UNDECIDED..A TRUE LOSER
Ok, so I thought about it. I realized that my feelings haven't changed. I still love him. He'll never love me. He'll never see me that way. Or maybe he will someday. Or maybe he does already. I don't know. He hasn't given any concrete information. He's not letting on. Or maybe I'm making too big a deal. God knows I've gone off the deep end this week. I've been feeling oh so blue this week. I lost it Monday morning. I went crazy in Mr. Riggins room and everyone was freaked out. Oh well. We all lose it sometimes. I didn't cry though : ]
School is killing me. Mr. Williams vocab, CIM (my mill product didn't work ), my math test, Physics, some 10 pg report on gymnastics or cricket..still haven't decided, art things I haven't turned in yet, studying for the SAT exam this weekend, studying for the vocab exam for SAT /ACT Prep...she soo favors SAT, and Math, catching up on reading because I feel safe when I read(and when I'm with him), wanting to go to the Art Walk, wanting to go to the Star Party, and wanting to go shopping with my baby niece..I miss her. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm procrastinating. I'm stupid. I should quit Sci-Tech and die. Because once you leave Sci-tech to return to normal high shcool, life is over. Atleast is seems like that. I love my school. I love having a naked man be our mascot. Well, not really a mascot..because mascot sounds so degrading, and the Vitruvian Man is not that. I don't wish to disrespect it. I'm not going to get anything done. My mind is too tired. I cannot run any more. I want to crash like an old machine. And watch by as new machines whiz by at the speed of light. These are not good times for me. I've made so many mistakes this past week. And it's only Wednesday. I'm gonna cry because I'm weak. (and stupid)
School is killing me. Mr. Williams vocab, CIM (my mill product didn't work ), my math test, Physics, some 10 pg report on gymnastics or cricket..still haven't decided, art things I haven't turned in yet, studying for the SAT exam this weekend, studying for the vocab exam for SAT /ACT Prep...she soo favors SAT, and Math, catching up on reading because I feel safe when I read(and when I'm with him), wanting to go to the Art Walk, wanting to go to the Star Party, and wanting to go shopping with my baby niece..I miss her. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm procrastinating. I'm stupid. I should quit Sci-Tech and die. Because once you leave Sci-tech to return to normal high shcool, life is over. Atleast is seems like that. I love my school. I love having a naked man be our mascot. Well, not really a mascot..because mascot sounds so degrading, and the Vitruvian Man is not that. I don't wish to disrespect it. I'm not going to get anything done. My mind is too tired. I cannot run any more. I want to crash like an old machine. And watch by as new machines whiz by at the speed of light. These are not good times for me. I've made so many mistakes this past week. And it's only Wednesday. I'm gonna cry because I'm weak. (and stupid)