(no subject)

[lunamoonlullaby]

People always tell me that I am this extrovert, that I
live in the moment
and that I naturally draw myself to a crowd, or they flock to me
and everything that could be related. And the funny thing is
that never was the case. And sure,
I am eager
but I was always that
eager in a way where I
could never could take a gesture with a grain of salt. I observed them so meticulously
Whether I was being looked at in the eye
or how legs were pointed
or if I was touched.
And being touched was always the most exciting and nerve wrecking experience.
And I would continue to analyze and my stomach would jump
at every bit of contact. And I would stiffen and grin
stupidly, still, eagerly,
but I would never feel discomfort
only a pulse, I couldn't react, I couldn't deny the fact that I wanted it.
I've always needed a brush down my back,
an embrace, an arm around my shoulders.
Of course, always, but I never could react in turn.
And now all of a sudden, I realize how comfortable I've become.
How I am starting to fit
that little description is odd to grasp. Except I do.
Except I miss feeling weird. Because I miss that excitement.
Oh, I want to feel a pulse through my core,
a jump, a rush.
I want for things to mean things again.