feeling a little better

May 04, 2006 17:28

I figured that after my last post, I should let you all know what's going on. This is going to be a bit short because it's only going to be my side of things and spewing it all over the internet isn't necessarily fair...
Yesterday was the WORST DAY ever. I left the house at 10:30 for what should have been an hour drive to Millet to do my workshops. I got horribly lost and it took me until 12:30 to get to Nancy's house in Millet. Then I find out the guy that was supposed to call me about my workshops (and never did) canceled my workshops. So Nancy, being a sweetheart told him "no fucking way!" and made him put in mine instead of hers. So that was very nice of her. Of course I didn't find out that hers were cancelled until Kevin and I went to her house after they were all done and I felt really really bad. OH, and I think/secretly know that I ruined potential plans for potential romance. I mean...there was the music playing, Nancy was all dressed up...YIKES! I think Kevin might have been relieved that there was someone else there.

Okay. Back to the story. Then I headed over to Camrose and met up with my boy. We went to Merchants and had a lovely time. He told me that he found out he was going to Toronto for school next year. It was official. We talked about other stuff. He actually beat me at checkers for once in his life. Then we headed back to his momma's place for dinner and it was really great. Dinner was fabulous...he was all affectionate and sweet and we had a great time. We talked about plans for the rest of the summer and school and stuff. There weren't any good movies playing and Kyle's mom can't find her DVD player (she just moved) so we played boggle until 10 and had good conversation. It was bed time for Kyle's mom and so we went down to the guest room and played 90's Trivial Pursuit. It was pretty funny. Now here's where it gets terrible.

We were laying in bed and I was proud of us for getting to bed before 1 (it was 12:30 and he had to work and I had to drive back at 8am). So I pssst-ed him and said one horrible little sentence that I utterly regret asking "what happens in september?"
So he goes on to tell me that of course things will be ending...and then when he realized I was upset, he told me he thought that I knew that. I always knew it was a possibility but I never knew that it was for sure! So basically the next few hours consisted of both of us crying and me trying to understand why he wants to stay together for the summer and then not for next year. And him trying to explain why long distance isn't something he thinks is a good idea and a million other things were discussed. So it was a lllllooooonnnnngggg hard night. And it's been a lllloooonnnggg hard day. I think the deal is this, I told him that I would stay with him for the summer if he seriously considers trying (not even succeeding) long distance. Am I totally out of line? Any help on convincing him that it would be more disappointing to not try at all rather than have it fail. Anyways, so that's what's going on here. Probably didn't help that I was uber tired (I've had a bit of a nap and we've talked a couple times since) I wrote that entry. I really want to stay together. I think he's putting too much on the what-ifs of the negative aspects. I don't think he's looking at the good what-ifs. So we have some things we need to work out. And I'm on a secret mission to change his mind.
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