Private Entry
I have had a lot of time to think this past week and I decided that I should write it down, lest I forget.
I have mostly been thinking about Sirius' continued disappearances lately. I have yet to confront him about it and I am afraid to admit that I am rather loathe to do so. It is rather like we are back at school ourselves and he and James have gone on a pranking spree without me and Peter. I miss him.
I never understood what Sirius saw in me. He could have had any girl he wanted, as well as a lot of boys and for a while it seemed like he did. But then it stopped. Then he chose me. I just don't know why.
I love him. I don't tell him enough but of course I do. It's just not the type of thing we do and I hardly see him anymore. Perhaps I have lost what he saw in me. Perhaps that is why he keeps disappearing. I have lost him twice already and I do not think I could stand to lose him again.
The worst thing about it all is that he is hurting Harry. Harry has faced so much pain and loss in his life and he does not deserve to be hurt like this. If I do not confront Sirius for my sake, I should for Harry's. I love Harry and I do not want him to be hurt. I want to protect him from what I can because there are things I cannot protect him from and he does not need other things to worry about.
If Sirius leaves me, then I shall be lost. But I shall work through the pain, as I have done before. But I will not allow him to leave Harry.
I have mostly been thinking about Sirius' continued disappearances lately. I have yet to confront him about it and I am afraid to admit that I am rather loathe to do so. It is rather like we are back at school ourselves and he and James have gone on a pranking spree without me and Peter. I miss him.
I never understood what Sirius saw in me. He could have had any girl he wanted, as well as a lot of boys and for a while it seemed like he did. But then it stopped. Then he chose me. I just don't know why.
I love him. I don't tell him enough but of course I do. It's just not the type of thing we do and I hardly see him anymore. Perhaps I have lost what he saw in me. Perhaps that is why he keeps disappearing. I have lost him twice already and I do not think I could stand to lose him again.
The worst thing about it all is that he is hurting Harry. Harry has faced so much pain and loss in his life and he does not deserve to be hurt like this. If I do not confront Sirius for my sake, I should for Harry's. I love Harry and I do not want him to be hurt. I want to protect him from what I can because there are things I cannot protect him from and he does not need other things to worry about.
If Sirius leaves me, then I shall be lost. But I shall work through the pain, as I have done before. But I will not allow him to leave Harry.