I miss you

[lunshea]

There's alot going on at the moment. Waiting to get some money to pay for school. Had all sorts of trouble getting it here and it culminated in the check getting lost in the mail....figures. Unfortunately, there's all this stuff that was hinging on getting the money in time, so now I am in limbo. It'll be taken care of eventually, it's just getting things situated until that happens. I've really started to believe in what they say about how some people are in your life for a moment, a season, or a lifetime. There are people that I remember from when I was really little. They weren't around for very long but I'll never forget them. As for those there for a season, maybe they were here to teach me something. Whether good things or bad came out of my association with them. Even knowing that things had to end at some point, it's still hard when I realise that I do want these people in my life but maybe things have changed too much. Maybe I've changed too much. There are about six or seven people who I still see, but only every now and then and the connection we used to have doesn't seem to be there anymore. Or not as tangible as it used to be. Then there are people where it doesn't seem to matter how long we've been apart. That connection is as strong as it was the last time I saw them. I've made mistakes with people I've cared about and have had to live with the consequences of any decisions I made as to who to keep close to me and who I needed to let go of. Some part of it was realising that maybe it was just hanging out with the same people that made us close. Or that I had to let go to figure out who I am or because I didn't like who I was or how I felt when I was with them. I became selfish. I think at some point, you have to be a little selfish or else you give too much and then resent it when others don't do the same. I used to be known as "the nice one". I don't think there are too many people who would say that now. I'm not sure how I feel about that exactly. I hid behind that for a long time. Now, I can't do that anymore. Everyone has a path that they need to follow. I know that the same people will not be on my path all the time. I will encounter new people and hold on to the old. How do you know when to keep holding on? I guess when you realise that you are the only one holding on. Or that what you're holding onto isn't what you thought it was. We're all changing and some of us aren't going in the same directions anymore. That's not necessarily bad, it's something that is bound to happen at some point right? Even knowing these things, I still miss them. I guess that is something I have to bring along. And hope to meet up with them again in another time and place.

Jeez, didn't mean to get all philosophical and stuff. Sigh. Guess it's all just been brewing for awhile and it needed somewhere to go. Not that many people still read these things anyway.