I can rustle up the nerve to do this.
Bradley left for Montreal yesterday. I can already feel how awkward I feel outside of my daily routine. It's odd how just an evening on ventrilo, the phone, SWTOR can make a difference. He has the cell phone I sent him and he's been texting back and forth- often times talking to me first. He'll be off for his medical exam in just an hour now I'm sure and then next monday is the interview. I'm sure it will be fine so I'm not so much worried.
I do find myself... oddly jealous.
I trust Brad, but there's that feeling in my heart that kinda is like it's swinging back and forth, getting motion sickness. He's staying at my sister in law's friend's house. She's... hella pretty and thankfully- not single. They're going to the zoooo and going to a poutine restauraaaant and..ungh, I feel my chest ache with jealousy. It sets me off. I guess there is nothing wrong turning a situation that is... technically my doing and making it into a vacation. -_- It's my fault it's stressful since he's doing it to be with me. That bothers me.
If I trust him, why do I feel jealous then?
Bleh. I want this week to be over. What's worse is that I had a dream about Bai last night. I confronted her as to why she cut me out of her life and I tried so hard to explain how I wasn't selfish and just wanted her as a friend. I think she was pregnant or something with a kid from that Canadian named Liam that she was dating. He didn't like me and... I think the whole reason she did this was because of him. She never got along with Bradley, never tried to. I tried my best to get along with Liam. Eh... I woke up missing her in my life. I hate not having a solution to the entire situation and... she's never going to speak to me and she'll continue to shut me out like she did Mason and Charlotte. Except... I am not like them!
Going on-
I never got to meet Henrik. I was so disappointed. I got to go up to the glass during their practice skate and... seeing him filled up my heart with so much joy. I haven't jumped so much and so high in years. My calves were stiff and in a lot of pain for 3 days because of this!! He was... so amazing. I had my sign I made that had the Rangers logo I drew and Henrik's name and I was jumping/bopping up and down screaming my head off for them. I've never been so excited for a sports team before! They're really given me a new love for Hockey. They smirked at the sign and I AT LEAST had eye contact with Henrik. It was niiiice. They lost o the Panthers (miserably) but that's okay.
They play tonight against the Penguins. I don't see them winning, but ah well. I must have faith.
*sigh*
Now that I'm done talking about Henrik, I feel that emptiness in my chest again. =(