I miss my own words
I’ve been re-reading some of my old LJ entries, and I realized that I was just so unhappy for so long. At least, I seemed to write mainly about unhappy things. It was kind of comforting seeing my own words. I don’t know why I ever stopped updating regularly.
My Geology class is going okay. I don’t know why I had this notion that I was going to ace it without doing any real work. I had forgotten what it is like to take an actual class. I am glad I chose this one rather than an upper level class.
I’m amazed all the time at how retarded I still am for the nate. When we first started getting serious, I knew he’d break my heart someday. Just one of those gut feelings, you know? And he hasn’t yet, but I do find myself being disappointed at his lack of enthusiasm about the relationship. Any attempt I make to say something endearing is immediately thwarted with some kind of flippant comeback. And I get it. I mean, I do. When we “established” this relationship, he let it be known that he’s not much for words. And we kind of built up our relationship around actions, and not words. It’s just as much my fault for not every saying “I love you” as his. But I’ll be damned if I say it first.
It’s been 4.5 years now. At this point in past relationships, I found myself tiring of the whole being part of an “And” and I start thinking about how much it would rock to be single. You know, for once in my life. But I haven’t yet. I don’t mind so much. I mean, I don’t like being an “And,” but I do like being with the nate. I have my own identity. I don’t need to be the nate AND Susie. I’m just Susie. I don’t want to be the “The Nates.” I’m just Susie. Power of one. Me.
I miss people, but I like North Carolina.
I want to get my PhD, but I don’t want to take tests.
Life is full of conundrums.
And I’ve grown so bored of work that I actually read old LJ entries. Sometimes I forget where I am.
My Geology class is going okay. I don’t know why I had this notion that I was going to ace it without doing any real work. I had forgotten what it is like to take an actual class. I am glad I chose this one rather than an upper level class.
I’m amazed all the time at how retarded I still am for the nate. When we first started getting serious, I knew he’d break my heart someday. Just one of those gut feelings, you know? And he hasn’t yet, but I do find myself being disappointed at his lack of enthusiasm about the relationship. Any attempt I make to say something endearing is immediately thwarted with some kind of flippant comeback. And I get it. I mean, I do. When we “established” this relationship, he let it be known that he’s not much for words. And we kind of built up our relationship around actions, and not words. It’s just as much my fault for not every saying “I love you” as his. But I’ll be damned if I say it first.
It’s been 4.5 years now. At this point in past relationships, I found myself tiring of the whole being part of an “And” and I start thinking about how much it would rock to be single. You know, for once in my life. But I haven’t yet. I don’t mind so much. I mean, I don’t like being an “And,” but I do like being with the nate. I have my own identity. I don’t need to be the nate AND Susie. I’m just Susie. I don’t want to be the “The Nates.” I’m just Susie. Power of one. Me.
I miss people, but I like North Carolina.
I want to get my PhD, but I don’t want to take tests.
Life is full of conundrums.
And I’ve grown so bored of work that I actually read old LJ entries. Sometimes I forget where I am.