Revelations
I just watched a movie that made me realize something about myself. It wasnt a very good movie. It was called one last dance, with patrick swayze and lisa Niemi. That combined with some of the What if questions asked on the Cali trip, I realized that one of the biggest regrets i have in my life is that i stopped dancing. Something Danny said about my worst characteristic being my insecurity and i realize that to be true, and while watching this movie i remembered what it was like to dance. To feel absoluetly and completely there, and graceful, and I remembered how nothing else mattered. I also realized how i let that feeling be fucked up by other people, by self doubt, how it was tainted.
I cant not do this anymore. I hate being 240 pounds. I hate not being able to move. Not to dance, I realized is one of the worst things that could ever happen. I feel crippled body and soul. And i am letting my life go by. Letting what should be some of the peak years, just wallow in indecisions and insecurity.
I had to write this down somewhere so i wouldnt forget. I cant ever forget again.
I cant not do this anymore. I hate being 240 pounds. I hate not being able to move. Not to dance, I realized is one of the worst things that could ever happen. I feel crippled body and soul. And i am letting my life go by. Letting what should be some of the peak years, just wallow in indecisions and insecurity.
I had to write this down somewhere so i wouldnt forget. I cant ever forget again.