is this possibly just an early indicator of vertigo?
dizzy. in a way that makes me feel like i'm on a boat. every day lately.
took another "go-until-the-only-pain-you-feel-is-the-throbbing-of-your-legs" walk last night. it worked. i was numb. four or five miles and 3 hours later.
sick with indecision. where's the brakes on this thing? despite the indecision, this decision has to be made soon, or i might just be right back at the beginning again. mistakes rebirthed until i get it right.
sick with worry, outlined with a little panic. possible that my life might change drastically soon here, and i'm ready, whatever the outcome. for chrissake, anything that spins me to the other side of this tree gives a view i can only welcome, even when the truest fear ensues. i find out on friday. "i'm gonna tell her by noon, no wait, by one...by 1:37 exactly, joe.", "well good for you".
i know exactly what i'm gonna say and how i'm gonna say it, hope it doesnt sound as rehearsed as it is.
really wish i knew a way to make the awkward go away. everyone is looking at me like they have no idea who i am anymore. dont give me that shit, you never knew in the first place. much to the opposite, a few have become so close i can actually call them good friends. hi-five to the double-J-and-the-N! they're starting to know, and i smile and am content.
i really dont want you to yell at me/lecture me. i know you want to, but trust me, i've asked all those questions already and have considered every possibility. i know i know I KNOW!!! just give me time to procure a remedy, you of all people should know that i can and will...
*you, ... yeah you. why does this seem fabricated? why does it seem forced? next to her, you're the only person that knows me very very well, and maybe thats why it all feels so odd. telling me something? or not telling me something? silent combat? please, i want to feel free when i see you smile, and i want to see you mean it. should we attempt to fix or just let it crumble and fade away? time time time time time....*
lets make music together. ha! that would be fuckin' great..
took another "go-until-the-only-pain-you-feel-is-the-throbbing-of-your-legs" walk last night. it worked. i was numb. four or five miles and 3 hours later.
sick with indecision. where's the brakes on this thing? despite the indecision, this decision has to be made soon, or i might just be right back at the beginning again. mistakes rebirthed until i get it right.
sick with worry, outlined with a little panic. possible that my life might change drastically soon here, and i'm ready, whatever the outcome. for chrissake, anything that spins me to the other side of this tree gives a view i can only welcome, even when the truest fear ensues. i find out on friday. "i'm gonna tell her by noon, no wait, by one...by 1:37 exactly, joe.", "well good for you".
i know exactly what i'm gonna say and how i'm gonna say it, hope it doesnt sound as rehearsed as it is.
really wish i knew a way to make the awkward go away. everyone is looking at me like they have no idea who i am anymore. dont give me that shit, you never knew in the first place. much to the opposite, a few have become so close i can actually call them good friends. hi-five to the double-J-and-the-N! they're starting to know, and i smile and am content.
i really dont want you to yell at me/lecture me. i know you want to, but trust me, i've asked all those questions already and have considered every possibility. i know i know I KNOW!!! just give me time to procure a remedy, you of all people should know that i can and will...
*you, ... yeah you. why does this seem fabricated? why does it seem forced? next to her, you're the only person that knows me very very well, and maybe thats why it all feels so odd. telling me something? or not telling me something? silent combat? please, i want to feel free when i see you smile, and i want to see you mean it. should we attempt to fix or just let it crumble and fade away? time time time time time....*
lets make music together. ha! that would be fuckin' great..