Spent a day listening to mellow, dreamy music...
...Hmm I've missed it. I guess I need a break from the aggressive, raw loud rock and noise.
Its funny. Since I had a long while of not posting in here much, I can quickly trace back the time. And I guess I can pinpoint where things started going wrong. Maybe wrong is not the right word... but the point where things started to change. I know I've said it before, but I just think, a year ago... things were so different. I thought I had my life and my future pathed out. I was in love.
I guess everything happens for a reason. But sometimes it just is so hard to get your footing.
I've been wearing heals for years, but I still trip in them.
A few more weeks of school left. And then that safety net is pulled out. The balancing act continues, and my nets keep vanishing. I guess I have to keep building more.
Life is funny.
I thought I embraced the pain, but I can see I'm still trying to deny it.
I just live for the moments where everything feels okay.
Meditation is becoming a requirement.
So I'm somewhat going through the motions and I'm somewhat behind the wheel. It kind of varies. I take control when I can, which I have found, is very very very rare. We obsesses over security, while it doesn't exist. Everything is volitle, nothing is secure. I've found that accepting that makes it easier to take risks.
I should start playing again once I finish school. I forgot how good it feels to create music. Guitar, singing, trombone, strange noizes, toys... Might take me a few months to be able to do anything decently.
I try to be a hardass. I have to pretend like everything is ok.
This beautiful song is ripping my heart out right now...
I'm committing a felony and have a repeat music entry. So shoot me...
Its funny. Since I had a long while of not posting in here much, I can quickly trace back the time. And I guess I can pinpoint where things started going wrong. Maybe wrong is not the right word... but the point where things started to change. I know I've said it before, but I just think, a year ago... things were so different. I thought I had my life and my future pathed out. I was in love.
I guess everything happens for a reason. But sometimes it just is so hard to get your footing.
I've been wearing heals for years, but I still trip in them.
A few more weeks of school left. And then that safety net is pulled out. The balancing act continues, and my nets keep vanishing. I guess I have to keep building more.
Life is funny.
I thought I embraced the pain, but I can see I'm still trying to deny it.
I just live for the moments where everything feels okay.
Meditation is becoming a requirement.
So I'm somewhat going through the motions and I'm somewhat behind the wheel. It kind of varies. I take control when I can, which I have found, is very very very rare. We obsesses over security, while it doesn't exist. Everything is volitle, nothing is secure. I've found that accepting that makes it easier to take risks.
I should start playing again once I finish school. I forgot how good it feels to create music. Guitar, singing, trombone, strange noizes, toys... Might take me a few months to be able to do anything decently.
I try to be a hardass. I have to pretend like everything is ok.
This beautiful song is ripping my heart out right now...
I'm committing a felony and have a repeat music entry. So shoot me...