Living in the future and the past simultaneously
I'm reading a book by Daniel Gilbert called "Stumbling on Happiness" and he makes the argument that humans are unique from other animals in the way we imagine and think about the future. And it's true; we're always thinking about what comes next or where we'll be x-number of months/years down the road and so on. But I wonder, could he also argue we're the only animal that thinks about the past so extensively?
I watched the Olympics tonight and they were finishing up women's figure skating (they did their long programs). Yuna Kim (South Korea) took gold, Mao Asada (Japan) took silver, and Joannie Rochette (Canada) took bronze. And yet, Mao didn't look particularly happy. I can understand, as both she and Yuna (as well as all the skaters, really) were under such great pressure to take gold for their country, plus Japan-Korea relations tend to be a sore spot. It wasn't just winning for their country, it was about beating the other Asian competition.
It's so easy as a third party to watch the medal ceremony and think 'why aren't you smiling? You did so well!' I'm not her, so I can see all the positives of this accomplishment but it's amazing to me how much things change once it's you in the 2nd best shoes. Because the more I thought about it, the more I realized I'd be doing the same thing were I in her place. I likely wouldn't be seeing it as something wonderful, I'd be thinking 'if only I'd been better, I'd be getting gold right now.' I'm probably oversimplifying things, as one tends to do when trying to see things from someone else's perspective, but it really is intriguing how much we can beat ourselves up. That saying, 'you are your own worst critic,' tends to ring true.
And I wonder, why do we fixate so on things we can not change? We're all guilty of it; sometimes I worry I'm living more in the past than the present. When I did the JET interview last year, after the initial "that went alright" period, my thoughts took increasingly negative turns and within several hours, all I could focus on was 'gah, why did I say ____ when I should have said ____?' As much as others told me not to dwell on it and as much as I tried to tell myself to stop worrying, I'd still come back to the same place. What purpose does it serve? It certainly adds to worry and stress. Is it so we don't repeat the same mistakes in the future?
I'd argue it's more to do with learning from past mistakes than anything else. Thinking back over my life, there are of course a multitude of fond memories but there're also a surprising number of negative events/outcomes littering the memory horizon. The only purpose I can think they serve is as a reminder/warning of what should be done/not done in the future to avoid similar outcomes. And as good as I feel about the JET interview this year, I of course still go back and nit-pick the mistakes and answers I gave that could have been better. The saying 'hindsight is 20-20' also holds true.
I'd agree with Daniel Gilbert that we spend much of our time thinking about the future, planning for future selves and all that jazz. But I also wonder how much time we spend in the past. We indeed spend time in the present but the time we devote to the future and past seems to me to outweigh our focus on the here and now. And why is that as people get older they seem to live more and more in the past? Is it because now there's less future to imagine? Has experience in the world taught us that we imagine too big and should stop rather than be let down?
To hear my dad talk, you'd think things were just peachy 'back in the day.' I suppose this goes hand in hand with the fallacy of memory... we tend to remember incorrectly, fill in gaps with things that didn't happen, and paint a rosier memory of events than what actually transpired. But this isn't always true, I don't think. Goodness know when I think back on the JET interview from last year, it just gets more and more negative XD I suppose what I'm really hoping is that I'm not creating a rosier version this time around than what really occurred!
There are no real answers to any of these ponderings but this fixation on the past/the negatives definitely intrigues me. If anyone stumbles on this (or anyone I know reads this) I'm curious to know what you think! And on that note, I think I'll remove the cat from my back, get under my blankets, and go to sleep :-)
P.S.-- If at some point later in life, I end up with a surplus of money or I can find funding for it somehow, I want a psychology degree. I've always said, as odd as it may sound, that what I'm most fascinated by/curious about is people. One of my friends and I have even discussed our very different "people approaches;" she doesn't want to talk to lots of people she doesn't know (in fact, usually she wants to avoid them) whereas I generally find myself wanting to talk to people, wondering who they are, what are their circumstances, how's their day going, etc..... or perhaps I'm just extremely nosy? XD Alright, sleep for real y'all <3
I watched the Olympics tonight and they were finishing up women's figure skating (they did their long programs). Yuna Kim (South Korea) took gold, Mao Asada (Japan) took silver, and Joannie Rochette (Canada) took bronze. And yet, Mao didn't look particularly happy. I can understand, as both she and Yuna (as well as all the skaters, really) were under such great pressure to take gold for their country, plus Japan-Korea relations tend to be a sore spot. It wasn't just winning for their country, it was about beating the other Asian competition.
It's so easy as a third party to watch the medal ceremony and think 'why aren't you smiling? You did so well!' I'm not her, so I can see all the positives of this accomplishment but it's amazing to me how much things change once it's you in the 2nd best shoes. Because the more I thought about it, the more I realized I'd be doing the same thing were I in her place. I likely wouldn't be seeing it as something wonderful, I'd be thinking 'if only I'd been better, I'd be getting gold right now.' I'm probably oversimplifying things, as one tends to do when trying to see things from someone else's perspective, but it really is intriguing how much we can beat ourselves up. That saying, 'you are your own worst critic,' tends to ring true.
And I wonder, why do we fixate so on things we can not change? We're all guilty of it; sometimes I worry I'm living more in the past than the present. When I did the JET interview last year, after the initial "that went alright" period, my thoughts took increasingly negative turns and within several hours, all I could focus on was 'gah, why did I say ____ when I should have said ____?' As much as others told me not to dwell on it and as much as I tried to tell myself to stop worrying, I'd still come back to the same place. What purpose does it serve? It certainly adds to worry and stress. Is it so we don't repeat the same mistakes in the future?
I'd argue it's more to do with learning from past mistakes than anything else. Thinking back over my life, there are of course a multitude of fond memories but there're also a surprising number of negative events/outcomes littering the memory horizon. The only purpose I can think they serve is as a reminder/warning of what should be done/not done in the future to avoid similar outcomes. And as good as I feel about the JET interview this year, I of course still go back and nit-pick the mistakes and answers I gave that could have been better. The saying 'hindsight is 20-20' also holds true.
I'd agree with Daniel Gilbert that we spend much of our time thinking about the future, planning for future selves and all that jazz. But I also wonder how much time we spend in the past. We indeed spend time in the present but the time we devote to the future and past seems to me to outweigh our focus on the here and now. And why is that as people get older they seem to live more and more in the past? Is it because now there's less future to imagine? Has experience in the world taught us that we imagine too big and should stop rather than be let down?
To hear my dad talk, you'd think things were just peachy 'back in the day.' I suppose this goes hand in hand with the fallacy of memory... we tend to remember incorrectly, fill in gaps with things that didn't happen, and paint a rosier memory of events than what actually transpired. But this isn't always true, I don't think. Goodness know when I think back on the JET interview from last year, it just gets more and more negative XD I suppose what I'm really hoping is that I'm not creating a rosier version this time around than what really occurred!
There are no real answers to any of these ponderings but this fixation on the past/the negatives definitely intrigues me. If anyone stumbles on this (or anyone I know reads this) I'm curious to know what you think! And on that note, I think I'll remove the cat from my back, get under my blankets, and go to sleep :-)
P.S.-- If at some point later in life, I end up with a surplus of money or I can find funding for it somehow, I want a psychology degree. I've always said, as odd as it may sound, that what I'm most fascinated by/curious about is people. One of my friends and I have even discussed our very different "people approaches;" she doesn't want to talk to lots of people she doesn't know (in fact, usually she wants to avoid them) whereas I generally find myself wanting to talk to people, wondering who they are, what are their circumstances, how's their day going, etc..... or perhaps I'm just extremely nosy? XD Alright, sleep for real y'all <3