undead!Gregor is going in the Kingsguard. *cringe*
{Barristan I- O hai Ser Grandfather! It's funny how excited everyone was to see Dany from his POV but she's not even around atm. Strong Belwas was poisoned :( And they'd offered Dany the same locusts. I'm glad this whole marriage thing didn't last long, as I thought. But I wish we got more backstory from Barristan. Bah.
{Victarion I- Ugh, dude's the Greyjoy Stannis. <--OMG I wrote that before I even got to the parts where it's show he has the exact same (lack of) sense of humor as Stannis AND THEN ENDS UP WITH HIS OWN RED PRIEST!! Now we've gone from similar characterization to what must be very much intended parallels.
{Tyrion XI- Ahh, some good old-fashioned Tyrion-talks-his-way-out-of-the-worst-situations. I need to google this Plumm dude when I'm done with the book and not afraid of spoilers.
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{Jon XII- Tbh I've been groaning a bit every time I see a new Jon chapter. He's like the new Bran. I know stuff happens, and I like him still, but I wish there was more substantial stuff and the coming and going of wildlings.
{Barrisatan II- Oh, was not expecting another chapter from him. All in all he seems pretty intelligent and a good judge of character.
{Quentyn III- Ahh yes he wants a dragon. This can go wrong a million ways but the thought occurred to me as well. I wouldn't mind if the Martells acquired a dragon ;)
{Griff II- Dude has a giant mancrush on Rhaegar (but he wouldn't be the only one anyway).
{Asha III/"The Sacrifice"- wtf, GRRM's not even bothering with chapter names that refer to a person now? But then THEON!!! They made it :D It feels so weird to like Theon, to grin proudly when he says, "Theon," he repeated. "My name is Theon. You have to know your name." It's like what happened with Jaime's character except diluted (there are no men like Jaime, after all :P).
{Victarion II- What is it with R'hllor and would-be kings with personalities of lobsters? "Near the end, before the smoking ketch was swallowed by the sea, the cries of the seven sweetlings changed to joyous song, it seemed to Victarion Greyjoy." You know what, fuck you man.
{Arya II- Man, she's turning into a creative killer. Also that business with the faces was kind of terrifying but if they use faces of actual people who had lived, won't they get recognized?
{Cersei II- Okay this whole ordeal had me cringing from the first page. I'll never like Cersei, but that was deeply humiliating. And toward the end it even sounded like she had accepted that she should suffer for her sins? And then her breakdown.. it had me feeling as sorry for her as I ever have for other characters (I did mention the GRRM patented "Isn't this what you wanted?", right?). (But oh, so Littlefinger wanted to marry Sansa, did he? SHOCKED. SHOCKED, I AM.) And I wonder how they will handle this, if the TV show ever gets there.
{Tyrion XII- "My previous brother was entirely unsatisfactory. I hope for more from my new ones." SNIFF. And then he hits Penny >:\
{Barristan III- "Her love for Daario is poison. A slower poison than the locusts, but in the end as deadly." That's pretty much exactly Cersei's quote to Sansa about love back in ACOK. Oh and finally the backstory craving is somewhat satisfied! Could it be that Ashara/Ned is true and he actually did have a bastard by her, but the child did no live? And aw, Barristan/Ashara. I know he's a bit of a Old Noble Knight cliche but I can't help liking him. Also: dragons!
{Quentyn IV- All this "hour of the bat/eel/wolf/etc"- is it how they officially tell time? I thought it was just expressions but then I realized they don't really have numbered clocks, do they? But anyway, I guess this happens the same time as Barristan's chapter. Don't die, Quentyn! :(
{Jon XIII- Could Stannis really be dead? It makes no sense that he is but Ramsay never got Theon and Jeyne back... But the Mance part has to be true at least. And then.. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. On the one hand, there is no way GRRM would kill Jon like this. On the other hand, the Red bloody Wedding. BUT! BUTBUTstill. He can't! We have no other POVs on the Wall! Jon's backed by prophecies! We still don't know who his parents are! GODDAMIT, GRRM. I'm torn between hoping this in't true and wishing that it is, because man. That takes balls. Will Jon be Coldhands 2.0? WHERE IS THE NEXT BOOK DAMMIT. GAAAAAAAAAAAH. lol let them ship Jon/Dany now.
{Barristan IV- Oh. Bye Quentyn :((( So much for that. I guess this leaves Aegon as a potential husband for Dany but at this rate I can't see GRRM painting that pretty picture unless he's more fond of all-Targaryen marriages than we know. Anyway, Strong Belwas lives at least. And lol, apparently Westeros has "spin the bottle" but with daggers. But aside from that, everything's going to hell. Dragons just aren't as cute anymore after they grow up :P
{Dany XI- Why are we getting a summary of AGOT. We do not need this. Honestly. Also lol @ "You are the blood of the dragon, you can make a hat." But ok, if Dany still gets her period, she can get pregnant, right? But so the book ends and I am far from satisfied with Dany's chapters. They all feel completely and utterly pointless. Or at least, whatever point they were making, it took entirely too long and did not deserve a whole (so long-awaited) book named after dragons.
{Epilogue- Oh wow it's Kevan! Now all I can think about is how he's going to die. But meanwhile it sounds like Loras is alive and well enough to give commands. Meek Cersei is kind of beyond sad :\ It feels wrong. And then.. Varys. Was not expecting that. Targ supporter through and through, as suspected. That was a good epilogue, at least, but the children with the daggers confused me.
And now we wait. AGAIN.