an adamantium heart
"You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes." -Morpheus
A Polish/Slovak/Roman Catholic upbringing does not prepare you for the adventures of living on the outskirts of normal. But since "normal" always felt like an Sunday suit that was too sizes too small, those outskirts become more and more appealing.
I've probably spent more of my life around the rabbit-hole than away from it. But sitting on the edge and dangling my feet over the edge of the vast darkness is hardly the same as jumping in with two feet and hoping that the sudden stop at the end doesn't kill me.
Last night, Morpheus came along and offered me the choice of red or blue and without a backward glance, I chose red and jumped right down that rabbit-hole.
Now, in the light of day and logic, I start to realize some of the implications of that choice. On the positive side, I still have the freedom to do as I please, but the protection of someone who cares. Activities on the forbidden list are few and already coincide with my own personal choices. It's an interesting luxury to think that there is someone who reads me well enough to see through my shields.
On the negative side is the fact that my heart may be vulnerable. Love and "in-love" are two separate things and as long as I can keep them as such, I should be okay. Ironic: the moment I find myself unable to contemplate leaving is the exact moment I will need to leave.
So here I am at the bottom of the rabbit-hole and the sudden stop wasn't too bad. I've got my lantern and I'm heading down that tunnel to the left.