I had an epiphany last night
I don't know what it is about watching movies or listening to music, but somehow it just tends to help me think. I think the sense of escapism reminds me of just how real life can be. Does that sound backwards?
Anyway, I finally figured out what it is about this place that bothers me so much. For the longest time now I've been embittered by the idea that the army is stifling me. It's been preventing me from being myself and turned me into something I'm not too fond of. I've blamed the atmosphere for stifling my nature.
This, I've come to understand, is wrong. It's quite the opposite in fact. It's my nature that has stifled my freedom. It's the way I am. I'm the kind of guy that adapts to what is around him, rather than change it to suit himself. Within this atmosphere, my nature has responded by becoming more like those around me and I've thus done things that I normally wouldn't do.
Chasing women? Is that me? No. It isn't. I know who I am at heart. I just wish there were someone like me that I could relate to and who could keep me grounded in this chaos. I feel that this is all just some sort of big mistake.
But isn't that what I wanted from the beginning with this challenge? I wanted to see if I could drastically change the circumstances of my life and remain me at heart. I suppose on some level this is true, as here I am, back to this reflective state. This, I feel, will never change. I find that strangely comforting.
I suppose that it's up to me now with this knowledge to work so that my actions may reflect my will. Will I be able to remember this though? When the time comes, will I resist temptation and remain true to myself, or will I give in and go with the flow? Will habit or will prevail? I know what I'll try.
check your premises
Anyway, I finally figured out what it is about this place that bothers me so much. For the longest time now I've been embittered by the idea that the army is stifling me. It's been preventing me from being myself and turned me into something I'm not too fond of. I've blamed the atmosphere for stifling my nature.
This, I've come to understand, is wrong. It's quite the opposite in fact. It's my nature that has stifled my freedom. It's the way I am. I'm the kind of guy that adapts to what is around him, rather than change it to suit himself. Within this atmosphere, my nature has responded by becoming more like those around me and I've thus done things that I normally wouldn't do.
Chasing women? Is that me? No. It isn't. I know who I am at heart. I just wish there were someone like me that I could relate to and who could keep me grounded in this chaos. I feel that this is all just some sort of big mistake.
But isn't that what I wanted from the beginning with this challenge? I wanted to see if I could drastically change the circumstances of my life and remain me at heart. I suppose on some level this is true, as here I am, back to this reflective state. This, I feel, will never change. I find that strangely comforting.
I suppose that it's up to me now with this knowledge to work so that my actions may reflect my will. Will I be able to remember this though? When the time comes, will I resist temptation and remain true to myself, or will I give in and go with the flow? Will habit or will prevail? I know what I'll try.
check your premises