Illness
I just got shot in the ass today. For an illness that nobody is actually sure that I have. But since I was in the hospital 4 days prior, and am leaving by plane to California in about 28 hours, they figured the shot was warented. It was great, cause the process of injection, including the insertion and removal, lasted a good 20-30 seconds, and it managed to sting significantly the whole way through. I was actually impressed. At least twice during the process I was actually surprised by not only the duration, but the rate of fluid injection. That's a lot of Penicillan. Which I ordinarily wouldn't have a problem with, except I got a real problem with needles. I got a lot of reasons for why I think that is, but i get to that in a second. It was actually kinda comical. When the nurse left, she was unaware that I was feeling very sick and likely to pass out at any time. By the time she came back with my paper work I was fine. The 20 mins in between, I was beside myself. A lot of it I simply had to just lay down for.. but for philosophical reasons, and expectations of myself as a person, I was no content to just lay there in my pathetic psychological paralization. So I got up and walked around and even jumped around a bit. But I couldn't keep that up for more than 5 mins at a time, it was just to dangerous, cause I have passed out from needles before, though that is a cool story too... Anyway, a couple of times I almost got by in, but in the end succumed to psycho-chemical reactions. Laying down however was even more fun. If you saw me you'd think I took a dive in artic water. I was shaking, hard, and my skin was cold. I even half considered that it might have been a reaction to the medicine itself. Then no sooner did all this go away then the nurse walking in the door with my paper work. At least nobody saw me in my moment of weakness. Lucky too, since I seem to be pretty popular there, I was handled by 4 nurses (including the one in the triad room) a doctor, and a doctor's assitent. And granted, I did go to the ER, but it was a slow night, and it took them 2hours to get me out of there.
Laying on a hospital bed greatly disabilitated for the better part of a 20 min period is a good opportunity to contemplate why one is rendered so completly helpless by a wound so small it can barely be considered an injury. (Note: the 'wound' did not even bleed, and now, less than to hours since, I can barely feel it at all even when i try.) For one thing I got a real problem with seeing blood.. or at least My blood, and I believe the reasons for that paranoia are the exact same. In fact the incident where I passed out noted above was during a blood drawing. I was 'fine' until I looked at it. Apparently during my unconsciousness I handled myself very ninja-ly. However, I don't have a real problem with pain. In fact medical professionals have told me I handle pain itself exceedingly well. I just have a really deep seaded fear of any kind of injury that causes problems to the functionality of my body.. like the time i cut the end of my thumb off. Well, halfway off. That's a fun story too.
Damn I talk a lot, that last paragraph was supposed to be a 2-3 line introduction to the following ideas, but it got to long so i had to separate them. Oh well, whatever. So I've always known that I hate getting shots in the ass a whole lot more than shots in the arm, even though shots in the ass are supposed to hurt less because they have more fat.. or something. I always assumed it was because I could see my arm, and could recognise that the injury wasn't serious, whereas in the ass, i can only feel an injury far deeper into my body than I am comfortable with. And since the injection causes pressure, the area of effect feels a lot larger. But I've decided that I think it has a lot more to do with the ass itself. If it was my back or something it wouldn't bother me much at all, but if it were my stomach, I think they'd have to do it over their dead, or my unconscious body. Reason for this: Even a small wound to either side the ass in the area where the shot is injected can render a serious impairment to mobility, having a greatly detrimental effect on one's overall ability to survive. (Having a hole in one's stomach just seems like a really bad idea, given acids and whatever other crap involved.) Having a greater injury to one's arm or back however does not impair one nearly as badly, since backs tough and one usually has two arms whom's primary functionality are not dependent on each other. Also in both cases, even when injured, they can strain themselves a lot harder without causing as much further damage, whereas running requires rapid and frequent straining of muscles in the area, and can make a bad problem worse in a big hurry. As for having blood drawn, which they usually do from the inside of my elbow, and on other people I guess the inside of the wrist is popular too, in another experiance entirely. For one thing, I don't think my body likes taking having things taken or put in it lying down. For another, the two places I just listed have to be the worst posible one's i can imagine (in terms of pratical places i can think of to have blood drawn).
For one thing (and I realize that this is why they choose these places) wounds there have are a lot more likely to generate fatal blood loss given the size of the wound than most places on the body. For another, there small, and I guess they seem like they'd be easy to wound heavily. Honestly, I think I'd rather have my blood drawn from the side of my neck, though that would probably suck a lot too, but I'd either handle it a lot better, or pass out immediately. Realistically, I'd much rather it be done out of the back of my knee. It somehow seems a lot less vulnerable. Oh well, it seems to be getting better with time, my reactions that is, and hopefully I can just get over it. However it also seems that I am only handling the state of being freaked out better, and it's possible that I haven't made any progress toward getting over my instinctual paranoias. For one who realies on instict heavily, and is proud of their instincts performance, not to mention their pride of their physiological control over thier body, it is a hard thing to deal with, only exasperated by the slow progress (if any) being made toward dealing with this (very unkind adjective here) attribute of not being able to handle irrational weaknesses.
Whatever, I'll kill my fear if i have to do it with a stick.
Laying on a hospital bed greatly disabilitated for the better part of a 20 min period is a good opportunity to contemplate why one is rendered so completly helpless by a wound so small it can barely be considered an injury. (Note: the 'wound' did not even bleed, and now, less than to hours since, I can barely feel it at all even when i try.) For one thing I got a real problem with seeing blood.. or at least My blood, and I believe the reasons for that paranoia are the exact same. In fact the incident where I passed out noted above was during a blood drawing. I was 'fine' until I looked at it. Apparently during my unconsciousness I handled myself very ninja-ly. However, I don't have a real problem with pain. In fact medical professionals have told me I handle pain itself exceedingly well. I just have a really deep seaded fear of any kind of injury that causes problems to the functionality of my body.. like the time i cut the end of my thumb off. Well, halfway off. That's a fun story too.
Damn I talk a lot, that last paragraph was supposed to be a 2-3 line introduction to the following ideas, but it got to long so i had to separate them. Oh well, whatever. So I've always known that I hate getting shots in the ass a whole lot more than shots in the arm, even though shots in the ass are supposed to hurt less because they have more fat.. or something. I always assumed it was because I could see my arm, and could recognise that the injury wasn't serious, whereas in the ass, i can only feel an injury far deeper into my body than I am comfortable with. And since the injection causes pressure, the area of effect feels a lot larger. But I've decided that I think it has a lot more to do with the ass itself. If it was my back or something it wouldn't bother me much at all, but if it were my stomach, I think they'd have to do it over their dead, or my unconscious body. Reason for this: Even a small wound to either side the ass in the area where the shot is injected can render a serious impairment to mobility, having a greatly detrimental effect on one's overall ability to survive. (Having a hole in one's stomach just seems like a really bad idea, given acids and whatever other crap involved.) Having a greater injury to one's arm or back however does not impair one nearly as badly, since backs tough and one usually has two arms whom's primary functionality are not dependent on each other. Also in both cases, even when injured, they can strain themselves a lot harder without causing as much further damage, whereas running requires rapid and frequent straining of muscles in the area, and can make a bad problem worse in a big hurry. As for having blood drawn, which they usually do from the inside of my elbow, and on other people I guess the inside of the wrist is popular too, in another experiance entirely. For one thing, I don't think my body likes taking having things taken or put in it lying down. For another, the two places I just listed have to be the worst posible one's i can imagine (in terms of pratical places i can think of to have blood drawn).
For one thing (and I realize that this is why they choose these places) wounds there have are a lot more likely to generate fatal blood loss given the size of the wound than most places on the body. For another, there small, and I guess they seem like they'd be easy to wound heavily. Honestly, I think I'd rather have my blood drawn from the side of my neck, though that would probably suck a lot too, but I'd either handle it a lot better, or pass out immediately. Realistically, I'd much rather it be done out of the back of my knee. It somehow seems a lot less vulnerable. Oh well, it seems to be getting better with time, my reactions that is, and hopefully I can just get over it. However it also seems that I am only handling the state of being freaked out better, and it's possible that I haven't made any progress toward getting over my instinctual paranoias. For one who realies on instict heavily, and is proud of their instincts performance, not to mention their pride of their physiological control over thier body, it is a hard thing to deal with, only exasperated by the slow progress (if any) being made toward dealing with this (very unkind adjective here) attribute of not being able to handle irrational weaknesses.
Whatever, I'll kill my fear if i have to do it with a stick.