The hell Matt had been living is finally over. Ken is out of Matt's life for good. Matt can now put everything behind him and start over. But a certain gang seems to think differently... Taito. Sequel to Untold Secrets, but works as stand alone.
Digimon - NC-17 - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 14 - Words: 99633 - Updated: 11-21-05 - Published: 11-01-01
Disclaimer: Considering the length of this cursed thing, I should really stick with the standard "Digimon is not mine." But it's so depressing to write... The song is Sakamoto Maaya's Hemisphere. Wonderful song, really.
Author's notes: April 22, 2003 : Wow, it's been about a year since I worked on this thing... My laptop crashed, and things happened in my life... well, I've decided I'll try to work on this again. So we'll see how it goes. Also, I know this chapter is EXTREMELY short. I apologize, but I thought it'd be easier to just leave this chapter where I last left off a year ago and just pick back up with Yama in the next chapter...
--->Translation:
|In any case, what can I possibly do?
|What can I do to change the reality of this confined garden?
|I haven't even lived through half of my life yet
|I oppose and I embrace
|Experiences are unconciously tatooed onto me|
Waiting
Chapter 7-Loss of Control
by: butterflie, formerly known as Crimson Goddess
*sequel to Untold Secrets*
|sore demo ittai kono boku ni nani ga dekiru tte iun da
|kyuukutsu na hako ni wa no genjitsu wo kaeru tame ni nani ga dekiru no
|jinsei no hanbun mo boku wa mada ikitenai
|sakaratte dakiatte
|muishiki ni kizamarete yuku keiken no tatoo|
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" I asked Matt, frowning. I really didn't want to leave him here alone, especially not with Miyako, but my mother insisted on me doing these errands for her..
"My God Tai," he snapped. Well, more like barked ^_^ "You and Hikari are only going on a few quick errands! You're starting to turn into your mother." Perish the thought. "Just go already. I'll be fine."
"You're sure?" I asked again, not quite reassured.
"Damn! Go already!" he half shouted.
"Well, if you're sure..."
"Of course I'm sure! Now go!"
Muttering a few choice epitaphs under my breath, I let him push me out the door, bumping into my little sister. The door closed after me, and I looked at it mournfully.
"Tai?" Kari asked me.
"I don't wanna leave him, Kar."
"I know, but he'll be okay. We won't be very long."
"Miyako..."
"She said she wouldn't."
"I don't trust her."
+-+-+-+
The apartment was eerily silent when we got back. Immediately I became alarmed. "Hikari, where's everybody at?" I asked in a panic, my voice unnaturally high pitched.
"I don't know, Tai," she replied with as much uneasiness as I felt.
I cautiously walked into the kitchen. 'kaasan sometimes leaves notes for me or Kari on the fridge.
I didn't find a note. However, I did find a knife in the sink, a few drops of tell-tale blood still on the blade.
"Kari," I said, my voice rising even higher as more alarm filled it, "Kari.. Kari!"
"What?" she asked, coming in the kitchen.
Wordlessly, I pointed.
Her eyes widened. "Oh my God..."
"Matt," I choked out. "Do you think.."
"I'm calling the hospital!" she cried, going over to the wall and snatching the phone. Frantically she dialed numbers.
While she was on the phone, I wandered the rest of house, feeling like a zombie. It was completely empty of people. And 'kaasan and 'tousan had left in a hurry. Their bedroom said as much.
"I knew I shouldn't have left him with Miyako," I moaned, slumping down against the wall. "Now he's hurt himself again! And we'd been doing so well..." A few tears leaked out of my eyes, falling down my cheeks and splashing onto my hands.
"Taichi?" came Kari's gentle voice. "I talked to 'tousan. He's gonna meet us at the entrance to the hospital."
I looked up at her, still leaking tears. My water pipe burst, as 'kaasan would put it. "Did he- s-say anything about-?"
She gave me a sympathetic smile. "No, and I asked. He said he'd tell us when-"
"-we get there. Figures. Did you put the food away?"
"Yeah. We just need to lock up the apartment. Come on."
She held out her hand to me, and I took it, letting her pull me to my feet.
I locked the apartment after us, and we walked the blocks to the hospital in silence. I was extremely worried and frightened for Matt, and seething at Miyako, and Hikari sensed this, wisely not saying anything.
'tousan was out in front of the doors, off to the side so as not to get in the way of other people. We spotted him before he spotted us, so I yelled, "Otousan!"
He approached us. "Taichi, Hikari."
"Yamato?" I asked him anxiously. "Is he okay? What happened?"
"He wants you, Taichi. He won't let anyone else in, not even the doctors. Come on," and he began walking fast towards the doors.
I kept up with him easily enough, although I think Hikari was quick-footing it a little. We went in and boarded the elevators. 'tousan pushed for the fourth floor, and I wondered if he had the same room as the last few times.
It was room 423, like I thought. I saw a bunch of doctors crowded around it, and inside I could hear Yamato screaming. Needless to say, it scared me to death.
'kaasan was standing off to the side, trying to comfort Miyako, who was crying. I guess Matt was scaring her too. Good. She deserved it.
I ran over to them. "Yamato?" I asked 'kaasan anxiously.
The immense relief that showed in her face scared me almost as much as Matt's screaming. "Go in, Taichi. He won't have anyone else."
I nodded, then went over to the door. The doctors got out of my way, and I knocked timidly on the door. "Matt?"
"Taichi?" came the wavery reply.
I opened the door and went in, shutting it back behind me.
It wasn't a pretty sight. Matt's wrists were still pretty bloody looking, and his face wasn't the best either, eyes all red and puffy, hair all mussed up.
"Taichi?" he quavered again.
I went over, crawled in the bed next to him, held him close to me. I started brushing his hair back out of his face, sighing not unkindly as I did so. "Oh babe, what happened?"
"I'm sorry," he whimphered. "I didn't mean to. Don't be mad."
"I'm not, I'm not," I soothed him. "Just terrified out of my mind."
Surprisingly, he let out a little laugh. "I'm sorry. Don't tell my father."
"Allright. But what happened?"
"I... she wouldn't leave me alone! Right after you left.. I got scared. I panicked," Matt said, sniffling and clinging to me.
"Miyako was asking you about him?"
He nodded.
I sighed again. "Babe... I'm sorry. She'd promised she wouldn't. I didn't know."
"S'not your fault, Taichi. I'm the one who insisted you go. Remember?"
"But-"
"It's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself."
I nodded my head, then we sat in silence as I continued to hold him. He gave a little sigh, sagging against me wearily. I smiled, planting a kiss on the top of his head, then leaned back against the cheap headboard. Crappy hospital beds....
Some time later someone was knocking on the door. "Matt? Taichi?"
"Dr. Kaos.." Yamato murmured, yawning. "Better let him in, Taichi."
"Door's not locked," I remarked. Then, a little louder, "Come on in."
The door opened and Dr. Kaos walked in. "Calmed down?" he asked, addressing Matt. Matt nodded.
"Not gonna bite me now?" Matt shook his head, and I raised my eyebrows. "You were really upset, weren't you?" Matt nodded again, yawning a second time.
Dr. Kaos grinned. "Well, that's good. You're one hell of a biter Matt."
"Hmm..." I murmured "...such possibilities... Oh Matt dear?"
"No, I will not practice S&M with you."
"Damn." I pretended to pout. "Babe, you are just no fun, you know that?"
Dr. Kaos laughed and began attending to Matt's wrists with a swiftness that suggested deft practice. Matt is probably the only suicidal he sees in here on a regular basis. I wonder... Could I ever get Matt to get counseling? Aa, probably not...
"Am I allowed to call your father yet?"
"No!" Matt cried. "Please don't, Dr. Kaos. It'll just put unnecessary strain on him. I don't want him to worry about me all night long. Please. I just want to go back to Tai's and forget about this."
I looked at my boyfriend in amazement. "Go back to mine? But babe.."
"No, I will not stay in this hospital overnight. I'm fine, and I'll continue to be, as long as you keep her the hell away from me," he said, referring to Miyako. "And I don't want to go back to my apartment, either. So no."
I shrugged. "Whatever then. Come back round to mine. I'll definitely keep her away. Just let me go talk to my parents, okay?"
He nodded, his expression becoming slightly curious at his unexpected victory.
I smiled. He was so cute sometimes! Then I slid off the side of the bed and went out to where my parents were in the waiting room down the hall with my sister.
"Otousan? Okaasan?"
They looked up expectantly. "Matt still wants to stay over. I told him it'd be allright, but I wanted to make sure. Will you mind?"
'kaasan looked at 'tousan. "What do you think?" she asked him.
"I.. suppose ..it's allright," he said slowly. "As long as-"
"He'll be fine," I said hastily, cutting him off. "I'm gonna go tell him, and then we can probably leave soon."
I ran off before they could ask me any more questions. I popped into Matt's room for a few moments to tell him, then I was off again.
I found what I was looking for downstairs in the deserted cafeteria. She was huddled up on one of the benches, crying. I still didn't feel sorry for her. Instead, I went over to her and yanked her to her feet.
"What in the hell did you think you were doing, Miyako?!" I yelled in her face. "Hikari and I both specifically told you not to mention Ken to Matt at all, that you were to steer clear of that subject! He was just starting to get over it and then you come in and ruin three months worth of hard work! What in the hell is your problem! We told you he was sensitive! We told you not to push him! What in the fuck did you think you were doing?!"
Miyako didn't respond, she was still crying, and now she was trying to shy away from me as well. Not that I cared. I was seething. Extremely pissed. How dare she push Matt like that?
"Tai, Tai stop it!" Kari cried, running in. "Leave her alone! She feels bad enough!"
"Does she?" I snarled savagely, whirling around to face my sister. "Look at what she did to Matt! That was what, his third attempt? Fourth? He'd finally, finally really started to get over Ken, and she screws it all over! Put yourself in my place, Kari! What if it'd been her getting abused and Matt had pushed her over the edge? With as much as you say you like her, don't you think it kill you to know she was stuck in a hospital suffering?"
"Taichi!" My sister had gone deadly pale, and then the full impact of what I was saying hit me. I literally staggered back a step, as if it had been a physical hit.
I'd just gave away Kari.
"I... Kari..."
"I HATE YOU!!!!" she screamed, then ran off, starting to cry.
I looked at the spot where she'd been, then at Miyako, who'd been shocked into soberness, then sank down to the ground and promptly bawled.
The ride back home was strained, to say the least. Hikari was still extremely pissed at me, I was pissed at Miyako and worried about Matt, Matt was pissed at Miyako and worried about me, and my parents were just generally confused and scared. As for Miyako... I think she was still in shock. She didn't say anything at all, didn't even make a noise, which is extremely unusual for her.
"Taichi?" Matt asked me in a low voice when we got to the apartment and were safely in mine and Hikari's room.
"What?"
"What's wrong with Hikari?"
I sighed. "You remember I said Kari was bisexual?"
He nodded.
"I accidently blurted out in front of Miyako that Kari liked her."
He winced. "Ouch."
I smiled. "Yeah. Major ouch. She's never been so pissed at me. I think most of it stems from embarrassment though."
"Hm. Probably. Wanna watch a movie?"
So like him to change subjects. Ah well. I don't mind. This time. "Sure. Whatdya wanna watch?"
He grinned. "You wouldn't happen to own any gay porn?"
I let out a snort. "Matt!"
He grinned. "I'm serious."
"Oh God!" Thus saying, I still went over to my stash of carefully acquired porn and chose a title. Well, he SAID he wanted to watch it!
His mouth dropped open in amazement as I put the tape in the VCR. "You actually have some?"
"Of course. What teen doesn't?"
"A lot of teens don't have gay porn."
"Yes, but they have porn."
"I don't."
"Shutup. You're ruining my collection of facts I spent so much time amassing."
He threw a pillow at me, then settled down beside me on the bed to watch. Well, more accurately, sat on me.
Thirty minutes into the tape found me with a HUGE erection.
"Um Matt?" I spoke up.
"Hmm?" he said absently.
"Can we like, not watch this anymore?"
"Why?"
"Because I'm about to keel over from the pain!"
He laughed and scooted off me. "You get horny easily, Tai dear."
I made a face, pulling lightly on his golden locks he so treasured. "It's kinda hard not to when you're sitting on my lap while we watch porn," I remarked dryly.
Matt just gave me a wicked grin. "We can fix that, if you like," he told me slyly.
"My parents are home," I reminded him. "And Kari. And Miyako."
"So? We can be quiet."
"Now who's the horny one?"
The only response I got was Matt throwing himself on me and kissing me for so long I began to wonder if the guy had even heard of oxygen. Light years later he broke off and looked at me, a lot more serious than he'd been. "So? Want to?"
"After a kiss like that, who in their right mind would say no?" I asked him huskily, then started kissing him back.
When I came, I had to bite down on my lip to keep from screaming and alerting my parents. Afterwards, I collapsed on the bed completely sated with pleasure. Matt fell beside me, looking exhausted and satisfied as I felt. I looked over at him, then grasped his hand. He smiled softly at me. "Tai.."
"Yeah babe?" I whisphered, too worn to have the strength to speak louder.
"That was wonderful.."
"Why, thank you," I said mockingly.
He smirked. "Cute."
"I know."
"There's just one problem."
"What?"
"How are we supposed to leave the room covered in cum?"
"Err.. look genius, it was your bright idea to have sex in the first place!"
"You're the one that had the huge erection!"
"You're the one who sat on my lap and insisted on watching porno!"
Our little argument was interrupted by a knock on the door and 'kaasan saying "Taichi?"
My eyes widened in panic; I looked at Matt.
"Shimatta!" I hissed. "I didn't lock the door!"
"Quick! Clothes!" Matt got up and started scrambling for clothes, but it was too late. 'kaasan had already opened the door.
"Uh... yes okaasan?" I asked as calmly as I could while Matt yelped and used his shirt as a shield. His face was bright red and I felt my own flaming as well.
'kaasan stared at us for a few, then beat a hasty retreat out the door, stammering words I don't think even she could make sense of. (A/N: hehe ^_^ )
Matt and I just looked at each other for a few seconds after she'd left.
"................................................. wanna go take a shower?"
(A/N: audience falls over anime-like ^_~ )
+-+-+-+
After our shower (in which Matt managed to give me another erection, damn him!), I felt much cleaner but no less embarrassed. I dreaded going out in the living room, but I had to find out what 'kaasan wanted. At least I could drag Matt along with me for support.
'kaasan wasn't in the livingroom, but 'tousan was.
"Otousan."
He looked up. "Hai?"
"Where's okaasan?"
"She's in our bedroom. She was muttering nonsense words and looked rather shocked. Any idea why?"
I shook my wildly, as did Matt. "Uh-uh, nope, no way, not a clue." I said, laughing nervously. "Don't know what it could be. Matt?"
"No! None at all! Totally clueless!"
'tousan raised his eyebrows. "O.k." he said after a moment. "If you say so."
"Yep! We say so! Gotta split!"
I grabbed Matt and yanked him out of there, then went and found mom. She was laying on her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. I decided it'd be better if Matt wasn't there, and told him to go wait for me in the kitchen. He nodded, immediately making himself scarce.
"Okaasan?" I asked timidly.
She looked over at me. "Taichi."
I gulped. "Um... I just wanted to see what you wanted earlier.."
"Well, I wanted to make sure Matt was okay, but he obviously was."
"Yeah. Obviously." I grinned weakly. I came over and sat at the edge of her bed. "Look, I'm sorry about that, but I am seventeen, and I feel mature enough to handle a sexual relationship. Plus, I'm really careful with Matt. And I did say we were involved."
"Yeah. Just...."
"Just?"
"I didn't realize you were that involved. And I think I'd prefer it if you chose to do... that.. when me or your father aren't home. And your sister."
I grinned. "Sorry. It was ..a great need. I couldn't help it."
"Alright. Are you and Matt sleeping in your room or do you want the livingroom?"
"I think you better give us the livingroom. Otherwise we might end up doing things again."
+-+-+-+
"Later babe. Be careful, okay?" I said, giving him a quick kiss.
"I will. I'll call you later."
"Okay. Bai."
After Matt left, I wandered the house aimlessly. I was actually looking for my sister, but I didn't entirely want to find her. She hadn't spoken to me since we were at the hospital. I was just now seeing that I'd hurt her worse than I'd realized last night.
I found her in the kitchen. She was helping 'kaasan with the supper preparations.
I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself, then spoke. "Hikari, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"I'm helping okaasan," she replied in the coldest tone of voice I'd ever heard her use. It sent chills down my spine. This was gonna be tougher than I thought.
'kaasan smiled down at her. "Go on and see what he wants. I think I can manage without you."
Hikari smiled at her, then glared murderously at me. Nonetheless, she follwed me down the hall to our room. I shut the door, then turned towards her.
She wasn't doing anything, just sitting on the bottom bunk of the bed, staring coldly at me. She didn't say anything when I looked her, and the silence was rather unnerving. Suddenly I felt seven instead of seventeen.
"Look.. Hikari... "
"What?" she snapped.
I flinched. "I just.. I wanted to say I'm sorry. Really, truly, sorry."
"Are you?" she asked, tilting her head back ever so slightly.
"Yes. I am. I was -not exactly myself last night. You know that. I was scared to death for Matt. And I was really mad at Miyako. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have. I honestly didn't mean to tell her. I'd never do that on purpose, I promise."
"Do you really now?" she said, and her voice was heavy with sarcasm, eyes cold and piercing.
"Please Hikari," I begged. "Please forgive me. I hate it when you get mad at me. I really am sorry. Please?" I got down on my knees and put my hands together, begging still.
"I.." she began, and now she looked uncertain. "I....."
I stayed silent, rather than push her. If I pushed her, she might get annoyed and say no. I'd learned that little trick with 'kaasan a long time ago.
"I.... You totally ruined it with her!" she yelled, and her eyes started to fill with tears. "She'd hardly talk to me at all last night, and it's your fault! She probably hates me now!"
Pained, I tried to reassure her. "Oh come on, Kar. She's your friend. You were in the Digital World together. I don't think she's gonna drop you because you like her. I'm sure if you talk to her, you'll still be friends, even if she doesn't like you that way. And if she does.."
"But.. but last night! She didn't even hardly look at me!"
"She was in shock, and it wasn't just because of you. It was because of what she made Matt do, no matter how unintentional it was. Think about it Kar."
"I..."
I smiled at her, then reached out and stroked her sleek hair. "Don't worry. Things will work out fine in the end, even if you don't get together. Ok?"
"Ok," Hikari replied softly. "Thanks, oniichan."
"Think nothing of it."
End Part 7
Author's Notes: Wow, it's been awhile since I've had a chapter that wasn't divided into umpteen million parts. Once again, I apologize for this being so short. I'll try to make the next chapter longer, but I've been thin on ideas for this story for awhile... sorry ^^
Also, I've decided I'm going to start cutting out most of the Japanese. It just makes the story look worse.
part eight