Dark Surrounds Me part 9

[lunarrays]

beat-ed by moon1084   (=

Jaejoong’s POV

*The Next Day*

I was just slipping on my light jacket and shoes when the doorbell rang. I knew it was Yunho, because I had heard him pull up a few minutes before.

I was ready. Have been ready for about fifteen minutes.

I wobble over to the door, my feet had swollen up a little and my back was slightly aching when I opened it to see Yunho.

Not knowing how to act, or to even what to think, I lowered my head, "Hello Yunho." I said as I turn to close and lock the door, as Junsu has yet to return from Yoochun's house.

I turn back to Yunho and smile, "How are you feeling this morning?" I asked as we walked over to the running car. My husband opened the door and helped me get settled into the seat with the seatbelt fastened securely around my belly. I watch as he jogged around to the front of the car and got in.

I smiled again as he turned to me, "I'm a little sore. Last night was awful though. My back and butt stung for hours after I showered and went to bed." Yunho answered casting his eyes downward towards the console of the car. "Jaejoong. I'm so very sorry for the pain I've put you through. I know it's selfish for me to keep asking you to come back home. So, I'm not going to ask you anymore. I'll let you decide when you want to come home." Yunho lifted his eyes to mine and I knew then that he was sincere about being regretful of what he had done. I swallowed hard as he continued, "Just, please come home. I never knew how much I needed you, until I lost you. I never knew just how much I loved you and took you for granted. I know I'm the lowest form of scum on earth, and that I don't deserve one ounce of your love and compassion. I know you should take the baby and get as far away from me as you can. Jae, I love you, but I want you to know, that the choice is yours. If you want to leave, I'll let you. I'll let you go. I would hope that you would wish to stay with me, but, if you want, you can leave, and I won’t try to stop you."

I could hear the trembling in Yunho's voice, and I knew what it was costing him a lot to say this to me. I looked out my window and bit my lip.

Yunho hadn't been the only one to be thinking.

I had been up for most of the night last night. I kept thinking about if I was willing to risk wanting to give a future with Yunho a chance, if I could give Yunho another chance. I kept thinking if I wanted to learn to trust him again. And the only answer that kept coming to me was yes. Yes, I wanted my husband back. My husband before the abuse started.

The husband that had loved me. The husband that I had trusted in.

Could I trust Yunho again? I didn't have the answer to that because I already knew that I wanted to give it another try.

I also knew that right now, I wasn't strong enough to be with him. Right now, I could hardly tolerate him touching me.

Even though my mind was scared of his touch, I knew that my body was craving for it. Craving the gentle caresses that had once been. Craving the soft kisses and the passionate loving. My body missed him. My heart missed the loving Yunho who filled me up to brimming with his kindness.

"Yunho, I can't give you an answer right now. Just know that I still love you. In spite of everything you did, and how you have made me feel these last few months, I still love you." I glanced over at him, my eyes drawn to his hands. They where gripping the steering wheel, guiding the car through the traffic. These hands had held me lovingly, but they have also brought me the greatest pain I had ever suffered.” I know you don't want to hear this from me, but still, I need to say it. Since you’re giving me the choice, I want to take the time to think about it. To think about what kind of father you will be to this baby. The baby you never believed was yours", I placed my hands on my tummy, I smiled at the tiny kick it gave, "I want to think about the future of this child." I signed and looked at Yunho. He looked defeated by my words. Like his whole world just fell apart, "I'm not saying that I'm leaving. Just that I need to think about it. Yunho, I promised you I would come back before the baby was born, and I will. I just want to be able to leave if I feel like things aren't working out between us, ok." I see him nod his head.

I tried to imagine my life without Yunho in it. The image would just not come. I have always planned my future with Yunho at my side. My life without Yunho, to my way of thinking, would be no life at all. I guess I already knew the answer to my questions. I guess even though I said I would think about rather or not I'd leave, I knew deep down that I wouldn't, that I just couldn't.

Oh, I know that if turned back to that violent man that I could leave. No way was I subjecting my baby to that kind of life.

I just wanted to give Yunho the chance to prove he can change, and change for the better.

"Um, Jae." Yunho was looking sheepishly at me.

I glanced over to my husband, "Yes."

"You'll have to tell me where the doctor’s office is." His face turned red and he turned back to the road.

I pursed my lips together. That's right, I forgot, he's never been to any O.B. appointment with me. He wouldn’t know where my doctor was located.

"It's at the hospital, on the first floor." I muttered.

Yunho nodded and continued to drive.

~~~~~

We arrive in the doctor’s office with ten minutes to spare.

I walked over and signed in and then took a seat next to Yunho, in one of the maroon padded chairs.

I bit back a grin, as Yunho looked at the walls of the waiting room. Pictures of women in various stages of their pregnancies where hanging on the walls. On one wall was a picture of five men standing in a line, with their shirts pulled up exposing their pregnant bellies. I grinned as Yunho's mouth hung open at the life like a mannequin in the corner with a rounded belly. Then I laughed out, when Yunho gasped as the mannequin belly went flat, only to bloat up again showing the different stages of pregnancy. Yunho's eyes got big as the mannequin got to the very last stage. He turned to me, and looked down at my belly. I was big, but not as big as the fake doll in the corner was showing at nine months.

"Your not that big. Is something wrong? Why are you not that big? Oh my God, Jaejoong are you ok? Is the baby ok. Is there something wrong with my little Yunho Jr.?" Yunho leaned forward and put his ear to my belly, and I laughed again, while running my fingers through his hair.

"Yunho, don't worry. I'm only almost seven months, not nine. So I'm not that big yet. Everything's fine for now. And what do you mean little Yunho Jr.? It could be a girl."

Yunho lifted his head and looked at me, "You mean you don't know what it is?" I shook my head. "I was waiting for you to come with me so we could find out together."

Lowering my head, 'But, you never would come, so I never found out." Shyly I gazed up at him, "Do you want to find out today? We could do an ultrasound and find out."

Yunho's eye misted over and he nodded his head, not being able to speak.

"Mr Jung. Mr Jung Jaejoong." The nurse called and I stood up. I see Yunho still sitting. "Aren't you coming in with me?" Yunho lifts his head and then quickly comes to his feet.

We walked back and I paused at the bathroom, "You need to wait here. I have to give them a urine sample to make sure everything is ok." I smiled and walked in the bathroom. Ten minutes later, I came back out and we went to the examining room, and Yunho helped me upon the table.

Barely getting comfortable on the table, my doctor, Shim Changmin, came in. "So, Mr Jung. How are you feeling today?" Dr. Shim asked in his usual jolly voice.

I grinned, "Fine, except for a little swelling in my feet and a little back ach." Dr. Shim nodded and jotted down notes on his clipboard.

"Ok, let's take your blood pressure. Have to make sure your not getting preeclampsia, then we'll take a look at your feet. The back ach is normal for this stage of pregnancy, and I hate to say this, but might get worse. You might want your husband to give you back massages and take warm baths with low doses of tylenol. That might help some.
Sometimes the back ach is due to the baby’s backbone being next to or right up against your backbone. You could try a few simple exercises to help the baby move it's position. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. But, more than likely it's just the added weight gain you get during the pregnancy."

As Dr. Shim talked, he wrapped the blood pressure cup around my arm and started pumping up. I tried to breath normally. I had heard of preeclampsia, and knew the only cure was delivery, if the doctor couldn't control the elevated blood pressure.

I looked over to Yunho who was sitting in the corner, nervously biting his nails. "Well," Dr. Shims voice brought my attention back to him, "looks like your blood pressure is normal, so we might not be dealing with preeclampsia. Let's look at those feet." Yunho rose up and came over to remove my shoes and socks. I groaned in relief when the shoes slipped off my swollen feet.

Yunho stood beside of me looking at my feet as the doctor examined them, and then pushing my pant leg up, looking at my legs also.

Finally, standing back up. “I think the swelling is just normal swelling. Nothing to be worried about. Just elevate your feet. And if they get bigger come back in, ok. I know your on bed rest, so every time you lay down make sure you put your feet up. Not wearing tight shoes will help. Also try wearing loose clothing and no elastic unless it's really loose, ok." I nodded, "Yes, doctor."

Dr Shim went over his chart again, "So, I see here that you’re ready to do an ultrasound. Does that mean that you’re ready to find out what you’re having?"

Yunho and I glanced at each other and then back to the doctor, "Yes, we would like to know."

Dr. Shim nodded, "Well, follow me, and we'll see what's growing inside of you. Hopefully it's a baby and not an alien." The doctor tried to joke and Yunho and I laughed lightly at his lame line. The doctor led us to a different room, not to far from the one we where in.

"Ok, mom to be. Lay down here and raise your shirt and lower the waist band of your pants please."

Awkwardly, with Yunho's help I managed to climb on the small table and lie down. I look down and see this huge bump in my line of sight. I groaned. I must have grown since this morning! I lifted my shirt and pulled down my waistband, reading myself for the doctor.

"Ok, so this will be a little cold." The next minute he squeezed a good amount of really cold gel all over my bulging belly. Then reaching over, he took the Doppler in hand and brought it to my stomach.

I looked up at Yunho, his eyes where glued to the machine’s screen. I turned my head to look just as the image of our baby became visible.

I gasped. My eyes filled with tears. There it was. This little life growing inside me. I could clearly see it's backbone, it's little beating heart, and it’s head. Just then it turned it's head and looked right at us. The baby’s eyes where big, and it had a finger in it's mouth!

I drank in the sight of our baby. It was so beautiful.

"Looks like everything is fine with the little one. Now time for the big question. Do you want to know what it is?"

Yunho and I said, "YES!" at the same time.

Our eyes were on the screen as we waited for the doctor to tell us what it was, when these little letters started appearing on the screen. 'IT'S A...GIRL!!!!!!'

I gazed at the screen, and then it hit me, "Yunho! It’s a girl! We're having a girl!" I lifted my eyes and looked at him. Yunho had tears pouring down his face.

I reached out and took his hand in mine and squeezed. He looks down at me, and then he's hugging me. I lay there shocked as Yunho cried on my neck. His hot tears were soaking into my shirt. I hear the doctor leave the room, the door softly closing behind me.

Yunho lifts up and brushes my hair back, "I love you so much. A girl. You've given us a girl. Oh Jae." Then he was kissing me.

I lay there as Yunho kissed me. His lips felt soft on mine, and I started to relax some. My hands lifting slowly to cling to Yunho shoulders. My heart was racing, my body shivering slightly, but I was didn’t feel any fear. I was not afraid. I let my arms circle his neck and bring him closer to me, moving my lips with his.

I didn't understand where my fear went, or how I was letting him touch me. All I knew was that I wanted this kiss at this moment.

I moaned as I felt Yunho's tongue trying to seek entrance to my mouth. I parted my lips and let him in.

The feel of him was foreign to me after a long of being without his kisses.

Yunho slowly lifted his head and gazed down at me. All the love he had been telling me about shining right there in his bright brown eyes.

I shift my eyes away from his intense, longing stare and see the napkins the doctor had left for me. Reaching over I grabbed them and cleaned myself up, and setting my clothes back in place.

Slowly, I sit up and carefully climbed off the table with Yunho's help.

"I think we should go, Yunho." I muttered, as I head towards the door.

I was still confused as to what I wanted to do. The one thing I knew for certain, I did not want to leave my husband. I knew that I should start trying to get used to him again. Try to get over this fear of him touching me. I noticed the fear was less this time. So much less that I wanted more of him kissing me.

We made our way to the car. We both got in and started down the road.

After a while of silence, I had to break the ice.

"Yunho, I need to go by the house. I need to pick up some things that I forgot." It was a lie. I hadn't forgotten anything; I just wanted to be with him more.

******

Yunho's POV

Jaejoong sat beside me, quite. Not making a sound.

I cut my eyes over to him, and see him looking out the passenger side window, his face blank, hands resting on his belly.

I could feel my hands start to sweat.

Has he already made up his mind?

Is my wife going to take our baby girl and leave?

I had no right to say anything to him. I had given him the freedom to choose, and it would seem that he has already made his choice.

I shook my head. Even if he did decide to go, I would beg, I would plead. I would give my very soul to keep him by my side.

Did I lie? No. I told him it was his choice and it is.

But, living without Jae wasn't an option for me. I knew that I couldn't function without him in my life.

The time without him has been hell; a living hell that I was hoping would come to an end soon.

While deep in my thoughts, I had somehow got us from the hospital to the driveway of our home.

We both sit still. The sun shining down on us through the window shield. "We're here." I muttered to him. Jaejoong nodded once, then opened the door and got out. I watched him walk up the front walk to the house. I felt like my world was coming to an end.

Everything in me was screaming out that Jae was here to get the rest of his things and never come back. My mind was telling me to take him in the house and never let him go. My heart was saying it's his choice, it's always been his choice, I just never realized it.

I knew that he would go. He will leave me in the end. Who in their right mind would stay with someone who had hurt them repeatedly? So, I was preparing for this, all morning, preparing, since I told him he could leave me.

Taking a deep breath, I followed suit and exited the car.

Walking slowly up to the front door beside of my wife, I unlocked the entrance door to our home. I stand to the side, holding the door open so that Jae could go in first.

My eyes take in Jae's broad shoulders sliding down to his slim and slender legs.

He has always been the most beautiful man in my eyes. Always so poised, and delicate. His features so perfect.

When we where together in bed, I would take my time with him, touching, caressing, kissing every part of his body, every inch of his soft skin.

The phone ringing brought me from my thoughts. Jae turned to me as I closed the front door, "Yunho, I'm going up to the bedroom for a few things, ok." I nodded and turned for the living room to answer the phone.

I picked up the line, "Hello."

"Mr. Jung?" The voice on the other line asked. "Yes, this is he." I answered back, waiting, impatient to get to my wife upstairs.

"Mr. Jung, this is your brotherʼs lawyer. I'm calling to inform you that Kwong Sun's trial will be held in two weeks." My brows knitted, "Two weeks? Isn't that kind of soon?" There was a long silence on the other line then, "The family suing your brother is
a very well known and loved family. They are high up and are demanding that the trial not be held up for any reason. I was just told to let you know. Have a good day, Mr. Jung." With that the line went dead. I signed and sat the phone back in the hook. Two
weeks. Well, at least it will be done with quickly.

I made my way up to the bedroom. Walking in I see Jae walking around, his hands on his lower back, rubbing. He turned when he heard me enter, and I saw tears swimming in his eyes.

I quickly walked over to him, "Jae, whatʼs wrong?" I asked as I pulled him to me hugging him close.

"My back hurts so badly, Yunho. It hurts." Jae moaned into my chest.

I slid my hands up and down his back. My fingers lightly pressing in as I got to his lower back, and Jae groaned out again.

I set him back from me, "How about this? Why don't you go take a warm bath, and try to relax your muscles. I'll go get you some Tylenol. Then after youʼre done, I'll give you a nice long back massage, ok." I gazed him in the eye, and saw his uncertainty there.

He was hesitating, and that hesitation was killing me. I knew he didn't trust me. I was hoping he could trust me  a little bit to do this for him.

Finally, I hear his whispered, "Ok."

I smiled gently at him and left for the bathroom to run him a relaxing soothing bath. I poured in some scented bath foam and came back to the bedroom. "It's ready for you when youʼre ready to get in."

Jae looked over to me, his big eyes dulled and I knew he was in great pain.

I was by his side in a minute, helping him to the bathroom. I helped him slip off his cloths and settle in the bath. I bit my lip, when Jae let out a pain filled moan, as he got his body comfortable as he could get it in the tub.

The steam coming off the water fogged up the bathroom, and I could smell Jae's unique scent. Before I let my thoughts run off to where they didn't need to be, I left the bathroom.

Going downstairs to the kitchen, I opened one of the cabinets and took out the pain relief, and filled a glass with water.

I lean there, my mind on the boy upstairs. I love him. I love my wife. I wanted this chance to prove to him how much I loved him.

Going back upstairs, entering our bedroom. I walked over to the bathroom; I paused at the door to the bathroom. My hand laying on the door.

It was quite inside. Slowly, I opened the door and went inside.

"Jae. I have your Tylenol here, baby." I knelt down beside the tub, my attention drifting to his rounded tummy. Today was really the first time I had ever seen it. I had caught glimpses of it, but, never like this. Jae's belly was taught, the skin smooth. His bellybutton was almost flat. He had a small pregnant belly, but, in reality, it was big for his body type. It was absolutely the most precious thing I had ever seen. My wife was a pregnant beauty. His whole body was flushed pink from the warmth of the bath
water, beads of water falling from his wet head down to his chest and trailing around his belly.

But, right now, he was in pain. Jae reached out and took the two small pills from my hand, his eyes meeting mine, he placed the medicine in his mouth, taking a drink from the glass, and swallowed it. He handed the glass back to me and slid down into the tub, till the water gently lapped over the top of his belly.

I stayed with Jae as he laid in the tub. Fifteen minutes later, the fog was gone and Jae was getting goose bumps on his body.

"Jae, you can't stay in here much longer. You might harm our baby girl." I said as I went and got his towel ready for him to use.

"Yunho, please the heat feels so good. My back is feeling better. I don't want to get out." Jaejoong pouted at me and I smiled at his cuteness.

"I think most of the heat has left. Come on out, and I'll give you that back rub, ok." I laughed out at his grumbling at having to leave his warm bath.

I gently dried him and then wrapped the towel around his waist under his belly.

Leading him back to the bedroom, I had him sit on the edge of the bed, his back to me.

Jae turned his head, looking at me over his shoulder, "Yunho, I think I would rather lie down." Jae laid down on his side, letting a huge yawn escape. His eyes were getting droopy and his body relaxing as I started to rub his lower back.

Gently I kneaded the tight muscles there, moving my hands over his still warm skin, my thumbs rubbing in small circles on either side of his hips, pressing in to feel the small bones. My fingertips slowly caressing and pressing just a tad bit harder into his lower back, I used the heel of my palm and continued to press in his sore muscles.

Jae's low moans encouraging me to go on,  and his body in total relaxation. Time passed, and I see his back moving in even breaths and telling me that Jae had fallen asleep.

Standing up, I reached down and pulled the blanket up over him. Careful not to wake him, I laid down on top of the covers and curved my body in with his, my arms sliding in around his waist, my hand cupping him under his belly.

Laying like this, I fell asleep holding onto my little family.