Toeing the Line Between Evil and the Divine: Chapter 4 "Crossroads"
Title: Toeing the Line Between Evil and the Divine
Author: Luna (aka Luna_del_Cielo on lj)
Fandom: Supernatural/Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cast of Characters: Dawn, Lucifer, Gabriel, Castiel, Buffy, Faith, Dean, Sam, Xander, Jo, Ellen, Vi, Bobby
Rating: T
Summary: The déjà vu that Dawn felt around Castiel was slightly alarming…but what was really alarming was how Lucifer was popping up in her dreams acting so friendly.
Pairings: Dawn/Lucifer, Dean/Faith, Xander/Jo
Spoilers: Series Finale of BTVS, SPN Season 5 (takes place right before ‘Changing Channels’). Will be AU for SPN.
Warnings: None yet.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If I did then fewer people would have died in each of those shows :)
Read specific chapters here: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |
“Lucifer loves no one but himself, Dawn,” Castiel informed her grimly. “You must remember that.”
Crossroads
Dawn woke up sweating, her limbs tangled in the sheets like a spider’s prey in a web. She gasped in mouthfuls of air and struggled to breath normally but her blood was pounding in her ears and she could still feel the heat of his kiss on her lips.
His kiss. Lucifer’s kiss.
She barely made it into the bathroom in time before she began vomiting. When she was done and cleaned herself up, Dawn stared at herself in the mirror. Her long hair had a severe ‘bed-head’ look going on, she was pale, and dark circles displayed the exhaustion she felt.
“It was just a dream. Just a dream,” she whispered to herself, her voice cracking slightly. Just a dream, both last night’s and the other night’s. That man wasn’t Lucifer. She wasn’t someone called Lailah, born before the earth was created. And she most certainly was not in love with the devil himself.
“It’s not like I’m Buffy,” she joked out loud with a mild snort of dry amusement. Buffy was the one who fell for the evil or morally ambiguous guys - first Angel, a mild flirtation with Dracula, then Spike, and then the Immortal. But not Dawn. Dawn was sensible and learned from watching her sister’s mistakes. In fact, she knew it was better to not let anyone in. Vi had been right, her last boyfriend had happened three years ago and even that hadn’t been serious in her eyes. Dawn just didn’t trust men - or maybe she just didn’t trust herself.
Still shaking her head, Dawn jumped into the shower and tried to make herself feel clean again. She scrubbed her lips until they were chapped and then sat underneath the hot shower for almost an hour as she tried to distance herself from the horror of her dreams.
A couple hours later Dawn was at the Council headquarters trying to lose herself in work. She had quickly realized that she couldn’t be alone, lest the images from last night and Gabriel’s words from yesterday catch up with her. Luckily it was a Friday and the Council was bustling with activity - demons and vampires just loved to cause a ruckus on the weekends.
“Hiya Dawnie!” Xander greeted her cheerfully. Dawn looked up and waved from her place in the dining room of the old mansion Giles had purchased after Sunnydale.
“Hey Xander. Whatcha’ up to?” she asked as she marked her place in the ancient Hebrew text.
Sitting down across from her at the oak table, he grinned. “Nothing much. Just met with some of my slayers and other watcher-y things.”
Dawn laughed. Xander really did enjoy being watcher. More than once he had strolled around headquarters with a black velvet eye patch and tweed jacket while smoking a pipe and shouting things like “Bloody hell!” and “Bollocks!”
Of course, he only did stuff like that when Giles was visiting.
“Fun fun. Any weekend plans?”
“Eh,” Xander shrugged. “Jo said she would try to swing into town tomorrow - she and her mom are hunting something in Pennsylvania right now. Apparently someone’s gathering all the fugly demons of the world - not the black-eyed ones - and she and Ellen are following up a lead.” He attempted to play it casual but Dawn could read him pretty easily after knowing him all her life.
“Ooooh, that sounds fun, having Jo over,” she teased with twinkling eyes. “Xander and Jo, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.”
“You are so juvenile, Dawn,” Xander said with an embarrassed smile. He and Jo had known each other for a couple years but have only been dating for a few months. With both of them traveling so often it was hard to schedule dates and she knew that Xander always looked forward to Jo’s visits.
“What do you expect? I’m technically only eight years old,” she smirked.
Xander furrowed his brows in confusion. “Eight…oh, yeah!” he shook his head with a smile. “I always forget that you used to be the Key. You’re just normal Dawnie now.”
Her stomach turned at his words. Not used to be…still the Key…but she didn’t say anything to contradict him. “Yup,” she said with a forced smile.
“Where do you think I should take her?” he asked her earnestly. “I feel like there’s nothing to do around here but hunt demons nowadays.”
“Mmm, blood and gore - that’s a way to show a girl a good time,” Dawn muttered sarcastically.
“Exactly!” he grinned. “Plus, saves money.”
She smacked him. “Like you need to worry about that.” Once Giles had taken charge of the Council they realized just how many assets the ancient organization had. Thanks to that, all employees - watchers, slayers, witches, and researchers - got paid quite well.
“Besides,” she added, “all Jo does is hunt. Take her to do something girly, ya know? A girl likes to get dressed up every once in a while. Like the art museum and a nice restaurant or something.”
“Jo? A museum?” Xander snorted. “She’s not exactly high-maintenance like my first girlfriend.”
Dawn snickered at the comparison of Jo to Cordelia Chase and shrugged. “Okay, good point. I heard Caridad say there was going to be a Caribbean Festival on the lake this weekend - lots of reggae, pineapple, and rum. That could be fun!”
“Hmm. At least I wouldn’t look out of place there with my eye patch,” Xander mused.
Dawn giggled. “No, you’d be lookin’ good, for sure.”
“Thanks Dawnie,” Xander beamed. “I owe you one.”
“You bet you do.” Then, before she lost her nerve, she said what was on her mind. “Actually, I do have a problem.”
“What is it?” he leaned forward in concern.
Nibbling her bottom look, she looked at her old confidante. “Do you ever wonder what I was like, before the monks turned me human?”
Xander frowned at her odd question. “Well, you were just some swirling ball of energy.”
“Right…but was I conscious then? Like, alive? More than just some multi-dimensional key?”
“Dawn, I…I don’t think it works that way. If so, you never would have needed a human body if you were sentient - the monks would have known that you could fight off Glory. Ya know?”
“Yeah…maybe…”
“Why?” he asked in a warm tone that begged her to confide in him. Trouble was, Dawn wasn’t sure if she should. Because if she said it out loud then it would be real…or he would just think she was crazy.
“I’ve been having some weird dreams and, um, visions lately. They feel like old memories except…I don’t remember them.”
“Oh.” Xander gave her a thoughtful look. “How long has this been going on?”
“The dreams, just recently. The visions ever since I met Castiel.”
“The angel?” Xander asked in surprise.
“Yeah. And also, yesterday with Vi, I met another angel and had the same weird déjà vu thing happen.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Xander held up his hand. “You met another angel? Doing what?”
“Long story. Vi and I thought Dean and Sam needed our help. We drove down to Wellington and that’s where I met him, Gabriel.”
Xander gave her a flabbergasted look. “The archangel?”
“Oh, um, I don’t know. He said his name was Gabriel…so I guess so?”
“Jeez Dawn, you gotta be careful. Dean was telling about his run-in with Zachariah, back when he flung Dean into the future and then tried to make him say yes. Don’t mess with those guys.”
“Xander!” she hissed; she didn’t want to be loud because people at the Council were ridiculously snoopy. “You’re missing the point. The point is, either I am remembering things from being the Key or else I’m going crazy!”
Sighing, Xander shook his head. “You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s just a lot to take in, ya know? I thought Glory was bad but this heaven/hell business is a million times worse. So, have you said anything to Buffy or Giles?”
Dawn laughed out loud. “Tell Buffy? Please. She would freak out and lock me up in the basement in case this meant some Big Bad was coming for me. As for Giles, I’ve thought about it but he’s already done all the research possible on both the Key, back when Glory was after me, and the angel-devil apocalypse.”
“And you thought I’d be more helpful?” he asked in surprise.
“Well, no.”
Xander frowned.
“I mean,” she added hastily, “ I just needed someone to talk to, and you’re the best at giving advice.”
Puffing his chest out comically, he nodded. “Yeah, I am pretty great, aren’t I?” he teased as she let out a groan.
“Okay, so you think you might have a history with these angel dudes,” Xander continued in a sobered voice. “Why don’t you just ask them about it?”
Dawn rolled her eyes. “Well, yeah, if you wanted to use logic to solve my problem.” She tapped her pencil against the table. “I almost did yesterday but I totally freaked and ran off. I’m kinda afraid of what they might say.”
’Like maybe I’m Satan’s old girlfriend,’ she thought darkly.
Xander shrugged. “I think you should see what they can tell you. Who knows? Maybe you’re the key to killing Lucifer.” He grinned at his pun and nodded.
The key to killing Lucifer…Dawn knew, rationally, that she should want that to happen but the thought of it made her ill. Lucifer dead? Her Morningstar to shine no more? She could never do such a thing!
Then, realizing what crazy thoughts had just passed through her mind, Dawn mentally smacked herself. She really needed to get a grip on things.
A week later Dawn was cruising down Interstate 90 West on her way to Bobby’s place near Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Since her conversation with Xander - which he promised to keep confidential - the two of them had been scouring various books for mentions of the Key. The way Dawn saw it was if the angels knew her then it was likely God himself made her. That was altogether freaky and made her self-conscious because, honestly, up until Castiel showed up a year ago yanking Dean from Hell, Dawn was pretty convinced that God didn’t really exist. After all, they knew so much about the world - how could they not hear more about His interactions?
But she had been proved wrong and now maybe was even some sort of angel in hiding or something. Very freaky stuff indeed.
Dawn had caved and told Giles, who she swore she could hear him cleaning his glasses over the phone, and he promised to do more research as well. However, none of them had made a discovery yet and now Dawn was heading to the meet with the foremost demonology expert in the States - Bobby Singer.
He knew she was coming but he didn’t know why - call her crazy but she thought a conversation like this would be better in person. She just hoped that he would be able to shine some light on this.
Bobby’s dog Rumsfeld met her at the Singer Salvage Yard entrance with a happy bark, probably remembering that she was the one who fed him scraps after Dean had experimented with cooking once. After petting the Rumsfeld a bit, Dawn set off towards the house where Bobby greeted her at the door. She had yet to see him in his wheelchair since the incident a couple months back, but she knew about it thanks to the boys.
But seeing Bobby stuck in a wheelchair? A heck of a lot different than just hearing about it.
“Heard Rumsfeld barking,” Bobby said by way of greeting.
Dawn walked in a dropped her heavy bags on the floor. “He’s a good watch dog. I keep thinking about getting one but ever since my fish died I can’t bring myself to be responsible for another pet.”
Bobby shut the door and looked at her. “You know fish don’t live very long, right?”
“Oh, he didn’t die of old age,” Dawn sighed. “This Omniseran demon - a real nasty thing with big claws, followed me home once. They have a weakness for fish so I fed Fred to the it and then cut off the demon’s head while it was distracted.”
Bobby chuckled in amazement. “You Summers girls are a handful.”
Dawn’s heart warmed at the affection in his voice. Bobby tried to pretend he was a grizzly bear but he cared about ‘his kids’ - the Winchesters, Jo, and the Scoobies - like they were his own. For a girl who had an AWOL father and whose only father figure clearly was closer to her sister, Bobby meant a lot to her.
“We are. Unfortunately,” she frowned as she remembered why she had driven here.
Nodding, Bobby gestured towards the dining room. “Yeah, I figured you weren’t here on account of something good. C’mon in. I got some Cajun catfish all fixed up.”
Dawn smiled and followed him. As they sat down to dinner she began telling Bobby everything - well, everything but the two Lucifer dreams. Hunters were suspicious folks and after what happened between Sam and Ruby last year, Dawn had a feeling she’d get locked up in Bobby’s panic room downstairs.
They discussed it a while longer and Bobby, who was remaining remarkably calm - a sign of his vast experience with the supernatural, finally asked her the obvious question. “Why haven’t you asked Castiel, or even that Gabriel fella, more about this?”
“Besides the fact that those two were seriously freaking me out when I saw them?” Dawn shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t think Cas really knows much, not as much as Gabriel, but Gabriel is kind of scary.”
“Yeah,” Bobby snorted. “That dick trickster killed Dean a thousand times and has done who knows what else. I still can’t believe he’s an honest-to-god angel, much less an archangel.”
“Yeah,” Dawn agreed. “So…research?”
Bobby nodded. “After all this heaven/hell bullshit started happening I began requesting books from old sources on the subject. Still haven’t gotten through all of them - some of them I can’t even translate. You might have a good shot with those, though.”
“Cool.” Dawn just hoped she’d find what she needed.
She was dreaming again, walking along her midnight ocean beach. Dawn was surprised that Lucifer had waited so long to contact her again. Then again, she bet he was busy.
The fact that she wasn’t upset about what he could possibly be planning worried her. It was like here, in her dreams, she was more susceptible to Lucifer’s charm…because here she loved him.
“Hello Lailah,” he smiled. As always he was in the ocean; this time the water came all the way up to his waist.
“Lucifer,” she whispered. His face broke out into a radiant smile and Dawn found herself remembering why he was named ‘Light-Bearer’ in the first place.
“You remember me this time. You do not always remember our meetings.”
“I don’t?” she answered, puzzled.
“I have visited you on a dozen occasions, speaking of our old lives. But I’ve noticed that the more I discuss the past the less likely you are to remember these moments in the morning.”
Dawn bit her lip. “I remember in the last dream you said I was yours.” She looked up at him expectantly and for the life of her Dawn couldn’t figure out if she wanted him to vehemently deny it or adamantly declare it again.
Lucifer smiled and beckoned her to him. “You are mine and I am yours. So it was decided before the dinosaur’s roar.”
Dawn gave him a half-hearted smile but didn’t go to him, as she had done before. He appeared hurt and dropped his open arms.
“Why don’t you come to me, my love?”
Her eyes roved over the water’s surface and she noticed how choppy the typically tranquil waves were. “I am afraid. If I go in the current may pull me under.”
“I would never let anything hurt you,” he vowed.
Inclining her head to the side, Dawn gave him a curious look. “Why can you not meet me here?”
Lucifer gave her a despondent look. “I cannot. Join me instead.”
Oh how tempting it was to just go out there! But Dawn reminded herself that every time she went to him love overtook logic and she needed answers.
“I must understand first. You…you are Lucifer…but Lucifer is evil. It is because of him the demons were created. How can I love you?” Dawn asked bluntly.
Lucifer recoiled as if she had struck him. His eyes glimmered with emotion and he pressed his lips tightly together. “Evil? You think I’m evil?” He shook his head mournfully. “If only you could remember…then you would know the true story.”
“Why don’t you just tell me?” she asked in frustration.
He shook his head. “Soon it will be revealed. The memory block on you is powerful and anything I tell you now will be forgotten. But the day approaches when I will give you everything back, my love.”
Dawn sighed, suddenly feeling very small and lonely so far away from him. All she wanted was the truth…and truthfully, all she wanted was her Lucifer.
She walked through the water, shivering as it traveled from her feet to her waist, and flung herself into Lucifer’s arms. “I’m so tired of this, of not understanding.”
“I know, my Lailah. I know.”
A week later and Bobby was on the phone with Dean while Dawn tidied up around the house - Bobby so lived like a bachelor.
“You got it? Whadya mean Crowley just ‘gave’ it to you? Demons don’t give nuthin’ for nuthin’,” Bobby grumbled. He uttered a few ‘uh-huhs’ as Dean talked on the other line and ended the conversation with “Well then see ya soon.”
“What’s the what?” Dawn inquired as she dusted a bookcase.
“Turns out Buffy and Faith managed to scrounge up some information from a demon - they learned that a demon named Crowley had the Colt.”
“Crowley…why does that sound familiar?”
“He’s the King of the Crossroads Demons. Apparently he just handed over the Colt to them - Dean, Sam, Faith, and Buffy - last night because he wants Lucifer dead. ‘Ain’t that crazy?”
Dawn dropped her dusting rag in surprise. “A demon wants Lucifer dead?” she repeated as her brain struggled to reassure her that Satan getting shot dead by the Colt was a good thing.
“You got it. Also said that the devil would be in Wind Point, Wisconsin tomorrow night, a tiny place on Lake Michigan, near Milwaukee. The boys, Buffy, and Faith are on their way here, and so are Jo, Ellen, and Xander.”
Nodding numbly, Dawn’s hand moved automatically over the bookcase after she picked the rag back up. “Wow. Whole big party,” she mumbled.
“Yup,” Bobby said as he rolled his wheelchair towards the door. “Looks like I’m heading to the liquor store.”
Both parties ended up around the same time and were immediately grateful to Dawn for ordering pizza and Bobby for providing liquid refreshments. After they ate, Dawn was surprised to see Castiel appear. The difference this time was for once Dawn was ignoring him and Cas was the one trying to make eye contact.
Dean cleared his throat. “So we got the Colt from Crowley-”
“-Yeah, and since he was planning on giving it to us all along I didn’t even need to dress up all slutty and pretend to be a helpless blond so his people would let me in,” Buffy grumbled.
“Yeah B, but when the four of us found Crowley, at least your dress didn’t go to waste when he hit on you!” Faith snickered.
“What? Buffy get hit on by a demon?” Xander exclaimed sarcastically. “No way.”
“Shut up Xander. You’re just as much of a ‘demon magnet’” Buffy shot back in annoyance as everyone laughed.
Well, Dawn’s laughter was forced - she had too much on her mind to really get into the conversation. And Castiel, as usual, remained stoic.
“Hey, Buffy, maybe it wasn’t all for nothing. Maybe Crowley just gave us the gun ‘cause he’s sweet on you,” Dean smirked.
“I swear, Winchester, if we survive tomorrow I am so killing you later,” Buffy grumbled as she gave him a dirty look.
“Speaking of,” Ellen interrupted, “we got any plans besides rolling into Wind Point with weapons and searching for the devil?” The older blond woman looked around the living room with a raised brow.
“Sounds good to me,” Faith shrugged. “In and out fast.”
“I bet that’s what Dean hears every time he meets up with her,” Xander joked to Sam in a low voice. A balled-up napkin hit him in the nose with remarkable accuracy and he looked at the brunette slayer in surprise.
“Slayer hearing, doofus,” she reminded him.
“While I like to have a plan, I don’t think there’s much we can figure out ahead of time. Giles and Willow at the Council know our plans in case something goes wrong. We have some of our sources are saying that various demons of the corporeal-kind are meeting up in Wind Point, which is weird since they hate Lucifer and all the black-eyed demons. Suffice to say there will be chaos tomorrow,” Buffy stated.
“You don’t think they’ve teamed up, do you?” Sam inquired.
Buffy shook her head. “Really doubt it. At least some of the demons I heard about got taken there against their will. But it could be possible that Lucifer’s goal for tomorrow is getting them to join him.”
“That’d be a hell of a shit storm,” Bobby commented.
Everyone nodded in agreement but Faith shook her heard. “Hot damn, y’all are depressing me. Let’s drink until we can’t feel feelings anymore. Tomorrow is tomorrow, we’ll deal with that shit then. For now, let’s live it up,” she stated with a pointed look at Dean.
“Let’s go,” Dean grinned.
The night passed in a sea of tequila shots and beer. As things began to wind down Jo and Xander, along with Faith and Dean, had decided to have ‘private parties’, and it was just Buffy, Sam, Bobby, Ellen, Castiel, and her. Feeling awkward because the first four had paired off into different conversations, Dawn decided to retire for bed before Castiel could talk to her. Unfortunately, the damn angel just followed her into the spare bedroom.
“Cas, it’s late and I’m tired. Can we talk tomorrow?”
The angel gave her a thoughtful look. “You do not appear tired although you do appear tense. I believe that we should discuss the events from the warehouse before we leave for Wind Point.”
Dawn sighed and plopped on her bed. “It’s like I want to know, but I don’t, ya know?”
He appeared confused. “No, I do not.”
Falling back onto the bed, with her feet dangling, Dawn let out an exasperated sigh. “Over the last month I’ve been taunted more than ever by these random flashes of memories I don’t even remember. I know I’m the Key but I’m not sure if I’m ready to hear more.” Mostly, Dawn just didn’t want to know why she loved/used to love Lucifer, also known as the guy they were planning on killing tomorrow.
“I admit that I do not know much of the Key, its origins,” Castiel stated slowly, like he was trying to figure out what to say. “But I do know that the Key existed before God created the earth, lived among the angels, and was stolen by Lucifer.”
That made Dawn pause. “Lucifer stole the Key…me?”
Castiel nodded, subtly taking in her reaction. “Yes. Lucifer used the Key to unlock other dimensions, from which he unleashed never before seen horrors onto earth. This is where the first demons came, the Old Ones, and Lucifer soon learned how to twist human souls in Hell into demons of his own.”
“Oh god,” Dawn whispered as her stomach clenched. Spots appeared before her eyes and a hand softly squeezing her shoulder reminded her to breathe. She took in a gulp of air and shuddered. “I thought he loved me,” she said meekly.
“Loved you?” Castiel asked curiously. “Why would you think that?”
“Um.” Dawn didn’t know what to say. “Remember I told you about those random memory flashes? Well, um, sometimes Lucifer is in them and I…well, I thought he loved me.”
“Lucifer loves no one but himself, Dawn,” Castiel informed her grimly. “You must remember that.”
Dawn nodded slowly. “I will remember that,” she vowed.
A/N:
Thanks to the folks who have been reviewing - I adore you :)
I've been making good progress on this story so yay for many updates! I hope you enjoy them. Also, just finished writing the chapter where Dawn learns her backstory...it's definitely different and maybe kind of trippy. I hope you'll enjoy what's coming up!
*Scenes from this chapter and next come from/are inspired by S5E10 'Abandon All Hope'.
Author: Luna (aka Luna_del_Cielo on lj)
Fandom: Supernatural/Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Cast of Characters: Dawn, Lucifer, Gabriel, Castiel, Buffy, Faith, Dean, Sam, Xander, Jo, Ellen, Vi, Bobby
Rating: T
Summary: The déjà vu that Dawn felt around Castiel was slightly alarming…but what was really alarming was how Lucifer was popping up in her dreams acting so friendly.
Pairings: Dawn/Lucifer, Dean/Faith, Xander/Jo
Spoilers: Series Finale of BTVS, SPN Season 5 (takes place right before ‘Changing Channels’). Will be AU for SPN.
Warnings: None yet.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If I did then fewer people would have died in each of those shows :)
Read specific chapters here: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |
“Lucifer loves no one but himself, Dawn,” Castiel informed her grimly. “You must remember that.”
Crossroads
Dawn woke up sweating, her limbs tangled in the sheets like a spider’s prey in a web. She gasped in mouthfuls of air and struggled to breath normally but her blood was pounding in her ears and she could still feel the heat of his kiss on her lips.
His kiss. Lucifer’s kiss.
She barely made it into the bathroom in time before she began vomiting. When she was done and cleaned herself up, Dawn stared at herself in the mirror. Her long hair had a severe ‘bed-head’ look going on, she was pale, and dark circles displayed the exhaustion she felt.
“It was just a dream. Just a dream,” she whispered to herself, her voice cracking slightly. Just a dream, both last night’s and the other night’s. That man wasn’t Lucifer. She wasn’t someone called Lailah, born before the earth was created. And she most certainly was not in love with the devil himself.
“It’s not like I’m Buffy,” she joked out loud with a mild snort of dry amusement. Buffy was the one who fell for the evil or morally ambiguous guys - first Angel, a mild flirtation with Dracula, then Spike, and then the Immortal. But not Dawn. Dawn was sensible and learned from watching her sister’s mistakes. In fact, she knew it was better to not let anyone in. Vi had been right, her last boyfriend had happened three years ago and even that hadn’t been serious in her eyes. Dawn just didn’t trust men - or maybe she just didn’t trust herself.
Still shaking her head, Dawn jumped into the shower and tried to make herself feel clean again. She scrubbed her lips until they were chapped and then sat underneath the hot shower for almost an hour as she tried to distance herself from the horror of her dreams.
A couple hours later Dawn was at the Council headquarters trying to lose herself in work. She had quickly realized that she couldn’t be alone, lest the images from last night and Gabriel’s words from yesterday catch up with her. Luckily it was a Friday and the Council was bustling with activity - demons and vampires just loved to cause a ruckus on the weekends.
“Hiya Dawnie!” Xander greeted her cheerfully. Dawn looked up and waved from her place in the dining room of the old mansion Giles had purchased after Sunnydale.
“Hey Xander. Whatcha’ up to?” she asked as she marked her place in the ancient Hebrew text.
Sitting down across from her at the oak table, he grinned. “Nothing much. Just met with some of my slayers and other watcher-y things.”
Dawn laughed. Xander really did enjoy being watcher. More than once he had strolled around headquarters with a black velvet eye patch and tweed jacket while smoking a pipe and shouting things like “Bloody hell!” and “Bollocks!”
Of course, he only did stuff like that when Giles was visiting.
“Fun fun. Any weekend plans?”
“Eh,” Xander shrugged. “Jo said she would try to swing into town tomorrow - she and her mom are hunting something in Pennsylvania right now. Apparently someone’s gathering all the fugly demons of the world - not the black-eyed ones - and she and Ellen are following up a lead.” He attempted to play it casual but Dawn could read him pretty easily after knowing him all her life.
“Ooooh, that sounds fun, having Jo over,” she teased with twinkling eyes. “Xander and Jo, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.”
“You are so juvenile, Dawn,” Xander said with an embarrassed smile. He and Jo had known each other for a couple years but have only been dating for a few months. With both of them traveling so often it was hard to schedule dates and she knew that Xander always looked forward to Jo’s visits.
“What do you expect? I’m technically only eight years old,” she smirked.
Xander furrowed his brows in confusion. “Eight…oh, yeah!” he shook his head with a smile. “I always forget that you used to be the Key. You’re just normal Dawnie now.”
Her stomach turned at his words. Not used to be…still the Key…but she didn’t say anything to contradict him. “Yup,” she said with a forced smile.
“Where do you think I should take her?” he asked her earnestly. “I feel like there’s nothing to do around here but hunt demons nowadays.”
“Mmm, blood and gore - that’s a way to show a girl a good time,” Dawn muttered sarcastically.
“Exactly!” he grinned. “Plus, saves money.”
She smacked him. “Like you need to worry about that.” Once Giles had taken charge of the Council they realized just how many assets the ancient organization had. Thanks to that, all employees - watchers, slayers, witches, and researchers - got paid quite well.
“Besides,” she added, “all Jo does is hunt. Take her to do something girly, ya know? A girl likes to get dressed up every once in a while. Like the art museum and a nice restaurant or something.”
“Jo? A museum?” Xander snorted. “She’s not exactly high-maintenance like my first girlfriend.”
Dawn snickered at the comparison of Jo to Cordelia Chase and shrugged. “Okay, good point. I heard Caridad say there was going to be a Caribbean Festival on the lake this weekend - lots of reggae, pineapple, and rum. That could be fun!”
“Hmm. At least I wouldn’t look out of place there with my eye patch,” Xander mused.
Dawn giggled. “No, you’d be lookin’ good, for sure.”
“Thanks Dawnie,” Xander beamed. “I owe you one.”
“You bet you do.” Then, before she lost her nerve, she said what was on her mind. “Actually, I do have a problem.”
“What is it?” he leaned forward in concern.
Nibbling her bottom look, she looked at her old confidante. “Do you ever wonder what I was like, before the monks turned me human?”
Xander frowned at her odd question. “Well, you were just some swirling ball of energy.”
“Right…but was I conscious then? Like, alive? More than just some multi-dimensional key?”
“Dawn, I…I don’t think it works that way. If so, you never would have needed a human body if you were sentient - the monks would have known that you could fight off Glory. Ya know?”
“Yeah…maybe…”
“Why?” he asked in a warm tone that begged her to confide in him. Trouble was, Dawn wasn’t sure if she should. Because if she said it out loud then it would be real…or he would just think she was crazy.
“I’ve been having some weird dreams and, um, visions lately. They feel like old memories except…I don’t remember them.”
“Oh.” Xander gave her a thoughtful look. “How long has this been going on?”
“The dreams, just recently. The visions ever since I met Castiel.”
“The angel?” Xander asked in surprise.
“Yeah. And also, yesterday with Vi, I met another angel and had the same weird déjà vu thing happen.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Xander held up his hand. “You met another angel? Doing what?”
“Long story. Vi and I thought Dean and Sam needed our help. We drove down to Wellington and that’s where I met him, Gabriel.”
Xander gave her a flabbergasted look. “The archangel?”
“Oh, um, I don’t know. He said his name was Gabriel…so I guess so?”
“Jeez Dawn, you gotta be careful. Dean was telling about his run-in with Zachariah, back when he flung Dean into the future and then tried to make him say yes. Don’t mess with those guys.”
“Xander!” she hissed; she didn’t want to be loud because people at the Council were ridiculously snoopy. “You’re missing the point. The point is, either I am remembering things from being the Key or else I’m going crazy!”
Sighing, Xander shook his head. “You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s just a lot to take in, ya know? I thought Glory was bad but this heaven/hell business is a million times worse. So, have you said anything to Buffy or Giles?”
Dawn laughed out loud. “Tell Buffy? Please. She would freak out and lock me up in the basement in case this meant some Big Bad was coming for me. As for Giles, I’ve thought about it but he’s already done all the research possible on both the Key, back when Glory was after me, and the angel-devil apocalypse.”
“And you thought I’d be more helpful?” he asked in surprise.
“Well, no.”
Xander frowned.
“I mean,” she added hastily, “ I just needed someone to talk to, and you’re the best at giving advice.”
Puffing his chest out comically, he nodded. “Yeah, I am pretty great, aren’t I?” he teased as she let out a groan.
“Okay, so you think you might have a history with these angel dudes,” Xander continued in a sobered voice. “Why don’t you just ask them about it?”
Dawn rolled her eyes. “Well, yeah, if you wanted to use logic to solve my problem.” She tapped her pencil against the table. “I almost did yesterday but I totally freaked and ran off. I’m kinda afraid of what they might say.”
’Like maybe I’m Satan’s old girlfriend,’ she thought darkly.
Xander shrugged. “I think you should see what they can tell you. Who knows? Maybe you’re the key to killing Lucifer.” He grinned at his pun and nodded.
The key to killing Lucifer…Dawn knew, rationally, that she should want that to happen but the thought of it made her ill. Lucifer dead? Her Morningstar to shine no more? She could never do such a thing!
Then, realizing what crazy thoughts had just passed through her mind, Dawn mentally smacked herself. She really needed to get a grip on things.
A week later Dawn was cruising down Interstate 90 West on her way to Bobby’s place near Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Since her conversation with Xander - which he promised to keep confidential - the two of them had been scouring various books for mentions of the Key. The way Dawn saw it was if the angels knew her then it was likely God himself made her. That was altogether freaky and made her self-conscious because, honestly, up until Castiel showed up a year ago yanking Dean from Hell, Dawn was pretty convinced that God didn’t really exist. After all, they knew so much about the world - how could they not hear more about His interactions?
But she had been proved wrong and now maybe was even some sort of angel in hiding or something. Very freaky stuff indeed.
Dawn had caved and told Giles, who she swore she could hear him cleaning his glasses over the phone, and he promised to do more research as well. However, none of them had made a discovery yet and now Dawn was heading to the meet with the foremost demonology expert in the States - Bobby Singer.
He knew she was coming but he didn’t know why - call her crazy but she thought a conversation like this would be better in person. She just hoped that he would be able to shine some light on this.
Bobby’s dog Rumsfeld met her at the Singer Salvage Yard entrance with a happy bark, probably remembering that she was the one who fed him scraps after Dean had experimented with cooking once. After petting the Rumsfeld a bit, Dawn set off towards the house where Bobby greeted her at the door. She had yet to see him in his wheelchair since the incident a couple months back, but she knew about it thanks to the boys.
But seeing Bobby stuck in a wheelchair? A heck of a lot different than just hearing about it.
“Heard Rumsfeld barking,” Bobby said by way of greeting.
Dawn walked in a dropped her heavy bags on the floor. “He’s a good watch dog. I keep thinking about getting one but ever since my fish died I can’t bring myself to be responsible for another pet.”
Bobby shut the door and looked at her. “You know fish don’t live very long, right?”
“Oh, he didn’t die of old age,” Dawn sighed. “This Omniseran demon - a real nasty thing with big claws, followed me home once. They have a weakness for fish so I fed Fred to the it and then cut off the demon’s head while it was distracted.”
Bobby chuckled in amazement. “You Summers girls are a handful.”
Dawn’s heart warmed at the affection in his voice. Bobby tried to pretend he was a grizzly bear but he cared about ‘his kids’ - the Winchesters, Jo, and the Scoobies - like they were his own. For a girl who had an AWOL father and whose only father figure clearly was closer to her sister, Bobby meant a lot to her.
“We are. Unfortunately,” she frowned as she remembered why she had driven here.
Nodding, Bobby gestured towards the dining room. “Yeah, I figured you weren’t here on account of something good. C’mon in. I got some Cajun catfish all fixed up.”
Dawn smiled and followed him. As they sat down to dinner she began telling Bobby everything - well, everything but the two Lucifer dreams. Hunters were suspicious folks and after what happened between Sam and Ruby last year, Dawn had a feeling she’d get locked up in Bobby’s panic room downstairs.
They discussed it a while longer and Bobby, who was remaining remarkably calm - a sign of his vast experience with the supernatural, finally asked her the obvious question. “Why haven’t you asked Castiel, or even that Gabriel fella, more about this?”
“Besides the fact that those two were seriously freaking me out when I saw them?” Dawn shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t think Cas really knows much, not as much as Gabriel, but Gabriel is kind of scary.”
“Yeah,” Bobby snorted. “That dick trickster killed Dean a thousand times and has done who knows what else. I still can’t believe he’s an honest-to-god angel, much less an archangel.”
“Yeah,” Dawn agreed. “So…research?”
Bobby nodded. “After all this heaven/hell bullshit started happening I began requesting books from old sources on the subject. Still haven’t gotten through all of them - some of them I can’t even translate. You might have a good shot with those, though.”
“Cool.” Dawn just hoped she’d find what she needed.
She was dreaming again, walking along her midnight ocean beach. Dawn was surprised that Lucifer had waited so long to contact her again. Then again, she bet he was busy.
The fact that she wasn’t upset about what he could possibly be planning worried her. It was like here, in her dreams, she was more susceptible to Lucifer’s charm…because here she loved him.
“Hello Lailah,” he smiled. As always he was in the ocean; this time the water came all the way up to his waist.
“Lucifer,” she whispered. His face broke out into a radiant smile and Dawn found herself remembering why he was named ‘Light-Bearer’ in the first place.
“You remember me this time. You do not always remember our meetings.”
“I don’t?” she answered, puzzled.
“I have visited you on a dozen occasions, speaking of our old lives. But I’ve noticed that the more I discuss the past the less likely you are to remember these moments in the morning.”
Dawn bit her lip. “I remember in the last dream you said I was yours.” She looked up at him expectantly and for the life of her Dawn couldn’t figure out if she wanted him to vehemently deny it or adamantly declare it again.
Lucifer smiled and beckoned her to him. “You are mine and I am yours. So it was decided before the dinosaur’s roar.”
Dawn gave him a half-hearted smile but didn’t go to him, as she had done before. He appeared hurt and dropped his open arms.
“Why don’t you come to me, my love?”
Her eyes roved over the water’s surface and she noticed how choppy the typically tranquil waves were. “I am afraid. If I go in the current may pull me under.”
“I would never let anything hurt you,” he vowed.
Inclining her head to the side, Dawn gave him a curious look. “Why can you not meet me here?”
Lucifer gave her a despondent look. “I cannot. Join me instead.”
Oh how tempting it was to just go out there! But Dawn reminded herself that every time she went to him love overtook logic and she needed answers.
“I must understand first. You…you are Lucifer…but Lucifer is evil. It is because of him the demons were created. How can I love you?” Dawn asked bluntly.
Lucifer recoiled as if she had struck him. His eyes glimmered with emotion and he pressed his lips tightly together. “Evil? You think I’m evil?” He shook his head mournfully. “If only you could remember…then you would know the true story.”
“Why don’t you just tell me?” she asked in frustration.
He shook his head. “Soon it will be revealed. The memory block on you is powerful and anything I tell you now will be forgotten. But the day approaches when I will give you everything back, my love.”
Dawn sighed, suddenly feeling very small and lonely so far away from him. All she wanted was the truth…and truthfully, all she wanted was her Lucifer.
She walked through the water, shivering as it traveled from her feet to her waist, and flung herself into Lucifer’s arms. “I’m so tired of this, of not understanding.”
“I know, my Lailah. I know.”
A week later and Bobby was on the phone with Dean while Dawn tidied up around the house - Bobby so lived like a bachelor.
“You got it? Whadya mean Crowley just ‘gave’ it to you? Demons don’t give nuthin’ for nuthin’,” Bobby grumbled. He uttered a few ‘uh-huhs’ as Dean talked on the other line and ended the conversation with “Well then see ya soon.”
“What’s the what?” Dawn inquired as she dusted a bookcase.
“Turns out Buffy and Faith managed to scrounge up some information from a demon - they learned that a demon named Crowley had the Colt.”
“Crowley…why does that sound familiar?”
“He’s the King of the Crossroads Demons. Apparently he just handed over the Colt to them - Dean, Sam, Faith, and Buffy - last night because he wants Lucifer dead. ‘Ain’t that crazy?”
Dawn dropped her dusting rag in surprise. “A demon wants Lucifer dead?” she repeated as her brain struggled to reassure her that Satan getting shot dead by the Colt was a good thing.
“You got it. Also said that the devil would be in Wind Point, Wisconsin tomorrow night, a tiny place on Lake Michigan, near Milwaukee. The boys, Buffy, and Faith are on their way here, and so are Jo, Ellen, and Xander.”
Nodding numbly, Dawn’s hand moved automatically over the bookcase after she picked the rag back up. “Wow. Whole big party,” she mumbled.
“Yup,” Bobby said as he rolled his wheelchair towards the door. “Looks like I’m heading to the liquor store.”
Both parties ended up around the same time and were immediately grateful to Dawn for ordering pizza and Bobby for providing liquid refreshments. After they ate, Dawn was surprised to see Castiel appear. The difference this time was for once Dawn was ignoring him and Cas was the one trying to make eye contact.
Dean cleared his throat. “So we got the Colt from Crowley-”
“-Yeah, and since he was planning on giving it to us all along I didn’t even need to dress up all slutty and pretend to be a helpless blond so his people would let me in,” Buffy grumbled.
“Yeah B, but when the four of us found Crowley, at least your dress didn’t go to waste when he hit on you!” Faith snickered.
“What? Buffy get hit on by a demon?” Xander exclaimed sarcastically. “No way.”
“Shut up Xander. You’re just as much of a ‘demon magnet’” Buffy shot back in annoyance as everyone laughed.
Well, Dawn’s laughter was forced - she had too much on her mind to really get into the conversation. And Castiel, as usual, remained stoic.
“Hey, Buffy, maybe it wasn’t all for nothing. Maybe Crowley just gave us the gun ‘cause he’s sweet on you,” Dean smirked.
“I swear, Winchester, if we survive tomorrow I am so killing you later,” Buffy grumbled as she gave him a dirty look.
“Speaking of,” Ellen interrupted, “we got any plans besides rolling into Wind Point with weapons and searching for the devil?” The older blond woman looked around the living room with a raised brow.
“Sounds good to me,” Faith shrugged. “In and out fast.”
“I bet that’s what Dean hears every time he meets up with her,” Xander joked to Sam in a low voice. A balled-up napkin hit him in the nose with remarkable accuracy and he looked at the brunette slayer in surprise.
“Slayer hearing, doofus,” she reminded him.
“While I like to have a plan, I don’t think there’s much we can figure out ahead of time. Giles and Willow at the Council know our plans in case something goes wrong. We have some of our sources are saying that various demons of the corporeal-kind are meeting up in Wind Point, which is weird since they hate Lucifer and all the black-eyed demons. Suffice to say there will be chaos tomorrow,” Buffy stated.
“You don’t think they’ve teamed up, do you?” Sam inquired.
Buffy shook her head. “Really doubt it. At least some of the demons I heard about got taken there against their will. But it could be possible that Lucifer’s goal for tomorrow is getting them to join him.”
“That’d be a hell of a shit storm,” Bobby commented.
Everyone nodded in agreement but Faith shook her heard. “Hot damn, y’all are depressing me. Let’s drink until we can’t feel feelings anymore. Tomorrow is tomorrow, we’ll deal with that shit then. For now, let’s live it up,” she stated with a pointed look at Dean.
“Let’s go,” Dean grinned.
The night passed in a sea of tequila shots and beer. As things began to wind down Jo and Xander, along with Faith and Dean, had decided to have ‘private parties’, and it was just Buffy, Sam, Bobby, Ellen, Castiel, and her. Feeling awkward because the first four had paired off into different conversations, Dawn decided to retire for bed before Castiel could talk to her. Unfortunately, the damn angel just followed her into the spare bedroom.
“Cas, it’s late and I’m tired. Can we talk tomorrow?”
The angel gave her a thoughtful look. “You do not appear tired although you do appear tense. I believe that we should discuss the events from the warehouse before we leave for Wind Point.”
Dawn sighed and plopped on her bed. “It’s like I want to know, but I don’t, ya know?”
He appeared confused. “No, I do not.”
Falling back onto the bed, with her feet dangling, Dawn let out an exasperated sigh. “Over the last month I’ve been taunted more than ever by these random flashes of memories I don’t even remember. I know I’m the Key but I’m not sure if I’m ready to hear more.” Mostly, Dawn just didn’t want to know why she loved/used to love Lucifer, also known as the guy they were planning on killing tomorrow.
“I admit that I do not know much of the Key, its origins,” Castiel stated slowly, like he was trying to figure out what to say. “But I do know that the Key existed before God created the earth, lived among the angels, and was stolen by Lucifer.”
That made Dawn pause. “Lucifer stole the Key…me?”
Castiel nodded, subtly taking in her reaction. “Yes. Lucifer used the Key to unlock other dimensions, from which he unleashed never before seen horrors onto earth. This is where the first demons came, the Old Ones, and Lucifer soon learned how to twist human souls in Hell into demons of his own.”
“Oh god,” Dawn whispered as her stomach clenched. Spots appeared before her eyes and a hand softly squeezing her shoulder reminded her to breathe. She took in a gulp of air and shuddered. “I thought he loved me,” she said meekly.
“Loved you?” Castiel asked curiously. “Why would you think that?”
“Um.” Dawn didn’t know what to say. “Remember I told you about those random memory flashes? Well, um, sometimes Lucifer is in them and I…well, I thought he loved me.”
“Lucifer loves no one but himself, Dawn,” Castiel informed her grimly. “You must remember that.”
Dawn nodded slowly. “I will remember that,” she vowed.
A/N:
Thanks to the folks who have been reviewing - I adore you :)
I've been making good progress on this story so yay for many updates! I hope you enjoy them. Also, just finished writing the chapter where Dawn learns her backstory...it's definitely different and maybe kind of trippy. I hope you'll enjoy what's coming up!
*Scenes from this chapter and next come from/are inspired by S5E10 'Abandon All Hope'.