my heart
feels like it is constantly in a broken state.
seriously i am at this point where i think i just need to think about me... but the thought of losing someone who means the world to me is just so heart breaking you have no idea. but i seriously am in a terrible state to even think about being with him. i constantly think i will ruin his life if i freak out cause im scared he will find someone else or get mad at me if i cant come there. i am scared that he has someone great and i could mess that up if we dont work out... you know for the quadro-million time... or that i will meet someone here, or he will meet someone there, or i will love my job and not want to leave, or he will decide he doesnt want to do the long distance... and like in the past i get hurt. there are so many thoughts on the topic i cant even begin to explain... so i through myself into work and hope that that works... and it does until i come home and want to call him.
sigh
anyway... i just need some advice i think... or maybe i just need to stop using my heart.
sigh.
v
seriously i am at this point where i think i just need to think about me... but the thought of losing someone who means the world to me is just so heart breaking you have no idea. but i seriously am in a terrible state to even think about being with him. i constantly think i will ruin his life if i freak out cause im scared he will find someone else or get mad at me if i cant come there. i am scared that he has someone great and i could mess that up if we dont work out... you know for the quadro-million time... or that i will meet someone here, or he will meet someone there, or i will love my job and not want to leave, or he will decide he doesnt want to do the long distance... and like in the past i get hurt. there are so many thoughts on the topic i cant even begin to explain... so i through myself into work and hope that that works... and it does until i come home and want to call him.
sigh
anyway... i just need some advice i think... or maybe i just need to stop using my heart.
sigh.
v