Cellphones, Sunflowers & Glass Slippers [REITA / KAI] - ONE SHOT
Title: Cellphones, Sunflowers, & Glass Slippers.
Chapter: One Shot
Author: luna_no_koibito
Genre: Angst
Warnings: smex, cursing
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Reita / Kai
Bands:
Disclaimer: Just need your faces darlings, my fingers will type the rest ..._〆(・∀・＠)
Comment: Needed a break from my unacceptably busy life.
Summary: That special authority to perhaps receive a particular grin when glanced at, a gentler touch when sought for, a passionate kiss whenever desired and so much more. The perks of having been the boyfriend of that amazing being, he had had every single one of them ...
Cellphones, Sunflowers, & Glass Slippers.
It's always particularly easy to be confident when speaking on the phone. So easy that when Kai had suggested for the two of them to start working on the rhythmic parts for DIVISION, also pointing out the fact that none of the other members was going to be present on the specific day, Reita had nonchalantly shrugged off the whole matter and boldly replied with a rather cocky “You're the drummer, I'm the bassist, do we need anyone else?”.
The blond had felt so powerful behind his smartphone, the traces of uncertainty and concern in the tone of Kai's reply making him feel even more in control, and it all rather quickly went to his head. Way too quickly, for it was now quite clear that not for a even single second, during that six minutes and twenty one seconds long call, had he been thinking straight.
“Could you stop staring at me? ...” requested the drummer in a rather straightforward manner, as he kept reading the notes sequence on the monitor screen.
“Wasn't staring?” readily replied the elder, instantly shifting his gaze from the brunette to the monitor as well “I was just thinking, didn't see you there, my bad” he then teasingly added.
“Hm-mm ...” plainly replied the drummer.
“What? I wasn't!”
“Whatever”
“I really wasn-”
“Okay!” Kai promptly interrupted, his voice perhaps a tiny bit louder than necessary, as he turned to seriously gaze at the brunette. His features completely devoid of any trace of hilarity “... let's … let's just concentrate, alright?” he then added in a gentler tone, while trying to soften his features, as he turned back to face the monitor.
For a good five minutes, Reita was able to keep silent and concentrate on the sequence of notes, which Kai was following with his finger. Following that the blond still did keep quite, but his eyes resumed their sunflower movement toward the brunette. The first few times he had caught his gaze drifting in the direction of the brunette it had been entirely involuntary. Now however, he wanted to. They were so close, not kissing distance, but close regardless. When had it been, the last time they had been this close alone with each other?
Reita calmly breathed in, allowing a good dose of Kai's scent to slowly penetrate him. The brunette was still wearing the same cologne, the one they had chosen together on a random day years aback, and the brunette had stuck with it ever since. It wasn't strong, Kai wasn't one to overdo anything, he was the type of person that was all about precision and purpose. Thus, even with his perfume, he only used as much as to be perceptible at a close distance, but not overbearing others, who had no business in being that close, which, made the blond wonder; did he presently have any business being that close?
Deciding to trying his luck, Reita slowly rolled his computer chair a bit closer. “What are you doing?” Kai promptly inquired, as he clicked the mouse.
“Nothing” brushed off the blond, as he got a bit closer again.
“Reita ...” admonishingly called the drummer, instantly turning toward the bassist again.
“I'm trying to concentrate and you are not helping ...”
“Look, I-”
“Kai!” this time it was the blond's turn to raise his voice, after which he sighed, and challenging a rather vexed looking Kai, got even closer “just chill, alright?” he then almost whispered, as stretched his arm along the backrest “... making you uncomfortable?” then randomly questioned the bassist.
“Yes, so could you please go back where you were?” quiet quickly and sincerely replied the brunette, irritatedly and loudly exhaling. Kai was about to lose his patience, Reita knew that, but about wasn't quite it yet.
“Why?” retorted the blond, with the most fake innocent tone ever uttered, perhaps in the history of human conversation “i'm not doing anything wrong, so keep going, here ...” he then point at the monitor with his lose hand “... you wanted to change this binary sequence here ...” commented the bassist, receiving a slightly incredulous but mostly surprised look by the other “... told you, I am trying to pay attention”
Thus, the brunette resumed with his propositions and suggestions, while the other, discretely, resumed with his sunflower movement. He was so close now, he could plant his nose into the drummer's hair had leaned a bit more, and god only knew how much he wanted to have done just that. Fully breath in the younger, tenderly caress his hair, graze his own lips all over his neck.
“Then … I was thinking that … if ... if you ...” Kai tried to explain, as the elder kept humming in accordance, almost right into his ear “... if you were to ...that if you wanted to … move everything to B-”
“To bed? Yes please let-” playfully interrupted the blond, this time smirking right into the other's ear, but as soon as the blond's lips even only grazed the inside of the other's lobe, Kai instantly stood up, and began to walk away, when Reita readily grabbed his wrist “sorry I-” genuinely began to apologize the blond, but was rather bluntly cut off
“This was a terrible idea”
“No it wasn't”
“Yes it was, leave me”
“No it wasn't, and I won't leave you, just sit down. I'll move back to my post”
“No!” forcefully insisted the brunette, pulling the blond up to his feet as he struggled to free himself “Fuck. Reita, what are you trying to do?” exasperatedly inquired the brunette, as the blond remind silent, his head lowered “... I'm going, please, leave me” newly requested the brunette, but the blond didn't budge “What do you want from me? ...”
“I want, I'd like for you to smile at me, and truly mean it ...” began the blond, still staring at the captive hand “... to look at me, and actually see me …” humbly admitted the blond, now using both his hands to hold the other “... again?” he then pleaded, raising said hand towards his chest, while looking up at Kai and attempt to make eye contact with rather absent eyes.
Indeed, there had been a time in which Reita had been privileged in having that special authority to perhaps receive a particular grin when glanced at, a gentler touch when sought for, a passionate kiss whenever desired and so much more. The perks of having been the boyfriend of that amazing being, he had had every single one of them, and in the matter of an evening, he lost them all, when blubbering that “perhaps, we should face reality ...”.
The extremely baffled look on Kai's face was still so clear in his mind, as well as all the expressions that followed when Reita began citing all his "righteous" justifications for wanting so badly to end everything. But the drummer hadn't merely stood and took all the shit that was flying at him, he had fought and fought hard, trying to make him reason, even begged the blond to think it over. Yet, on that day, Reita had done his very best to push any trace of good reason out of his being, and find every possible excuses with which he successfully crushed seven years of trust, happiness and all that there was good in life.
All because one lonely rainy day, the bleach blond had found his ass in middle of a deserted street, transfix, facing the cold and wet asphalt, in which he saw his reflection along side so much bullshit. The prejudice of a homophobic Japanese society, the possible loss of an understanding and ever supporting family, the set priorities of a traditionalist environment, the automatic refusal of having any progeny, all the curious looks, the constant fear of it all, all at once. It all suddenly made sense. It scared the fuck out him.
Cowardice didn't even began to describe his behavior, because that only accounted for his self-assessed brainwashing. Reita also needed to account for that part of himself which knew he was making the biggest mistake of his life right the very moment he left that Kai, whom was still so desperately trying to understand, hang on to something during that night he tore their world apart. How not to mention when he tried to convince himself that, like every other homosexual artist in the business, he as well could feign to be straight. And in conclusion, the time when it was becoming so obvious, so painfully obvious, that he had had all that he needed and had so easily thrown it away.
And now that he was ready to admit it all, to admit that drinking himself to sleep wasn't in his character, admit that his plans for a happy "heterosexual life" had so ungracefully collapsed before even reaching the threshold of two months, admit, with all the shamefulness that he could ever possess, that he wanted Kai, Yutaka, back. What was he to do?
“I fucked up ...” Reita hopelessly began as the other continued to passively stare in the direction of the blond's chest “... I don't really even know what to say exactly, because obviously "I fucked up" doesn't even begin to cover it”
“Not even close ...” hissed the brunette
“I know and ...” gingerly replied the blond taking a few step closer, mirrored by the same number of steps from Kai, backwards “None of the things I argued were ever even worth considering, none of them made a single leak of sense, not once, right from the very moment in which I forced you to stop loving me” painfully expressed the elder taking more steps forward, and the other repeating the same backwards.
“What do you want me to say?” coldly question the brunette, as his back suddenly hit a wall.
“Thing is, I actually never stopped loving you ...” genuinely professed the blond, cautiously speaking over the brunette's lips, not to sure of whether he was truly seeking forgiveness, or just trying to go in for a kiss. Doubtlessly, this was most definitely not the most indicated way to make his case look any appealable, but on the other hand, his body was suddenly refusing to pay him any heed and at the very moment, all the tension, his own despair, mixed with Kai's utmost resentment made everything so mistakenly arousing, and he was completely losing himself in it “... I ...” resumed the blond, as the drummer merely turned his head to the side in sign of some sort of protest.
Yet, the blond wasn't exactly being pushed away and no real attempt to resistance was being made either “please … Yutaka, I ...” half pleaded and half requested the blond into the younger's ear “please give me anot-” but before he could finish his sentence, a pair of lips had viciously attacked his and a pair of hands was strongly holding him by the collar of his short-sleeve shirt “Yutaka … wait … I-” attempted to stop the blond, trying his mighty best to just not let himself be swept away, but the younger swiftly got rid of his own T-shirt, and before the blond could rationalize anything else other than the drummer's toned naked torso, the younger was already unbuttoning his shirt.
Thus, off went boots and snickers, followed by belts, jeans, and underwear, as the duo stumbled their way into Reita's bedroom, Kai hungrily clinging to the blond's hair, the other firmly taking possession of the brunette's waist, which he used to guide him on the wall as soon as they got in. While their lips continued their various rabid attempts at killing each other, Reita readily raised Kai's right leg and latched it on his waist, only to then get one of his fingers around the brunette's entrance.
“Fuck ...” lowly groaned the brunette, as the finger slowly made its wanted intrusion. Kai's head then bent backwards, as Reita began to thrusting movements, while covering the drummer's neck in tiny bite-marks. Meanwhile, one of Kai's hands had left the bassist hair, and was now trying to find a grip on the blond's back, mostly ending up scratching him instead.
A second finger had already made its way in, and by then, Kai was being entirely held up the wall, both his legs latched around Reita's back, the younger's hands newly deep into blond locks, while the other thrusted, scissored and bent his fingers within the brunette, at the same time using his mouth to play with the drummers nipples “... the bed ...” demanded the brunette, and without any hesitation, the elder strongly snaked his arms behind the other's back, carried the brunette for three steps and dropped him on his bed, following on top of him half a second later.
Momentarily catching their breath, the two kept still and speechless staring at each other. Finally regaining a bit of his rationality, Reita perceived that he was probably still in time to stop this, once again having that feeling, once again something was telling him that this was wrong, that this wasn't the way he was supposed to deal with his present situation. But then Kai's hand suddenly reached for a wandering strand on the elder's forehead, which he calmly moved, proceeding to then gently grab the side of the blond's head, from where he gradually moved downwards, all the while staring back at bassist.
Reita had no idea what Kai was looking at, what he was currently seeing, but there was something in the brunette’s eyes something so familiar, yet completely new and it was quite unsettling, but the presence of that so long craved for hand over his cheek was quite skillfully blurring any other better judgment as it slowly brought the face down towards the face of its owner. Their lips easily locked again, in a much gentler manner, slowly retracing old habitual paths. No need for any testing, the pair matched like the blond knew they would, because it was the perfect pair after all and he perfectly knew that.
Like Cinderlla's glass slippers, there was one pair in the whole kingdom and it belonged to her only. The same pair in which she found her prince, eventually losing one after they had the time of their lifes getting to know each other, but it was all fine and well, for the prince would have then used the one left behind to find her again. But what would have happened if out fear of her future, of her step-mother and step-sister, Cinderella were to have willingly thrown away the other shoe, in order to hide any trace of her dream-like evening before the prince could even come and look for her?
The making out session went on for a good ten minutes before Kai's hand reached out for the drawer next to the bed. Reita had however beat him to it, once opened, the blond began to search around for condoms. Finally founding one, he tore the pack and was about to wear it, when the brunette silently took it away and put it on the blond. The bassist then placed himself between the other's legs and looked up at the brunette with an inquisitive look, at which the brunette simply nodded.
Receiving permission the blond placed his manhood at the younger's entrance and carefully began to push in. Kai's fingers were tightly gripping Reita's waist through the whole penetration, after which Reita lowered his head into the nook of the brunette's neck, sucking, kissing, lightly biting, as he proceeded to push in and out the younger, and it just felt so good. Four months had passed since the last time they done it, but none of it felt any new, it felt like he knew it would have, like he wanted it to have felt, and this was exactly the way he wanted to keep feeling.
Gradual pushing, turned into faster thrust, which progressed to uncontrolled pounding, while both sets of lips had resumed kissing more passionately, and were trying their best to remain locked as they felt each other getting ready to reach their climax. And not too later the world flashed white and bodies spasmed as they allowed a few seconds of utmost pleasure wash over them.
Now, if things were the way they used to be, Kai would have rest on Reita as they both caught themselves. Reita would have wrapped his arm around Kai's back, tenderly stroking it while enjoying the Kai's breath on his chest. All the while Kai would be talking of completely irrelevant everythings and nothings, and Reita might have offered his input every now and then, but generally, he would just bask in the moment, because this part, the after sex part, was his favorite part, and Kai knew that.
“Felt good?” suddenly inquired Kai.
“It … was great” Reita promptly and genuinely replied, as he stared back at Kai, whom looked at him for a couple of seconds more.
“Good ...” plainly replied the brunette “... cause that's all you'll ever get from me” coldly announced the drummer, after which he got up to pick up his stuff, all before a rather paralyzed Reita. The blond however wasn't any shocked, he should have, and could have seen it coming. This was absolutely not the way he wanted today to have gone, none of it. He just wanted Kai back, as simple as that. He had no idea how he would have managed to do that, but him staying on the bed while the other was getting ready to leave wasn't going to help.
“Kai wait!” he called as he leaped out of his bed, and of his room where he picked up and wore his jeans in a hurry, while stumbling himself into the leaving room where Kai was hurrying into his T-shirt “... Kai please wait” beg the blond, placing himself in front of the brunette.
“Move” simply requested the brunette
“Please just listen, I-”
“I think I've listened and done enough for today, so now move”
“So that's it? ...”
“I'm not the one who called it quits, so don't you fucking dare put this on me!” angrily shouted the brunette.
“That's not what I was trying to say, and you know that!” pressed on the blond, as the brunette tried to find his way around the blond “... I made a mistake, a fucking huge mistake, but I still love you, I love you so much it hurts, and I don't know what to do”
“Trust, it will go” pushed on the drummer.
“No, no, no, no ...” kept repeating the blond as he strongly shook his head, at which point Kai resulted to shove the blond, whom instinctively used all his force to push the other back, and before he knew it, he was being slugged in the mouth.
“Shit!” Kai swiftly exclaimed as he incredulously stared at the blond “Reita, I'm sorry I ….” kept going the brunette, as the other merely shook his head back to reality, while taste a good amount of blood in his mouth “I'll get something, don't move” ordered the younger as he disappeared in the direction of Kai's bathroom.
Trying to touch his busted lip with his tongue, he then stopped as he tried to withstand the pain all around it. It stung like a bitch, but if it meant Kai staying for a few minutes more, Reita supposed he couldn't complain.
“Here, sit ...” calmly requested the drummer, pointing at the computer chair. Without arguing, the blond did as instructed, followed by Kai who sat in the other chair, with the emergency-kit box “... let me see ...” instructed the brunette firmly holding the blond by the chin.
“Ittaa-ittai-ittai!!”
“Sorry, sorry!” quickly apologized the brunette, loosing the grip on the other's chin “... sorry ...”
“All that workout, is surely paying off ...”
“Shush, no talking ...” serenely ordered the brunette “... or I won't be able to treat your lip. It needs to at least not blow up too much. O they won't like this at work … seriously … couldn't you dodge it or something?” irritatedly observed the drummer.
“I'm sorry I didn't predict you going all Chris Brown on me!” indignantly protested the blond, rolling his eyes. Kai remained silent, but to the blond's satisfaction, he genuinely laughed a little, and as he continued cleaning and taking care of the blond's busted lip, Reita remained quite and resumed his sunflower motion. How could he ever have thought of leaving this man?!
“This should be fine … just, get some ice now, and do all that it takes for it not to swell as much”
“Hai hai ...”
“Good, sorry again ...” then lowly added the brunette, as he got up and directed himself towards the main entrance, quickly followed in toe by Reita “I don't need to be escorted, I know my way out, you go get some ice”
“I know you do, I just wanted to-”
“Stop talking, go get some ice” interrupted the brunette, as he opened the main door “... I'll see you tomorrow” he then spoke, while leaning into the blond as if going in for a kiss, but instantly stopped himself halfway “... sorry, habit” swiftly apologized the brunette turning away.
“I'm not giving up” declared the blond, as he grabbed the brunette's wrist on instinct, and quickly left it soon after, not wanting to risk another hit. Kai opened his mouth to say something, but merely shook his head, shrugged at the blond and walked away.
Reita remained leaning by the threshold, and silently stared down the hallway until the brunette disappeared inside the elevator. Had this been a movie, the blond would have ran after him, kissed him and said something so powerful so deep that could have allowed him to solve his problems right there and then. But Reita was no poet, his lips weren’t exactly kissable material at the moment, and it was perhaps best to leave things as they were, at least for today.
For today, he'll admit defeat, and quietly lick his wounds. From tomorrow however, he'd go back to the place where he so stupidly threw away that glass slipper and begin to search, search and search until he'd find it. Even if someone else happened to have picked it up, he'd fight for it until he'd get it back, by any means. It wasn't like anyone else could fit the show anyway, it was meant for one only, and to be any useful, it also needed its pair, thus, he'd also make sure his prince would genuinely want to fit him said pair.
Supposing … hoping ... he also still had the other pair.
AN: Before anything, I apologize for having sort of disappeared. The thing is that, unfortunately, I am in a situation in which I CAN'T WRITE CONSTANTLY for lack of big chunks of consecutive time, until I have a stable job, reason why, my multi-chaptered fics are presently on halt. But I have moments in which, my fingers and muse feel like writing something real quick, so I can't resist the charm of a one shot, and for that I apologize m(_ _)m.
Now about the fic itself. It is a bit sad uh? Yet, this situation are also indeed, and unfortunately, part of life, the time sin which we screw up so badly we have no idea what to do. Chances are, if you screw up so badly, going back might be nearly impossible, but admitting to the fact that you did in fact screw up is a step. Then when everything is laid on the table, with the other party present (if any) after all the hate and sorrow has been let out, even if shit doesn't go back like you want it, it is all out of your system, and you are now capable to start afresh. Don't ever give up on yourself. If you haven't willingly and unreasonably killed anyone, nothing is ever bad enough.
Much Love -LnK♥(~_^ )/-
Chapter: One Shot
Author: luna_no_koibito
Genre: Angst
Warnings: smex, cursing
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Reita / Kai
Bands:
Disclaimer: Just need your faces darlings, my fingers will type the rest ..._〆(・∀・＠)
Comment: Needed a break from my unacceptably busy life.
Summary: That special authority to perhaps receive a particular grin when glanced at, a gentler touch when sought for, a passionate kiss whenever desired and so much more. The perks of having been the boyfriend of that amazing being, he had had every single one of them ...
Cellphones, Sunflowers, & Glass Slippers.
It's always particularly easy to be confident when speaking on the phone. So easy that when Kai had suggested for the two of them to start working on the rhythmic parts for DIVISION, also pointing out the fact that none of the other members was going to be present on the specific day, Reita had nonchalantly shrugged off the whole matter and boldly replied with a rather cocky “You're the drummer, I'm the bassist, do we need anyone else?”.
The blond had felt so powerful behind his smartphone, the traces of uncertainty and concern in the tone of Kai's reply making him feel even more in control, and it all rather quickly went to his head. Way too quickly, for it was now quite clear that not for a even single second, during that six minutes and twenty one seconds long call, had he been thinking straight.
“Could you stop staring at me? ...” requested the drummer in a rather straightforward manner, as he kept reading the notes sequence on the monitor screen.
“Wasn't staring?” readily replied the elder, instantly shifting his gaze from the brunette to the monitor as well “I was just thinking, didn't see you there, my bad” he then teasingly added.
“Hm-mm ...” plainly replied the drummer.
“What? I wasn't!”
“Whatever”
“I really wasn-”
“Okay!” Kai promptly interrupted, his voice perhaps a tiny bit louder than necessary, as he turned to seriously gaze at the brunette. His features completely devoid of any trace of hilarity “... let's … let's just concentrate, alright?” he then added in a gentler tone, while trying to soften his features, as he turned back to face the monitor.
For a good five minutes, Reita was able to keep silent and concentrate on the sequence of notes, which Kai was following with his finger. Following that the blond still did keep quite, but his eyes resumed their sunflower movement toward the brunette. The first few times he had caught his gaze drifting in the direction of the brunette it had been entirely involuntary. Now however, he wanted to. They were so close, not kissing distance, but close regardless. When had it been, the last time they had been this close alone with each other?
Reita calmly breathed in, allowing a good dose of Kai's scent to slowly penetrate him. The brunette was still wearing the same cologne, the one they had chosen together on a random day years aback, and the brunette had stuck with it ever since. It wasn't strong, Kai wasn't one to overdo anything, he was the type of person that was all about precision and purpose. Thus, even with his perfume, he only used as much as to be perceptible at a close distance, but not overbearing others, who had no business in being that close, which, made the blond wonder; did he presently have any business being that close?
Deciding to trying his luck, Reita slowly rolled his computer chair a bit closer. “What are you doing?” Kai promptly inquired, as he clicked the mouse.
“Nothing” brushed off the blond, as he got a bit closer again.
“Reita ...” admonishingly called the drummer, instantly turning toward the bassist again.
“I'm trying to concentrate and you are not helping ...”
“Look, I-”
“Kai!” this time it was the blond's turn to raise his voice, after which he sighed, and challenging a rather vexed looking Kai, got even closer “just chill, alright?” he then almost whispered, as stretched his arm along the backrest “... making you uncomfortable?” then randomly questioned the bassist.
“Yes, so could you please go back where you were?” quiet quickly and sincerely replied the brunette, irritatedly and loudly exhaling. Kai was about to lose his patience, Reita knew that, but about wasn't quite it yet.
“Why?” retorted the blond, with the most fake innocent tone ever uttered, perhaps in the history of human conversation “i'm not doing anything wrong, so keep going, here ...” he then point at the monitor with his lose hand “... you wanted to change this binary sequence here ...” commented the bassist, receiving a slightly incredulous but mostly surprised look by the other “... told you, I am trying to pay attention”
Thus, the brunette resumed with his propositions and suggestions, while the other, discretely, resumed with his sunflower movement. He was so close now, he could plant his nose into the drummer's hair had leaned a bit more, and god only knew how much he wanted to have done just that. Fully breath in the younger, tenderly caress his hair, graze his own lips all over his neck.
“Then … I was thinking that … if ... if you ...” Kai tried to explain, as the elder kept humming in accordance, almost right into his ear “... if you were to ...that if you wanted to … move everything to B-”
“To bed? Yes please let-” playfully interrupted the blond, this time smirking right into the other's ear, but as soon as the blond's lips even only grazed the inside of the other's lobe, Kai instantly stood up, and began to walk away, when Reita readily grabbed his wrist “sorry I-” genuinely began to apologize the blond, but was rather bluntly cut off
“This was a terrible idea”
“No it wasn't”
“Yes it was, leave me”
“No it wasn't, and I won't leave you, just sit down. I'll move back to my post”
“No!” forcefully insisted the brunette, pulling the blond up to his feet as he struggled to free himself “Fuck. Reita, what are you trying to do?” exasperatedly inquired the brunette, as the blond remind silent, his head lowered “... I'm going, please, leave me” newly requested the brunette, but the blond didn't budge “What do you want from me? ...”
“I want, I'd like for you to smile at me, and truly mean it ...” began the blond, still staring at the captive hand “... to look at me, and actually see me …” humbly admitted the blond, now using both his hands to hold the other “... again?” he then pleaded, raising said hand towards his chest, while looking up at Kai and attempt to make eye contact with rather absent eyes.
Indeed, there had been a time in which Reita had been privileged in having that special authority to perhaps receive a particular grin when glanced at, a gentler touch when sought for, a passionate kiss whenever desired and so much more. The perks of having been the boyfriend of that amazing being, he had had every single one of them, and in the matter of an evening, he lost them all, when blubbering that “perhaps, we should face reality ...”.
The extremely baffled look on Kai's face was still so clear in his mind, as well as all the expressions that followed when Reita began citing all his "righteous" justifications for wanting so badly to end everything. But the drummer hadn't merely stood and took all the shit that was flying at him, he had fought and fought hard, trying to make him reason, even begged the blond to think it over. Yet, on that day, Reita had done his very best to push any trace of good reason out of his being, and find every possible excuses with which he successfully crushed seven years of trust, happiness and all that there was good in life.
All because one lonely rainy day, the bleach blond had found his ass in middle of a deserted street, transfix, facing the cold and wet asphalt, in which he saw his reflection along side so much bullshit. The prejudice of a homophobic Japanese society, the possible loss of an understanding and ever supporting family, the set priorities of a traditionalist environment, the automatic refusal of having any progeny, all the curious looks, the constant fear of it all, all at once. It all suddenly made sense. It scared the fuck out him.
Cowardice didn't even began to describe his behavior, because that only accounted for his self-assessed brainwashing. Reita also needed to account for that part of himself which knew he was making the biggest mistake of his life right the very moment he left that Kai, whom was still so desperately trying to understand, hang on to something during that night he tore their world apart. How not to mention when he tried to convince himself that, like every other homosexual artist in the business, he as well could feign to be straight. And in conclusion, the time when it was becoming so obvious, so painfully obvious, that he had had all that he needed and had so easily thrown it away.
And now that he was ready to admit it all, to admit that drinking himself to sleep wasn't in his character, admit that his plans for a happy "heterosexual life" had so ungracefully collapsed before even reaching the threshold of two months, admit, with all the shamefulness that he could ever possess, that he wanted Kai, Yutaka, back. What was he to do?
“I fucked up ...” Reita hopelessly began as the other continued to passively stare in the direction of the blond's chest “... I don't really even know what to say exactly, because obviously "I fucked up" doesn't even begin to cover it”
“Not even close ...” hissed the brunette
“I know and ...” gingerly replied the blond taking a few step closer, mirrored by the same number of steps from Kai, backwards “None of the things I argued were ever even worth considering, none of them made a single leak of sense, not once, right from the very moment in which I forced you to stop loving me” painfully expressed the elder taking more steps forward, and the other repeating the same backwards.
“What do you want me to say?” coldly question the brunette, as his back suddenly hit a wall.
“Thing is, I actually never stopped loving you ...” genuinely professed the blond, cautiously speaking over the brunette's lips, not to sure of whether he was truly seeking forgiveness, or just trying to go in for a kiss. Doubtlessly, this was most definitely not the most indicated way to make his case look any appealable, but on the other hand, his body was suddenly refusing to pay him any heed and at the very moment, all the tension, his own despair, mixed with Kai's utmost resentment made everything so mistakenly arousing, and he was completely losing himself in it “... I ...” resumed the blond, as the drummer merely turned his head to the side in sign of some sort of protest.
Yet, the blond wasn't exactly being pushed away and no real attempt to resistance was being made either “please … Yutaka, I ...” half pleaded and half requested the blond into the younger's ear “please give me anot-” but before he could finish his sentence, a pair of lips had viciously attacked his and a pair of hands was strongly holding him by the collar of his short-sleeve shirt “Yutaka … wait … I-” attempted to stop the blond, trying his mighty best to just not let himself be swept away, but the younger swiftly got rid of his own T-shirt, and before the blond could rationalize anything else other than the drummer's toned naked torso, the younger was already unbuttoning his shirt.
Thus, off went boots and snickers, followed by belts, jeans, and underwear, as the duo stumbled their way into Reita's bedroom, Kai hungrily clinging to the blond's hair, the other firmly taking possession of the brunette's waist, which he used to guide him on the wall as soon as they got in. While their lips continued their various rabid attempts at killing each other, Reita readily raised Kai's right leg and latched it on his waist, only to then get one of his fingers around the brunette's entrance.
“Fuck ...” lowly groaned the brunette, as the finger slowly made its wanted intrusion. Kai's head then bent backwards, as Reita began to thrusting movements, while covering the drummer's neck in tiny bite-marks. Meanwhile, one of Kai's hands had left the bassist hair, and was now trying to find a grip on the blond's back, mostly ending up scratching him instead.
A second finger had already made its way in, and by then, Kai was being entirely held up the wall, both his legs latched around Reita's back, the younger's hands newly deep into blond locks, while the other thrusted, scissored and bent his fingers within the brunette, at the same time using his mouth to play with the drummers nipples “... the bed ...” demanded the brunette, and without any hesitation, the elder strongly snaked his arms behind the other's back, carried the brunette for three steps and dropped him on his bed, following on top of him half a second later.
Momentarily catching their breath, the two kept still and speechless staring at each other. Finally regaining a bit of his rationality, Reita perceived that he was probably still in time to stop this, once again having that feeling, once again something was telling him that this was wrong, that this wasn't the way he was supposed to deal with his present situation. But then Kai's hand suddenly reached for a wandering strand on the elder's forehead, which he calmly moved, proceeding to then gently grab the side of the blond's head, from where he gradually moved downwards, all the while staring back at bassist.
Reita had no idea what Kai was looking at, what he was currently seeing, but there was something in the brunette’s eyes something so familiar, yet completely new and it was quite unsettling, but the presence of that so long craved for hand over his cheek was quite skillfully blurring any other better judgment as it slowly brought the face down towards the face of its owner. Their lips easily locked again, in a much gentler manner, slowly retracing old habitual paths. No need for any testing, the pair matched like the blond knew they would, because it was the perfect pair after all and he perfectly knew that.
Like Cinderlla's glass slippers, there was one pair in the whole kingdom and it belonged to her only. The same pair in which she found her prince, eventually losing one after they had the time of their lifes getting to know each other, but it was all fine and well, for the prince would have then used the one left behind to find her again. But what would have happened if out fear of her future, of her step-mother and step-sister, Cinderella were to have willingly thrown away the other shoe, in order to hide any trace of her dream-like evening before the prince could even come and look for her?
The making out session went on for a good ten minutes before Kai's hand reached out for the drawer next to the bed. Reita had however beat him to it, once opened, the blond began to search around for condoms. Finally founding one, he tore the pack and was about to wear it, when the brunette silently took it away and put it on the blond. The bassist then placed himself between the other's legs and looked up at the brunette with an inquisitive look, at which the brunette simply nodded.
Receiving permission the blond placed his manhood at the younger's entrance and carefully began to push in. Kai's fingers were tightly gripping Reita's waist through the whole penetration, after which Reita lowered his head into the nook of the brunette's neck, sucking, kissing, lightly biting, as he proceeded to push in and out the younger, and it just felt so good. Four months had passed since the last time they done it, but none of it felt any new, it felt like he knew it would have, like he wanted it to have felt, and this was exactly the way he wanted to keep feeling.
Gradual pushing, turned into faster thrust, which progressed to uncontrolled pounding, while both sets of lips had resumed kissing more passionately, and were trying their best to remain locked as they felt each other getting ready to reach their climax. And not too later the world flashed white and bodies spasmed as they allowed a few seconds of utmost pleasure wash over them.
Now, if things were the way they used to be, Kai would have rest on Reita as they both caught themselves. Reita would have wrapped his arm around Kai's back, tenderly stroking it while enjoying the Kai's breath on his chest. All the while Kai would be talking of completely irrelevant everythings and nothings, and Reita might have offered his input every now and then, but generally, he would just bask in the moment, because this part, the after sex part, was his favorite part, and Kai knew that.
“Felt good?” suddenly inquired Kai.
“It … was great” Reita promptly and genuinely replied, as he stared back at Kai, whom looked at him for a couple of seconds more.
“Good ...” plainly replied the brunette “... cause that's all you'll ever get from me” coldly announced the drummer, after which he got up to pick up his stuff, all before a rather paralyzed Reita. The blond however wasn't any shocked, he should have, and could have seen it coming. This was absolutely not the way he wanted today to have gone, none of it. He just wanted Kai back, as simple as that. He had no idea how he would have managed to do that, but him staying on the bed while the other was getting ready to leave wasn't going to help.
“Kai wait!” he called as he leaped out of his bed, and of his room where he picked up and wore his jeans in a hurry, while stumbling himself into the leaving room where Kai was hurrying into his T-shirt “... Kai please wait” beg the blond, placing himself in front of the brunette.
“Move” simply requested the brunette
“Please just listen, I-”
“I think I've listened and done enough for today, so now move”
“So that's it? ...”
“I'm not the one who called it quits, so don't you fucking dare put this on me!” angrily shouted the brunette.
“That's not what I was trying to say, and you know that!” pressed on the blond, as the brunette tried to find his way around the blond “... I made a mistake, a fucking huge mistake, but I still love you, I love you so much it hurts, and I don't know what to do”
“Trust, it will go” pushed on the drummer.
“No, no, no, no ...” kept repeating the blond as he strongly shook his head, at which point Kai resulted to shove the blond, whom instinctively used all his force to push the other back, and before he knew it, he was being slugged in the mouth.
“Shit!” Kai swiftly exclaimed as he incredulously stared at the blond “Reita, I'm sorry I ….” kept going the brunette, as the other merely shook his head back to reality, while taste a good amount of blood in his mouth “I'll get something, don't move” ordered the younger as he disappeared in the direction of Kai's bathroom.
Trying to touch his busted lip with his tongue, he then stopped as he tried to withstand the pain all around it. It stung like a bitch, but if it meant Kai staying for a few minutes more, Reita supposed he couldn't complain.
“Here, sit ...” calmly requested the drummer, pointing at the computer chair. Without arguing, the blond did as instructed, followed by Kai who sat in the other chair, with the emergency-kit box “... let me see ...” instructed the brunette firmly holding the blond by the chin.
“Ittaa-ittai-ittai!!”
“Sorry, sorry!” quickly apologized the brunette, loosing the grip on the other's chin “... sorry ...”
“All that workout, is surely paying off ...”
“Shush, no talking ...” serenely ordered the brunette “... or I won't be able to treat your lip. It needs to at least not blow up too much. O they won't like this at work … seriously … couldn't you dodge it or something?” irritatedly observed the drummer.
“I'm sorry I didn't predict you going all Chris Brown on me!” indignantly protested the blond, rolling his eyes. Kai remained silent, but to the blond's satisfaction, he genuinely laughed a little, and as he continued cleaning and taking care of the blond's busted lip, Reita remained quite and resumed his sunflower motion. How could he ever have thought of leaving this man?!
“This should be fine … just, get some ice now, and do all that it takes for it not to swell as much”
“Hai hai ...”
“Good, sorry again ...” then lowly added the brunette, as he got up and directed himself towards the main entrance, quickly followed in toe by Reita “I don't need to be escorted, I know my way out, you go get some ice”
“I know you do, I just wanted to-”
“Stop talking, go get some ice” interrupted the brunette, as he opened the main door “... I'll see you tomorrow” he then spoke, while leaning into the blond as if going in for a kiss, but instantly stopped himself halfway “... sorry, habit” swiftly apologized the brunette turning away.
“I'm not giving up” declared the blond, as he grabbed the brunette's wrist on instinct, and quickly left it soon after, not wanting to risk another hit. Kai opened his mouth to say something, but merely shook his head, shrugged at the blond and walked away.
Reita remained leaning by the threshold, and silently stared down the hallway until the brunette disappeared inside the elevator. Had this been a movie, the blond would have ran after him, kissed him and said something so powerful so deep that could have allowed him to solve his problems right there and then. But Reita was no poet, his lips weren’t exactly kissable material at the moment, and it was perhaps best to leave things as they were, at least for today.
For today, he'll admit defeat, and quietly lick his wounds. From tomorrow however, he'd go back to the place where he so stupidly threw away that glass slipper and begin to search, search and search until he'd find it. Even if someone else happened to have picked it up, he'd fight for it until he'd get it back, by any means. It wasn't like anyone else could fit the show anyway, it was meant for one only, and to be any useful, it also needed its pair, thus, he'd also make sure his prince would genuinely want to fit him said pair.
Supposing … hoping ... he also still had the other pair.
AN: Before anything, I apologize for having sort of disappeared. The thing is that, unfortunately, I am in a situation in which I CAN'T WRITE CONSTANTLY for lack of big chunks of consecutive time, until I have a stable job, reason why, my multi-chaptered fics are presently on halt. But I have moments in which, my fingers and muse feel like writing something real quick, so I can't resist the charm of a one shot, and for that I apologize m(_ _)m.
Now about the fic itself. It is a bit sad uh? Yet, this situation are also indeed, and unfortunately, part of life, the time sin which we screw up so badly we have no idea what to do. Chances are, if you screw up so badly, going back might be nearly impossible, but admitting to the fact that you did in fact screw up is a step. Then when everything is laid on the table, with the other party present (if any) after all the hate and sorrow has been let out, even if shit doesn't go back like you want it, it is all out of your system, and you are now capable to start afresh. Don't ever give up on yourself. If you haven't willingly and unreasonably killed anyone, nothing is ever bad enough.
Much Love -LnK♥(~_^ )/-