HOUSE OF SIN - The Diary of Uke Yutaka : CHAPTER 21 PART 2

[luna_no_koibito]

Title: HOUSE OF SIN - The Diary of Uke Yutaka
Chapters: 21.2 / 22
Author: luna_no_koibito
Genre: Human drama, romance, war, angst.
Warnings:  men/men relationship, cursing, sex, violence, incest.
Rating: from PG -15 to NC-17 (Depending on chapter)
Pairing: Revealing this might spoil the story just yet ... suggest looking at the character list (^_^)!
Bands: the GazettE, Dir En Grey, X-Japan, Nightmare, An Cafe', Alice Nine, Kra, SuG.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and don't wish I did because I'd be sorry for what could befall them （・＿・；）！
Summary:
  MAIN

CHAPTER 21 PART 1


Bright and colorful ornaments had been placed in every visible surface of the house. Joyfully graceful music had been incessantly playing for whom knew how long already. Luxurious carriages where still entering the Hayashi estate, while the voices of those whom had already made themselves comfortable were loudly echoing in every corner of the estate. It was quite a set up, and he couldn't help but marvel at it, given as to how it was all kindly done in his honor. As he quickly and politely smiled at everybody he accidentally managed to make eye-contact with, he struggled quite some to not be grabbed and forcefully entertained by all these people whom after all, were his own guest for the night. Yet, he needed a brake; for there were only so many hours a day he could keep up his joyful facade. Finally, as he managed to step out, relatively unnoticed, he rushed towards the entrance of the four gardens, but did not enter. He stood, looking in the direction of the blue-flowers themed one, and as he stared at its cottage, an excruciating pang seized his heart.

Felicitations Doctor Yutaka Uke!

Those were the words written in big and bold, on a banner that was draped over the main entrance in honor of the brunette, whom at last, in front of a jury of his elders and peers, was finally bestowed with the title of psychiatrist. It was safe to say that this was presently to be considered one of the most beautiful and precious days of his entire life. Not only had he succeeded in his endeavors, but he had a group of people he'd long now been blessed to consider, and allowed to call, family to share it with. It was all better than he could have possibly imagined, all grandiose indeed, all, but one thing.

“There you are ...” lively called a now pleasantly familiar voice, as Yutaka turned to witness an fairly cheerful Takeru walking towards him “... all the guests are wondering where ever might you be ... Doctor Uke” he serenely informed, placing particular emphasize on the brunette’s new title“... you really are ought to not miss your own party, for it is of excessively bad taste!” he playfully added, imitating the mannerism of some of the many up-tight ladies, whom where presently in the living room, drinking and obnoxiously chattering in "his" honor.

“You are right indeed ...” quietly replied the newly appointed doctor, whom still couldn't get quite used to think of himself as such “... I should go back in, and enjoy the wonderful feast you set up for me, for which I still cannot thank you enough Takeru” he added with a most sincere smile, which however, didn't hold up for nearly as long as he had wanted it to.

“However? ...” gingerly added Takeru, as he sympathetically looked at the elder, whom wasn't sure he should proceed to say what was in his mind, what had been in on his heart for so long now, at the risk of sounding like the most ingrate of people. Yet, as a new unofficial declared member of the family, he had sworn to not hide anything from any of them, even though it appeared that they always all seemed to know what was going on in his mind without him having to say a single word; so much for him being the psychiatrist “... you wish he were here” resolutely stated the younger, in a quite understanding manner, as he directed his gaze towards the red-flowers themed garden.

“Indeed I do ...” resignedly smiled the brunette, while shaking his head to himself, as the younger comfortingly placed a hand on his shoulder.

“It is alright … I feel the same … they are all my brothers after all ...” reassured the younger “... I just did not want you to be surrounded by long faces, at least for a day .. at least today ...” gingerly pointed out the younger “even though the war is indeed still on-going ...” calmly explained Takeru “... but I suppose, you would rather be surrounded by one face in particular right now-” he then attempted, but was swiftly interrupted by a rather apprehensive looking Yutaka.

“Please mind me not ...” pointedly stated Yutaka, endearingly caressing the top of the younger's head as he got himself accustomed to, for quite a while now“... please do send my apologize to Kazamasa, Kazuhiro, and uncle Kouyou for my sudden absence … “ he kindly requested, then looking extremely apologetic, in an almost pleading way, he also added “... and if you could please find a way to excuse my absence to the guests for some more time ...”.

“You are going to the port again? ...” confidently speculated the younger, with a tender and discerning expression, as the newly appointed doctor bemusedly blinked at him “... I have wondered where could you have be going, every single day, for the past month …” admitted the younger, looking slightly guilty, as if he had admitted to doing something he wasn't supposed to have been doing “... it was really not to hard a guess though, I have to … in a couple of occasions” humbly smiled the younger “... so go ahead, do not worry, I will keep them entertained, that is one thing I am told I am naturally gifted at” he lightly laughed, patting the elder on his shoulder once again “... be careful!” he then wished, after which he walked back inside.

Gratefully watching as the younger disappeared behind the crystal window of the enormous main living room, Yutaka then impulsively inserted his hand into the right pocket of his light summer jacket, in which he found the subconsciously sought for item; Akira's last letter. It wasn't like the enveloped pieces of paper could suddenly form wings and fly away, he knew that well enough, yet without even noticing, he found himself to have become quite obsessively attached to it. For the past two months whenever he went to bed, he'd place it under his pillow, with his hand protectively over it. During daytime, he would place it into the pocket of whatever garment he wore for the day. He knew it wasn't exactly the soundest of behaviors, ironically enough, especially now that he was a professional psychiatrist. However as one, he did exactly what he'd just sworn to never do. He self-diagnosed himself; and concluded that until the day that Akira would be of return, there was nothing much he could have done about it, or any other of his recent peculiar habits.

Hurriedly walking towards the stables, he checked his surroundings to see that nobody had spotted him. Once inside the wooden structure, he walked past all the horses until he got to one light brown horse, with a white mane and tail “Hiroto? ...” he tenderly cooed, as the horse sweetly neighed at his arrival “... good boy” he whispered, while affectionately caressing the mane of his own horse. His own horse. Another thing he still couldn't believe. Never had he thought he'd learn how to ride one, and ever since he had received Hiroto as a gift from the soon to be Lady Hayashi, he had been dying to tell Akira about it. He had kept it a secret from their correspondence; he wanted to surprise him.

Five months had past since Akira and the others had left. The house still felt as empty as they had left it, but that, and merely that, was the only downside to the estate's present situation. For one thing, they all had received at least one letter from their significant other, which boosted every once spirit, if even just a little. Following, as they individually made effort to work towards reaching each of their personal goal, Yutaka and the remaining of the Hayashi seemed to find it rather natural and befitting to join forces in doing so. These new change in attitude, created a particular bond among the young men, which, for it being a mere five months, was stronger beyond any of the apprentice's expectations.

“I thank you all, for being present today in officially and publicly welcoming, and unfortunately pay our last respects, two very dear individuals in your family ...” began uncle Kouyou, who was standing in the middle of the main living room side-by-side with Kazuhiro. Both their faces stoic, as they stood composedly waiting for the crowd to quite down from their whispering, and curiously agitated selves. Yutaka, Takeru, and Kazamasa were together sitting at the main table with father Byou and dr. Niikura. Their position was slightly off from the rest of the guests, but being on the table on a stage resembling the one they had for Takeru's birthday, they could all clearly see the other two men, whom were still silently standing in the middle of the room.

“I shall begin with introducing the young man standing by my side, then, as requested from himself in the form of a favor, he will spare a few words for Ayumu ...” resumed uncle Kouyou “... here before thou stands my nephew, Kazuhiro Hayashi, whom is actually the son of my late brother, and renowned Soulless General, Takuya Hayashi” solemnly stated uncle Kouyou, instantly after which the bewildered whispering of all the guests filled the room, and only once their seemingly unavoidable need to quickly gossip was finally silenced, did uncle elder brunette resume “... we are mortified to have hidden the existence of this child, now a man, to all of you, but we had reasons which deemed it the best course of action.

“Kazuhiro was born as a remarkably fragile child, his mother herself did not survive the delivery, and for the longest, as we grieved her departure, we thought we would soon have to grieve his as well ...” explained the eldest brunette, his expression, flawlessly serious “... by his father's will, we kept Kazuhiro and his mother’s identity secret, he feared for the life of his loved once, he feared ill folks might seek revenge threw them, thus he vehemently made sure that as he was kept secret … he really cared for him” declared the brunette, momentarily pausing as if thinking about what he had just stated, and even though Yutaka knew this to be all a farce to safely insert Kazuhiro into society, the apprentice felt as if he could sense truth in the words the brunette had just uttered.

“Yet, thanks to the constant assistance of the here present doctor Niikura and doctor Kamui, we were able to provide Kazuhiro with the cares and needs he required to develop into the young man he turned out to be. For a good year now, he has not have a relapse, and he is said to be getting stronger and stronger … thus, here he is” finally smiled uncle Kouyou looking at Kazuhiro next to him “... I trust in all of you to welcome him into society, and make him feel like he had not miss much in the twenty-three years he had been secluded in this mansion” he concluded, as everyone composedly bowed or clapped at a now short hair, and brunette Kazuhiro “... I shall let him take over, before we proceed in the events of the evening.” announced the uncle, as the crowd newly quieted down.

“I would like to commence by gratefully thanking all of you, for partaking to yesterday's funeral procession for my dearest cousin, Ayumu Hayashi ...” began Kazuhiro “... the two of us, me and Ayumu, were incredibly close, she was like my twin sister in many ways … we shared year, we shared passions ...” stated Kazuhiro, momentarily stopping, as his expression turned graver “... her death I still cannot quite belive ...”

“me neither ...” suddenly spoke a quite pained voice from the crowed, towards which everyone turned revealing Miku, the son of the hostel Yutaka had stayed in on his first day in London. Miku's notorious cheerfulness, and romantic feelings for Ayumu, were a known fact to everyone, however, nobody perhaps would have evasion such an overwhelmingly listless expression on the features of the young boy. As Yutaka kept observing the way in which Miku was grieving his "loved" one, he wondered, whether that would have been the kind of devastation he'd have to go through if Akira were as well to be no more “... she was … an amazing being, and I am not talking about her beauty, that is totally irrelevant, quite trivial ...” began Miku, anger painted all over his face, his eyes clearly lucid “... she was the only one who ever cared to treat anyone around her like they were worth something, like they meant something … she was smart, gentle, funny and I have no remorse in saying this, if there was one whom deserved to die in this family, that was not her” almost shouted the chestnut-haired boy, as everyone indignantly began to whisper around each other.

“You insolent child ...” suddenly snapped Mrs. Deyama, Miku's mother, as she rushed to the front “... apologize to the them immediat-” she bellowed, but was quickly cut off by Takeru whom stood up at the main table.

“No apology is needed!” firmly stated Takeru “... every word that was just uttered was truthful, and I find myself agreeing with it … hundred percent” he admitted as he placed his gaze on Miku “... I am sorry, and I am sure … she would be honored and pleased to know that there had been someone that loved her as much as you do” sorrowfully state Takeru, him as well seeming on the verge of crying, most likely reflecting himself on Miku had Ayumu being Yasuno, thought the apprentice.

“She would have ...” tenderly smiled Kazuhiro looking straight at Miku “... I am sure she is grateful to have met you” he added “... but I also know that as I started to get better, and she frail, she also made sure that I would not spend the rest of my life grieving her or feel bad for her suddenly deteriorating health, she wanted me to live out the rest of the life she could not … and I am sure she would want you as well, Miku, to continue strongly living” he smiled, as Miku tried his best to calm down, while staring at Kazuhiro in slight confusion, probably wondering how the young brunette had happened to know his name. Yet as Kazuhiro kept reassuringly smiling at Miku only, the young hostel attendant seemed to slowly begin to find some sort of peace of mind, eventually followed by even though weak, still one indeed, smile.

“Ready to go to the port again? ...” cooed Yutaka, as he began to get Hiroto set for departure “... I ma sorry for making you go through this every day ...” he also added, apologetically smiling at the horse “... you must be quite tired of it, and I am really sorry … but I just ...” he then stopped, leaning his forehead, on the saddle hid just mounted “... I just cannot help it …” he whispered, as he quickly cleared a silent tear, while he resumed thinking about the events of the night in which Kazuhiro was publicly announced. On that same day, after the party, the himself and the Hayashi members were then all formally introduced, for the first time, to Olivia.

“Everybody ...” resolutely began Kazuhiro, as he held the hand of a beautiful young brunette, whom he clumsily brought forth “... this is Olivia, Luftkin Olivia ...” he introduced, as the girl politely and warmly smiled at the four men in the room “... Olivia this are my uncle Kouyou Hayashi … my younger brothers Kazamasa and Takeru, whom you might remember from the birthday party we had some months ago … as well as Yutaka Uke, of whom I have extensively told you about” he concluded.

“Nice to meet you all …” friendly began Olivia “Kazuhiro has told me quite a lot about all of you, and about his other siblings, whom are in service right now, and of whom I wish in a speedy and safe return” she spoke and warmly smiled.

“Women ...” calmly began uncle Kouyou “... such deceitful creatures” he wholeheartedly stated “... so easy and quick to smile at you ...” he observed, with an unimpressed expression, intently staring at the young woman, whom was doing the same with him.

“Uncle Kouyou I warn you-!” angrily hissed Kazuhiro, but before he could proffer his warning, uncle Kouyou had resumed in his "welcoming" speech. Yutaka had never thought Kazuhiro capable of expressing anger, yet the younger was clearly borderline furious. Perhaps it was the black hair, thought the apprentice; perhaps it was just the fact that he was indeed Akira's sibling. Whatever might have been the reason, it did not have much importance at the moment, as himself, Kazamasa, and Takeru, synchronously took a few steps backwards.

“... there is just something about you "cock-less beings" that bothers me exceedingly. Your so calculated fragility, the constant paranoia, the obnoxious gossiping, the lack of enthusiasm in anything that that does not come with a matching tea set. It is quite revolting in fact.” honestly spoke the elder “... there is presently not a woman I would like to have anything to do with at the moment, all of you are all the same in my eyes, a blatant waste of time, a rather mirthless one at that, and I thoroughly displeased by your presence here right now” he blatantly confessed “... just thought you should know, in fact I much rather be somewhere in hell having a dinner with Satan happily toasting as we drink each other's sperm” he explained, flashing a quick cynical grin “… I actually would use a new set of dishes for such a dinner, just saying in case you would like to join?” concluded uncle Kouyou.

Yutaka immediately began to think through the procedures which were to be applied in case of murder as he kept staring at Kazuhiro, Kazamasa was still awkwardly smiling, and Takeru, poor thing, the boy was trying his awful best not to explode in laughter. Kazuhiro, on the other hand, seemed to have turned into the reincarnation of Satan himself. The other three took more steps backwards.

“... I would love to ...” Olivia began, challengingly turning to face the elder brunette “but I would be of no use to you, as the cock-less being that I am, I would not be able to produce any sperm at all, which would not make it an equal exchange toast” she matter-of-factly explained, placing emphasis on certain words, while sporting a feign mortified expression.

All eyes, including Kazuhiro's, were now wide opened at Olivia.

“Well since your husband-to-be has of recently grown one, I am sure you could ask him how to-” quite seriously added uncle Kouyou, and before he could finish the sentence, Kazuhiro was holding his uncle by his collar. Yes, thought Yutaka, it was time to call for someone, perhaps for Dr. Niikura? or should they first dispose of the soon to be corpse? Or maybe hide the culprit first?

“He has told me of Ayumu ...” instantly stated Olivia, this time in a firm voice, as she separated the two men, Kazuhiro still lividly staring at the eldest, whom instead looked quite composed, as he fixed his upper-garment “... he has told me everything, about everyone, there is not a thing I know not about this family, or him about me and my family” she explained “... and I am not fazed by any of it, I am here because I so happen to have fallen for Kazuhiro, he has asked for my hand in marriage, and I accepted, meaning I accept his family as well … if they are willing to accept me ...” she confidently stated “... so you can throw dicks, curses and whatever at me, I do not care, I have never been one of those ladies to begin with, and I have worked in a bar for as long as I can remember, so I have heard worse, much worse” she firmly pointed out, sternly staring at Kouyou “... I am not a great fan of women-mannerism either, but I was indeed born dick-less so I have to live with it, like it or not, but do not underestimate me sir, because I have no intention of taking shit from nobody with or without a dick, was I clear?” she then concluded.

For the first time since Kazuhiro had brought Olivia forth, uncle Kouyou actually looked at his nephew, emotionless for a few seconds, Kazuhiro still firmly staring right back at him. Then a few moments later, the elder brunette genuinely smiled “Welcome to the family young lady ...” kindly proclaimed uncle Kouyou, genuinely smiled the brunette, at which words and attitude the girl bemusedly and silently blinked “... finally there still seems to be someone who still knows how to choose women in this family, though I suppose if you do not fancy them to begin with it is hard to do so ...” vaguely expressed uncle Kouyou, most likely referring to Yasuno and Ayaka “... you my dear though, are one precious little thing, I can tell … you remind me of the once lady of this house, and I am sure you will be a good match to her, perhaps even better” he professed as he politely bowed at her, after which he began to walk away towards the entrance of the room they were in “... good luck” he then added, and exited, leaving the rest of the men, silently looking at each other, until Takeru decided to act like the good boy he was so desperately trying to be of recent, and broke the ice in the best way he knew how to.

“So …” he began with a genuine seriousness in his expression “... how do you feel about orgies?” as the remaining men rolled their eyes sighing, Olivia merely laughed in true amusement, while ruffling Takeru's hair, whom bashfully smiled in the presence of a woman, for the first time.

Finally mounting Hiroto once outside the stable, Yutaka gave a last look at the mansion before galloping away from the exit behind the chapel feeling already somewhat relieved. He really enjoyed horse-riding. Air completely surrounding, touching, and penetrating every single inch of his being in an entirely harmless way, almost in the same way in which Akira had on the night before he left. Now, he wasn't trying to equate horse-riding, to love making, he knew better than that, but it was another emotion that brought him, different, but still immense joy. More than everything however, he loved Hiroto, not only he was an exceedingly beautiful horse, but he reminded him of Akira in many ways than one.

“I … do not mean to alarm you Yutaka, but please whatever you do … do not move” apprehensively stated Olivia, as she worriedly stared at something behind the apprentice, whom instantly turned confused, and rather panicked “... alright, I do not quite know how this happened but … presently … you are being approached by a horse, whom me and my father do not quite know why but, does not seem to like humans too much ...” tried to explain Olivia as she slowly began to move sideways, leaving Yutaka with those life-treating feeling he had been so blessed with not having to feel any more back again all at once.

“W-w-what do you mean? Why would such a creature be left to roam around unattended ...” loudly hissed Yutaka, on the verge of tears, as he stood petrified. All they were supposed to have done was choose a horse for him to begin with, why was his life already in danger? Why did he have such bad-luck with animals?!

“I thought father had put him down yesterday ...” nervously excused Olivia, as loud neigh suddenly broke out. Before Yutaka could say anything else, the horse was by them, and rose on his back hoofs, making the young girl terrifyingly fall to the ground, and Yutaka whom was standing next to it, on the verge of fainting “... Godgodwhywhy-” unintelligibly muttered Yutaka, when the horse got back on his four hoofs and inched his face towards the apprentice; and did nothing. Flipping his tail back and forth, he simply stood by Yutaka, silent and immobile, in the same manner as the apprentice.

“He … he … is not doing … anything ...” shockingly stated Olivia slowly getting back to her feet “Maybe all along he was just nerv-” she tried to say as she took step forward, making the horse suddenly very agitated.

“You make him nervous for Christ stake stay back!” shouted Yutaka, still holding to his dear life.

“Well apparently you do not ...” she then expressed in great confusion “... try walking away … slowly” she suggested.

“No!” flatly replied Yutaka, looking at her wide-eyed.

“If he had wanted to bite or hoof you down he would have done that already …” pointed out the girl, and seeing her point, Yutaka took a big breath, closed his eyes and began to walk away, in the general direction of nowhere “... he … like you ...” she then stated, as Yutaka opened his eyes, just to see the horse obediently follow him “... he really like y-” she tried again, taking a step close to them, but the horse got nervous again, and Yutaka had no idea what possessed him to do the following.

“No!” he sternly told the horse, whom lowly neighed, and stayed quiet. Blinking at his own sudden dash of bravery, Yutaka then went as far as to gingerly caress the horse's white mane, and the horse had let him.

“... this is amazing … I seriously … I guess … we have found you a horse Yutaka ...” stated Olivia nervously smiling, and still keeping her distance “... do I really do not fancy this horse at all, the idea of putting him down was quite dreadful … so if you will accept him as yours … he is all yours” she explained.

Yutaka kept caressing the horse, and slowly, a rather childish smile formed on his face, at the affectionate responses from the animal, which made the apprentice wondered whether this was the way Akira had felt when he first got Saga and Tora “... I will have him ...” he proudly stated, relishing in the fact that the horse seemed to obey only to himself, which made him feel powerful and happy in a very weird, but amazing way. Olivia smiled, and as he kept tending to his new horse, she then stated.

“... his name is Hiroto”.

As they reached the port, Yutaka stayed on Hiroto for a while longer looking at the empty horizon in front of them. The sun was still high, and nobody was around, everything was still and deserted as he had found it to be for a month to this time now. At night it sort of got a little spooky, he would be honest, but at times like this, in broad-daylight, it was alright. It didn't feel lonely, simply because all he truly felt when he was there was expectancy to perhaps see something coming forth from the horizon. Thus, as he dismounted Hiroto, he silently stood, and began to stare in the distance.

Nothing.

Bitterly smiling, he looked around himself once more, when his features instantly softened as he suddenly remembered that this place had also been the one in which his mind had finally found the last piece of the puzzle that was the Hayashi family. That true one missing puzzle piece, with which everything had truly started; Kazamasa Hayashi

“Your painting skills are truly amazing Kazamasa ...” admiringly expressed Yutaka, as he gazed at the young painter's sheet. He draw the calm open sea that was in front of them, in a rather surrealistic way, but still quite pleasing to the eye. Of recent, Kazamasa would hop into one of their carriages, and would ask to be escorted to the military port, in order to draw the same subject each and every single time. The colors and the over structure would always be different, but the returning ship at the horizon coming towards the viewer was always the same.

“Thank you ...” serenely expressed the younger, as he looked away from his sheet, stopping his painting motions to stare at the emptiness in front of them. Coming to the military port, or any port at that, always kept Yutaka on a state of constant alert that quickly turned into anxiety, reason which he tried to avoid the destination as much as he could, but today, there was actually a reason he had decided to join Kazamasa on what had almost turned into the younger's daily routine trip. To begin with he was curious to see for himself, all the progress the younger was eagerly narrating regarding his own goal of being able to properly socialize with strangers. Mainly however, there was a rather pressing matter the apprentice had been wanting to ascertain Kazamasa, for the longest time “... it has been eight months now” absently professed the younger.

“ … yes” replied Yutaka, as well staring in the distance, as he calmly thought through how he was going to approach the subject. However, as he remembered his present stance in the Hayashi family, smiling to himself he kept away any reserve he was trying to apply and simply spoke “... there has been something I have been meaning to ask you?”

“Yes? ...” replied the younger, in slight concern, as he turned to attentively regarded the apprentice.

“I am not asking this to judge any of your actions, or to be unpleasant to you in any way, but you could say, that it is … also because of my field of study …” he began as the younger kept quite, and still attentive “... could it be that you have long not been unresponsive to people? Even before I came, from long before I came ...” he gingerly inquired, as the younger slowly lowered his gaze to his own laps “... ever since you started to interact with Takahiro … all the major fit you threw, the one you threw the first time I met you, and your daily mannerism …” he then stopped, this time trying his best to find a word that would get to the point, but would hopefully not be offensive, for that was not his intention “... was it perhaps all an act?”

“What makes you think as much? ...” calmly inquired the younger, as he turned his gaze to the open sea, his lips however shaping into a smile of resignation, which Yutaka felt was meant to warmly tell him; that he was right.

“Even though I am aware that each individual is different, there are certain traits … that are common in people with psychological issues” began the apprentice “... the way you acted was exactly the way it was expected of an ill person with that sort of issues, which made me conclude that there was a time in which you truly must have suffered that condition however ... the way you always seemed to be overly aware of your surroundings, the way you seemed to always understand things before others … always guiding me to where to go next, even when we came here to send them off, we were surrounded by so many people, whom must have bumped into you, yet nothing happened ...” Yutaka then paused realizing how much it made sense as he said it out loud “ … even your relationship with Takahiro … I started to notice the sort of awkwardness, because ...” he then paused, as Kazamasa turned to face him, looking somewhat pained “... because, perhaps, even he does not fully understand, that you are healed does he? And you … have perhaps been struggling with whether tell him or not … and meanwhile, tried to ease the process … by talking more … sounding more responsive ...” he then stopped, as Kazamasa humbly closed his eyes, while placing his brush on the apposite space in the painting-stand.

“It is ...” lowly began Kazamasa, glimpsing at the apprentice “... exactly as you say ...” he then paused, lightly clenching his fists on his laps, as the apprentice patiently awaited for the younger to resume “... it actually happened before my relationship with Takahiro ...” placidly began the younger “... it all happened, thanks to Akira” he then paused, kindly smiling at the intently listening apprentice “as you might know, Akira used to be the only one, whom took care of me for the most part, during that time in which I truthfully had dreaded human contact. I still quite do not know why … but people positively scared me, I felt menaced, as if in perpetual danger … I trusted nobody … and with my mistrust came the strange habits, the tantrums, and all that you have seen me "re-enact".

“... However, Akira's interaction with me struck something in my brain, I do not know exactly how, but I presume that his persistence, and constant trying to almost sacrifice himself for me, opened my mind to the fact that perhaps not all people were bad, and as a consequence … I also managed to develop a romantic attraction for him” stated Kazamasa, pausing to newly glimpse at the apprentice, whom hadn't seen that coming, and for some reason wasn't exactly comfortable with hearing about someone else's romantic involvement with his present one. Even though there obviously was no present connection anymore, not that Kazamasa had said that there were any at all; yet.

“But it was completely one-sided, do not worry ...” he quickly smiled at the apprentice, whom lightly blushed for having his mind always so easily read “... I started to observe each and every of his actions, words, anything that was Akira I knew like the back of my hand. By doing so, my brain slowly assumed a regular functionality, and by the time I realized that I was by then indeed "normal" I also understood, that Akira had feelings for Takahiro, which crushed me.

“So I became sort of "obsessed" with Takahiro, I wanted to be him, to turn into someone that Akira could love as well, in doing so however, I did not realize that I actually started to subconsciously appreciate the type of person that Takahiro was … until that one day.” he then stopped tenderly smiling to himself, and perhaps recalling the events of said day.

“What day? ...” curiously encouraged the apprentice, whom was incredibly fascinated by the entire situation, particularly by the fact that Kazamasa could talk. Not three words vaguely added together, actually talk, which under a medical perspective was something even more fascinating.

“The day in which uncle Kouyou, completely saw through my acting, and presently with you, he is the only one that knows” he resumed to explain “... uncle Kouyou took us downtown, and as usual I tried to be around Akira as much as I could, but doing so also meant being around Takahiro as well. That day uncle Kouyou gave us candy, and though I really was ecstatic to the fact that I had received one that was like the one Akira had … I suddenly felt happier when Takahiro gave me his. I was not too sure about what that meant, but later that day, uncle Kouyou surprised me as I was hiding outside of Takahiro's garden … spying on him” expressed Kazmasa, lightly laughing at the memory “... and we had the longest talk of my life about him knowing about me, about feelings, about Takahiro … about a lot … and I was merely a child!” he stopped assuming a playfully shocked expression, which made Yutaka lightly smirk “... well eleven years old is not exactly child but ...” he quickly added.

“Will … you tell anybody? ...” suddenly inquired Yutaka “... will you tell Takahiro?” he then added, in a firmer manner.

“I have been trying, so hard … even about this day, I actually sort of told him … and I had wanted to tell him the truth, about everything, it seemed like the right thing to do since he was leaving … but I still could not … and I brushed off the story, I was vague about it, only told him about what I had realized just of recent … but I was so scared ...” he then stopped, his eyes suddenly becoming lucid, as he forcefully gulped “... I really love Takahiro, where I had a crush on Akira, I love Takahiro, and his reaction to all of this, his perhaps anger … I do not think I can handle that” Kazamasa finally admitted “... I figured, that I could simply keep it up, and slowly show some progress … but as you noticed, I can hardly control my speaking frequency anymore, and my "normality" is gradually taking over me ...” he concluded looking at his laps in mortification.

“If you do not mind me giving you a word of advice ...” began Yutaka, as comfortingly placed his hand on the yougner's shoulder “... I feel like, perhaps Takahiro should be the first to know, but the rest of the people in that house are still your family as well. Even Kazuhiro, whom as Ayumu still quite took care of you when Akira had sort of "left" … they all deserve to know, besides” he then smiled, trying to sound as reassuring as he truly felt about the situation “... from what I have seen, he is deeply in love with you. And if you tell him everything, the way you told me, I do not think anything will change, in fact it might just be best for the both of you … finally live "normally” and less acting for you … which I can only imagine, but for all this years … was it not hard?” he then inquired with genuine concern.

“It was ...” began Kazamsa “... the not having to talk was the hardest, yet, it felt like by doing so … I also gave my brothers, some sort of reason to feel a little bit like they could be "useful"? … especially Takahiro, he has really low self-esteem, and when I saw how proud of himself he felt for "gradually bringing me" to senses … I just … it became even harder to say anything at all … but you are right” resolutely breathed out the younger “... I must stop this, and I will start … with those present right now, as for Takahiro ...” he then paused sighing, as he raised his head towards the sea “... this I not something I quite want to write in a letter, so I suppose we will just have to wait until they get back.”

“Until they come back ...” whispered Yutaka to himself, thinking about Kazamasa words on that faithful day, while he kept staring in the distance. So much had happened since they left, so much had changed, and even though everything was actually a change for the better, the best still could not occur until they, until Akira wasn't once again by his side “... please be well ...” he then lowly professed, as he kept painfully staring at the empty horizon line, where he was hoping he'd see something resembling all those painting that Kazamasa had drawn so far.

Yet there still was no ship at the horizon, but there were still plenty of guests at the mansion, where he'd left poor Takeru to handle things “... we should go back ne Hiro-” he began to say, when, as he almost turned away, he spotted a woman, dangerously standing at the edge of the end of the port, looking downwards. If she kept bending in the way she was, she would have definitely fallen; which seemed to be her aim “Oh my ...” he slowly whispered to himself, whom without even noticing was already running towards said woman.

All he knew, was that they better not end in water, because he had no idea about the woman; but he most definitely did not know how to swim.

CHAPTER 21 PART 3

A/N: OMG sooooooooooooo excited, one last part to this chapter and then chapter 22 (EPILOGUE) … So whom suspected about Kazamasa, I am so curious to know … I mean … has anyone of you wondered, or perceived that he wasn't exactly “acting” like a regular “autistic” person? But with that one the mysteries are truly ALL OVER. Now … all we have to do is keep watching the horizon … supposing Yutaka hasn't falling into the water that >>. *goes to buy snacks, come back to finish the chapter * … it is a bit long, I apologize for that … oh and Hiroto is quite a cute horse I assure you~! LOL. Thank you for reading!!!

Much Love -LnK♥(~_^ )/-