Sometimes it just feels like I'm falling in the ocean.
I've been failing a lot lately. I've been failing a lot in clinic lately. Which is not completely in my head - I just got my clinical evaluation back for the past month and I got 81%. Burn on me. Obviously, it was not just me who thought I was failing at clinic. But I failed, and I got discouraged, and it's not getting any better. I don't really like being in clinic, most of the time. But it's not even the nuclear medicine part of it. I just feel that FAHC is not a good learning environment for me. I don't feel like the technologists have any faith at me, so why should I put myself out there? I just feel like I'm underfoot and inefficient. And I really don't like being there. So really, I kind of stopped trying lately. Sadly... I'm beginning to not see a point. And the more I fail, the more depressed I get about it, because I hate failing. But the failing continues. I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss, and I'm losing it. Someone, tell me how to pull it together. According to the techs, I'm lazy, I need to be proactive, I need to communicate with patients, I need to speak up, I need to apply my knowledge. (What knowledge? I don't feel like I know anything.)
Obviously, I need to step it up. But so often is it "easier said than done" - so much easier to wrap those bad habits around you, a comfortable refuge. I don't know how to get away from it, or over it, and what to do about it.
This really sucks, and I wish it would end. The sad part is, I really love Nuclear Medicine, I just hate where I am, and I need to get away from here.
Obviously, I need to step it up. But so often is it "easier said than done" - so much easier to wrap those bad habits around you, a comfortable refuge. I don't know how to get away from it, or over it, and what to do about it.
This really sucks, and I wish it would end. The sad part is, I really love Nuclear Medicine, I just hate where I am, and I need to get away from here.