new fic: loving days (belong together), chapter 7 of 15

[luninosity]

Chapter eight should also be up tonight, but it got too long to post them together, so...

Title: Loving Days (Belong Together) (chapter 7 of 15) (chapters 4-6 here) (chapters 1-3 here)
Rating: NC-17; see warnings
Word Count: 4,075 for this part
Warnings: fairly explicit sex; probable dubcon (James does say yes, but things’re far more painful and

Comments

[luninosity]

Sometimes a good cry is exactly what's needed, to get it all out!

sometimes they just do things and I'm like "um, okay..." and kept writing. ...oh, yes. Sometimes scenes just turn up, and you think, 'huh,' and then write them anyway and assume your brain has a reason. Or I do, at least! I trust my brain, most of the time.

I felt like despite them both trying, they maybe shouldn't have been because it felt almost like making a bad situation worse. They probably should've talked MORE, in fact. Michael's little 'never mind,' moment...he should've just asked what James DOES want. But he's also realizing that James totally manipulated him, then, that James knew what would happen. And he's angry--but partly because he knows that he's been equally as cruel to James all along, and so he can't really say anything.

But they are trying to work things out. Nothing would've been resolved ever, if James had let him leave. They still need the intervention, though, in the next chapter, to get them to stop, for a while, and take a step back. I think maybe this chapter is about them *wanting* to fix things but not knowing how, and chapter eight is about other people giving them the *how*, if that makes sense?

[shayzgirl]

I try to trust my brain but then it also wrote the first bit of DSV and I don't think I've fully trusted or forgiven it for that. Especially since that verse started to become like a tumor or something that I didn't want or like anymore.

I may have been a bit harsh, but I guess it's because I've been in situations where I should have left and I didn't and it ended up pretty bad and if I'd just left, things wouldn't have happened that lead to that bad stuff.

And it totally makes sense.

[luninosity]

I'm glad that makes *some* kind of sense! I feel like, I wrote it, now maybe I need to justify it... but that was also partly why I wanted to do this prompt, to see if I could take that ugly a situation and turn it around, eventually, believably. I hope it works. :-/

They possibly could've stopped after the first time, and blamed it on alcohol and so on, and avoided the subsequent abuse. Or, if James had been awake that morning, they might've talked then...but life is full of those tragic little missed opportunities, right? and Michael might not've been ready to listen, anyway. Sometimes leaving truly is the best option, though, when the situation's untenable. Sometimes it's the most courageous thing you can do.

[shayzgirl]

I struggle so much with that. It's a big reason why DSV is dead. I hate that I had to give up on it, but I just could not see a way in which I could write the last part and save them, save their relationship realistically and believably without constantly having to explain it or justify it or defend it or myself. I don't need that kind of pressure.

So many missed opportunities, but I have faith things will workout how they're supposed to.

[luninosity]

I never answered this one, did I...

I just could not see a way in which I could write the last part and save them, save their relationship realistically and believably without constantly having to explain it or justify it or defend it

Yes--I think you could've done it, but it would have required a lot of time and effort. Both for the characters, and for you. That's something I'm worried about with this one, too.

Things will work out! As they should. As we can make them, in fic. :-)

[shayzgirl]

I put in a lot of time doing research and trying to make the reasons for the various things believable and appropriate for the situation and tried to write those things, and it just never seemed right or good enough and I worried I'd spend more time defending my writing than anything. It was easier to let it go. I needed that weight gone. Hasn't stopped me from thinking about it, though mostly with slightly bitter feelings for having ever come up with the idea for it in the first place. And I think I'm a bit angry at myself for not being able to fully let it go. Might be because I feel like a failure for having to do it, needing to do it really.