Like Snow .... [KAI/AOI, KAI/REITA] - ONE SHOT

[luna_no_koibito]

Title: Like Snow ...
Chapters: One shot
Author: luna_no_koibito
Genre: Angst.
Warnings: none
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kai/Aoi, Kai/Reita
Bands: The GazettE
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and don't wish I did because I'd be sorry for what could befall them （・＿・；）！
Summary: … maybe it's because, at the end of it all. it just ... melts.

Like Snow ...


It had been snowing for a while, perhaps a week, perhaps a month, he didn't know, couldn't remember for sure, and it really didn't matter. As long as it fell children would have rejoiced, drivers would have cursed, artists would have been inspired, and he would have watched, silently, unmoving, and admiring, such as in this very instant, and he was sure, that no matter who, whether the happy child, or the enraged driver, they couldn't have denied that the cold crystal flakes were indeed beautiful. Yet, in the long run, why was it so sad too watch, almost painful, but never boring, just really unsettling; … could it have been the coldness of it?

Turning away from the white frigid view, he quickly grabbed his coat on the his newly acquired bed, and walked out of his bedroom, not once stopping to check if he had forgotten something, or left anything out of place, there was no need, for there was virtually nothing in his room, but a desk, a bed, and unbearably white empty walls; … maybe it was the color white?

Stopping in front by the kitchen entrance of his new temporary dwelling, his eyes adjusted to the faint light in the room, making out the shadow of a man, relaxingly sitting on a chair against the wall by the window-door, holding a mug, for there still was no table, and staring outside the window.

-Sorry about that … I got distracted ...- he apologized, keeping his stance by the entrance, somehow, he still felt out of place, out of place in his own place; … maybe it was just his misconception?

-It's quite a lot, but it's beautiful isn't it? ...- replied the man in a light tone, turning towards him, and he might have been laughing, smirking, or pouting, but he was against the only source of light, thus he couldn't tell. Yet, the switch was right besides him, all he needed to was to raise a finger, and push the level down

-Shouldn't we go get the rest of the things? ...- he then proposed, trying to sound, if not happy, okay - I really don't want to take much of your time … and ti was so rude for me to call you, all of a sudden -he swiftly justified, impatiently shifting his wait on his feet.

-... You know you didn't disturb me, plus I made this for you … they left a complimentary coffee machine, as a welcome gift I guess ...- replied the man -... come? ...- he then requested, holding up the beverage towards the brunette, who calmly waked into the room, and stopped right in front of who he could now discern as a blond man -... are you sure about this? … Yutaka? - inquired the blond, as the brunette gratefully accepted the cup of coffee, and reassuringly smiled in reply -... he will not understand, he-

-He will be okay … Akira - politely interjected the drummer, staring down his mug of coffee -... just like he came in, I went out … he probably won't even notice … - he observed in a whisper, attempting to drink some of his the offered coffee, but concluding not too, as he watched the blond rose to his feet

-You should talk … - suggested Akira

-But we have ...- cynically smirked Yutaka -... countless time … and this is the result - explained the brunette, this time finding enough courage to look around, courage to observe the result of his so long pondered decision. He had thought through it, very carefully, and so many were the things for which he thought he should have stayed, with the other, in the place he used to call home, because he could only find one single thing that just kept tormenting him in pain, but he had concluded it not sensible to throw everything away just for one thing; no matter how hurtful that one thing truly was.

However, the same pondering process had been repeating, time and time again, ever more frequently, and that one thing, that same one thing, kept reappearing, and in the long run, for each thinking process, its amount of hurt proportionally increased, to the point of him not being able to stand it anymore. He only wished he noticed sooner, he wished he hadn't allowed it to come this far.

-Yuu? Is everything alright? … - he hesitantly inquired, as he observed the reflection of the taller man in the mirror in front of him, as the other helped him pull down the zipper to his costume

-Mhmm ...- merely hummed the guitarist -why do you ask? - he then nonchalant inquired, looking back at the drummer through the mirror

-I was just wondering ...- he shook his head in negation smiling -... I was just checking- he quickly added, he quickly lied, and it sickened him how good he was becoming at it, but he didn't know, he was scared of pointing out, or even worrying about something that could have appeared so trivial to anyone else. Yuu hadn't shook his hand at the end of the concert, and it wasn't the first time to happen. It could have been forgetfulness, tiredness, it could have been a lot of things, but only when it happened once, and not with your so called lover, or at least so he believed.

The other merely replied with his usual grin, and after patting the brunette on his now necked waist, he turned around ready to leave the changing room

-Kiss? ...- swiftly turned around the drummer, and inquired in a pleading and shocked tone; he shouldn't have had to remind his own lover to kiss him, should have he? The other turned around, and simply grinned, not a single “Oh! Where is my head?” or any other badly made up excuse, not one single word, but that usual, now nerve-wracking, grin, as he walked back to him, and slowly kissed him, placing both his hands on his naked waist and just like snow … they felt so cold.

It started with missed handshakes, forgotten kisses, and gradually proceeded in omitted “I love you”, and every single time he'd ask the same question … “Is everything alright?” ... and every time he'd receive the same answer, followed by the same question, replied by his same lie, followed by another neglected gesture, and it hurt, so bad, so darn bad. However, what hurt the most was the realization that the other wouldn't behave in such manner as a simple act of heedlessness, because if it were to be so, he was sure it would have hurt less, if the guitarist were to be intentionally hurting him, it would have gave him a valid enough reason to hate him, and he wanted to, with all his might, with every tear he had silently shed, while watching that beautiful snow; … maybe it was because you are both so beautiful?

He simply didn't notice. None of it. Days just passed by, and it seemed like according to the guitarist, Yutaka was just there, where he was supposed to be, behind him as he played on stage, by his side when he slept at night, somewhere when he needed a cigarette, which he carried even though he didn't smoke, just for him. He felt used, taken for granted, and it was truly despicable how hard it was for him to let him notice that for he couldn't get himself to say it out loud, because things were seemingly alright, they both kept smiling, and the occasional hugs and caresses, but it seemed all a cause of logic, rather than necessity, because they were around each other, it made sense that they should have don that. They didn't fight, no apparent reason too, because he wouldn't voice out his problems, and he went on not noticing, so things were just fine. He came back home, he wasn't sleeping around, and yes, they had sex, and he would truly have become and amazing liar if he were to say that it didn't feel great, in fact it was amazing.

He was amazing. His persona, his being, standing out among anyone, so talented, and passionate about the things he did, very close to the impersonation of perfection. Then, there was Akira, as talented and passionate, but didn't stand out as much, enjoyed it being so, but just like himself, he simply was there.

-Is everything alright? ...- asked the blond, spotting on the usual balcony, where he forced himself to cry everyday; it made him feel better

-... Mhmm ...- hummed the drummer, swiftly trying to clear his tears

-Crying for the fun of it? ...- playfully stated Akira, placing his coated arms, on the snowy rail, next to the drummer, who half snorted, and half sobbed, at the blond's comment, while still in the process of cleaning slow meaningless, and incessant tears -... you can talk to me if you want? - proposed the blond, turning his head to face a head lowered Yutaka, who merely nodded in agreement

-... Thank you ...- he then whispered, as they stood there, silently, until it got too cold to bear.

The same situation persisted, the same lies were nonchalantly proffered, but the pain diminished, thanks to Akira, to whom he'd go and pour all his sorrow … all his melted snow … he would get back to Yuu and find the strength to live there, because he knew that if he needed Akira would have been there. Just like him, he was there. Thus, he wondered, if he were to suddenly disappear, if he were to leave, taking nothing, leaving everything that belonged to him as it was, taking only himself away … would he have notice. He had bought that apartment, on the side, for a while already, but never had the courage to go, for he still loved him, he truly did, and at a point, if it meant that they would have still been together, even if it pained, it was going to be alright, he could stay.

However, as days passed, and as things kept remaining the same, he got closer and closer to the blond, maybe even closer than necessary, but the thing was, that he didn't feel any guilt, he saw it as a natural occurrence, a logical consequence, and all of a sudden everything turned into a lie, caresses, hugs, kisses, smiles, even sex, for so many a time he had been close to calling out the other's name, whom he began to desire, but wouldn't proceed in satisfy such want, because he was still technically together with somebody else, and he did still respect him enough not to do so; … maybe it's because, at the end of it all. it just ... melts.

-I bet you that it's ice cold by now ...- observed Reita pointing at Yutaka's mug of coffee, which was still untouched, and that the bassist, gently grabbed from his hands, and walked away to place on the nearest counter, soon after walking back to the drummer -... if possible, certain things are better when not cold - he then observed, making the brunette smirk in agreement, as he turned to newly fix his gaze out of the window

-It's stopping ...- quietly observed Reita, as glanced out of the window, as they both observed the slow falling of the light white flakes -... if it weren't cold, and didn't leave quite a mess after it melted, I'd wish it lasted forever … - serenely expressed the bassist

-But it is cold ...- calmly stated Yutaka -... it does melt, and it does leave a mess ...- he then added, as Reita turned around to face him -... and we, I and Yuu, were just like that ...- he continued displaying a remorseful grin, while the other cautiously intertwined their hands together, which Yutaka tightly held, he needed the feel, the sensation, the awareness, that he was there, that he was still there, even after the snow had melted - … just like snow, so beautiful while it fell, still gorgeous on the ground … but then- he paused, looking away from the window, and sighing in relief to the realization -... we melted. He concluded -... I just wished it could have ended differently … I still don't want to cause him pain ...- he added, as the blond got closer, and warmly embraced the brunette.

-Next year ...- began the blond, after some time, making the one final and essential observation that he hadn't even notice - ...it will snow again - he observed, and that was exactly what it was … it was going to snow again … but this time, he would be sheltered, this time he would limit himself to stay inside, and simply watch the beautiful scenery, he needed not to feel it, because Akira was right, no matter how beautiful, if possible, certain things are better when not cold.

A/N: Meeeh I had this planned for a while, and since the season is the right one, and since I have been talking about it, I finally got it out, absolutely not a masterpiece, which of my things ever is? ROFL, but it was occupying space in my head so, out it went. Thank for hose who read though, much love (^_^! )/.