(no subject)
There is an energy inside me. It is exploding in a contained and restricted circle too tight for its true circumfrence. My only antidote. It is enraged. I can feel it leaking through my veins like iced brimstone. And I know that it has not yet reached my eyes, because they have not yet been blackened by its power. There is a scream inside me. Yearning to claw its way out of my throat. Lending nervous energy to my untrained and overindulged frame. Salt tears burn hot behind my dry eyes. Frustrated with my own weakness. Irritated by my conditioned responses. Aggravated by my one sided dichotomy.
I know I could forever be suspended over one edge of the scale. Off-balance. Off-Center. Surreal. So agreeably copacetic. Living every second with the dread fear of finally succumbing to the exhaustion of maintaining an unnatural position, and falling into the mists of a self-destructive morpheus, or allowing that energy to fling me to the other side. Allowing it to expand outward from its rigid prison, till its continuous eruption eats me alive.
I know the solution. Balance. But to reach the middle is so hard. I am chained down to one side by an invisible force. Self made shackles of my own fear spotted mind. From the other end a hole vacuums at my soul, pulling at my passion, the only wisps loose enough to let go, yet my violence is all thats left. Using its claws to hold on to my slowly ripping skin, marring the goodness of my intent. How long can i maintain?
I want to give in. But Fear holds me back. I am thankful. I am a truthful mask.
My nature is hidden, while symptoms are openly displayed. My intent is there, but it is magnified by my fear. Making me shrivel in the glare of its intensity. With my strength in my anger, I am weak on this side of the scale. With my life on this side of the scale, i can not move, for fear of loss.
I burn in the hell of my own indecision.
I know I could forever be suspended over one edge of the scale. Off-balance. Off-Center. Surreal. So agreeably copacetic. Living every second with the dread fear of finally succumbing to the exhaustion of maintaining an unnatural position, and falling into the mists of a self-destructive morpheus, or allowing that energy to fling me to the other side. Allowing it to expand outward from its rigid prison, till its continuous eruption eats me alive.
I know the solution. Balance. But to reach the middle is so hard. I am chained down to one side by an invisible force. Self made shackles of my own fear spotted mind. From the other end a hole vacuums at my soul, pulling at my passion, the only wisps loose enough to let go, yet my violence is all thats left. Using its claws to hold on to my slowly ripping skin, marring the goodness of my intent. How long can i maintain?
I want to give in. But Fear holds me back. I am thankful. I am a truthful mask.
My nature is hidden, while symptoms are openly displayed. My intent is there, but it is magnified by my fear. Making me shrivel in the glare of its intensity. With my strength in my anger, I am weak on this side of the scale. With my life on this side of the scale, i can not move, for fear of loss.
I burn in the hell of my own indecision.