Thought Process
Sitting in the living room listening to music. Candles are burning all over the place and when the wind blows, the chimes add their own notes to the music. It's a quiet night for the most part. Usually those are the nights I like the most. I realized that it's been awhile since I did a post about what's going on in my head. Recent posts have been about my activities, not my mind's innerworkings. Seems to be a night for them so here we go.
The holidays have always been a time of remembrance for me. This year, I am flooded with images of my grandfather. He died last New Year's Eve. This time of year was always his favorite. He'd tell me all these stories about holidays past as we decorated his house for Christmas. He had this huge foyer that was two stories tall. He got this huge tree every Christmas and we would all go over and decorate the house and the tree. A story behind every ornament. Music playing in the background. He loved his Christmas music. I miss him alot. It won't be the same this year.
The weather is turning colder. Perfect time of year to cozy up with that special someone. Unfortunately, no one fits the bill at the moment. There were people who would have filled that position for me but it just didn't work out that way. It wasn't there for me, and I don't have it in me to pretend to feel something that I don't. It wouldn't have been fair. So there goes that. Why do I have to be so darned picky??? And of course, I'm not most people's ideal of a significant other. For the most part, I am surprisingly happy to be single. I like the freedom and the independence. But sometimes on nights like this, I wish that someone could be there to hold on to. That's what I miss the most you know. Being held or holding on to someone else for a little while. The small stuff. Someone to go with me on those long walks or to disect a stupid movie.
Maybe it's just that I'm getting over being sick and that's the reason I don't want to be alone. It's strange when you find your comfort zone invaded. I've had an incredible year and I'm finally happy. It's just every now and then that I find myself looking around thinking something is missing.
Good Lord, Journey just came on. Lol, it seems my pity party is complete :P
The holidays have always been a time of remembrance for me. This year, I am flooded with images of my grandfather. He died last New Year's Eve. This time of year was always his favorite. He'd tell me all these stories about holidays past as we decorated his house for Christmas. He had this huge foyer that was two stories tall. He got this huge tree every Christmas and we would all go over and decorate the house and the tree. A story behind every ornament. Music playing in the background. He loved his Christmas music. I miss him alot. It won't be the same this year.
The weather is turning colder. Perfect time of year to cozy up with that special someone. Unfortunately, no one fits the bill at the moment. There were people who would have filled that position for me but it just didn't work out that way. It wasn't there for me, and I don't have it in me to pretend to feel something that I don't. It wouldn't have been fair. So there goes that. Why do I have to be so darned picky??? And of course, I'm not most people's ideal of a significant other. For the most part, I am surprisingly happy to be single. I like the freedom and the independence. But sometimes on nights like this, I wish that someone could be there to hold on to. That's what I miss the most you know. Being held or holding on to someone else for a little while. The small stuff. Someone to go with me on those long walks or to disect a stupid movie.
Maybe it's just that I'm getting over being sick and that's the reason I don't want to be alone. It's strange when you find your comfort zone invaded. I've had an incredible year and I'm finally happy. It's just every now and then that I find myself looking around thinking something is missing.
Good Lord, Journey just came on. Lol, it seems my pity party is complete :P