Living as Lenore: Chapter 31 "Confessional...OR 'The Shovel Speech'"
Title: Living as Lenore
Author: Luna (aka Luna_del_Cielo on lj)
Fandom: Supernatural/Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cast of Characters: Tara/Lenore McLeod, Fergus McLeod/Crowley, Loki/Gabriel, Anya, Castiel, Kali, Eli, Angel, Darla, the Immortal, Bilquis, Spike, Drusilla, Dean, Sam, Scoobies
Rating: T
Summary: Willow tried to bring Tara back…and she did. Unfortunately, she was brought back to life in 1672. Now 'Lenore' has to deal with witches, demons, pagan gods, and even angels, as she struggles to find the red-haired woman she sees in her dreams.
Pairings: Multiple pairings that will include the characters: Anya, Gabriel, Kali, Tara/Lenore, the Immortal, Willow - at least.
Spoilers: BTVS S6E19 ‘Seeing Red’, SPN S2E3 ‘Bloodlust’. Spoilers for Crowley's past in S6 “Weekend at Bobby’s” and Trickster/Loki's past in S5 ‘Changing Channels’
Warnings: Character death, Femslash (nothing explicit)
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If I did then fewer people would have died in each of those shows :)
Read specific chapters here: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22| Chapter 23| Chapter 24| Chapter 25| Chapter 26| Chapter 27| Chapter 28|Chapter 29| Chapter 30|
Or all of the entire story: here
Confessional...OR 'The Shovel Speech'
Upper Alaska near the Colville River,
May 1, 1860
Bodies of her brethren were strewn carelessly over the land, their blood turning the snow a soft pink. Fergus’ demons had successively killed all of Bilquis’ troops, as he had promised, and now her enemies were dust and corpses. After Lenore got off of Bilquis’ heartless dead body she scanned the area for signs of movement and immediately set off to help her clan members. Eli was closest and nearing unconsciousness from the amount of blood he was losing from his shoulder wound. Tears stung her eyes at the realization of how she had almost lost one of the most important people in her life - her one constant companion since 1745. She used magic and the shirt of a dead vampire to patch him up as quickly as possible before she set off for the others.
By the dawn’s rising light she had found only twenty of her clan members still alive - out of one-hundred and seventy. So many had been murdered and her soul cringed in agony at the thought that they were all gone…because of her foolishness. Not even all of her Council members made it; Jae, Mona, Alka, Esti, Maria, and Patience were all found dead. Déshèng was found clinging to Alka’s body; as her Maker he was inconsolable. Abdul’s face was wiped clean of his typical genial expressions; now his face was stony and cold as he carried his mate Mona to the funeral pyre.
And Maria…oh god, her lovely Maria. She had been a part of Lenore’s life at a key point and they had loved each other so much then. To have her light extinguished? The sight of her head more than fifty feet away from her body was burned into Lenore’s mind forever.
She couldn’t believe how few of them were left. The only members of the Council still alive, besides her, were Eli, Abdul, Zuna, Déshèng, and the ancient Kitra. The other fifteen ranged from newer members of their clan to some who had been around for decades. However, in spite of all their differences they did have one thing in common.
They hated her.
“It is your fault!” Déshèng shouted, his hands balled into fists of anger. “You left us! You know we relied on your leadership and magic, and you left us! My Alka is dead now thanks to you!”
“My God, Déshèng. I am truly sorry…for everything. I was captured and tortured in England, otherwise I swear to you I would have come sooner,” Lenore tried to explain. The guilt weighed in her like a brick and she hated herself at the moment.
“You promised us we would be safe,” a younger vampire, Katerina, cried out. “Now my Maker and my mate are both dead!”
“We should have never started on this foolish mission to stop drinking human blood,” Igor, a Romanian vampire of three-hundred years griped as he rocked back and forth on his heels. He had lost all of his friends that he had entered into the clan with.
Over and over again they berated her lack of foresight and her foolish decisions. What could Lenore do but take it? Thanks to her people that they had loved were dead. There was nothing she could do to make this better.
Eventually the fateful words were spoken. “You should leave this clan, Lenore. You are a disgrace.” Déshèng’s words fell like icicles and she shivered at his tone.
“There is nothing I can do to make this better, but I want to try. We can regroup, maybe head someplace warm like the Congo where there’s plenty of game-”
“No, Lenore,” Abdul interrupted her. She looked at him in surprise and saw a grieving expression set on his face as he ran his hands through his long beard. “I am sorry, but the trust is broken.”
Lenore was shocked into silence as more of the clan members began offering their support to Déshèng. Abdul was the most compassionate of them all and for him to want her gone…?
“And you, Kitra?” Lenore asked the two-thousand year old vampire.
Kitra frowned, the smooth lines of her once thirteen-year old face wrinkling in concern. “I do believe last night was a sign from God,” she began carefully. “Perhaps it was wrong of us to congregate in such a large group.” She sighed. “You all may do as you please, but I think it is time that I reenter the world alone.”
“Eli? What about you?” Lenore asked apprehensively.
For the longest time her just stared at his shoes. By the time he finally looked up she was almost shaking from nervousness. What if her Eli rejected her? “I…I think you should stay, Lenore.” She sighed in relief but then…when she really looked into his eyes she saw the truth. Eli blamed her for this, just as everyone else had. Perhaps it was loyalty that made him side with her but she could tell he didn’t want her.
None of them wanted her.
She left that night and never looked back. To push back her tears Lenore forced her heart to become cold and uncaring when it came to them so she wouldn’t feel so hurt. In fact, it really was just easier to not care about anyone, she realized. If anything, she would just focus on getting her revenge on Angelus, Darla, and Aphrodite - and while she was at it, any demon that got in her way.
Reine, Norway,
December 15, 1886
She honestly didn’t know how Loki dealt with her.
If she wasn’t crying hysterically from withdrawal then she was berating him and breaking things in his home. If she wasn’t doing either of those things then she was shaking and experiencing lucid dreams.
Lenore was aware that for many of her clan’s converts it had been very hard for them in the beginning. Like her, they experienced a degree of withdrawal. At the time Lenore had been supportive and talked them through it, but now that she was dealing with it? By God, it sucked.
Sucked, sucked, sucked.
Angrily, she began banging on the low register keys of the grand piano Loki kept in his entertainment room. She let out a noise of frustration as the piano went “Dum dum DUUUUUUUM” as she held down the lowest key.
“Keep that up and I can see ya goin’ places, kid,” Loki announced cheekily as he sat in an armchair across from the piano. “Talent like that is hard to find.”
She tossed him a dirty look and purposefully continued drumming on the piano keys. Lenore had never been interested in learning a musical instrument before so she had no idea what she was doing other than making delightfully annoying noises for her prison guard.
Loki smirked and snapped his fingers. Suddenly her hands had a mind of their own and began playing Beethoven’s ‘Für Elise’, a hauntingly beautiful song published recently in 1867. She let out an exasperated sigh at his shenanigans but bit back a curse when she found herself enjoying the soft melody. When she was done with that he snapped his fingers again and she was onto another Beethoven melody that was soft and slow; ‘Moonlight’. As she continued playing she flashed back to the first time she heard this song at a wealthy nobleman’s ball in Austria - where she had killed his son, a man known for raping servant girls.
Tears began falling from her cheeks but her hands wouldn’t stop playing this horrible, horrible song. “Loki!” she cried out shakily. “St-stop!”
Immediately he stopped and was at her side on the piano bench. “Lenore, what’s wrong?”
She just shook her head in response and leaned heavily against the piano as her shoulders shook with every sob. God, that night was flashing through her mind with such vitality. Her seducing the nobleman’s son, her feeding, the thick taste of his blood in her mouth, his frozen dead eyes staring back at her…
A warm hand rubbed her back consolingly. “It’ll help if you talk about it.”
Lenore shook her head. No, it wouldn’t. She didn’t want Loki to know that side of her and just how far she had fallen. Since Loki had taken her in almost two months ago Lenore had spent most of the time just screaming at him to let her go or remaining silent.
Not to mention, Lenore was afraid to talk to Loki…because all she really wanted to ask was why he didn’t love her…but she supposed she had a good thing going her. Lenore knew that she needed help and was realizing that she had to stop drinking from humans. Right now Loki was the only one she had to help her and she couldn’t lose that.
Reine, Norway,
December 31, 1886
Lenore was laying on the bear skin rug in front of the fireplace sketching on some paper Loki had given her. When she was held captive by Aurelius this activity was the only one that gave her some sense of self and sanity, particularly when she sketched her red-haired dream woman. Now it was helping her heal once again. This time her muse had her focusing on other subjects than just Willow. Many of the sketchings were of her own past murderous attempts (those she made a show of burning in the fireplace) and others were the people she loved in her life: her long-gone children, Fergus (in all his various meat suits, including the original), Elspeth, Loki, Kali, Eli, Maria, and even Anyanka.
Of course, on her ‘bad days’ she would also sketch violent bloody pictures of what she planned on doing to Angelus and Darla, as well as sketches that recreated Aphrodite and Bilquis’ death scenes. However, she tried to hide those from Loki - otherwise he would just try to get her thinking about her stupid feelings again. Ugh.
A pounding came from the door and Lenore looked up in alarm. Loki didn’t get many visitors and he certainly hadn’t since she came to stay with him. He came walking out of the entertainment room with an annoyed expression. “We don’t want any damn Girl Scout cookies!” he shouted.
Sometimes Lenore wondered how he knew about things from the future. She knew she told him a lot during her years living with him but she couldn’t remember mentioning Girl Scout cookies.
“Loki! Let us in, right now!” Anyanka’s determined voice came through the door.
Loki shot her a look. “Did you message them somehow?”
She just sat up and shrugged. “No.” Then she smiled in anticipation. Lock-down with Loki was certainly not fun and she was looking forward to seeing Anyanka and, she assumed, Fergus, again.
Growling in irritation, Loki opened up the door. Some snow blew in and Anyanka pushed past him, followed closely by Fergus. “Honestly Lenore, we’ve been trying to find you for weeks. Tonight is D’Hoffryn’s New Year’s Eve Bash in Rio. What the hell are you doing here?” Anyanka asked.
Lenore stood up, feeling suddenly self-conscious in her ugly (but comfortable) house dress with her hair dirty and unkempt. “Today’s New Year’s Eve already?”
“Yes, it is,” Fergus answered, his eyes never leaving Loki’s. “When we couldn’t find you I thought you might be here with this bastard. Good thing Anyanka knew the way.” His voice was cool and he was staring at Loki with loathing.
“Bastard?” Loki repeated with an edge to his voice. “And just who the hell are you, you black smoke scumbag?”
Fergus bristled. “Crowley.” Then a sly smirk wove its way onto his face.
Loki’s eyes narrowed. “Crowley.” He turned to Lenore. “So this is the guy I’ve been hearing rumors about? Anyanka and Crowley are the two demons you’re sleeping with and going on killing sprees with?”
“Wh-what?” Lenore sputtered in shock while Fergus had an amused look on his face.
Anyanka, of course, reacted in typical fashion. “Don’t be a moron, Loki. While Lenore is good-looking and sure, if maybe I swung that way - not that I didn’t for a couple decades with this Thai demon chick who, lemme tell ya, was double-jointed in all the best ways - but anywho, long story short, Lenore’s not our orgasm friend. Although we do have the occasional killing spree together.”
“Loki,” Lenore started laughing. “You really thought I was in some kinky threesome?”
“Well…yeah! I mean, that’s what the underworld was saying - that you two are the whores to the King of the Crossroad Demons.”
“WHAT?” Lenore and Anyanka shouted out at once.
Fergus gave them a charming smile and raised his eyebrows innocently. “What? I cannot be blamed if perhaps it’s easier for my people to think I just enjoy wanton sex with beautiful ladies instead of, you know, socializing with those below my class.”
Anyanka smacked him so hard a regular’s man cheekbone would have broke. “Below you? Lemme tell you right now, Mr. King of the Jackasses, I’ve been around for almost a thousand years selling more vengeance than you could dream of. If anything I’ve lowered my standards!”
Fergus sighed and took Anyanka’s flailing hands with a repentant look on his face. “Darling, you know I don’t think of it that way. You’re clearly a goddess when it comes to demonic sales. Unfortunately the fellas downstairs can be right racist when it comes to working with the other types of demons.” His fingers caressed Anyanka’s cheek as he spoke and she softened slightly at the touch.
That was Fergus all right - a damn charmer and a half.
“Well, fine,” she said haughtily. “You just better get me a damn nice make-up present.”
He whispered something in her ear and she giggled.
Loki cleared his throat. “Okay, now that you’ve seen her, I need you to leave. This is a very sensitive time for Lenore.”
Anyanka gave her a skeptical look. “Why? Has she forgotten how to use a bathtub?”
Lenore rolled her eyes and self-conciously ran her hands through her unwashed hair. “No…”
“She’s probably having a bad time of it because she’s here with you,” Fergus pointed out sharply as he pointed at Loki. “C’mon luv,” he said to Lenore. “Pack up your things and I’ll take you back home.”
“Listen muttonhead, King of whatever, or not, I don’t give a damn who you are, but you’re not taking Lenore. She needs to stay here.” He paused. “And what’s wrong with being with me?”
“Oh for the love of D’Hoffryn, don’t get into it, Loki. The entire time here all I’ve heard is whiny britches ranting on and on and on,” Anyanka bemoaned.
“You want to know what my problem is?” Fergus said to Loki in a low voice. “First off, YOU CUT MY FUCKING PENIS OFF! Second of, you broke my BABY SISTER’S HEART. So how about you let me take her home before I SHOVE A FUCKING STAKE THROUGH YOUR HEART.”
Lenore clapped a hand to her mouth and Anyanka just stared in shock at the seething demon. Loki appeared like he didn’t know if he wanted to retaliate violently or start laughing.
“Hold on…you’re Fergus? Lenore’s brother that traded his soul?” Loki asked with a slow smirk that began twisting onto his face.
Fergus just stared in hatred.
“Oh…that is…” Loki glanced at Lenore and back at Fergus before he started laughing. “Too funny! Oh wow, I almost forgot about that; that was a good trick.”
“I didn’t realize that! Although, it does make sense why you never tried to have crazy monkey sex with Lenore like most other people you associate with,” Anyanka mused.
“Nothing about this is goddamn funny,” Fergus said coolly to Loki. “That or the way you’ve treated Lenore.”
“I treat Lenore just fine!” Loki protested. “I’ve been taking care of her for years.”
Her heart plummeted at the way he phased that...‘taking care of her’…by God, was she just a chore to him? Clearly he didn’t see them as equals. No wonder he didn’t love her back.
Fergus snorted. “Right. Like how you left her in Egypt or that time you ignored her for some blond bimbo?”
“Hey, I-”
“Stop!” Lenore commanded before things got out of hand. Her entire body was itching to get out of here and away with everyone. “Fergus, I appreciate the concern, but just drop it, okay? You too, Loki.”
Fergus sneered at Loki but otherwise nodded at her request. “Fine, but let’s get a move on before all the good party favors are gone.”
Party favors. She knew what that meant. Humans. Creatures just bursting with thick delicious blood waiting for her…
Lenore shook her head. She had to get a hold of herself! This…addicion…was ruining her. She knew this. Logically, anyways. But every cell in her body screamed contrary to that concept. Her body wanted human blood.
She took in a deep breath and forced the next words to come tumbling out of her mouth. “I have to stay here.”
“Why? Because this pagan said so?” Fergus asked incredulously as Loki crossed his arms and shot the demon a dirty look.
“No…because I need to. I’ve fallen. Fallen far.” Her eyes averted from her friends. “It’s taken some time to realize it but I need to stop drinking from humans. In fact, probably stop killing altogether, both humans and demons.”
Fergus and Anyanka’s faces carried dumbfounded expressions; however Loki was beaming with pride. Surprisingly - or not - that made her feel a whole lot better suddenly.
“Lenore, come on!” Fergus scoffed. “Don’t get all good-do-ery now! We’ve been having fun for so long,” He was scowling but there was another emotion in his eyes that she couldn’t quite decipher. Was he…hurt?
“True. You are much more enjoyable to spend time as a more ‘yay killing’ vampire than your old self,” Anyanka acknowledged with a nod.
Lenore bit her bottom lip and walked over to them, a nervous hand running through her hair. “These past thirty years spending more time with you Fergus - and you, Anyanka - have been great in a lot of ways.” She took Fergus’ hand as he stared at her curiously. “I’ve really, really missed you, Fergus. And yeah, I know, evil demon and blah blah, but I still love you.” She sighed. “But recently I’ve realized that I don’t like the person I’ve become.”
“Rubbish,” Fergus snorted. “You’re a fantastic person. Like I said before, nothing wrong with sucking down some evil humans who deserve it.”
“But that’s just it!” she cried out as she felt her emotions surge. “I fed off a girl. An innocent girl that one minute I was saving and the next minute I was murdering!” She swallowed heavily and pushed back the images of the girl’s family from her dream/hallucinations, or whatever that was.
“Len,” Fergus began patiently as Anyanka, always bored when things weren’t about her, sat down and began filing her nails. “One little girl shouldn’t change anything. Besides, all humans die eventually. And if you count all the humans you’ve saved, you’re still ahead in numbers.” He shrugged. “What does it matter?”
Lenore’s eyes clenched shut. She loved her brother. She did. But she knew he was…hell, he wasn’t even morally ambiguous. He was evil. He sent souls to Hell. Evil or innocent, it didn’t matter to him. She knew that he loved her, in his own twisted way somehow, but she realized that she shouldn’t necessarily spend so much time with him.
“It matters to me,” Lenore said softly. “I’m not God. I don’t deserve to decide death for others.”
Fergus stared at her for a long time. “Well, then, I suppose they’ll be no convincing you. I recognize that stubborn look.”
She smiled in spite of it all. “Yeah,” she whispered.
“Alright Anyanka, let’s get going,” Fergus said graciously as he held his arm out. She sighed haughtily at the implication of an ‘order’ but got up nonetheless.
“See ya Lenore. If you’re ever down for a massacre or know of a woman jilted by love, just say my incantation!” Anyanka told her brightly.
“Thanks,” Lenore smiled. “Bye Fergus.”
He kissed Lenore’s forehead. “Farewell, Len.” Then his eyes narrowed at Loki. “Fuck this up again and it’ll be your arse, Trickster. I'll stick an entire tree through your miserable body.” Before Loki could reply the two demons had disappeared.
“I forgot what a dick your brother was,” Loki groused.
Lenore shrugged. She had nothing to say on the matter. In fact, more than ever she didn’t want to talk at all. Realizing that changing her lifestyle meant spending less time with her brother and Anyanka (who she really was quite fond of - the demon reminded her so much of Sunnydale) was quite the downer.
“So hey! Since it is New Year’s Eve, wanna stay up and we can have our own lil party? I’ll invite the wolf pack, make some fireworks, and snacks?” Loki asked with a sunny smile.
His offer was tempting…but Lenore knew better than to tempt fate. At midnight there’d probably be an awkward maybe-kiss moment on account of tradition. Or, maybe not - and then she would furiously be wondering why he didn’t want to kiss her. No, it was good to just have Loki as her own personal rehab director.
“No, thanks. I’m tired. Think I’ll head to bed,” she told him. When his face fell she almost reconsidered…but no. She just really needed 1) to get over her addition and 2) get over Loki.
Reine, Norway,
March 1, 1887
Life was getting easier.
Of course, she certainly wasn’t prepared to go anywhere that humans congregated but her mood swings were minimal and lots of meditation and hiking around and over the mountain was helping her. She had even sucked it up and started confiding in Loki again. By this point he knew how Eli and the others had rejected her and she told him many of her escapades afterward she left them. However, they never spoke of personal things between them. Besides those conversations about her past thirty years Lenore typically avoided him.
It helped that she enjoyed this wolf pack. Almost two-hundred years have passed since she used to run and hunt with Tyr and Thordis’ pack. Since then she had become friendly with other wolves in her travels (since after they drank their meals her clan members always left the bodies out for the wolves and other local predators). Yet there was something special about becoming ‘part’ of a pack again.
Right now she was laying on her side with one pup trying to nose around her chest, apparently looking for milk, while the other twelve wolves lounged around her. “Stop it, Sigvard,” she giggled as she batted the confused pup away.
“Looks like Sigvard’s got good taste in women,” Loki remarked as he emerged from the forest into their clearing.
“Yes, my self-esteem is sky-rocketing,” she replied dryly.
Loki smirked and ruffled the hair of the alpha male wolf. “What’s up, Victorinus? You get the little missus knocked up yet?”
The ‘little missus’ in question, the alpha female Tuija, growled at Loki while Victorinus replied with a sharp bark.
“Geez, okay guys. I’m not trying to jinx ya,” Loki said in surrender with his arms raised.
“Go ahead, Tuija, bite him,” Lenore stated with a grin. “I think you have that right.” Tuija just gave her a wolfy grin and then playfully tackled Loki.
“Way to go, Lenore!” Loki griped as he and Tuija began rolling around.
Lenore grinned. She had missed this. A lot. Especially because the others wolves she met weren’t as easy to communicate with as the pack that lived in Loki’s forest. She wondered if these wolves were descended from his son Fenrir and that was why they could understand her.
“So, Lenore,” Loki said once his wrestling match was complete. “What do you think about checking out the village marketplace tomorrow morning?”
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Loki, no. I’m finally at the point where I have a grip on things. I’m not going to ruin that by dangling a bloody steak in my face.” At the word ‘steak’ all the wolves’ ears pricked up.
“You know how people build muscle?” Loki asked casually. “They push their muscles to the extreme each day. First five pounds, then ten, then fifteen - pushing their boundaries every day until finally their muscles are strong enough.”
“I don’t want to be a bodybuilder, Loki.”
He sighed in exasperation. “You know what I mean. Brat.”
She rolled her eyes. “No thank you.”
“C’mon. For me? Please?” he begged with a charming smile.
Dammit. She hated that stupid sparkle in his eye and his stupid smile. It made her fall for anything. “Fine,” she sighed.
Reine, Norway,
March 20, 1887
Happy Spring Equinox!” Loki belted out as he burst into the living room.
Slightly irritated that he had interrupted her reading, Lenore marked her place and looked up at him. “Happy Spring Equinox,” she replied. “Let me guess - you have some pagan party?” Loki had not left since she had arrived here but she knew that the equinoxes and solstices were major party days for the gods. Idly she wondered if Eostre was hosting again this year.
“Nope!” he said as he plopped into the seat next to her on the couch. “Just staying in today.”
“Loki, you don’t have to worry about me running away anymore. I’ll be fine. Go do your party thing,” she motioned towards the door.
“Nah,” he shrugged. “Those gossip queens really aren’t that much fun. Besides I figured we could do something,” he smiled brightly at her.
“Um, well I kinda have plans.”
“With who?” he asked incredulously.
Her eyes narrowed. “Oh, is it so unbelievable that I would be hanging out with someone besides you?” she asked accusingly.
“N-no. I’m just sayin’, I didn’t think you were hanging out with anyone nowadays,” he quickly backpedaled.
“Well I am, sort of. Me and my buddy Jesus,” she grinned.
Something like pain flashed in Loki’s eyes. “Huh?”
She laughed. “It’s Palm Sunday, silly. I’m just catching up on my reading,” she explained as she held up a leather-bound Bible. Then she shrugged guiltily. “I kind of stopped…well, you know, really praying and all that after Alaska.”
His expression was unfathomable. “Well, I’m glad Lenore. I know that was a big part of you.” His words were slow and cautious, like it almost weirded him out to talk about this.
Which reminded her…she had snapped when Loki was trying to kill her under Aphrodite’s orders and said that she knew he was an angel. Did he remember her saying that? Would he talk about it? Unless of course her theory was wrong and maybe Holy Oil also worked on pagans…? But no, because Kali would have told her that.
Loki started to leave but she placed a hand on his shoulder. “Speaking of…do you remember what I said to you when Aphrodite had her mojo working?”
“Uh, I don’t know. You said a lot of things,” he said very casually - which meant he was nervous if he was trying so hard to pretend he didn’t care.
“I reminded you that you were an angel. And then you broke her spell.”
“Uh…woo. Don’t remember that. You musta got your head smacked a ‘lil too hard,” he said with a smile. But she knew him. He was lying.
“I’ve tried to respect your privacy, Loki, but I’m tired of secrets. You know you can tell me anything.”
His gaze softened. “I know that,” he sighed. “And I appreciate it.”
She waited for him to elaborate but he remained silent. “Loki! I know you’re an angel!”
“Honey, please. Do I look like an angel to you? I mean, sure, sometimes I get called ‘Oh my God!’ in the bedroom, but that’s about it.”
Lenore’s lips pressed together in sheer annoyance. “When those demons trapped you on the mountain it was with Holy Oil.”
He stared at her in shock; his lips parted in an ‘O’ and his amber eyes wider than an owl’s. “Lenore, trust me, I’m no angel.”
Furious, she set the Bible down (gently, because it was the Bible and she was trying to get on God’s good side again), placed her hands on her hips, and stared down at Loki. “My god! I have been nothing but a good, loyal friend to you, always telling you about my secrets, and you don’t even trust in me enough to confide? So glad to know where I stand,” she stated hotly as she proceeded to leave the room.
“Whoa! Lenore, just stop,” Loki called as he ran over and cut her off. “You know I trust you and love you. You’re the one person on this stupid planet that matters the most to me. I just don’t want to burden you.”
“Loki, you have to understand that I’m not the same mousy little vampire you dragged into your home back in 1703. I’ve lived a long time - sure,” she cut him off when she saw his mouth open, “not as long as you but long enough to experience some of the best and worst moments that life can throw at you. You don’t have to protect me.”
Amber eyes quickly turned away from her and his jaw clenched. “Yes, I do. I’ve always been meant to protect you.”
Lenore rolled her eyes at his macho attitude before she mentally re-listened to his words. “What do you mean by that?”
His sighed and looked into her eyes, his own awash with guilt and regret. “You were assigned to me, Lenore. Before I ran away from Heaven.”
A/N:
…DUN DUN DUUUUUUN! ;)
Author: Luna (aka Luna_del_Cielo on lj)
Fandom: Supernatural/Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cast of Characters: Tara/Lenore McLeod, Fergus McLeod/Crowley, Loki/Gabriel, Anya, Castiel, Kali, Eli, Angel, Darla, the Immortal, Bilquis, Spike, Drusilla, Dean, Sam, Scoobies
Rating: T
Summary: Willow tried to bring Tara back…and she did. Unfortunately, she was brought back to life in 1672. Now 'Lenore' has to deal with witches, demons, pagan gods, and even angels, as she struggles to find the red-haired woman she sees in her dreams.
Pairings: Multiple pairings that will include the characters: Anya, Gabriel, Kali, Tara/Lenore, the Immortal, Willow - at least.
Spoilers: BTVS S6E19 ‘Seeing Red’, SPN S2E3 ‘Bloodlust’. Spoilers for Crowley's past in S6 “Weekend at Bobby’s” and Trickster/Loki's past in S5 ‘Changing Channels’
Warnings: Character death, Femslash (nothing explicit)
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If I did then fewer people would have died in each of those shows :)
Read specific chapters here: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22| Chapter 23| Chapter 24| Chapter 25| Chapter 26| Chapter 27| Chapter 28|Chapter 29| Chapter 30|
Or all of the entire story: here
Confessional...OR 'The Shovel Speech'
Upper Alaska near the Colville River,
May 1, 1860
Bodies of her brethren were strewn carelessly over the land, their blood turning the snow a soft pink. Fergus’ demons had successively killed all of Bilquis’ troops, as he had promised, and now her enemies were dust and corpses. After Lenore got off of Bilquis’ heartless dead body she scanned the area for signs of movement and immediately set off to help her clan members. Eli was closest and nearing unconsciousness from the amount of blood he was losing from his shoulder wound. Tears stung her eyes at the realization of how she had almost lost one of the most important people in her life - her one constant companion since 1745. She used magic and the shirt of a dead vampire to patch him up as quickly as possible before she set off for the others.
By the dawn’s rising light she had found only twenty of her clan members still alive - out of one-hundred and seventy. So many had been murdered and her soul cringed in agony at the thought that they were all gone…because of her foolishness. Not even all of her Council members made it; Jae, Mona, Alka, Esti, Maria, and Patience were all found dead. Déshèng was found clinging to Alka’s body; as her Maker he was inconsolable. Abdul’s face was wiped clean of his typical genial expressions; now his face was stony and cold as he carried his mate Mona to the funeral pyre.
And Maria…oh god, her lovely Maria. She had been a part of Lenore’s life at a key point and they had loved each other so much then. To have her light extinguished? The sight of her head more than fifty feet away from her body was burned into Lenore’s mind forever.
She couldn’t believe how few of them were left. The only members of the Council still alive, besides her, were Eli, Abdul, Zuna, Déshèng, and the ancient Kitra. The other fifteen ranged from newer members of their clan to some who had been around for decades. However, in spite of all their differences they did have one thing in common.
They hated her.
“It is your fault!” Déshèng shouted, his hands balled into fists of anger. “You left us! You know we relied on your leadership and magic, and you left us! My Alka is dead now thanks to you!”
“My God, Déshèng. I am truly sorry…for everything. I was captured and tortured in England, otherwise I swear to you I would have come sooner,” Lenore tried to explain. The guilt weighed in her like a brick and she hated herself at the moment.
“You promised us we would be safe,” a younger vampire, Katerina, cried out. “Now my Maker and my mate are both dead!”
“We should have never started on this foolish mission to stop drinking human blood,” Igor, a Romanian vampire of three-hundred years griped as he rocked back and forth on his heels. He had lost all of his friends that he had entered into the clan with.
Over and over again they berated her lack of foresight and her foolish decisions. What could Lenore do but take it? Thanks to her people that they had loved were dead. There was nothing she could do to make this better.
Eventually the fateful words were spoken. “You should leave this clan, Lenore. You are a disgrace.” Déshèng’s words fell like icicles and she shivered at his tone.
“There is nothing I can do to make this better, but I want to try. We can regroup, maybe head someplace warm like the Congo where there’s plenty of game-”
“No, Lenore,” Abdul interrupted her. She looked at him in surprise and saw a grieving expression set on his face as he ran his hands through his long beard. “I am sorry, but the trust is broken.”
Lenore was shocked into silence as more of the clan members began offering their support to Déshèng. Abdul was the most compassionate of them all and for him to want her gone…?
“And you, Kitra?” Lenore asked the two-thousand year old vampire.
Kitra frowned, the smooth lines of her once thirteen-year old face wrinkling in concern. “I do believe last night was a sign from God,” she began carefully. “Perhaps it was wrong of us to congregate in such a large group.” She sighed. “You all may do as you please, but I think it is time that I reenter the world alone.”
“Eli? What about you?” Lenore asked apprehensively.
For the longest time her just stared at his shoes. By the time he finally looked up she was almost shaking from nervousness. What if her Eli rejected her? “I…I think you should stay, Lenore.” She sighed in relief but then…when she really looked into his eyes she saw the truth. Eli blamed her for this, just as everyone else had. Perhaps it was loyalty that made him side with her but she could tell he didn’t want her.
None of them wanted her.
She left that night and never looked back. To push back her tears Lenore forced her heart to become cold and uncaring when it came to them so she wouldn’t feel so hurt. In fact, it really was just easier to not care about anyone, she realized. If anything, she would just focus on getting her revenge on Angelus, Darla, and Aphrodite - and while she was at it, any demon that got in her way.
Reine, Norway,
December 15, 1886
She honestly didn’t know how Loki dealt with her.
If she wasn’t crying hysterically from withdrawal then she was berating him and breaking things in his home. If she wasn’t doing either of those things then she was shaking and experiencing lucid dreams.
Lenore was aware that for many of her clan’s converts it had been very hard for them in the beginning. Like her, they experienced a degree of withdrawal. At the time Lenore had been supportive and talked them through it, but now that she was dealing with it? By God, it sucked.
Sucked, sucked, sucked.
Angrily, she began banging on the low register keys of the grand piano Loki kept in his entertainment room. She let out a noise of frustration as the piano went “Dum dum DUUUUUUUM” as she held down the lowest key.
“Keep that up and I can see ya goin’ places, kid,” Loki announced cheekily as he sat in an armchair across from the piano. “Talent like that is hard to find.”
She tossed him a dirty look and purposefully continued drumming on the piano keys. Lenore had never been interested in learning a musical instrument before so she had no idea what she was doing other than making delightfully annoying noises for her prison guard.
Loki smirked and snapped his fingers. Suddenly her hands had a mind of their own and began playing Beethoven’s ‘Für Elise’, a hauntingly beautiful song published recently in 1867. She let out an exasperated sigh at his shenanigans but bit back a curse when she found herself enjoying the soft melody. When she was done with that he snapped his fingers again and she was onto another Beethoven melody that was soft and slow; ‘Moonlight’. As she continued playing she flashed back to the first time she heard this song at a wealthy nobleman’s ball in Austria - where she had killed his son, a man known for raping servant girls.
Tears began falling from her cheeks but her hands wouldn’t stop playing this horrible, horrible song. “Loki!” she cried out shakily. “St-stop!”
Immediately he stopped and was at her side on the piano bench. “Lenore, what’s wrong?”
She just shook her head in response and leaned heavily against the piano as her shoulders shook with every sob. God, that night was flashing through her mind with such vitality. Her seducing the nobleman’s son, her feeding, the thick taste of his blood in her mouth, his frozen dead eyes staring back at her…
A warm hand rubbed her back consolingly. “It’ll help if you talk about it.”
Lenore shook her head. No, it wouldn’t. She didn’t want Loki to know that side of her and just how far she had fallen. Since Loki had taken her in almost two months ago Lenore had spent most of the time just screaming at him to let her go or remaining silent.
Not to mention, Lenore was afraid to talk to Loki…because all she really wanted to ask was why he didn’t love her…but she supposed she had a good thing going her. Lenore knew that she needed help and was realizing that she had to stop drinking from humans. Right now Loki was the only one she had to help her and she couldn’t lose that.
Reine, Norway,
December 31, 1886
Lenore was laying on the bear skin rug in front of the fireplace sketching on some paper Loki had given her. When she was held captive by Aurelius this activity was the only one that gave her some sense of self and sanity, particularly when she sketched her red-haired dream woman. Now it was helping her heal once again. This time her muse had her focusing on other subjects than just Willow. Many of the sketchings were of her own past murderous attempts (those she made a show of burning in the fireplace) and others were the people she loved in her life: her long-gone children, Fergus (in all his various meat suits, including the original), Elspeth, Loki, Kali, Eli, Maria, and even Anyanka.
Of course, on her ‘bad days’ she would also sketch violent bloody pictures of what she planned on doing to Angelus and Darla, as well as sketches that recreated Aphrodite and Bilquis’ death scenes. However, she tried to hide those from Loki - otherwise he would just try to get her thinking about her stupid feelings again. Ugh.
A pounding came from the door and Lenore looked up in alarm. Loki didn’t get many visitors and he certainly hadn’t since she came to stay with him. He came walking out of the entertainment room with an annoyed expression. “We don’t want any damn Girl Scout cookies!” he shouted.
Sometimes Lenore wondered how he knew about things from the future. She knew she told him a lot during her years living with him but she couldn’t remember mentioning Girl Scout cookies.
“Loki! Let us in, right now!” Anyanka’s determined voice came through the door.
Loki shot her a look. “Did you message them somehow?”
She just sat up and shrugged. “No.” Then she smiled in anticipation. Lock-down with Loki was certainly not fun and she was looking forward to seeing Anyanka and, she assumed, Fergus, again.
Growling in irritation, Loki opened up the door. Some snow blew in and Anyanka pushed past him, followed closely by Fergus. “Honestly Lenore, we’ve been trying to find you for weeks. Tonight is D’Hoffryn’s New Year’s Eve Bash in Rio. What the hell are you doing here?” Anyanka asked.
Lenore stood up, feeling suddenly self-conscious in her ugly (but comfortable) house dress with her hair dirty and unkempt. “Today’s New Year’s Eve already?”
“Yes, it is,” Fergus answered, his eyes never leaving Loki’s. “When we couldn’t find you I thought you might be here with this bastard. Good thing Anyanka knew the way.” His voice was cool and he was staring at Loki with loathing.
“Bastard?” Loki repeated with an edge to his voice. “And just who the hell are you, you black smoke scumbag?”
Fergus bristled. “Crowley.” Then a sly smirk wove its way onto his face.
Loki’s eyes narrowed. “Crowley.” He turned to Lenore. “So this is the guy I’ve been hearing rumors about? Anyanka and Crowley are the two demons you’re sleeping with and going on killing sprees with?”
“Wh-what?” Lenore sputtered in shock while Fergus had an amused look on his face.
Anyanka, of course, reacted in typical fashion. “Don’t be a moron, Loki. While Lenore is good-looking and sure, if maybe I swung that way - not that I didn’t for a couple decades with this Thai demon chick who, lemme tell ya, was double-jointed in all the best ways - but anywho, long story short, Lenore’s not our orgasm friend. Although we do have the occasional killing spree together.”
“Loki,” Lenore started laughing. “You really thought I was in some kinky threesome?”
“Well…yeah! I mean, that’s what the underworld was saying - that you two are the whores to the King of the Crossroad Demons.”
“WHAT?” Lenore and Anyanka shouted out at once.
Fergus gave them a charming smile and raised his eyebrows innocently. “What? I cannot be blamed if perhaps it’s easier for my people to think I just enjoy wanton sex with beautiful ladies instead of, you know, socializing with those below my class.”
Anyanka smacked him so hard a regular’s man cheekbone would have broke. “Below you? Lemme tell you right now, Mr. King of the Jackasses, I’ve been around for almost a thousand years selling more vengeance than you could dream of. If anything I’ve lowered my standards!”
Fergus sighed and took Anyanka’s flailing hands with a repentant look on his face. “Darling, you know I don’t think of it that way. You’re clearly a goddess when it comes to demonic sales. Unfortunately the fellas downstairs can be right racist when it comes to working with the other types of demons.” His fingers caressed Anyanka’s cheek as he spoke and she softened slightly at the touch.
That was Fergus all right - a damn charmer and a half.
“Well, fine,” she said haughtily. “You just better get me a damn nice make-up present.”
He whispered something in her ear and she giggled.
Loki cleared his throat. “Okay, now that you’ve seen her, I need you to leave. This is a very sensitive time for Lenore.”
Anyanka gave her a skeptical look. “Why? Has she forgotten how to use a bathtub?”
Lenore rolled her eyes and self-conciously ran her hands through her unwashed hair. “No…”
“She’s probably having a bad time of it because she’s here with you,” Fergus pointed out sharply as he pointed at Loki. “C’mon luv,” he said to Lenore. “Pack up your things and I’ll take you back home.”
“Listen muttonhead, King of whatever, or not, I don’t give a damn who you are, but you’re not taking Lenore. She needs to stay here.” He paused. “And what’s wrong with being with me?”
“Oh for the love of D’Hoffryn, don’t get into it, Loki. The entire time here all I’ve heard is whiny britches ranting on and on and on,” Anyanka bemoaned.
“You want to know what my problem is?” Fergus said to Loki in a low voice. “First off, YOU CUT MY FUCKING PENIS OFF! Second of, you broke my BABY SISTER’S HEART. So how about you let me take her home before I SHOVE A FUCKING STAKE THROUGH YOUR HEART.”
Lenore clapped a hand to her mouth and Anyanka just stared in shock at the seething demon. Loki appeared like he didn’t know if he wanted to retaliate violently or start laughing.
“Hold on…you’re Fergus? Lenore’s brother that traded his soul?” Loki asked with a slow smirk that began twisting onto his face.
Fergus just stared in hatred.
“Oh…that is…” Loki glanced at Lenore and back at Fergus before he started laughing. “Too funny! Oh wow, I almost forgot about that; that was a good trick.”
“I didn’t realize that! Although, it does make sense why you never tried to have crazy monkey sex with Lenore like most other people you associate with,” Anyanka mused.
“Nothing about this is goddamn funny,” Fergus said coolly to Loki. “That or the way you’ve treated Lenore.”
“I treat Lenore just fine!” Loki protested. “I’ve been taking care of her for years.”
Her heart plummeted at the way he phased that...‘taking care of her’…by God, was she just a chore to him? Clearly he didn’t see them as equals. No wonder he didn’t love her back.
Fergus snorted. “Right. Like how you left her in Egypt or that time you ignored her for some blond bimbo?”
“Hey, I-”
“Stop!” Lenore commanded before things got out of hand. Her entire body was itching to get out of here and away with everyone. “Fergus, I appreciate the concern, but just drop it, okay? You too, Loki.”
Fergus sneered at Loki but otherwise nodded at her request. “Fine, but let’s get a move on before all the good party favors are gone.”
Party favors. She knew what that meant. Humans. Creatures just bursting with thick delicious blood waiting for her…
Lenore shook her head. She had to get a hold of herself! This…addicion…was ruining her. She knew this. Logically, anyways. But every cell in her body screamed contrary to that concept. Her body wanted human blood.
She took in a deep breath and forced the next words to come tumbling out of her mouth. “I have to stay here.”
“Why? Because this pagan said so?” Fergus asked incredulously as Loki crossed his arms and shot the demon a dirty look.
“No…because I need to. I’ve fallen. Fallen far.” Her eyes averted from her friends. “It’s taken some time to realize it but I need to stop drinking from humans. In fact, probably stop killing altogether, both humans and demons.”
Fergus and Anyanka’s faces carried dumbfounded expressions; however Loki was beaming with pride. Surprisingly - or not - that made her feel a whole lot better suddenly.
“Lenore, come on!” Fergus scoffed. “Don’t get all good-do-ery now! We’ve been having fun for so long,” He was scowling but there was another emotion in his eyes that she couldn’t quite decipher. Was he…hurt?
“True. You are much more enjoyable to spend time as a more ‘yay killing’ vampire than your old self,” Anyanka acknowledged with a nod.
Lenore bit her bottom lip and walked over to them, a nervous hand running through her hair. “These past thirty years spending more time with you Fergus - and you, Anyanka - have been great in a lot of ways.” She took Fergus’ hand as he stared at her curiously. “I’ve really, really missed you, Fergus. And yeah, I know, evil demon and blah blah, but I still love you.” She sighed. “But recently I’ve realized that I don’t like the person I’ve become.”
“Rubbish,” Fergus snorted. “You’re a fantastic person. Like I said before, nothing wrong with sucking down some evil humans who deserve it.”
“But that’s just it!” she cried out as she felt her emotions surge. “I fed off a girl. An innocent girl that one minute I was saving and the next minute I was murdering!” She swallowed heavily and pushed back the images of the girl’s family from her dream/hallucinations, or whatever that was.
“Len,” Fergus began patiently as Anyanka, always bored when things weren’t about her, sat down and began filing her nails. “One little girl shouldn’t change anything. Besides, all humans die eventually. And if you count all the humans you’ve saved, you’re still ahead in numbers.” He shrugged. “What does it matter?”
Lenore’s eyes clenched shut. She loved her brother. She did. But she knew he was…hell, he wasn’t even morally ambiguous. He was evil. He sent souls to Hell. Evil or innocent, it didn’t matter to him. She knew that he loved her, in his own twisted way somehow, but she realized that she shouldn’t necessarily spend so much time with him.
“It matters to me,” Lenore said softly. “I’m not God. I don’t deserve to decide death for others.”
Fergus stared at her for a long time. “Well, then, I suppose they’ll be no convincing you. I recognize that stubborn look.”
She smiled in spite of it all. “Yeah,” she whispered.
“Alright Anyanka, let’s get going,” Fergus said graciously as he held his arm out. She sighed haughtily at the implication of an ‘order’ but got up nonetheless.
“See ya Lenore. If you’re ever down for a massacre or know of a woman jilted by love, just say my incantation!” Anyanka told her brightly.
“Thanks,” Lenore smiled. “Bye Fergus.”
He kissed Lenore’s forehead. “Farewell, Len.” Then his eyes narrowed at Loki. “Fuck this up again and it’ll be your arse, Trickster. I'll stick an entire tree through your miserable body.” Before Loki could reply the two demons had disappeared.
“I forgot what a dick your brother was,” Loki groused.
Lenore shrugged. She had nothing to say on the matter. In fact, more than ever she didn’t want to talk at all. Realizing that changing her lifestyle meant spending less time with her brother and Anyanka (who she really was quite fond of - the demon reminded her so much of Sunnydale) was quite the downer.
“So hey! Since it is New Year’s Eve, wanna stay up and we can have our own lil party? I’ll invite the wolf pack, make some fireworks, and snacks?” Loki asked with a sunny smile.
His offer was tempting…but Lenore knew better than to tempt fate. At midnight there’d probably be an awkward maybe-kiss moment on account of tradition. Or, maybe not - and then she would furiously be wondering why he didn’t want to kiss her. No, it was good to just have Loki as her own personal rehab director.
“No, thanks. I’m tired. Think I’ll head to bed,” she told him. When his face fell she almost reconsidered…but no. She just really needed 1) to get over her addition and 2) get over Loki.
Reine, Norway,
March 1, 1887
Life was getting easier.
Of course, she certainly wasn’t prepared to go anywhere that humans congregated but her mood swings were minimal and lots of meditation and hiking around and over the mountain was helping her. She had even sucked it up and started confiding in Loki again. By this point he knew how Eli and the others had rejected her and she told him many of her escapades afterward she left them. However, they never spoke of personal things between them. Besides those conversations about her past thirty years Lenore typically avoided him.
It helped that she enjoyed this wolf pack. Almost two-hundred years have passed since she used to run and hunt with Tyr and Thordis’ pack. Since then she had become friendly with other wolves in her travels (since after they drank their meals her clan members always left the bodies out for the wolves and other local predators). Yet there was something special about becoming ‘part’ of a pack again.
Right now she was laying on her side with one pup trying to nose around her chest, apparently looking for milk, while the other twelve wolves lounged around her. “Stop it, Sigvard,” she giggled as she batted the confused pup away.
“Looks like Sigvard’s got good taste in women,” Loki remarked as he emerged from the forest into their clearing.
“Yes, my self-esteem is sky-rocketing,” she replied dryly.
Loki smirked and ruffled the hair of the alpha male wolf. “What’s up, Victorinus? You get the little missus knocked up yet?”
The ‘little missus’ in question, the alpha female Tuija, growled at Loki while Victorinus replied with a sharp bark.
“Geez, okay guys. I’m not trying to jinx ya,” Loki said in surrender with his arms raised.
“Go ahead, Tuija, bite him,” Lenore stated with a grin. “I think you have that right.” Tuija just gave her a wolfy grin and then playfully tackled Loki.
“Way to go, Lenore!” Loki griped as he and Tuija began rolling around.
Lenore grinned. She had missed this. A lot. Especially because the others wolves she met weren’t as easy to communicate with as the pack that lived in Loki’s forest. She wondered if these wolves were descended from his son Fenrir and that was why they could understand her.
“So, Lenore,” Loki said once his wrestling match was complete. “What do you think about checking out the village marketplace tomorrow morning?”
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Loki, no. I’m finally at the point where I have a grip on things. I’m not going to ruin that by dangling a bloody steak in my face.” At the word ‘steak’ all the wolves’ ears pricked up.
“You know how people build muscle?” Loki asked casually. “They push their muscles to the extreme each day. First five pounds, then ten, then fifteen - pushing their boundaries every day until finally their muscles are strong enough.”
“I don’t want to be a bodybuilder, Loki.”
He sighed in exasperation. “You know what I mean. Brat.”
She rolled her eyes. “No thank you.”
“C’mon. For me? Please?” he begged with a charming smile.
Dammit. She hated that stupid sparkle in his eye and his stupid smile. It made her fall for anything. “Fine,” she sighed.
Reine, Norway,
March 20, 1887
Happy Spring Equinox!” Loki belted out as he burst into the living room.
Slightly irritated that he had interrupted her reading, Lenore marked her place and looked up at him. “Happy Spring Equinox,” she replied. “Let me guess - you have some pagan party?” Loki had not left since she had arrived here but she knew that the equinoxes and solstices were major party days for the gods. Idly she wondered if Eostre was hosting again this year.
“Nope!” he said as he plopped into the seat next to her on the couch. “Just staying in today.”
“Loki, you don’t have to worry about me running away anymore. I’ll be fine. Go do your party thing,” she motioned towards the door.
“Nah,” he shrugged. “Those gossip queens really aren’t that much fun. Besides I figured we could do something,” he smiled brightly at her.
“Um, well I kinda have plans.”
“With who?” he asked incredulously.
Her eyes narrowed. “Oh, is it so unbelievable that I would be hanging out with someone besides you?” she asked accusingly.
“N-no. I’m just sayin’, I didn’t think you were hanging out with anyone nowadays,” he quickly backpedaled.
“Well I am, sort of. Me and my buddy Jesus,” she grinned.
Something like pain flashed in Loki’s eyes. “Huh?”
She laughed. “It’s Palm Sunday, silly. I’m just catching up on my reading,” she explained as she held up a leather-bound Bible. Then she shrugged guiltily. “I kind of stopped…well, you know, really praying and all that after Alaska.”
His expression was unfathomable. “Well, I’m glad Lenore. I know that was a big part of you.” His words were slow and cautious, like it almost weirded him out to talk about this.
Which reminded her…she had snapped when Loki was trying to kill her under Aphrodite’s orders and said that she knew he was an angel. Did he remember her saying that? Would he talk about it? Unless of course her theory was wrong and maybe Holy Oil also worked on pagans…? But no, because Kali would have told her that.
Loki started to leave but she placed a hand on his shoulder. “Speaking of…do you remember what I said to you when Aphrodite had her mojo working?”
“Uh, I don’t know. You said a lot of things,” he said very casually - which meant he was nervous if he was trying so hard to pretend he didn’t care.
“I reminded you that you were an angel. And then you broke her spell.”
“Uh…woo. Don’t remember that. You musta got your head smacked a ‘lil too hard,” he said with a smile. But she knew him. He was lying.
“I’ve tried to respect your privacy, Loki, but I’m tired of secrets. You know you can tell me anything.”
His gaze softened. “I know that,” he sighed. “And I appreciate it.”
She waited for him to elaborate but he remained silent. “Loki! I know you’re an angel!”
“Honey, please. Do I look like an angel to you? I mean, sure, sometimes I get called ‘Oh my God!’ in the bedroom, but that’s about it.”
Lenore’s lips pressed together in sheer annoyance. “When those demons trapped you on the mountain it was with Holy Oil.”
He stared at her in shock; his lips parted in an ‘O’ and his amber eyes wider than an owl’s. “Lenore, trust me, I’m no angel.”
Furious, she set the Bible down (gently, because it was the Bible and she was trying to get on God’s good side again), placed her hands on her hips, and stared down at Loki. “My god! I have been nothing but a good, loyal friend to you, always telling you about my secrets, and you don’t even trust in me enough to confide? So glad to know where I stand,” she stated hotly as she proceeded to leave the room.
“Whoa! Lenore, just stop,” Loki called as he ran over and cut her off. “You know I trust you and love you. You’re the one person on this stupid planet that matters the most to me. I just don’t want to burden you.”
“Loki, you have to understand that I’m not the same mousy little vampire you dragged into your home back in 1703. I’ve lived a long time - sure,” she cut him off when she saw his mouth open, “not as long as you but long enough to experience some of the best and worst moments that life can throw at you. You don’t have to protect me.”
Amber eyes quickly turned away from her and his jaw clenched. “Yes, I do. I’ve always been meant to protect you.”
Lenore rolled her eyes at his macho attitude before she mentally re-listened to his words. “What do you mean by that?”
His sighed and looked into her eyes, his own awash with guilt and regret. “You were assigned to me, Lenore. Before I ran away from Heaven.”
A/N:
…DUN DUN DUUUUUUN! ;)