My Response to Tom Asking Me if I was Happy
You want to know if I am happy I havent been happy in a long time not because of you I mean youre a bright patch in my life of unhappiness, ..I feel like I cant even smile and mean it half the time, it just hurt being me like when I was at parks lake on Friday and I just snappedjust fell, thinking of you mad at me hurt that and just feeling empty got to me, that and seeing a few of my friends so happy.i just took off started walking down the path while they stayed in the gazebo cuz they had no idea they never do, its like my misery is so hidden like no one can see it, it makes me sick, but anyway I felt like I wanted to die, I feel like that a lot lately but it was really bad that night, so bad that I took out my lip gloss and proceeded to draw a cut on my wrist with it, I wished it was a knife, I really didI just couldnt take all the shit.i cant take a fucking smile I cant take a kiss I cant take seeing this feeling of love when I cant feel it, I guess its jealousy but.anything having to do with it just hurts me, just makes me wanna die, or just have some physical pain so the psychological pain can lessen, but I never hurt myself anymore, I promised myself I wouldnt but as each day passes the temptation to just see one drop of blood so I can see that Im still alive and breathing increases more an more and I dont think I can take it.