divorce
I am about to be a single woman legally. Mike filed and the papers are waiting for me at the post office. Whoa.
I have not had a period since mid-February. Friends think it is stress. I have taken three pregnancy tests - all negative. Big sigh of relief. I do not want a baby right now - not with anybody.
Jamie emailed Mike today. Mike hasn;t even emailed the kids for over a month I'd say. He even forgot to call them Sunday. He made up for it by calling them Monday at Sue's. Good for him, I guess. I swear if he hurts these kids I'll ... well, I won't seek revenge in any way, but it's not fair that he is down there starting a new life while we are up here picking up the pieces and trying to move on. It truly sucks.
I hope Dan sks me out. Maybe in a few weeks I'll reread this and laugh. But Dan is nice and oh so sexy... and for some reason I feel I could click with him.
I want to fall in love. I'm not rushing it. I'm not even looking for it. It'll happen in due time. I just wonder if I am pretty enough to attract a good man. Not to say geed men are always shallow... but what I have to offer you can only get to know through getting to know me, and lately I feel like I'm not attractive enough to magnetize a fly. Blech. It's not that I feel I am fat. No. I just feel shapeless and about as charismatic as a drunk elephant. Not a pretty picture - but my life isn't pretty right now.
I miss Mike. And I don't miss him. He is so full of himself. Ugh! But, I got the best part of him - the babies. I love them so. The aggravate me to pieces, but they are worth it. Jamie had fallen asleep a long time ago and Nan came looking for me. She wanted a story, but we compromised on a few songs. She held my hand. I love that wee girl. We sang "Winnie the Pooh" and "Twinkle twinkle" and "Peace" and the song Mom made up for her when she was a few days old. It was nice.
Dad hung my curtains while I proofread his paper. It was a hoot. He is passionate but without technical savvy. I am so proud of him for taking a class. I hope he does it again.
All are well - except for Angie who suffered a car accident tonight. She was a mess on the phone. She said her arm burned like it was burnt and her nose hurt and she broke her new glasses. Poor kid - she is as stressed as I am or more.
I feel oddly about Whit of late. Sometimes I think I am in love with him and other times he pisses me off. And then there are times when I am at peace with him. Over all, I am not sure what I would do if he left me, too. I think I would crack.
I feel pretty good all things considered. It's good to be alive. I have hope that was not here a month ago. I had hope then - but not as storng as right now. I know even harder times are coming, but I am beginning to feel that I can do this. I can do this. I CAN do this. I can do anything. God is too wonderful to let me go now. And I am beginning to feel a love for myself I have never felt. It's not based on my weight or my grades or anything outside of me. It is about me. I am a princess. I am a sister to Christ. I am awesomely, wonderfully made. I am Janice. Yes, I am.
I have not had a period since mid-February. Friends think it is stress. I have taken three pregnancy tests - all negative. Big sigh of relief. I do not want a baby right now - not with anybody.
Jamie emailed Mike today. Mike hasn;t even emailed the kids for over a month I'd say. He even forgot to call them Sunday. He made up for it by calling them Monday at Sue's. Good for him, I guess. I swear if he hurts these kids I'll ... well, I won't seek revenge in any way, but it's not fair that he is down there starting a new life while we are up here picking up the pieces and trying to move on. It truly sucks.
I hope Dan sks me out. Maybe in a few weeks I'll reread this and laugh. But Dan is nice and oh so sexy... and for some reason I feel I could click with him.
I want to fall in love. I'm not rushing it. I'm not even looking for it. It'll happen in due time. I just wonder if I am pretty enough to attract a good man. Not to say geed men are always shallow... but what I have to offer you can only get to know through getting to know me, and lately I feel like I'm not attractive enough to magnetize a fly. Blech. It's not that I feel I am fat. No. I just feel shapeless and about as charismatic as a drunk elephant. Not a pretty picture - but my life isn't pretty right now.
I miss Mike. And I don't miss him. He is so full of himself. Ugh! But, I got the best part of him - the babies. I love them so. The aggravate me to pieces, but they are worth it. Jamie had fallen asleep a long time ago and Nan came looking for me. She wanted a story, but we compromised on a few songs. She held my hand. I love that wee girl. We sang "Winnie the Pooh" and "Twinkle twinkle" and "Peace" and the song Mom made up for her when she was a few days old. It was nice.
Dad hung my curtains while I proofread his paper. It was a hoot. He is passionate but without technical savvy. I am so proud of him for taking a class. I hope he does it again.
All are well - except for Angie who suffered a car accident tonight. She was a mess on the phone. She said her arm burned like it was burnt and her nose hurt and she broke her new glasses. Poor kid - she is as stressed as I am or more.
I feel oddly about Whit of late. Sometimes I think I am in love with him and other times he pisses me off. And then there are times when I am at peace with him. Over all, I am not sure what I would do if he left me, too. I think I would crack.
I feel pretty good all things considered. It's good to be alive. I have hope that was not here a month ago. I had hope then - but not as storng as right now. I know even harder times are coming, but I am beginning to feel that I can do this. I can do this. I CAN do this. I can do anything. God is too wonderful to let me go now. And I am beginning to feel a love for myself I have never felt. It's not based on my weight or my grades or anything outside of me. It is about me. I am a princess. I am a sister to Christ. I am awesomely, wonderfully made. I am Janice. Yes, I am.