Stuck on Repeat
I feel like I am stuck on repeat... I try to nap. I wake up with the same panic.
I try to eat... and Im met with the same disgust...
I try to watch a show... and I have to repeat sections over and over cause Im zoning out.
I catch myself daydreaming... memories...
Hell even my playlist feels like its on repeat.
I go outside and get excited every time I see a car coming around the corner... but its never you.
I get excited to open my email... but theres nothing ever there...
Im anxiously awaiting another message from her on my messenger... but I dont even know what to respond. Theres so much I could say that could be mean... especially at the previous question of "why"... I dont even know how to go about answering the "how could you". I keep repeating her last messages to me over and over and over...
I go back and reread our messages to one another... the pictures we sent one another.
The butterflies return... then comes the stabbing pains... and I feel like I cant breathe. I feel like Im drowning. And I realize Ive been holding my breath while I was reading them. And the tears flowing down my cheeks. Only snapped back to reality when my glasses fog or the wetness hits my fingertips...
And then? It just repeats over and over again... an endless cycle.