woe is me... only in my head though
Overwhelming stress tinged with general negativity has been my cocktail du jour for the past several days. I have no reason to feel stressed - but the feeling is compulsive. I try to pin things to it to give it meaning so that I can control it, but when I look closely at it i know that it really has no meaning which makes me feel even worse. Every dollar that goes out worries me - i know this is retarded as i have a good amount in savings and i can always just go get more money. But when i worry i like ot treat myself to good food. And seeing as how i dont cook this usually means that I take me and Erik out and *poof* there goes more money into the wind. School is kicking my ass at the moment as well, but i have unshakable faith in the gods and that with the Guiness should get me through. I have become more uptight and I do not like it at all. Part of me wants to start smoking pot all the time but then I find it hard to get motivated to do things. I mean i still get the things done that i have to and that I want to do - the problem is that I WANT to do less and less when I smoke I dont want that to happen or the business will never get started.
god listen to me bitch - i need to shut up now.
Today I saw a woman who was severely deformed and homeless. It reminded to remind myself about how fortunate and lucky and successful I am. The reminding didn't really work though and then I just felt terrible and ungrateful. i'm not sad or depressed, just stressed. I'm using Guiness to ease it away at the moment.
Good News - important to keep perspective: 1. amazing sex last night with my boy - the kind that you have in beggining 2. birthday is coming and will have deliciouse dinner with friends 3. people love me 4. i dont really like th epeople who dont love me anyway. 5. other than the one class that i might fail, i have A's in my other 4 classes. 6. I have 3 more Giuness. 7. The cat is not being an asshole at the moment.
god listen to me bitch - i need to shut up now.
Today I saw a woman who was severely deformed and homeless. It reminded to remind myself about how fortunate and lucky and successful I am. The reminding didn't really work though and then I just felt terrible and ungrateful. i'm not sad or depressed, just stressed. I'm using Guiness to ease it away at the moment.
Good News - important to keep perspective: 1. amazing sex last night with my boy - the kind that you have in beggining 2. birthday is coming and will have deliciouse dinner with friends 3. people love me 4. i dont really like th epeople who dont love me anyway. 5. other than the one class that i might fail, i have A's in my other 4 classes. 6. I have 3 more Giuness. 7. The cat is not being an asshole at the moment.