sometimes, it's just not worth it
oh and i know you guys will yell at me for saying this but...
Sometimes, it's just not worth keeping all those promises not to cut myself...
again...
I could even pick up the old spots, around a t-shirt area, but, Matt see's me without a shirt often enough that it would be hard to hide those (God knows I can't throw them off like I do the mysterious bruises that show up). Maybe I could take up cutting my breasts... but ya know, that would be a pain. The cuts would rub against my bra, and then probably break open, and then I'd have a mess underneath my shirt, and if I get that white bra like Jess and I were talking about, it would look like I had my period out of my tits... that would be interesting... and ruin a perfectly good (not to mention expensive...)brand new bra.
That's the only truly private place though. Even then, when Matt and I are alone, and in 'the mood,' the damn bra comes off and 'poof' there goes the 'hiding it.' Then Matt would freak out and lecture me and God knows what else...probably call Bernie... and it would be a huge deal...
This worked better with no beau...
And damnit all... I just need to get out of this hell... it's not even like I'm an indentured servant or anything, I'm just an all out, good ol' slave... there's really no way out... Matt says don't be so hopeless, but, come on, what's the point of having hope when what I hope for is constantly stepped on.
Yes, I know I'm just being dramatic, but... this is a journal isn't it?
PS another reason to be hopeless-I got a 15/100 on my first math test... now, don't everybody congratulate me at once... *rolls eyes*
Slave will return to work now...
Sometimes, it's just not worth keeping all those promises not to cut myself...
again...
I could even pick up the old spots, around a t-shirt area, but, Matt see's me without a shirt often enough that it would be hard to hide those (God knows I can't throw them off like I do the mysterious bruises that show up). Maybe I could take up cutting my breasts... but ya know, that would be a pain. The cuts would rub against my bra, and then probably break open, and then I'd have a mess underneath my shirt, and if I get that white bra like Jess and I were talking about, it would look like I had my period out of my tits... that would be interesting... and ruin a perfectly good (not to mention expensive...)brand new bra.
That's the only truly private place though. Even then, when Matt and I are alone, and in 'the mood,' the damn bra comes off and 'poof' there goes the 'hiding it.' Then Matt would freak out and lecture me and God knows what else...probably call Bernie... and it would be a huge deal...
This worked better with no beau...
And damnit all... I just need to get out of this hell... it's not even like I'm an indentured servant or anything, I'm just an all out, good ol' slave... there's really no way out... Matt says don't be so hopeless, but, come on, what's the point of having hope when what I hope for is constantly stepped on.
Yes, I know I'm just being dramatic, but... this is a journal isn't it?
PS another reason to be hopeless-I got a 15/100 on my first math test... now, don't everybody congratulate me at once... *rolls eyes*
Slave will return to work now...