Girl in Bliss
I know I haven't updated in a while, and I also realize my last few entries have been rather depressing.
However, things are on the up swing. So this entry, for once, will be about all the good things that have happened lately.
~ And we start with Medication.
Yes. I'm on meds now. A very low dose of generic Prozac. I couldn't stand waking up every morning and either feeling like I needed to punch a wall, scream, cry, engage in sexual acts (I'm serious about this), or any other unsavory feeling of ill contempt, self-hatred, and anxiety. I'd look in the mirror and see nothing good, and only when guys would notice me would I feel anything--and even then, it was mostly because of certain attributes I have. I became involved with someone I knew was bad for me, if only to murder myself every damn day because I thought I didn't deserve anything better.
And then I realized I needed help. I pretty much woke up one day, said I've had enough of this, and called to make an appointment with a doctor. Not a psychiatrist, just a regular doctor. Counseling wasn't really going to help, otherwise I would feel better by just venting on here. After listening to me for a few minutes, he prescribed a low dose (20mg) of Prozac to help sooth my nerves. In a few days, the medicine had time to settle in my system, and I can say I'm doing much better.
How better, you ask? I rarely fight with anyone anymore. I don't have moments where I feel like monkeys are beating on the inside of my head. I'm not as testy, or scared, or self-concious as I once was. I don't feel the absolute need for constant attention (although, I still love attention :3) and I feel as though there's such things as happiness and there's a reason to look forward to what's ahead.
I'm better, and gosh it feels wonderful.
~ My Dad, My Brother (For once, Sam, I don't mean you!), and My Nieces and Nephew!
As some of you know, my dad ended up back in the hospital once again for internal bleeding. However, this go-around it was in the upper GI, specifically his stomach, and it was one little ulcer and all it required was a little bit of cauterization. Bzzt, lightsaber to the stomach, please stop the bleeding. He's already doing better now that he's had a few units of blood. Little bit of a scare, though. He's also already out of the hospital and back on his feet, he's just supposed to "take it easy" for a few weeks.
Haha, we're talking about my DAD here. Telling him to take it easy is like telling a dog not to lick its butt. Even if the dog is near crippled, it's gonna lick its butt.
Now, you're probably asking about my brother--and like I said, for once I'm not talking about Sam. I'm talking about my real-life half brother who I've never met before. The one who I occasionally bring up and get teary-eyed about because I was robbed of having an older sibling.
My mom found him... and of all places, she found him on Facebook. He lives in Florida, and we've had a few chats over AIM. Everyone down there seems to want to get to know me, and we're getting to talk almost every night. I'm hoping to talk to him on the phone soon, and hopefully go down there sometime this summer. :3 I'm an aunt now, too! Although, they're almost my age. His three kids are 19, 18, and 10. The first two are girls, the youngest a boy. ^O^ And the middle one loves anime! So I'm in bliss over that, too.
--Know that I actually edited out the last part.
Kinda went down south as usual but... I'm not gonna let that get me down too much. I still found my brother, I still love my job, and things will be smoothed out again.
I just might lose a few people along the way.
However, things are on the up swing. So this entry, for once, will be about all the good things that have happened lately.
~ And we start with Medication.
Yes. I'm on meds now. A very low dose of generic Prozac. I couldn't stand waking up every morning and either feeling like I needed to punch a wall, scream, cry, engage in sexual acts (I'm serious about this), or any other unsavory feeling of ill contempt, self-hatred, and anxiety. I'd look in the mirror and see nothing good, and only when guys would notice me would I feel anything--and even then, it was mostly because of certain attributes I have. I became involved with someone I knew was bad for me, if only to murder myself every damn day because I thought I didn't deserve anything better.
And then I realized I needed help. I pretty much woke up one day, said I've had enough of this, and called to make an appointment with a doctor. Not a psychiatrist, just a regular doctor. Counseling wasn't really going to help, otherwise I would feel better by just venting on here. After listening to me for a few minutes, he prescribed a low dose (20mg) of Prozac to help sooth my nerves. In a few days, the medicine had time to settle in my system, and I can say I'm doing much better.
How better, you ask? I rarely fight with anyone anymore. I don't have moments where I feel like monkeys are beating on the inside of my head. I'm not as testy, or scared, or self-concious as I once was. I don't feel the absolute need for constant attention (although, I still love attention :3) and I feel as though there's such things as happiness and there's a reason to look forward to what's ahead.
I'm better, and gosh it feels wonderful.
~ My Dad, My Brother (For once, Sam, I don't mean you!), and My Nieces and Nephew!
As some of you know, my dad ended up back in the hospital once again for internal bleeding. However, this go-around it was in the upper GI, specifically his stomach, and it was one little ulcer and all it required was a little bit of cauterization. Bzzt, lightsaber to the stomach, please stop the bleeding. He's already doing better now that he's had a few units of blood. Little bit of a scare, though. He's also already out of the hospital and back on his feet, he's just supposed to "take it easy" for a few weeks.
Haha, we're talking about my DAD here. Telling him to take it easy is like telling a dog not to lick its butt. Even if the dog is near crippled, it's gonna lick its butt.
Now, you're probably asking about my brother--and like I said, for once I'm not talking about Sam. I'm talking about my real-life half brother who I've never met before. The one who I occasionally bring up and get teary-eyed about because I was robbed of having an older sibling.
My mom found him... and of all places, she found him on Facebook. He lives in Florida, and we've had a few chats over AIM. Everyone down there seems to want to get to know me, and we're getting to talk almost every night. I'm hoping to talk to him on the phone soon, and hopefully go down there sometime this summer. :3 I'm an aunt now, too! Although, they're almost my age. His three kids are 19, 18, and 10. The first two are girls, the youngest a boy. ^O^ And the middle one loves anime! So I'm in bliss over that, too.
--Know that I actually edited out the last part.
Kinda went down south as usual but... I'm not gonna let that get me down too much. I still found my brother, I still love my job, and things will be smoothed out again.
I just might lose a few people along the way.