The pain akin to being punched in the throat and stabbed in the chest...

Nov 03, 2004 19:08

why do i even bother, why do i try...it always just ends up the same fucking way....i confess, she says 1 of 4 things: 1- she dosen't see me like that, 2- im too good of a friend and she dosent want to risk messing that up, 3- she dosent want a b/f at the moment, or the new 4th reason - she sees me like a (older) brother...then she forgets about it,and i end up fucked up mentally for god knows how long....

i hate this fucking bullshit...where people can act one way but really feel somthing completely different...

im fucking through with this shit, all of it...im done with getting my hopes up just to be crushed, done with having feelings that mean nothing, done with getting fucked up in the head over someone who i thought i could have somthing with but it turns out thats never gonna happen, done with trying to change people's minds, done with changing myself for other people, done with taking shit so fucking seriously, and fucking most importantly, im fucking done with these feelings, feelings of hopes and expectations, i need to learn to just live as life comes, and not over analyze every fucking detail of somthing somebody says like i have been for the past week...

FUCK! i need to talk to her...get this shit figured out...see if there's a point in my holding onto these feelings...
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