perhaps one day i should collect all my thoughts into a book.

[lunabeast]

i went for a walk today. i always suprise myself by how much i can neglect my own basic needs. (ie, being outside.) it makes me realize how much of a fool i am. anyway, i went on a walk to get my mind off of stuff. this house is a prison and al it breeds is neurotic tendancies. i saw quail as i was walking. they're such funny little birds. they don't like to fly. they'd rather just scurry away. i ended up walking to the beach, where i found a nice psuedo-hill to sit on. i had forgoten how much i love the sea. god, i had forgoten how much i love the sea. i watched as the pale amber light filtered through the green waves. i looked to the horizon and found nothing but an endless plane of sea and sky. it was so wonderful. it made me want to be in those waves, to be in that endless blue. just to be completely and utterly surrounded by the sea. it made me wish i could fly, as i sometimes do in my dreams. i would fly over the sea, just looking at the endlessness of it. i would also fly as high as i could. i would be afraid, but it would be beautiful. i think, my love of the ocean is something that has been bred into me. my father too, adores the sea, although i find that he visits it less often. and perhaps its because of his age and what ails him. while i sat at the beach, i saw a woman doing yoga. it made me a tad envious that she could meditate, as i have always found that very difficult. but as i sat, marveling at the sea, i realized that perhaps in a way i was meditating. i let my mind free to wander, i did not close it in with walls. i also saw a woman picking up trash along the shore line. in my mind, i thanked her for that, and i realized that perhaps i should do the same. i think next time, i will. oh, and apparently while im working out, im really attractive, because i got a lot of guys who said hello to me while i was walking. i didnt answer back. rude, perhaps but i did not go on a walk to socialize.

i'll finish writing this later. right now i need to go lay down or something.