Trying.
I'm sick of never being able to spend money the way I want to. Chris and I both work pretty hard, I think. So why the hell don't we ever have any money left to do with what we please? I mean, I don't think we're wasteful. I took back my new phone because I felt guilty for paying so much money every month for a smartphone. I'm conservative, resourceful and thrifty. I would just like an extra 50 or so bucks left over from paychecks to buy blinds or paint or something else the house needs or, even better, something I just want to add. I can forget just buying something that I want. I might like some new jeans or shoes or a new video game but I don't ever fit it into the budget because I'd rather stay ahead on bills or what have you. I just want NOT to stress and to be able to relax without thinking about bills and money and whatever it is I couldn't buy for the house this weekend cause I had something else that "came up" and demanded what little I had left. I don't sit at home because there's nothing else I'd rather be doing; I sit at home because I can't afford to be doing the things I want to. Now, I don't want to travel or go to nightclubs or sit and wasted at the bar. I want to go to Lowe's and look at blinds and ceiling fans. I want to go to the Cloth Barn and pick out my curtain fabric and some buttons to fix Chris' pants. I want to go to PetSmart and be able to buy my kitty a new toy. And I want to all of this without thinking about what I'll have to sacrifice later.
Chris has a relaxed attitude about money. "We've got a house and power and two cars that run," he says, "we have everything we need. Don't worry." I don't know how not to worry. I just always think of the fragility of everything. If he lost his job, we'd have to move. If I lost my job, we'd have to move. That's all there is to it. As of right now, there is no risk of that happening but still... Think about where you'd be with absolutely no money. I've been at risk of getting seriously depressed over it and I hate it. I would LOVE a world with no money. Capitalism has it's fantastic selection of crap that we can freely buy but it's just a different kind of prison.
Now granted, things are not bad for us. We have money and we have jobs and we live very comfortably. I guess I just wish I could enjoy it a little more without the stress. We pay the bills and we try to save but we aren't getting very far and I don't want to be stuck in the system forever that keeps me working doing something that isn't benefiting me. I want to live for myself and my family and this isn't gonna get me there. It's time to start making a better plan or shut up about it, I guess.
Chris has a relaxed attitude about money. "We've got a house and power and two cars that run," he says, "we have everything we need. Don't worry." I don't know how not to worry. I just always think of the fragility of everything. If he lost his job, we'd have to move. If I lost my job, we'd have to move. That's all there is to it. As of right now, there is no risk of that happening but still... Think about where you'd be with absolutely no money. I've been at risk of getting seriously depressed over it and I hate it. I would LOVE a world with no money. Capitalism has it's fantastic selection of crap that we can freely buy but it's just a different kind of prison.
Now granted, things are not bad for us. We have money and we have jobs and we live very comfortably. I guess I just wish I could enjoy it a little more without the stress. We pay the bills and we try to save but we aren't getting very far and I don't want to be stuck in the system forever that keeps me working doing something that isn't benefiting me. I want to live for myself and my family and this isn't gonna get me there. It's time to start making a better plan or shut up about it, I guess.