Becoming what you hate.
So--
This is what it is like. You can't stand something about someone and you become what you always knew you hated.
What do I hate...and what can't I stand?
-People who always complain about how horrible their lives are and ask for support and opinions and advice and never take you up on it to make their lives better.
-People who manipulate you into thinking that you indeed are the one with the problem and that it isn't their fault YOU can't make life better.
-People who call the one they love most a liar just because the truth really makes them out to be one of the biggest assholes.
-Men who assume responsibility for things they've done...but don't ever make the full transition into their new position...leaving them what? Being a bad father who doesn't care if accidents he causes hurts his own child. So...accidentally hurting his own flesh and blood and being able to do so without remorse.
-Boys...who masquerade as men. Who pick and choose the duties they wish to acquire as a man...husband and or father.
-Being able to give the best bull shit responses to everyone elses problems...to comfort and console...and then one day being the one needing to be comforted and consoled and not having a clue what you yourself needs to hear.
-Seeing the worlds faults and spending your life trying to help them fix them...then finding one day in all your conquested you never managed a way to fix your own.
-Meeting the few great guys of the world...and then managing to let those great ones go and wind up with quite possible one of the only assholes with the potential to be one of those GREATS...but is just to blind to see it.
-People who continually spit on the blessings that they have been given.
-Finally understanding what the world was going through when they were in your similar situation and you never understood why it was so "complicated" and "hard" to just leave the person that they were with at the time.
-Loving someone who is unable to return the same love for you.
-Being incredibly intelligent and not being able to think of a way out of your situation.
-Having to make the distrinction that will mean staying...or leaving for good.
This list could go on forever.
I think I have to end this right about now because Sayra just discovered what a keyboard is and she is finding great interest in that. Yes Caleb and Icontinue to have our problems thst I know only God can resolve. I am lost in a world I always observed through a two-way mirror and now I can say I can't even begin to remember half of what I learned through observation. I am lost like every other woman with a broken heart. A heart that has only been mended by the scotch tape of man...but continually renewed by God's amazing love.
I have alot of people who know my situation. Most of repeatedly tell me that I need to get out and that there is no where to go but down. I just talked to one of the Greats on the phone...one of the few Greats that I know are left and I asked him this question... " Why couldn't I have ended up with someone nice..." You know what he told me? Even with all this dislike for the man I married? "Caleb still may turn out to be nice...he just has a lot of work that he needs to have done." I think that I like to hold onto the chance that I may still know the man that I married...that he still may be a good guy...and that eventually he will grow into the man I see him as. Until then.
Peace and God Bless.
---Leahandra and Sayra.
This is what it is like. You can't stand something about someone and you become what you always knew you hated.
What do I hate...and what can't I stand?
-People who always complain about how horrible their lives are and ask for support and opinions and advice and never take you up on it to make their lives better.
-People who manipulate you into thinking that you indeed are the one with the problem and that it isn't their fault YOU can't make life better.
-People who call the one they love most a liar just because the truth really makes them out to be one of the biggest assholes.
-Men who assume responsibility for things they've done...but don't ever make the full transition into their new position...leaving them what? Being a bad father who doesn't care if accidents he causes hurts his own child. So...accidentally hurting his own flesh and blood and being able to do so without remorse.
-Boys...who masquerade as men. Who pick and choose the duties they wish to acquire as a man...husband and or father.
-Being able to give the best bull shit responses to everyone elses problems...to comfort and console...and then one day being the one needing to be comforted and consoled and not having a clue what you yourself needs to hear.
-Seeing the worlds faults and spending your life trying to help them fix them...then finding one day in all your conquested you never managed a way to fix your own.
-Meeting the few great guys of the world...and then managing to let those great ones go and wind up with quite possible one of the only assholes with the potential to be one of those GREATS...but is just to blind to see it.
-People who continually spit on the blessings that they have been given.
-Finally understanding what the world was going through when they were in your similar situation and you never understood why it was so "complicated" and "hard" to just leave the person that they were with at the time.
-Loving someone who is unable to return the same love for you.
-Being incredibly intelligent and not being able to think of a way out of your situation.
-Having to make the distrinction that will mean staying...or leaving for good.
This list could go on forever.
I think I have to end this right about now because Sayra just discovered what a keyboard is and she is finding great interest in that. Yes Caleb and Icontinue to have our problems thst I know only God can resolve. I am lost in a world I always observed through a two-way mirror and now I can say I can't even begin to remember half of what I learned through observation. I am lost like every other woman with a broken heart. A heart that has only been mended by the scotch tape of man...but continually renewed by God's amazing love.
I have alot of people who know my situation. Most of repeatedly tell me that I need to get out and that there is no where to go but down. I just talked to one of the Greats on the phone...one of the few Greats that I know are left and I asked him this question... " Why couldn't I have ended up with someone nice..." You know what he told me? Even with all this dislike for the man I married? "Caleb still may turn out to be nice...he just has a lot of work that he needs to have done." I think that I like to hold onto the chance that I may still know the man that I married...that he still may be a good guy...and that eventually he will grow into the man I see him as. Until then.
Peace and God Bless.
---Leahandra and Sayra.