Facing a fear
So as I continue this questionable adventure of finding a d/s relationship, I've realized that I have absolutely NO decent photos of myself that I can use for profile photos on websites.
I've already had an offer from a gentleman on FetLife to take photos of me. But since he wants to take nude bondage photos to show people what I'm "really all about", I politely declined. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against well done nude photography. And some day I'd like to have some taken of me.
But not by a stranger and certainly NOT to use as the first picture people see of me.
Irony #1 in my life: I am literally surrounded by brilliant photographers and STILL I have no decent photos of me.
Quandary: Finding someone that I trust enough that I won't default to panic and someone that knows enough about working with models that he or she can actually make me look human and sane (that may not sound like a big requirement, but believe me....it is).
I love Carla. She's one of my best and closest friends. I would trust her with my life. She is one of the few people in the world for whom I actually posed in front of a camera. The photo came out horrible. I was standing next to the photo of me and someone looked at it and asked who it was. Another person saw a resemblance and asked if it was a photo of my mother.
It's not that I consider myself beautiful. I've never considered my looks to be a major drawing point. But at the same time, I don't think I'm flat out ugly either. But in photos I always look angry or stoned or just old. Or, even worse, I look like my stepmother (which is weird since she's not a blood relation).
I know that to get a decent photo I'm going to need to wear makeup (heavier make up than I normally wear). I'm going to need to accent my eyes. But other than that, I don't know what to do.
Over the next week or so, I guess I'll start looking at photos taken by people I know. See if I can find someone whose style might work with my looks.
Irony #2 in my life: I really think Derek & Michelle would be able to help me (he's a good photographer and, as a model, she can help me with the make up stuff). But I'd be worried they'd ask about what kind of websites I'm looking to use the photo for. I don't believe in lying about my interests. I don't necessarily announce them to the world, but I don't lie. And Derek's religious views are pretty strict at the moment. I respect that, but I don't think he'd understand some of my choices.
On a positive side, I was able to delete the “price is right” photo from my profile. At least that's something.
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06/24/11
-- So I've taken a mini-plunge. Received a second offer from the new friend on FetLIfe after I explained that I was not willing to take explicit photos. He's still not giving up entirely, but he's willing to take clean shots. We'll see what happens next Thursday. If it goes the way most things have been going lately, he'll turn out to be Jeffrey Dahmer's long lost twin brother. I'd take my Kahr with me but, thinking realistically, there's probably a bigger likelihood of me shooting off my own foot than there is of the Jeffrey Dahmer twin brother scenario.