(no subject)
I go in for surgery next Wednesday. A laparoscopy to remove a 4cm ovarian cyst.
The nurse rang today and told me someone had cancelled, i'd be doing her a favour if i could go in so soon, so that's when it's happening.
It's not that big a deal. It only takes a few hours, the scars they leave behind are so tiny they're barely noticeable, and i'll be mostly healed within a few days - completely after a week or so. It also means there's a good chance a lot of the pain i've been putting up with for years is no longer going to be there - which is hard for me to even imagine.
Despite all this i'm feeling scared. It's the kind of fear that felt justified as a child but seems foolish as a 25 year old. It feels dark and overwhelming, i feel like i just want to cry and be held and told that nothing bad will happen, it will all be over soon and everything will be ok.
It's just a stupid routine procedure that only takes a few hours and there's nothing to be scared of... so what the hell?
I haven't been eating or sleeping well lately, i've been functioning fairly well though so didn't really notice - it has been affecting my motivation, and possibly my reactions to things (increasing/ decreasing level of emotional responses) and so maybe i can blame the irrational fear on that.
*sighs*
i should feel relief. i don't like feeling vulnerable and afraid instead.
The nurse rang today and told me someone had cancelled, i'd be doing her a favour if i could go in so soon, so that's when it's happening.
It's not that big a deal. It only takes a few hours, the scars they leave behind are so tiny they're barely noticeable, and i'll be mostly healed within a few days - completely after a week or so. It also means there's a good chance a lot of the pain i've been putting up with for years is no longer going to be there - which is hard for me to even imagine.
Despite all this i'm feeling scared. It's the kind of fear that felt justified as a child but seems foolish as a 25 year old. It feels dark and overwhelming, i feel like i just want to cry and be held and told that nothing bad will happen, it will all be over soon and everything will be ok.
It's just a stupid routine procedure that only takes a few hours and there's nothing to be scared of... so what the hell?
I haven't been eating or sleeping well lately, i've been functioning fairly well though so didn't really notice - it has been affecting my motivation, and possibly my reactions to things (increasing/ decreasing level of emotional responses) and so maybe i can blame the irrational fear on that.
*sighs*
i should feel relief. i don't like feeling vulnerable and afraid instead.